Chapter 12

We finished way too late. I didn't even talk to my friends when they tried to talk to me as I ran out of the class. My thoughts were scattered but focused on one thing: he couldn't still be waiting.

Kongpob coming back to my life has caused me nothing but strife. Honestly, why can one person affect me this much? I partly hated the way Kongpob could just offset my world without even trying but a part of me, a part I didn't want to face, felt almost ecstatic to have him around. I cannot acknowledge this part of me as I knew what lay before it but it was still there. That sweet feeling I was almost obsessed with, the very same one that has kept me from moving on from that person called Kongpob.

To my shock, he really was there waiting. The sky had gone dark and the lights had been turned on. In the silent stadium, a lone figure was pacing back and forth with an almost casual and unhurried appearance. The light caught his face as he raised his head and looked at the sky.

Physically I knew that Kongpob was attractive but it was never his face that drew me into him, yet at that moment I was breathless. My heart actually skipped when he looked my way. As if for the first time, my mind came to a slow realization, I am still in love with Kongpob.

That actually shocked me, like the delayed splash sound of pouring water. I knew I felt something but this was the first time I was certain that it was love I felt for him. This feeling...

My face contorted against my will and I felt like I could cry. This morning Kongpob told me to tell him if I still had feelings for him, that he would leave me alone if I did. I should tell him about my feelings, if I continue to be around him I am not going to get out unscathed. If he was serious about this one-year deadline, then cutting him off was the best course of action.

"P'Arthit?" he noticed me before I could make up my mind. "Were you just going to stand there and stare all night?"

He began to come closer, the figure becomes larger and larger. I don't know why but suddenly my feelings felt on full display. I was starting to flush, my heart picking up speed, my palms starting to sweat. I can't let him see. He will know if he sees. What do I do? Forcing my feelings down at this time would be impossible. As he neared me I showed him my back and heard his steps falter.

"P'Arthit? What's wrong. Are you still mad at me? I am sorry okay, it's not my fault that Nue was there, you don't have to get jealous."

This guy. My irritation level spiked, but hatefully, it wasn't enough to keep me from flushing and from aching. "That... I have already forgotten that. You just had to bring it up."

"Then why won't you look at me."

"I just can't believe you spent almost five hours waiting for me. Are you an idiot? I already told you to go."

"Okay, I'm sorry. Hey, can you stop—"he laughed, "P'Arthit I can't have an entire conversation with your back."

I turned away when he turned after me, trying to see my face. "I don't feel like looking at you right now."

"Because you won't be able to help yourself from falling in love with me again?"

"wh-wh" I spluttered.

"hahaha, is that what it is. P'Arthit you are so easy to figure out, but you know that is just one of your many charms."

"Hey, I don't want to hear that from you."

"But it's the truth."

"Just shut up."

"What do you have to hide, I already know everything, P'Arthit. You don't ever have to hide anything, I will know."

I turned my head and glared at him. He was unbelievable and my blush was long gone. He smiled bright and got within my personal space like it was normal. I felt my face heat up again and my eyes widen.

"There's the face I miss." Kongpob grinned.

I stepped away and ran a hand through my hair, not caring that I was scattering the perfect slick back. "You know Kongpob you can be really cruel at times."

"I know."

"Admitting it easily doesn't mean anything you know. In fact it makes you look like a jerk."

"Yup. I know and it's fine."

"Says you."

"Look, I have already made up my mind that I am going to be this way, but it's still all up to you. P'Arthit, if you tell me from the bottom of your heart that you don't want me around I will really consider leaving you alone."

The sound stopped everywhere. He was saying that honestly. For Kongpob, loving me back wasn't even worth contemplating. Being friends with the person I am in love with while knowing he loves someone else and would never look at me the way I wanted was another form of torture, wasn't it? I don't want to. I really don't want to. I am afraid of the day Kongpob would bring his girlfriend to show me. I am almost terrified actually of seeing him be happy with someone else, but... I can't utter the words. They were there, I just needed to say it, that I didn't want Kongpob around, that I wanted him gone but... I can't say it.

I gritted my teeth and stared at the ground. What kind of messed-up situation is this. Why can't I just say it? Why do I have to still put myself through this? why do I have to keep pushing myself this hard? What for, why. There is nothing to gain and I am only going to suffer. I am going to suffer, Kongpob. I should say that I don't want to see you again.

But I said, "it's fine, you are probably just saying that aren't you," my weak voice came out. I am so done with this. Whatever is going to happen should just happen. I am going to keep loving him and keep getting hurt. And then maybe one day I will outgrow this kind of first love. I will be over it and maybe it would just be around when the year is up and then I can watch Kongpob go without falling apart.

His arms came around me out of nowhere. I stilled completely as his chest pressed against mine, his warm scent made me feel full and accepted in a way that only made sense to my heart. "Kongpob?" my breathless voice asked.

"Sorry, I just really wanted to hold you. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable."

"I-I'm not uncomfortable but still, let go..."

"You are amazing, P'Arthit." his sincerity kept me from pulling him off.

"What does that mean," I asked, my hand weakly hanging by the side.

"I don't know, you just look so bright, and so amazing. I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could love you. You are so lovable, P'Arthit."

My face was burning. "The hell. Can you not—"

"Sorry," he pulled away and looked directly in my eyes. "have I told you that I feel so happy that you have feelings for me?"

"Screw you, I don't have feelings for you." I smacked his head and began to walk away in annoyance. He followed behind me and back and forth we began to banter.

I wasn't sure how much of what Kongpob says were really his honest thought. If he knows that I still have feelings for him, it would be just like him to act like he doesn't know or maybe reject my feelings again.

That bitter taste of rejection, it is only a matter of time before I experience it again.

We left with his car and arrive at my place that was were we started a weird argument.

"I don't understand what you mean."

"You don't have to understand, it's just what I want and she is in the house."

I don't see why you have to meet my mom."

"There's the reason that I am your best friend."

"Bright is my best friend."

"Ouch. Okay, but I still want to meet her, why are you saying no."

Should it be weird that Kongpob was insisting this much on seeing my mom like he wanted an actual introduction or something? I don't know how I keep getting myself into these things. I am too tired to deal with this.

"Whatever." Inside I was almost perplexed. Kongpob was trying to intertwine himself with my life but for what. He is stubborn. I glanced at him and caught him looking at me.

"You agreed too easily."

"What do you want me to do."

"Does she know about me?"

"ha! That's funny, why would I tell her about a stranger."

"That hurts me P'Arthit."

The door to my house opened before I could reach it and out comes, my mother. She looked towards us and smiled at me. I greeted her especially polite, aware of the person following closely behind me. That was when Kongpob noticed her too.

"I have seen this face a lot," he said.

"hmm, but I don't think I have seen yours."

"swadee karp mae."

"That's a bit too informal for me since I haven't even heard of you before."

I paused, was my mother being a little cold? Kongpob didn't seem to notice. "Your son and I go way back though I can't blame him for failing to mention me, I still feel as close to you as if you are my own mother."

"That's an interesting thought but think about the person involved for a moment. I don't particularly answer to mother by strangers. If it doesn't bother you then please refer to me as aunty from now on."

Kongpob faltered a little, failing briefly to speak, but then he smiled and gave off his usual easy-going front. "If that's what you want aunty."

"Are you coming inside or what, Arthit." she gave me a thoroughly dismissive look and entered inside.

"Your mom reminds me of you," Kongpob told the still frozen me and I gave him a shaky smile for his effort.

"Sorry about that," I said in a quiet voice like I was hoping it was too small to hear but loud enough to be understood.

"it's fine. True I expected a warmer welcome, but if we are talking about the person who broke her son's heart, I wouldn't have anything to complain about."

"I didn't tell my mother about that?"

"Huh? Then why was she..."

I avoided his eyes awkwardly, "how would I tell her that exactly."

"Well..." before he could say anything, Rin appeared at the door.

"What are you guys still doing outside."

I ignored Kongpob and went inside the house. My eyes found my mother casually sitting by the counter sipping tea. "Welcome home," she said.

I gave a simple nod as answer and disappeared to my room to drop my things. When I returned, the atmosphere was kind of terse.

"Sit anywhere you want, since you came all this way we have no choice but to accommodate you, right." My mother said this in a tone I have never seen her use with anyone, not even my father.

"Thank you, aunty," Kongpob said unbothered. "Since P'Arthit didn't mention me I think I should introduce myself—"

"There's no need for that, is not as if your presence is fixed right. You weren't around all this time after all. I hope you don't mind but I am not interested in knowing who you are."

No, my mother was going too far. Why? I didn't understand but it bothered the crap out of me.

"Mom, can we talk for a bit?" I gestured towards the hallway and saw her sigh as if put on.

"Rin you can give him anything he wants," she said dismissively and walked past me.

I met Kongpob's eyes and the urge to apologize for my mother was strong, I could express it with my eyes. His smile was telling me however that he was still okay. He immediately looked away and engaged RIn in conversation.

I turned and followed my mother but she was still behind me which startled a yelp out of me. "mom?"

"So that's the infamous Kongpob," she said in a quiet voice. "He reminds me of your father"

I cringed. To my mother, that was the worse insult. I don't get it, why did she dislike Kongpob? As far as I knew they've never met before. "Who told you about Kongpob," I said, already suspecting. "It was Rin wasn't it?"

"Yes, but don't get mad at her okay. I wanted to know why you always looked like you were moping and unhappy. Rin was the only one I could ask. I bothered her for while before she finally confessed to me. "

"That's not okay." True I never explicitly told RIn not to tell my mom, I mean it was an unnecessary secret, but now I knew I didn't like it, but it was too late to change that. Still even that does not explain my mother's behavior toward Kongpob.

"Even so, I don't like how you are treating him."

"You don't like it?"

I didn't repeat myself and kept giving her a hard and unhappy look. She let out a sigh. "The thing is RIn is such a good girl you know, I am on her side. She would make the best daughter-in law than that Kongpob."

My face exploded in red. "Mom! Kongpob isn't—I don't even feel that way anymore. "

"You don't? But Rin said you were looking awfully happy when he was with you. I too think you look a lot less miserable than before and I thought it had something to do with the fact that he is back. Are you saying that because he still rejecting you?"

"Mom! " I didn't even know what RIn told her. It couldn't be just about the two rejections. I didn't even go into details about the soulmate line that I was fed. I wonder how my mother would react if she knows just what excuse I had been given by Kongpob for his rejection. I wasn't sure I believed him, but I was sure he believed what he was saying and that was enough.

"Okay alright, I understand, stop glaring," she said, holding out her hands.

"I'm not glaring."

"But I support Rin okay, don't try to force me to get along with Kongpob." She was being a little childish, wasn't she?

"Even if he rejected me, and even if I was miserable about it for a while, there is no reason for you not to treat him with at the very least a little more welcome."

"Was I that bad?" I nodded seriously. "I guess I could take it down a notch, but I won't accept him though, don't bother trying to convince me."

I smiled a little, but it was difficult. "You won't have to, he is only staying for a year. He doesn't plan on staying around for any longer."

My mother drew a sharp breath. "Baby!" she suddenly hugged me and started to pat my back. "Forget about that kind of guy, someone like that doesn't deserve you."

"Mom, you are exaggerating. Besides... I don't really want him to stick around. What would I do with someone who doesn't even look at me? I'm just enduring his presence for some reasons."

"Really?" she pulled back and really looked at me. I knew if I avoided her gaze she wouldn't be convinced so while sweating a little, I held her eyes and nodded, then I smiled.

She sighed with a little too much relief and said, "Then that means Rin still has a chance."

"Mom, seriously. I don't understand your obsession with getting me and Rin together, especially when you know what you know."

"But my baby, you are not gay. I at least know that much."

"eh." My sound of disbelief made her glared at me.

"You don't think I know that?"

"No, I'm just wondering how you can be so sure about something I don't even know yet."

"Call it mother's instinct."

I chuckled dryly at her proud expression. Well, I can't say that I accept her decision but... oh well. Even though I am slightly bothered about the things she was saying about Rin and me, and about her blatant disregard for Kongpob, I didn't have any other option but to accept it.

I left my mother after a few more words and entered the living room again, but Kongpob and Rin were not there. At some point, the two must have left the room. Kongpob wouldn't leave without saying anything so I went looking for them.

I stepped outside the house and was accosted by a cool breeze. I stood by the porch and stared into the semi-darkness. There were two shapes by the gates talking. I can't hear what they were saying, but it didn't look like they were arguing.

It was RIn and P'Arthit. What brought them outside of the house that they couldn't say inside? I briefly remembered how Kongpob had reacted when he saw Rin for the first time. Had his admiration of her new and sassy appearance been a little too much? I could tell he liked her. Could it be that maybe he found her attractive or something? Hey, that was a bit of a stretch. Besides, Kongpob wasn't interested in anyone but that soulmate of his.

Then was it Rin that wanted to say something to Kongpob? Was she interested in him? Before I knew it I had already taken a step. Why should I listen in on this? My steps paused. Even if she liked Kongpob it was useless, Rin shouldn't bother and I shouldn't bother.

"Hey you guys, what are you doing over there?"

"Kongpob was just leaving."

"What?" I finished the steps towards them. "Why?"

"What's this, P'Arthit, do you not want me to go?"

"That's not what I meant."

"I'm going to leave you guys alone then," I answered Rin's statement with a glance and she turned and walked back to the house.

It was quiet between us. "Sorry, about earlier." My mother's behavior still left me feeling a little unhappy.

"it's fine. Actually, I feel a little hurt."

That startled me. "Really?" I blinked at him. "Why?"

"What do you mean why," he chuckled, " she is your mother. The mother of the guy I really like and want to get along with hates me, who wouldn't be hurt."

"I just... you know I think I will live a little longer if you didn't say like so easily."

He laughed. I didn't see a hurt person. His mood was lifted merely by me. I stepped on that thought quickly. Don't get drunk on his attention, you know it doesn't mean anything, I warned myself.

"P'Arthit, I'm not giving up on your mother either. I will definitely win her over."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Stop treating people like a conquest."

"I'm not."

I gave him my best are you kidding me look.

"Well, I just want her to warm up to me. nothing more."

"No, I know. For the most part you at least honest. It is your only redeeming quality."

"ow, P'Arthit you can be so unexpectedly harsh at times."

"Well good luck with that."

We ended up spending a lot more time talking outside than we had thought. It was easy to talk with him when I am not trying to keep my distance and when I am not afraid of what being around him meant.

We talked about his time in the U.S and his relationship with his family and about school. The idiot revealed to me that he wasn't really a student and was just borrowing the status in other to get close to me.

"You are crazy I told him."

"I had no choice."

"No, you had choices and money to just throw around. Don't you have to inherit the family's business or something?"

"Nope, I have a very capable brother-in-law. "
"So you are telling me that your father is just okay with you being useless?"

"Hey, that's a little harsh. Besides, I am more useful as a bargaining chip." His smile looked like he was joking but something about it felt sad, so I didn't smile back.

"Come on." His smile fell, "it's nothing serious, I just have to marry Nue."

I paused my next words and shrugged my shoulders and didn't want to look his way. Nue was probably the soulmate, right? After all, Kongpob doesn't seem like the type that would just go along with whatever his parents want, at least not in regards to that. I didn't think. But maybe it all works out since she is his soulmate. How lucky for him, I thought bitterly.

"What are you thinking about with that kind of look on your face," he asked.

"Nothing. Are you not going home, it's almost..." at a glance at my wristwatch I realized it was past eleven. "whoa, it's this late."

"I don't want to go home yet." He was pouting.

"Don't be stupid, I've got school tomorrow."

"Okay, then escort me home."

I let out a sigh. Was he a baby?" okay fine, let's go."

"Really," his ecstatic laugh was too adorable. I sigh again and started for his car.

We got to his car and I made to wave him as he went around but he paused and gave me a puzzled look. "Aren't you coming?"

"Coming where?" my frown was deep.

"P'Arthit, you said you'd escort me home."

"To your car which will take you home, is obviously what I meant." That was a no-brainer.

"Come on, get in. it's not very far."

"That wouldn't be an escort anymore, would it? I would be taking you home."

"Yeah. You should know where I live."

"Not tonight," is what I should have said, then why did I say, "okay, whatever you weirdo."

We got in his car and drove off into a cool breezy night. I felt like I was letting him pull me along too much. I should put a brake on this or at least I should slow it down, but then again, what's the worse that could happen. Besides, honestly, I didn't want to stop being with him yet.

I secretly smiled at him through the mirror as he drove us off while talking about everything.