hey akane-san,

today, inupi and i had a fight. he opposed my lastest scheme as it is too dangerous and i should drop it before i get myself into trouble, or worse, get killed. he told me i have already had more money than needed, i don't have to risk getting it anymore.

that dumbass. he could never understand. it was never about how much money i need but how much money i need to make. i don't care who the money is for or what is the purpose, i will make money, even if i die.

so i snapped back.

i have to make money, no matter the amount. i would die for money.

and do you know how he reacted? he looked straight at me. it has been such a long time since i last met his eyes. those deep blue eyes, i have been trying to avoid them as much as possible. i hate them. they always remind me of you.

there was a hint of sadness lingering on those long lashes of his. and he said... he would die for me.

i was a bit startled by the sudden statement. it was just way too... ridiculous.

i laughed it off: "stop joking. thought that would make me happy?" and he got mad at me, stating that he was very serious.

that was my only response.

i couldn't tell him the same thing, that i would also sacrifice myself for him because both of us know that is a blatant lie. i would never put others above myself. life is just a series of calculations and every calculation i make is for my own good. i do not care if i have to do illicit business or betray others, as long as i get what i want.

and that also applies to our friendship. i always consider inupi as my only friend, my best friend but that doesn't mean i couldn't turn my back against him. just like how i am using him to hold onto the past, he is using me to rebuild the black dragons. this is a win-win relationship and if one party is at a disadvantage, they will abandon the other without a second thought.

foolish inupi. he is so naive, so selfless. he never thinks about himself first. in the past, he was willing to do anything in order to bring the black dragons back to its former glory, and now, he is putting his life on the line to protect that. even though the gang has become way too rotten, he still clings to it. just because some assholes told him "i'm leaving the next generation to you".

it's always about what others want, what i want but never what he wishes for.

that's what i hate about inupi. not his good-willed nature, but because every time i look at him, i'm reminded of how ugly and corrupt i am.