track suggestion to listen to for this chapter: sunshine

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( twenty one. spoken truth )

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Natasha adjusted her eyes to the sudden lights greeting her as soon as she opened them. She hadn't realized that she had already fallen asleep. She glanced at her side to see a familiar looking man sitting on a chair and looked half-asleep.

"Howard?" she asked.

It was enough to jolt him awake and almost fall from his chair.

She laughed in amusement. "Smooth."

He narrowed his eyes, straightening his clothes. "About time you wake up, Sleeping Beauty."

"How long was I out?"

"Two hours to say the least." He answered. "Anyway, listen, there was actually someone calling out for your name at the front desk earlier. Some lad named James Dan? Den? Uh... I forgot his last name."

Tony.

"Seems pretty fishy. I thought you don't get out too much to make friends?" He raised an eyebrow.

She shrugged. "I can make friends just fine. Even if I don't get out too much." She replied smugly.

He rolled his eyes. "Well, whoever he is, that guy seems pretty desperate to talk to you."

She started to sit up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Then I'll talk to him right now."

Howard stared at her in disbelief. "What? You can't possibly do that right now."

"Oh, yes I could." She returned evenly. "I can walk and do as I please just fine."

"The front desk is at the other side of the base. It would take a long walk for you to get there by yourself. I doubt you're in the right condition to walk that far. We can't afford you to trip and stumble over the hallways." He said.

She stepped down to slip on her shoes. "I won't trip nor stumble in anyone's way, don't worry."

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose at her stubbornness. "Fine, then at least let me take you there."

"It's okay, I got this."

"That's a long way and it's going to be hard without someone assisting you—"

"I can take the shorter route." She interjected.

He looked at her like she had just lost his marbles. "What do you mean shorter route? Don't talk about the base like you're in the field. There's no routes in the base!"

She didn't have time for this. "Just go to your office or something. I know you're busy and you have work. Thank you for using some of your time to stay with me until I woke up."

His jaw dropped. He couldn't believe this. "Wait, hold up. Did I mishear or did you actually thank me?"

Natasha rolled her eyes but couldn't keep the amused grin etching on her face. "Don't make a big fuss about it."

"Because it is a big fuss."

She threw a smile over her shoulder. "See you, Stark."

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Alright, maybe she was a little nuts for thinking that they have shortcuts here in the base. She walked by from hall to hall and rounded different corners only to end up having no idea where she was now.

She really should've accepted Howard's help to take her there. Now, she just wasted even more time.

Once she came to a cross section, she made a deal to herself— if there still wasn't any sign of coming across the front desk, she was going to have to swallow her pride and ask for directions on how to get there.

Going with her gut (like she always does) she took the hall on the left.

By the time she rounded the corner, she definitely wished that she had taken the right instead.

From anyone else, they would barely even notice them since they were so far up at the end of the hall. But to her, to Natasha—they couldn't be clearer enough.

Steve and Peggy were sitting on the bench at the end of the hallway she walked in. They weren't sharing just the simple 'let's sit down and for a short chit-chat' kind of talk. No. It was the 'emotional and touchy embracing tightly' kind of talk.

She couldn't move.

Couldn't keep her eyes away.

But she could definitely hear the sound of her heart fading to dust. It was broken. Torn. Crushed. Smothered to pieces.

And now? Nothing was left. Everything was gone.

And she had no reason but to accept it.

Her knees were shaking the same way her fists trembled when she clenched her fists. She had no reason to be angry at all. Steve and Peggy deserve all the joy and support they could. Especially Steve.

But she couldn't find it in herself to give it to him.

Not when he was hurting her so badly without even realizing it. Silent tears were freely falling down her face and felt like she was being cut open with a knife. The way Steve was wrapping her arms around Peggy and pulling her flush to him with that smile on his face.

She could never make Steve that happy.

No matter how much it hurt to accept the truth. She needed to.

She needed to let go.

She needed to let him go.

Natasha wiped the tears away from her face and turned away.

Not realizing that by the time she turned around was the exact moment he looked up and see her walk away from him.

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Tony had been waiting for a fucking hour.

A fucking hour, ladies and gentlemen! That's got to be some world record!

Natasha owed him a lot for making him sit here and do nothing for that long. This was the first time he ever had to wait for something without getting to do anything at all. He is this close to dying out of boredom.

Finally, finally, he saw her emerge from the corner of the hall and sauntered over to him on the far corner of the couch. There were only a few numbers of people in the visiting area, so that kind of lessen their problem for attracting unwanted attention.

"So she lives!" Tony exclaimed with sarcasm.

He expected her to give him a good glare or burn a hole through his head from the way his tone sounded but, no, she just simply took the seat beside him and said quietly, "I'm sorry, I got lost."

"You got lost?" He repeated like it was a stupid thing to hear.

She just nodded in response.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "You, the Black Widow, getting lost in a military base?"

"Would you just drop it?" She snapped.

He wasn't surprised by the sharp tone of her voice, but he was startled by the way her mood suddenly changed. Nevertheless, he decided to let it go. "Okay..." he trailed off. "How did the missions go?"

"Peachy keen."

His eyes darted down to the bandage wrapped around her torso. "What happened to that?" he asked.

"Got grazed by one of those bastard's guns." She said curtly, still keeping her head low.

Okay, something was seriously up with her. He furrowed his eyebrows. "Is something wrong, Natasha? Other than the fact that you've got... this."

"I'm fine." She grumbled, her voice faltering.

It didn't pass the billionaire's ears unheard by the way she sounded so broken. Bothered. Almost as if she was...

He saw her raised her hand to wipe something from his face. It confirmed his suspicions. "Are you crying?" he asked in disbelief.

She shook her head, sniffing a little, "Don't be ridiculous, Stark."

Yes, she was definitely crying.

"Why are you... does something hurt?" He quickly asked, concern evident in his voice while his face held every ounce of puzzlement. "Natasha?"

"I want to go back." She muttered.

Tony stiffened.

She finally looked at him. Eyes were moist and red while tears stained her cheeks. "I want to go back, Tony." She repeated.

"We will go back. I've got everything ready, right? You just need to—"

Natasha cut him off with a sharp shaking of her head. "No." she disapproved. "I want to go back now."

A crease appeared on his forehead. "We can't go back now. You still have to finish the missions remember?" He reminded. "Make sure that Cap gets back in the..." He gulped, guilt flooding past him. "Ice."

"He can take care of himself." She bit out. "I'm not his babysitter."

"I know that, Nat. But you said it yourself, you need to make sure that he lives—"

"He doesn't need me."

He stared at her in shock. "Wha... of course he needs you. What are you talking about?"

"No, he doesn't. He has everyone he needs here. I'm not a part of it." No matter how painful that is to accept.

She doesn't belong here.

She never did.

She was never supposed to barge in on Steve's life. She had made a mistake and it was time to pay the price for this.

"Natasha, listen to me," He shifted around on the couch so he was facing her directly. "Steve needs you. We all need you. All you have to do is seal Captain America's fate. I know it sounds awful, it really does, and if there's another way to make this okay I wouldn't hesitate to do it for him. But there's nothing else."

She kept quiet, staring back at Tony like she was struggling not to break down in front of him. Her lip was quivering and her hands were shaking.

"Steve's fate was made for him a long time ago, and this is where it ends. It's the way it's supposed to be."

"I can't... " She was on the verge of falling apart. "After everything he's done for us, for me, I can't do that to him..."

Tony grasped her shoulders gently. "You can. You have to. You're not doing this to him, you're doing this for him." He put up a reassuring look. "I promise, Nat, the second we go back home, we're going to treat Capsicle the way he deserves to be treated. We'll give him a home, friends, and a family."

Natasha couldn't make out a word, only letting the silent tears speak for themselves.

He sighed. He didn't know how to convince her of thinking that he was genuinely speaking the truth, considering the relationship he and Steve have is something far from a good kind. They always bicker, fight, argue and annoy the hell one of another. They never see at odds. They rarely get to agree on anything.

But deep down, he knows that he sees Steve as no other than his friend too.

Maybe not in the usual kind of way you see a friend as, but a friend nevertheless.

Tony cared about him more than anyone could see, and he was pretty sure that Steve felt the same thing (being the polite and kind person that he always is).

"I know we can never make him as happy and complete as these people here did, but we can spend the rest of our time trying to." He smiled lightly. "He has us. More importantly, he has you."

For some reason, that made the dying hope in her heart flutter slightly again.

"So, don't worry about it. Alright?" He squeezed her shoulders, reassuringly.

She doesn't speak but she let his words sink in within her. Her mind opening up to more than what her heart could bear to feel. "Okay."

Tony smiled. "Good." His smile turned into a wide smirk. "I'm kinda getting good at this give and take comfort session, don't you think?"

Natasha couldn't help but laugh softly, swatting his arm. "You're an ass."

"Have known that since I can walk, thank you very much."

"You're a smartass, then."

He shrugged, smirking. "Well, you gotta love a Tony Stark."

She rolled her eyes, watching as he bent over the couch and pick something from the floor.

"Hey, you want a drink?" he asked, holding a bottle of whiskey in his hands.

"You brought a full bottle of it here?" She stared at it in shock. "What for?"

"Figured as much something like this would happen. You know me, always ready for something."

Well, she can't pass up a free drink. And with everything that's had happened lately, she couldn't remember the last time she got drunk. It would be good to forget things for a while.

She smirked, blinking the tears away and letting herself go for the night. "Maybe a few won't hurt."

This is what she needed anyway.

To forget hurting. To forget him.

Even if it would just be for a short while.

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Steve was about to turn for the night and headed for his bunks.

When he noticed a faint light coming from the lake near the camp. He scrutinized his eyes, seeing someone sitting by the edge all by themselves.

It was too late for someone to still be up. They had a curfew (It was silly but they really did). Who else could that be? He couldn't just ignore them and walk away. Curiosity and concern (always) got the best of him and he hurried to tell the person that they were going to get trouble for staying up till curfew.

"Excuse me?" he called out.

As soon as he could make out the who the figure was, he felt his breath hitched in his throat. "Anne..."

She was sitting there with her knees tucked to her chest. The moment she looked over her shoulder and saw him, a look of disapproval was easily shown on her face.

"Of course, what are the odds that of all the people, you're the one who's going to find me here." She slurred, half hiccupping and laughing at the same time.

His eyes drifted down to the half-emptied bottle of whiskey beside her. He winced. "Are you drunk?"

"No. You're ssssilly. Course not."

"Yup, you are. You need to get back to your room or you're going to be in trouble. It's curfew hours."

"Why're you talkin like you're a soldier or something?"

"That's because I am a soldier. A captain. Don't you remember?" He arched an eyebrow, a small smile forming on his lips as he watched her in amusement.

"Riiiight. Captain 'merica."

"Yes. Can you stand up?"

"No."

He sighed exasperatedly. "You need to get back to your room."

"I like it here."

"I know but you're going to get in trouble."

"Don't care."

Steve knelt down beside her, gently tugging her arm to convince her to stand up. "Anne, come on."

She shook her head. "I hate him." She suddenly blurted out.

"What?"

"Hate him. For making me feel this way."

He stared at her. "Who? What?"

"I feel like a stupid child."

Confusion dawned over his features. "You're not a child, Anne." Despite not knowing what the hell is she talking about, he tried his best to cheer her up. "You're an amazing agent. A wonderful dame."

"Yezz'am a stupid child. S...so stupid... falling in..."

"Anne?"

"Hate him. I hate him.... That idiot."

His heart shuddered in his chest. "Who?"

"He kissed her. He loves her."

Realization filled his eyes when he understood what she was babbling about. A look of guilt washed past him. "Anne..." He sighed. This wasn't the right time to talk about this. Not when she's like this. "You're drunk. You don't know what you're saying."

Her eyes started to water and he could see her breaking bit by bit. "Know it's wrong. But can't stop. Hurts so goddamn much."

He could feel himself falling apart too. He didn't want to see her like this. He didn't mean to hurt her like this.

"Ugh. Head hurts." She suddenly said, squeezing her eyes shut.

Before she could say anything else, Steve swooped her into his arms and carried her bridal style. Good thing he knew where her room was and had gotten her inside effortlessly and with no problem.

He flicked the light switch on with his shoulder, waiting as it filled the room. Then he laid her on her bed, pulling the sheets underneath to drape it over her. She was half-awake but she didn't stop talking. Just went on rambling and babbling stuff.

"He hates me. He... he hates me now."

Steve swallowed thickly, going over to her dresser to search for a hand towel. "Who?" he asked.

She didn't give him an answer.

He finally found one and went inside her bathroom to damp it with warm water by the sink. He found a small bowl and filled it with warm water. He squeezed the towel to let the water flow freely down the drain and stepped out.

His jaw dropped at the sight in front of him.

She was unbuttoning her shirt and was halfway done with it that he could already see her bra showing. He was quick on his feet, placing the bowl on the bedside table and went over to her side to stop her.

"What are you doing?" he hissed, a very hard blush spreading on his entire face. He struggled not to look at her chest and instead focused on buttoning back her shirt. His fingers were shaking that he couldn't quite get the buttons through right holes and ended up slipping from his grasp. "Damn it."

She slapped his hands away. He stared at her in shock. "It's hot." She whined.

He flustered up even more at that. He tried to keep a straight look and went to finish the buttons. "Don't care. You can't just take off your clothes like that."

"Whyzzit so hot then?"

Once he was done, he grabbed the damp towel from the bowl and squeezed it with one hand. He sat by the empty space on the side of her bed. Her face was all red and her eyes were puffy. It didn't help the fact that her hair was sticking in all places and that she smelled of alcohol. He pressed the towel on her forehead, wiping the sweat away and providing a bit of coolness.

She released a sigh of satisfaction. "Ss'cold now."

He gave her a smile even though she couldn't see it. Once he was done cleaning up her face, he stood up to drain the bowl out. Thankfully, she wasn't undressing when he got back this time.

Steve tucked her in the blankets, making sure she was comfortable. He brushed the back of his fingers against her cheek. His calloused fingers traced the softness of her skin. "Good night, Anne."

He thought she was asleep but her eyelids suddenly fluttered open. "Are you leaving?"

"Just rest." He smiled and stood up to leave. He wasn't even able to grasp the knob of her door when he heard the weight shifting on the bed and footsteps thumping on the floor. He turned around just in time a mass of blonde hair crowd her vision. "Woah."

She clung to him tightly, burying her face in his chest. "Don't go. Don't leave me."

Steve froze. His heart was beating wildly against his chest. He couldn't move. Couldn't think for a moment that this girl. This girl that wouldn't put his mind to rest was now sobbing into his chest and holding onto him like she was afraid he was going to disappear.

After a few seconds, he wrapped her arms around her petite frame and hugged her just as tightly as she does. He rubbed her back soothingly. "It's okay. Shhh. It's okay, Anne."

"Not ready t-to lose you." She gasped in between sobs.

His heart clenched. He didn't know where this was all coming out from. It also didn't help that he knew she was drunk and it was probably just the alcohol talking. He didn't know what to think of what was happening right now.

But he could think about that later.

Right now, she needed him. Not herself or not, he didn't care. He needed to be here for her.

"You won't lose me." He whispered.

She hiccupped, shaking in his arms. "Already did... to her."

He sighed. "Is this about Peggy?"

No answer.

"We're not..." How was he going to explain this when she's not thinking straight? "It's not like that, Anne."

"Then what?" she murmured.

"It's..." He stopped himself halfway. "You probably won't even remember this by morning. You should go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow."

She tightened her hold on him before he could even think of pulling away. "No."

Stubborn. She really wasn't leaving him with any other options, is she? "If I answer your question would you go to sleep right after?" he asked.

She nodded. After a few seconds, she loosened her death grip on him and lets him guide her back to her bed and help tucked her in the sheets. He took his former seat by the edge of the bed.

He wiped the strands of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"So?" she asked, sounding impatient.

Steve laughed softly in amusement. "You get bossy when you're drunk." He grinned.

A frown appeared on her lips. "Rogers..."

"Okay, okay. What do you want to know?"

There was a pregnant pause. "Do you love..." She shook her head, cutting herself off like she had said something wrong. "Are you in love with her?"

He saw this coming. He knew it was going to be about that. And even if she was drunk, he couldn't find it in himself to lie to her. He couldn't. Even if she wasn't probably going to remember any of this by tomorrow morning. "No, I'm not." He answered honestly.

"Then why'd you kizz'er back?"

"Because my emotions were a mess that time. It was all over the place. I just remember us talking and... the next thing I knew she was moving closer and kissing me. And she just—she just looked so beautiful and smelled so nice that I... I was overwhelmed and just kissed her back."

He studied her face. Waiting to see how she was going to take this all at once. Shockingly, there was no hint of jealousy or bitterness on her face. Just... sadness.

"She'ssss... damn lucky to have you. Too good. Honest. Nice. Like you." He could tell that she was looking at him but she wasn't really seeing him. "You two are perfect. I... I can't be like here. Never be her."

Yes, that's true. She can never be her but that's okay. It's because he doesn't want her to be her. Not when he likes her the way she is now. "Anne—"

"Me... guys only think of me when they think of sex... Feel so fff... dirty. Hate it."

His gaze hardened. Not wanting to let her see herself that way when he knew how valuable she is as a person. "No, you aren't. You're more than that, Anne. Guys like those? They're not worth a damn time. They're assholes."

"And I'm a slut."

"Stop saying that." He chastised.

"'Sss true. I like him but he can't like me. He's too good. I'm nothing..." she choked back a sob, a few tears slipping down her cheek. "...nothing."

Steve wiped the tears away with his thumb. "Don't say that. You don't know yourself very well if you keep saying that. You're funny. Smart. Brave. Selfless." He said, remembering the time she threw herself right in the line of fire to save him. A warm smile danced its way to his lips. "You're beautiful, inside and out. And you're without a doubt a good person, Anne Klein."

He didn't know if she understood any of the words he was saying but even if she didn't, he meant every one of it. His hand snaked its way to her hand resting on the top of her sheets. He wove their fingers together. Feeling an electric shiver travel down his spine as soon as he touched her. As soon as they made contact.

"But you don't need me or someone else to tell you that because you should know that every time you wake up in the morning. You're more than what you say you are." He sucked in a breath, feeling his own eyes water as he stared at her. Her eyes shut but she looked every way beautiful like that. "And that guy you said you like? He'd be completely blind to not see your worth."

"But he hates me..." she said quietly, almost slipping away to dreamland.

He smiled shortly, knowing full well who she was talking about. He squeezed her hand lightly. His heart thumping loudly against his chest.

"No, I don't. Far from it."

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What do you think of Drunk Natasha? xD

And have you guys figured out what Steve's decision is?