FOR THE FIRST TIME
CHAPTER FIFTY ONE
❝TRYING TO MAKE IT WORK BUT MAN THESE TIMES ARE HARD. BUT WE'RE GONNA START BY DRINKING OLD CHEAP BOTTLES OF WINE, SIT TALKING UP ALL NIGHT, SAYING THINGS WE HAVEN'T FOR AWHILE, AWHILE YEAH. WE'RE SMILING BUT WE'RE CLOSE TO TEARS, EVEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, WE JUST NOW GOT THE FEELING THAT WE'RE MEETING, FOR THE FIRST TIME.❞

♔ ♔ ♔

      Heartbreak is something you can't ever cure or get rid of. Every heartbreak you've ever felt lingers in your heart, it stays there for the rest of your life. It follows you and everything you do. There is no way to properly move on or rid yourself of heartbreak, it isn't possible. We don't learn how to move on, we learn how to make the pain bearable for ourselves.

      Rosé isn't like other girls, we all know that much. But she most definitely did not want to be like the girls who cried and sobbed over the guy with ice cream stuffed in her mouth. She wanted to remain strong, she wanted to move on as if nothing has changed. But everything has changed and she has no choice but to suffer the consequences of the decisions she made.

      But it isn't good to hole in your feelings, to hide them behind you and act as if nothing's wrong. You have to release pain somehow, though that doesn't mean you necessarily have to show your pain. But don't deny it, accept it.

      Maybe Rosé thought she knew what was best for herself. This idea of avoiding the topic, almost forgetting about it, seemed like it would make it disappear into the air forever. But love doesn't work in that bullshit hypothetical sense.

      Love is meant to be felt, even if you want to push it, you can't. Because you chose to love, you chose to be loved, you chose to feel this, so in a way you chose to feel pain as well. Because just as happiness follows love, you tend to forget that pain goes hand in hand with the very thing that makes you happy. Isn't that terrifying? To realize that love comes at the cost of pain every time.

      Kelsey Easton has always been a phenomenal musician. She knew at a young age she loved music more than anything else in the world — even girls. Her confidence, her work ethic, everything was built up for her passion, her dream.

      Rosé admires that about her best friend, Kelsey's ability to strive for only the best to reach her goals. She knows that her friend has been through so much with being an openly out lesbian, her dads being gay, and her skin color. But Kelsey's armor grew with every crack made onto it, because she took care of her armor and covered those cuts.

      She was the push Rosé needed to release her pain the first time. She was the one who encouraged Rosé to publish Falling Dimensions, to have this be a way for her to stop bottling her emotions.

      The Korean girl was even lucky enough to have her best friend make the background music for each chapters. Each chapter had a unique song instrumental background that made the story more realistic, more painful, more emotional. Kelsey had a knack for listening whether it be for music or listening to others, she always had a careful ear for everything.

      Said best friend was Skyping her as she tried to come up with the final piece for the epilogue chapter. Rosé watched her friend meticulously pick the right keys on her keyboard before playing the sample over and over again and adding string instruments near the end. It was always funny watching Kelsey work. Maybe it was because she'd curse in that American accent of hers or maybe it was because she'd scream if she pressed the wrong key during recording.

      "I liked the first sample," Rosé said, speaking up for the first time in their three hour call. Kelsey looked up from her laptop and smiled at the shy smile on her friend's face. "But . . . it's so sad, Kels."

      Kelsey snorted at her words, almost as if she couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. "You're kidding right? I made the music sad because the epilogue is sad. You know, softtofu, you're completely heartless."

      Rosé shushed her friend loudly as she looked around her area to make sure no one overheard. She let out a sigh of relief once she confirmed that she was alone. As of now she wasn't called onto set and the hotel was far away from where they were filming. Chris generously allowed her to stay in his trailer for the time being. But maybe it was because he pitied her and knew something wasn't wrong with her.

      "What if someone heard you," she hissed out harshly. Kelsey, used to her friend's behavior, rolled her eyes and scoffed in disbelief, "You're fucking with me, Cha. Who cares if they did? It could be just a nickname I have for you. And no one there reads your books. Most of the cast are middle aged, I highly doubt that they spend their time reading WebToons."

      "You're right," she murmured under her breath. She played with the hem of her skirt, pinching the seams before smoothing out the baby blue skater skirt. "And in my defense I made the epilogue realistic. If they don't like it who cares. I don't care if I get less votes or reads for the epilogue."

      "Well yeah you'd still be getting paid the same amount either way. Wait, I still get 20% of it, right?"

      "We'll see if the music turns out alright."

      "Whatever, you love my music."

      "I love a lot of things."

      Kelsey met eyes with her best friend once more, her bottom lip in between her teeth. The only child gave a small grin. But instead of holding happiness in such a grin, it held sadness instead. "I know, Rosie Posey, I know. It's okay to love."

      "I know. I'm not scared."

♔ ♔ ♔

      Noah scrunched his nose in distaste as he entered Tom's hotel room. He placed the box of pizza down on the coffee table before he walked to the bathroom where Tom was washing his face. The oldest Cha twin leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed against his firm chest. "Your room is messy," he complained.

      "I know," was what Tom replied as he grabbed a small towel off the rack. He wiped the excess water off his face before he threw the towel aside on his sink. He walked out with Noah following behind him and flopped onto his couch, his hand immediately reaching for the TV remote controller.

      "I'm assuming that you and Chaewon are fighting again," Noah said bluntly as he snatched the remote out of Tom's hand. The actor stared at him incredulously, almost as if he was shocked that Noah knew. But instead the intern shrugged his shoulders, not even bothering to look at Tom as his eyes remained focus on the food network. "It's not that hard to realize. For one, you're eating dinner with me, not her. And another would be the fact that your room is messy. Knowing my sister she'd piss herself if she saw the state your hotel room is in and clean it herself."

      "We're not fighting," Tom lied through his teeth. 

      Noah whistled, "Still don't know how you're an actor if I can read through your lines of bullshittery, but hey, we all have our flaws now. So, wanna tell me what's wrong so we can avoid this awkward conversation? Or do I have to play messenger between the two of you for awhile."

      "Noah . . ."

      "Thomas, I'm a big boy now. Whatever problem you and my sister are having doesn't effect me so — "

      "She told me she loves me."

      "WHAT?" Noah screamed as he got up from the couch. The Korean boy stared at his friend in shock before he began pacing back and forth with his fingers in his hair. He shook his head and began cursing in Korean. Tom was able to pick out a few words, for one he said bastard three times in one sentence and he called Rosé crazy mad. "Why the hell am I here with you? I should be comforting her! Thanks a lot, Thomas! You ruined my ten year wedding planning!"

      "Wait, you knew that she likes me?" Why didn't Noah ever tell him? Did everyone know but him? Why was he kept in the dark? These questions wandered the busy mind of Tom as he tried to slow his train of thoughts. But all he could think about was how oblivious he must've been.

      "Well no fucking shit! We're twins!" Noah exclaimed loudly, almost as if Tom should've known. "Don't you think it was weird that I used to ask you what kind of wedding bouquets you like? Or what cake flavor is the best?"

      "Of course not, you're fucking Noah Cha, you're weird like that!"

      "You do realize that you basically dumped my sister, right?"

      "Stop using the sister card, it makes me feel guilty! And we were never dating!"

      "I meant you dumped the best friend relationship! Think about how weird it's going to be between you guys. Dude, what do we do? I can't have Sunday brunch with both of you, I planned for it to be my family and you and Rosé's! Dammit, I already named your kids!"

      "Noah, not the time."

      "I think the name Noam is beautiful — "

      "NOAH."

♔ ♔ ♔

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fdimensions1996:
you have a minute to talk?
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fdimensions1996:
can't sleep
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fdimensions1996:
too much on my mind
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softtofu:
sure
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softtofu:
i'm not exactly having the time of my life right now
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fdimensions1996:
i'm always here for you, you know that right?
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softtofu:
i know, thank you
delivered 12:11 AM

softtofu:
i'm here for you too
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♔ ♔ ♔

A/N;

I finally updated! Bit anticlimatic, but I'm sorry about that! Had to slip in more of my girl Kelsey, ya feel?

So I decided with the help of Sof that the spin off will NOT happen.

Not yet anyways.

So you guys are getting what you want.

The next book after this is the sequel, Fine Lines. So we get a time jump into Rosé and Tom's lives. But when the spin off happens it'll be after I finish Fine Lines and that book will be months before the sequel takes place. Hopefully that makes sense.

Now here's my little rant or excuse. Updates won't be as often as it used to be, but I will definitely try to get at least three updates during the weekends. I'm taking AP classes this year, trying out for the drill team at school, and I was just made editor in chief for my school newspaper so I'm quite busy this year.

Dedicated to fatfriar! Thanks for the support!

Much Love Guys.

( written: september 15, 2017 )
( published: september 15, 2017 )