I used to hate Kiyotaka Ishimaru

From the first year I stepped into Hope's Peak Academy, I hated that guy. He was the Ultimate Hall Monitor—a stubborn, loud, and ridiculously strict pain in the ass. His deep red eyes were sharp like a monster's, the one that lived by the school rules and was always ready to punish anyone who broke them.

I used to hate him. Hated how he wouldn't shut up about my long hair, my smoking, my messed-up uniform... One time, he caught me for being late to class. He tore off a detention slip, wrote my name on it, and handed it to me. I ripped it up right in front of his face, and that pissed him off so much that he insisted on dragging me straight to the detention room. That attitude of his drove me insane, so I decked him square in the face. He hit the ground, dazed, but didn't fight back. Instead, he just stood up, dusted off his uniform, and kept yelling at me. His stubbornness was both absurd and infuriating, as if it meant to be a provocation. Weren't it for our classmates and the teacher's interference, that day would've turned into a full-on brawl. Things went on until after school, I happened to see him heading toward the parking lot, a fresh bandage slapped onto his cheek.

I used to hate him so much that every time I stepped into school, I'd go out of my way to break the rules—smoking in the bathroom, wearing my uniform wrong, sneaking snacks in class... If not that, I'd "accidentally" bump into him in the halls or chuck a ball at him during gym, just to piss him off. Every time I got dragged to detention, I'd find ways to mess with him—sometimes tripping him up, or doodling all over the board. As long as I got under his skin, I felt like I'd won.

I used to hate him—until one day, when I got into a scuffle with a group of bullies to protect Chihiro. And just my luck, he was the one who caught me in the act, landing me a one-way ticket straight to the detention room. I sat there for ten whole minutes, no phone, no cigarettes, as they'd all been confiscated. Just as I was about to sneak out, he walked in. But instead of lecturing me, he handed my stuff back. I shoved everything into my pocket, staring at him in confusion.

"...Uh, so I'm free to go?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, that's enough for today. You may go back to class now."

I walked toward the door but hesitated before leaving. Turning back, I frowned, my tone still rough.

"Oi, if ya snitch to the teachers, don't expect me to go easy next time."

All I got in response was a quiet chuckle.

"Don't worry, Owada. I won't tell the teachers. Chihiro already told me everything."

He stepped closer, resting a hand on my shoulder.

"Standing up for the weak... that's a really admirable trait, you know? So, keep it up."

He gave me this encouraging smile—the kind that stuck with me the rest of the day. But then, without thinking, my eyes drifted to his hand. That's when I noticed the bruise—dark, fresh, probably from today.

After that, I found myself immersed in my thoughts way more than usual. I thought about his words, his smile, about that bruise on his hand. Weird feelings kept swirling in my head. I started wondering—why the hell did I feel like this? And maybe... just maybe... Kiyotaka Ishimaru wasn't as bad as I thought he was.

***

I didn't hate Kiyotaka Ishimaru like I used to.

Pulling dumb pranks on him like I did back then just feels pointless now. But every morning when I walked into class, he still greeted me in his loud, confident voice, as if I never spent all that time messing with him. Sometimes I greeted him back, sometimes I ignored him. Not like we were friends or anything, so why waste my time on that?

I wanted to keep my distance from him, but one day, I saw him cornered by a group of big guys. They were shoving him, threatening him like they were ready to throw a punch. I don't know what came over me, but I ran straight up and called his name. The second they saw me, they backed off, leaving him on the ground with his papers scattered everywhere. I crouched down, picking them up before helping him to his feet.

"Hey, ya okay? Those guys hasslin' ya?"

He clutched his papers tight and shook his head.

"I'm fine. They didn't hurt me."

He smiled again, but this time, something felt off, like he was hiding something. Did it have to do with the bruises on his hand? But I wasn't about to stick my nose where it didn't belong, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Thanks, Owada. I'll be going now."

He waved before walking off with his papers. Still, I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling after seeing him get pushed around like that. Why didn't he fight back? Why didn't he report them to the teacher? The questions left me puzzled, making it impossible to let it go.

Then one day, I got scolded by the teacher for forgetting my homework. Already in a bad mood, I ditched class to have a smoke in the bathroom. But when I walked in, I saw those same guys from before. One of them had an empty bucket in his hand, and their smug laughter drowned out the quiet sniffles coming from one of the stalls. Still pissed about the homework earlier, I went off on them, beat their asses right then and there.

They couldn't handle me, so they ran off. I turned to look inside the stall, and there was Kiyotaka Ishimaru, soaking wet, sniffling, wiping his face over and over. One look at the knocked-over bucket on the floor and I realized the situation. But even after taking care of those bastards, I didn't feel any better.

I pulled him out, asked if he was okay, but he just shook his head, said he was fine, and kept insisting on heading back to the dorms. I offered to escort him, and I threw my blazer over his shoulders and walked him back. When we got to his door, I grabbed his wrist and asked him straight up:

"Hey. Those assholes were bullying you, weren't they?"

He was quiet for a second before giving me a small nod.

"Then why the hell didn't ya write their names down or, I dunno, report them?"

"Owada, fighting at school is against the rules. Besides, if I can handle it myself, there's no need to bother the teachers."

God, that pissed me off. I didn't know if I should be worried for him or just beat some sense into him for being so damn stubborn. But then, looking into his red eyes—red from crying or just his natural color, I couldn't tell—I felt stuck.

"...Hey, Ishimaru. How about from now on, you, uh... stick with me? I-I mean, like, hang out with me. I can help keep those bastards off your back."

He blinked, surprised.

"You... want to be friends with me?"

That question almost made me jump. Friends? Since when did I ever think of being friends with the class rep? But I was the one who suggested it, wasn't I? So, trying not to look like a total idiot, I muttered:

"Well, uh... yeah, sure. I guess."

His face lit up, and he held out his hand.

"That makes me really happy, Owada. It's quite late now, you should get some rest. Oh, and... thanks for helping me earlier."

He smiled and closed the door. I sighed and headed back to my dorm room.

The next morning, when I opened my locker, my blazer was there—neatly folded, freshly ironed. On top of it was a note written in his neat, precise handwriting. I don't remember exactly what it said, but... for the first time in a long while, I felt warm inside.

***

I liked Kiyotaka Ishimaru, as a friend.

Ever since we became close, I realized he wasn't as boring as I used to think. He's good at sports, from track and field, soccer, to even dodgeball, which I once got paired up with him for in gym class. He's also a diligent student, the complete opposite of me. There was a time when he was assigned to tutor me after school. He explained things patiently, made them easy to understand, and always encouraged me whenever I managed to solve a difficult math problem. And me? Whenever I had free time, I'd take him out somewhere. We'd stroll around the park, grab snacks from street vendors, or stop by the convenience store to buy cup noodles and cigarettes (though every damn time, he'd scold me about how unhealthy they were and make me put them back on the shelf).

I remember after our final exams, the two of us planned to go to the sauna at Hope's Peak Academy. At first, it was just casual chit-chat, but then it turned into a deep conversation about our pasts. I told him about my older brother, who passed away in a traffic accident, and the responsibility of leading the Crazy Diamonds gang that fell on my shoulders after his death. He listened, really listened, and sympathized with me. That night, I found out that he was the grandson of former Prime Minister Ishimaru Toranosuke, who was involved in such a major scandal that it ruined his entire career and reputation, leaving his family buried in debt.

He told me more about his family. His father was a police officer who worked hard every day to pay off that debt and keep the family afloat. And him, refusing to repeat his grandfather's mistakes, he pushed himself to study hard and discipline himself, determined to prove that effort alone could change a person's fate.

"The Ishimaru name is a curse, a curse that everyone knows about. Ever since I was a kid, I was always shunned, bullied, and ridiculed, just because I'm the grandson of Ishimaru Toranosuke. His arrogance was the cause of everything, and..."

He trembled, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"And they say that anyone born with the Ishimaru name must bear the burden that comes with it."

We stayed in that sauna for hours, mostly with me listening to him vent rather than actually relaxing.

"But it's fine! As long as I study hard, I'll change how people see the Ishimaru name. One day, no one will dare look down on it ever again!"

His words made me laugh. Not because I was mocking him, but because I realized we were both carrying some sort of burden. And also, because of his optimism.

After sitting there for a while longer, we finally decided to step out. I walked ahead, and he followed. We rinsed off before heading back to the dorms. As I poured warm water over myself and scrubbed my skin, I thought back to what he said earlier.

"Hey, Ishimaru."

"Hm?"

"If anyone ever brings up your grandpa's scandal to mess with ya, just let me know. I'll kick their asses"

"Come on, that sounds kinda terrifying."

We both burst out laughing, the tension from earlier fading away. I turned to him, suddenly noticing how someone as serious as him could also have moments of pure, carefree joy.

"No big deal, Kyoudai. That's what friends are for. If you won't do it, I will."

He froze for a moment, his eyes widening slightly.

"Kyoudai...?"

For some reason, the air between us suddenly felt off.

"Uh... yeah." I scratched my head, feeling a little awkward. "It's just a way of saying we're friends. And, well... I kinda get where you're coming from, so I understand a little. That's why..."

He smiled again, the smile made my heart skip a beat. Damn it, I hate how he always puts me in a spot like this.

"Is that so? Sounds good to me, Kyoudai!"

He slid his stool closer, grabbing the bath sponge.

"Enough talking, just hurry up and wash up so you can get to bed early. Kyoudai, let me scrub your back for you!"

"Huh—OW! Hey, that hurts! Take it easy!"

Laughter echoed through the bathhouse. It was a good day... except for the part where I couldn't lie on my back that night because he scrubbed my skin raw.

***

I loved Kiyotaka Ishimaru

I used to hate admitting this, but the truth was, I loved Kiyotaka Ishimaru. I know it sounded cheesy, but I really loved everything about him.

I love the way he looks when he's focused, whether he's studying or playing sports. I love his loud, clear voice when he was giving a speech, when he's encouraging me, and even when he was scolding me for breaking the rules. I love his crimson eyes—the same ones that used to intimidate me but now seem incredibly beautiful. And man, when he smiles at me, it's like the first summer sunlight—bright, warm, and so gentle that I can't look away.

I loved him so much that I just wanted to hold him close, keep him safe, and protect him. If anyone dared to mess with him or bring up his past, I wouldn't hesitate to beat the crap out of them. I wanted to protect his determination, his ambitions, and him—everything about him. But because of that, I never stopped worrying about him—especially on that day.

Some students had broken the rules, and he had taken them to the detention room. But as he was absent for quite a while, I started to feel anxious and decided to go check on him. As I got closer, I could hear shouting, cursing, and furniture being slammed around. My gut told me something was wrong, so without thinking, I burst through the door. The room was dim, but I could still make out Kiyotaka clutching his stomach, kneeling in front of two—no, three—other students.

It had been a long time since I'd felt this kind of rage bubbling up inside me. Everything after that was a blur. I charged at those bastards, punching them, grabbing their collars, slamming them against the wall. I kept hitting them, fueled by nothing but pure anger. I only snapped out of it when I heard Kiyotaka call my name.

I wanted to drag those assholes straight to the principal's office, but Kiyotaka grabbed my sleeve, shaking his head. But after I scolded him for being too soft, he finally agreed to let me report it to Kirigiri-sensei. In the end, those guys got suspended, and I—well, I got punished with a disciplinary report for participating in violent activities.

Honestly, that was a light punishment, so I didn't really care. As soon as I left the principal's office, I rushed straight to the infirmary. The second I stepped inside, I saw Kiyotaka sitting with Tsumiki-senpai, who was treating his bruised eye. His arms were also wrapped in fresh bandages.

"K-Kyoudai! Are you okay?!"

I was panting, trying my hardest not to just grab him and hold him tight.

"Yeah, I'm fine now. Tsumiki-senpai already took care of my injuries."

Hearing that, I finally let out a breath of relief.

"Good... Oh, by the way, I already reported those guys to Kirigiri-sensei. They're all getting suspended."

For a moment, there was silence. In that short pause, I noticed his expression soften, his usual tension easing.

"Is that so? That's good to hear, Kyoudai."

He reached out and held my hand, a small action that sent my mind into overdrive.

"Thank you, Kyoudai. I owe you again."

"Huh? Uh... N-no, it's nothing..."

I was so damn happy I could barely form words. After that, I stayed in the infirmary until Tsumiki-senpai finished treating him, and we left together.

"You're all set, Ishimaru. Make sure to apply the ointment before bed and stop by during recess tomorrow."

We both bowed to her and stepped out. I walked close to him, scanning the area just in case anyone else tried anything. As I looked down, I suddenly noticed the height difference between us. Without thinking, I smiled and ruffled his hair.

"I swear, Kyoudai, if anyone even thinks about messing with you again, I'll knock 'em out in one punch."

He chuckled and brushed my hand away.

"Enough, Kyoudai. It's over now, no need to bring it up again."

We kept walking in silence, our footsteps echoing through the hallway. I was about to bring up another topic, but he spoke first.

"Hey, Kyoudai... really, thank you."

"Oh, come on, Kyoudai, ya don't have to be humble."

"No, I mean it. Not just for what happened today... but for always being by my side."

I turned to look at him, and for a second, our eyes met. His deep red gaze locked onto mine, making my body freeze. My heart, though? It was on fire. I could feel the heat creeping up my face, spreading to my ears.

"...Huh? I mean, uh, well, it's nothing. Friends help each other out in times of need, right?"

I quickly turned away, trying to keep my cool. That's right. We were just friends. Nothing more.

"Friends, huh...?" He mumbled before smiling and patting my shoulder. "Yeah, I get it now, Kyoudai. Friends should always help each other. That's how it should be."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it already." I sighed, scratching my head.

As we walked past the MonoMachine counter, I nudged him.

"Hey, wanna grab some snacks?"

He sighed, crossing his arms.

"Kyoudai, you're not supposed to hang around after school. We have class tomorrow. You should go home, study, and sleep early."

I pouted, annoyed. Seriously, why the hell did I even have a crush on this goody-two-shoes?

"Oh, come on, Kyoudai. I'll buy you snacks too. Silence means agreement, speaking up means approval."

"No, Kyoudai—Ah! Hey!!"

I grabbed his wrist and dragged him toward the store, ignoring his protests. In the end, I only managed to buy a cup of my favorite cup noodles, and to make up for it, I had to "bribe" him with Adorable Reactions Collections.

***

I adored Kiyotaka Ishimaru.

I adore him so damn much. I adore everything he's been through, every burden he's kept to himself, every moment he's smiled at me—that warm, optimistic smile that I just want to hold onto forever.

But life isn't that simple.

That day, we were hanging out on the rooftop, just chilling, when his phone rang. He answered, said a few words, and then... his face just went pale. His grip on the phone tightened.

"Hey, what's wrong, Kyoudai?"

He lowered the phone, his voice barely above a whisper.

"My father... he got into a car accident."

It felt like thunder cracking right in my ears. I remembered him telling me before—his dad was the person closest to him. And now... this? I clicked my tongue, frustration bubbling up in my chest. Not because of him, but due to the sheer unfairness of it all. I hated seeing him like this, hated knowing I couldn't do a damn thing to help.

"The hospital called... They said he hit his head in the crash... and now he's in a coma."

His voice trembled. He lowered his head against the railing, his whole body tense. My chest tightened at the sight. I was neither good at words, nor comforting people. I wanted to say something to lighten up his mood, but the words just wouldn't come out. I was scared that if I said the wrong thing, things would get worse.

So instead, I moved closer and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Kyoudai..."

He lifted his head, took a deep breath, and forced a small smile.

"It's fine... I'm okay."

I frowned, squeezing his shoulder just slightly. He said he was okay, but no way I was gonna believe that.

"You sure? If ya wanna leave early, I can take ya to the hospital to see him."

Before he could answer, the school bell rang. He hesitated, then shook his head, brushing my hand off.

"Thanks, but I don't want to miss class halfway through."

With that, he turned toward the stairs, glancing back at me.

"C'mon, Kyoudai. Let's head to class."

I wanted to stop him. I really did. But I couldn't, so I just grumbled under my breath at how stubborn he was and followed him back inside.

During class, I found myself fiddling with my pen, glancing at him every so often. He wasn't sitting up straight, taking notes like usual, his head was down on the desk. Then, after a while, he suddenly stood up and asked to head outside. The way he bowed slightly, the quiet way he left the room... Something about it didn't sit right with me. So, of course, I found an excuse to slip out after him.

A few minutes later, I heard the sound of sniffling coming from the boys' bathroom, mixed with running water. I froze just outside the door. He must've heard my footsteps because, within seconds, the sounds stopped.

"...Kyoudai, what are you doing here?"

I stepped inside.

"...I was worried about you. S'that a problem?"

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself but to no avail.

"Kyoudai... I told you, I'm fine."

"Yeah? Like hell I'm buying that."

Silence stretched between us. I wasn't good at this. I never knew what the right thing to say was. But if I didn't say anything now, I knew I'd regret it. Finally, I decided to speak up.

"...Look, I suck at saying the right stuff, but you don't have to keep holding everything in, y'know."

I stepped closer, resting a hand on his shoulder again.

"Trust me. I'm here. You don't have to go through this alone."

He stiffened for a second, like he wasn't expecting me to say that. But then, after a long pause, he gave a small nod and wiped his face again. I noticed his breathing had become more steadier. He wasn't shaking anymore.

"Alright," I said, forcing a grin. "If you're good now, let's get back to class. And remember, friends help each other out. That's just how it is."

I smiled, even though my chest felt tight. Yeah. We were friends. I kept telling myself that.

But that was just a lie I forced myself to believe.

I wasn't looking out for him just because we were friends. I was looking out for him because I liked him.

I loved him.

But... that kind of feeling? That wasn't something I could ever say out loud.

Still... if keeping quiet meant I could stay by his side and protect his smile, then I'd be willing to bury this feeling as deep as it needed to go.

I patted his shoulder a few times before stepping back, gesturing toward the exit.

"Alright, let's go before the others start thinking we're doin' something 'unwholesome' in here."

"Oh, shut up."

We both chuckled and headed back to class together. It was moments like these that made me treasure him even more. And as long as we stayed like this—as long as we were still "just friends"—he could lean on me without hesitation.

As for my feelings?... I could deal with them later.

***

I was completely wrong

I thought if I just bottled everything up, ignored it, then eventually, these feelings would eventually fade. But day after day, it felt like I was holding onto a lock with no key that fit.

Because even if I could pretend, even if I could look away, it didn't ease the sharp pain in my chest whenever I saw him.

Especially when I saw how much he'd changed.

He was like a flame slowly burning out. That fiery energy and enthusiasm were replaced by sluggish steps and exhausted sighs. In class, he didn't sit upright and focused like he used to. He barely even wrote anything down. His grades were also slipping, so noticeable that even the teachers had to step in.

But the worst part was that... we didn't even talk like we used to anymore.

Every time I tried to reach out, he just brushed it off with a smile, or with excuses like, "I have homework to do", or "I need to visit my dad". Once, he didn't even bother making an excuse. Just gave me the same line he always did: "Maybe next time."

Day after day, excuse after excuse... Was he avoiding me?

That thought stuck in my head like glue, until that one night. I was lying, staring at my phone and scrolling through my contacts. I hesitated, wondering whether I should call him. What if he doesn't pick up? Worse—what if he did pick up, only to tell me I was annoying?

I inhaled, steeling myself before hitting the call button. The screen flashed: Dialing... The ringing tone echoed in my ears. One ring... two rings... until finally, his voice came through.

"Hello? Is that you, Owa— I mean, Kyoudai?"

My heart nearly leaped outta my chest just hearing his voice. I scrambled to answer.

"Ah—uh! Yeah, it's me. Uh... you've been looking kinda out of it lately, y'know? You seem tired all the time, and keep avoiding me at school too..."

I tried to keep my voice calm, even though the anxiety was eating me up inside. The silence on the other end dragged on so long I could hear my own heartbeat pounding.

"...Sorry, Kyoudai. I've just been busy lately, that's all. I really haven't had time to hang out like before. But I swear, I'm not avoiding you."

"Bullshit." The grip on my phone tightened, and my jaw clenched. I knew he was struggling. Between school and the pressure from his family—he was drowning under all that weight. He kept forcing himself to carry it all alone, to the point where he was draining himself. The more I thought about it, the more helpless I felt.

"Kyoudai... If things ever get too tough, ya can count on me, y'know?"

"I'm fine, Kyoudai. I can handle it on my own—"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, stop saying 'I'm fine' like that fixes everything! You act like you're the only one who cares! I care about you too, damn it—!"

It took me a second to realize that I'd just snapped at him, and before he could even react, I tried to come up with something to fix it.

"Ah—shit, I-I didn't mean to yell! I just—because you keep—and I—BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, ALRIGHT?!"

...

Shit.

"I-I mean, like, in a friend way! You know, 'cause, uh, we're best friends! We're supposed to look out for each other, right? Ahaha..."

I was grasping at straws at this point, trying to cover my stupid blunder earlier. Just when I thought I was completely screwed, I heard his quiet laughter on the other end.

"Yeah... I like being friends with you too, Kyoudai."

Phew...I sure needed to be more careful about what I said. Sighing, I tried to calm down my accelerating heartbeat.

"...It's quite late now. You should get some sleep, Kyoudai."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow."

I hung up, then flopped back onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Did he seriously not think I was a complete dumbass after all that? There was no way he actually bought that cover-up, right?

I let out a bitter chuckle, scratching the back of my head.

"...Eh, I'll deal with that later."

***

The next morning, I went to school like usual. The halls were filled with footsteps, chatter, and the occasional whispers from students gathered in little groups. I didn't care much for gossip, so I just kept walking, heading straight to my seat.

I glanced at his desk. His bag wasn't there, so I figured he must've taken the day off to visit his dad.

Like always, the class stood up to greet the teacher, then sat down for morning announcements. I never paid attention to those boring reports, so I just spaced out, letting my mind wander.

Until...

"Before we begin today's session, I have some unfortunate news for the class."

"...Last night, Kiyotaka Ishimaru passed away. Due to suicide."