Having mauled over her words, I concluded that it didn't add up. None of it did. Regardless of all she somehow knew about me it could not prove how she knew I'd be the one sitting under the rain that day.

"The Lord spoke to me, He said there was a lost soul that needed Him, His guidance. I had been waiting for you since then, not minding that I had not an iota of idea who you would be, however, the moment I saw you, I knew. My dear, it wasn't a coincidence that you were by that building that day for you could have been anywhere else but you were there." She explained.

The gears in my head were turning and the cogs were grinding harshly against themselves as I tried to make sense of her words until I realized there was no use, I just had to believe them.

"Indeed I cannot start to peruse the throes you've faced or the doubts you've harboured—it is evident you've had them plenty and you still do but with time you'll come to understand His divine plan."

Something about that last part stirred me. "But He abandoned me, a long time ago-"

"-He would do no such thing!" She warned, interrupting me. Her tone was rebuking. "You had a religious upbringing, did you not? And ever since then you've strongly doubted. Anything you've asked of Him and He didn't bring into the establishment is contrary to His will. He would never abandon...If only you had but a glimpse of what lay ahead..."

To say I was convinced would be lying to myself so I decided to voice it out. "If you say so then why did the Lord let me pass through pain and anguish and all the horrible things I've experienced? If He didn't leave me then why did He let all those things happen to me?" My voice had begun to quiver. "Why-why did He re-refuse to take me when I begged and told Him I couldn't go on?"

"For everything that happens under the sun, there is a reason or reasons. The earlier you understand that the better. He would never do anything contrary to His will and nothing happens by accident or mistake.

It is His will that you saw what you saw. It is a process that you had to undergo so everything will fall into place and come into fulfillment, just as He allowed His son to fall into the hands of mortal men, to be beaten, tortured, and finally hung. It is why we have salvation today, all that was part of a bigger plan, a better plan."

For some inexplicable reason, tears had welled up in my eyes, and some kind of contrition now stirred within my heart. I didn't fully know what I felt but it was strong and it was unyielding.

"You are destined for so much more if only you can look beyond the past and rid your heart of all those doubts and restraints." She continued.

She turned to embrace me. Apparently, my stifled sobs had reached her ears.

"Poor child, let it all out." She patted my back as I wept uncontrollably, confessing to her how I almost took my own life and stole to survive.

I confessed how I lost all my faith and shunned the Lord, how I only prayed when it suited me and prayed for show 'cause I knew my parents would hear me and none of it was ever genuine, how I stopped praying entirely and reading the Word then tried to do everything on my own.

She listened with rapt attention as I narrated how I blamed God for my condition after the fire and how I detested Him for making me live with disfiguring scars.

"In every condition, we find ourselves in, whether good or bad, we ought to praise Him. He knows why he let all those happen for His thoughts are not to be likened to ours, and neither are His ways. My dear, let not your heart be heavy, cast all your burdens to Him, He cares." She soothed me, stroking my hair. "Many things could've happened instead; imagine if the fiery incident didn't occur and maybe you wouldn't have been given the chance to come to the city, and your entire life would most likely revolve around that province.

The possibilities are plenty and the chances of you not being here right now are even more prodigious. Everything happens for a reason and I'm sure you'll see that very soon."

I was now struggling to get a grip on myself as I wiped my face, nodding. I believed all she said and hung onto every single word. I had felt lost for a very long time albeit, I wouldn't admit it to myself however in these few moments I'd spent with her, something had rekindled deep within me, and I felt it.

"You've cried enough now. Wipe your eyes. It is well with your soul…now come, pray with me…"

From that day onward, I felt different. Almost like I had become a changed person. No longer did I feel profusely burdened or agitated. Or in a constant state of utmost trepidation or hopelessness. Rather, it was quite the opposite. A feeling of calm took over. My ever-dwindling hope was now renewed—magnified even, as was the warmth in my chest every waking moment.

Instead of deteriorating in the worst possible scenarios my tortured mind concocted or growing ever crestfallen with an inexplicable heaviness in my chest, I felt lighter with certainty that things could only get better from here. At least those were what Mother Priscilla convinced me of. In truth, who couldn't be dissuaded by her?

Despite my firm resolution to be cynical for the remainder of my existence, I found it extremely easy to stomach whatever she said, it was because she spoke not of her own volition but acted under divine directives. That was what I believed and held on to.

How else was it explainable that she seemed to know a lot about certain things or others even without having met them or seen them—just like in my case? She was mysterious—a good kind of mysterious and with good reason. My parents told us of these sorts of things; how the Lord used people—vessels they called them—to reach out to others.

He spoke to them and used them to send prophecies in which impending events could be predicted—our preachers attested to it too and this was the first time I was seeing it up close.

Yet, amidst all these, some things remained; the nightmares first and foremost along with the feeling of emptiness for all I'd lost. However, having learnt to trust the Lord with all I had, I was sure that everything would be fine.

As of late, I had become more of a recluse, a hermit, and overall, more introverted than I had ever been. Without even trying. Because of what I had seen in the past, I had become highly distrustful of others and just...detached. This also led to my alienation from most of the sisters with some trying to be warm—too warm in fact but it was all futile.

Some regarded me with pity, curiousity, or nonchalance notwithstanding the sporadic gossip but alas I remained much of an enigma. Not to mention how strange I felt being amongst them, 'cause it felt wrong and I felt like a hypocrite sometimes.

The only nun that I was somewhat acquainted with was Sister Maureen. The fact that we shared a room contributed greatly to it and she was nice and bearable regardless.

"Good morning Sis-Carina," she said from across the room once she finished with her morning prayers. She was still having problems addressing me without the usual title after I asked her not to.

"Good morning," I drawled, eyes glued to the ceiling as I lay on my bed while somewhat amiss in my own thoughts before I turned to her, letting my eyes follow her movements as she took to arranging her part of the room.

"Did you sleep well?" She inquired.

'Well' was a stretch. It was a miracle that there were fewer nightmares this time around compared to some other nights and that last night for me consisted entirely of dreamless sleep.

"It was better than most," I said, having found a way to compress last night's experience into one sentence.

Finally, I sat up and stretched.

"So, there were no nightmares?"

Unfortunately, Sister Maureen had to bear witness to several of my episodes where I would wake up with a start or be found screaming or crying as I slept, on more generous occasions.

When such happened, she was normally there to help and she would pray with me. My last big episode happened about two weeks ago and I was glad for fewer frightful nights since then.

"All I saw were the backs of my eyelids till I woke up," I reassured.

"Wonderful."

Then, I reached out to the table beside me, grabbing a book. "Here's your book. Thanks for lending it to me."

She turned. "Oh. You're done with it already?"

I nodded my affirmation. I had never been much of an ardent reader however this time around I was rarely without a book.

Before I had realized it, it had become a source of solace since it quelled the raging storms in my head while heightening my anticipation.

I now found reading very indulging unlike before and I frequently wondered why I never took pleasure in it or got immersed in the wonderful frivolity. Apparently, there was a lot to be learned from the books that I once zealously disregarded.

"Yes. Do you have any more?"

She laughed heartily. "You know, if you want to get into the reading action with an ample atmosphere you should visit the library sometime."

"Wait, there's a library?"

I had never heard of it; that there was a library in that cavernous place but at the same time I'd be surprised if there wasn't.

Mirth was very evident in her eyes before she turned to her dresser. "Of course, there is. I mean, why wouldn't there be?"

My gaze fleeted to the window as I watched faint rays of light descend from it and the dust particles swirling within...

"-hear me? Carina, can you hear me?"

Maureen was waving a hand in front of my face by the time I jolted back to reality. Sucking in a breath, I shook my head and apologized. "I'm so sor-"

"-no, it's okay-"

"-no, it's far from it!" I declared, flustered. I seldom lost focus like this. Ever. And now I was just absent from reality a lot. So, no it wasn't okay. Nothing about it was!

"Normal people don't just lose focus like that, especially in the middle of a conversation!"

Her face looked distraught, probably appalled by my sudden outburst before she spoke. "Look, Carina, it's going to be okay, it's not your fault. I know you've been through a lot but be rest assured that the Lord will see you through this."

In response, I shook my head solemnly before flopping back down on the bed. "I'm sorry Sister Maureen I-" I closed my eyes and exhaled. "I just want to be alone right now."

She stared at my prone form for a while then shook her head. She approached the door. "If you need me, I'll be at the orphanage." She informed me before turning the knob and slipping through. I could hear her footfalls until I heard them no longer. My gaze lingered on the door in my bouts of remorse, a tear rolling down my face. I really needed help…

The Church's grounds were cavernous, situated in the less busy parts of the city. There were two main courtyards with three more buildings apart from that of the Church and there was still enough space for about two more. The convent where we all resided was the nearest to the Church, then the orphanage and the learning centre were sprawled farther away.

I hurried past the Church, only pausing to glimpse its magnificent turrets before focusing on my destination. I was bound for the serene comfort of the fountainside. Sister Anna-Maria and Sister Mirabelle were advancing from the opposite direction, clad in their gowns and we exchanged nods of acknowledgment.

I paused to lightly scrutinize the statues as I did every time I came here—which was a lot and I wondered if a human being could look just as statuesquely perfect. Taking my usual seat, I proceeded to continue indulging myself in my newly procured book.

The library wasn't really working for me as the pin-drop silence did nothing but agitate me. The plush greenery, the sound of the water, and most especially, the statues, were much better companions.

After some time, the feeling of being watched homed in on my senses and I looked up to find none other than Anaïs watching me. It wasn't the first time and I didn't know why the little girl wouldn't let me be.

"Aren't you supposed to be learning?"

It puzzled me as to why she would sneak out, just to creep up on me.

"I am done for the day." She revealed, tilting her innocent heart-shaped face.

Nice lie. I rolled my eyes. "Of course you are."

I had nothing against kids but there was a reason I'd rather keep Anaïs at arm's length. I let my eyes sweep over the little girl, scrutinizing her. She exuded some traits of capriciousness and it was familiar. And the mischief in those eyes of hers...just like the twins.

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So sorry guys. Late update… It has not been easy on me and I'm sure it is also that way with many. But that up there is an update so it has to count for something. Thank you for reading, I value all your reads, votes, comments, and essentially whatever is done in support of this book.

It holds a special place in my heart just as the book itself does. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and hopefully, there will be another update next week. This book is singing its swan song from here on out and I feel so nostalgic when I see how we've gotten. I hope you have a great week, happy holidays!

🤍
Neon.