SKYDIVE
CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR
❝THE DARKNESS COMES CLOSER AND CLOSER, THE BEAT COMES AGAINST MY ENTIRE BODY, IT COMES BUT I'LL WIN OVER IT, I'M IN CONTROL.❞

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( four years ago )

rosie girl:
can you skype right now?
delivered 7:32 PM

rosie girl:
i know it's four in the morning where you are but i really need you and everything hurts and i don't know what to do
delivered 7:34 PM

rosie girl:
please tom it's a level eight please
delivered 7:37 PM

tomholland1996 is requesting to Skype with you

♔ ♔ ♔

      Tom ignored how blurred his vision was or how his exhaustion was kicking his ass into nothingness. He tried to focus on the bright screen of his laptop and squinted to stop the blurry filter his eyes held. All he could do for now was focus on the sounds he heard, the rustling of her blanket over her legs, and sniffles and hiccups she tried to hide and stop. Tom forced himself to rub his eyes harshly and stared deeply at the screen until the blurriness went away.

      Rosé sat in front of the laptop with her face buried in the palms of her hands. Her sniffles and hiccups muffled, but obvious as her shoulders moved upwards after every hiccup. She lifted her face and tried to meet his eyes, but the minute she did those brown eyes of her looked up at the clock in front of her. Her face bare from makeup, her cheeks stiff from her dried tear stains, and her eyes red from the excessive crying. 

      He didn't say anything, instead he waited for her to speak first. He knew that it wouldn't be appropriate to start off with 'Are you okay' or 'What's wrong' because it was obvious that she is most definitely not okay and that almost everything was wrong. Instead Tom stared at her, watched her carefully.

      "I'm sorry for crying," Rosé apologized in a low voice as she brought up her sleeve to wipe away her tears. Her shoulders moved up once more as another squeaky hiccup passed her chapped lips. She groaned out of annoyance as she placed her hands over her eyes, as if it'd help her to stop crying. "I feel so stupid right now for crying and I don't know why."

      "Where's Austin?" Tom brought himself to ask. It wasn't unusual for her to request a Skype call so late, but he knew that no matter the situation he'd always pick up for her. She's done it for him countless times. But what made him puzzle was the fact that she was speaking with him instead of her boyfriend.

      He knew he had messed up when he mentioned the boyfriend's name because Rosé sucked in a deep breath as she shakily exhaled. She met his eyes and smiled at him bitterly, "I can't exactly call him if I'm crying because of him."

      Immediately Tom's reaction was to frown. He straightened his back and brought the laptop onto his lap to get a better look. Rage slowly started to simmer as endless possibilities rang through his mind. "Did he cheat on you? What did he do? I swear Rosie I will fly to Sydney and beat him up for you, with the help of Harrison but that's besides the point!"

      "No, no he didn't cheat on me. Besides, if he did I can handle it myself, I'm not fragile nor am I one of those helpless girls who needs someone to defend my honor," Rosé muttered under her breath. She coughed violently and disappeared from the screen momentarily before she returned with her inhaler at hand. After giving herself a pump she tossed it on her bed. "There's this other girl who likes him, and I can't help but compare myself. And at first I didn't think any of it, but then . . . "

      "You think that fucker might change his mind about you," Tom finished her sentence hesitantly. Rosé stared at him, but forced herself to nod her head slowly. The actor sighed as he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't think that this would happen so soon, where Rosé would be crushed because of a boy. It was bound to happen sooner or later with Austin being her first ever significant other, but it's only been four months since they had started dating. 

      "You should see the other girl, Tommy Boy," Rosé began in a small, broken voice. He could tell how hard she was trying to stay calm or how she was trying to keep this tough girl facade up again. But there was one thing Rosé forgot, he could see through her better than anyone else. He was one of the only people who could look past her strong girl act. "Gorgeous gal, actually. Beautiful blue eyes, pale skin, and the cutest little freckles. She was beyond beautiful if I'm being honest."

      He hated how positive she is, how she could never make fun of someone unless she personally knew them or she didn't take what they said to offense. Because Rosé seemed like the type of girl to curse another girl out for attempting to steal her man or to pick on another girl for her looks because she was prettier. No, she wasn't petty.

      But he knew that this problem ran deeper than what the surface offered. This was a problem that stemmed ever since they were kids and he knew the problem well enough. Tom knew that this wasn't a matter of feeling insignificant, but not enough, as if she couldn't offer Austin what he wanted.

      Some people were beyond shitty. Whilst some people bullied him because of his dancing and acting, others would bully people for things they cannot control. In this case, they'd bully Rosé and Noah because of who they are — two, proud Korean twins. And the two overcame their insecurities quickly, realizing at a young age that they couldn't erase the skin on their bodies or the slight accent that held onto their voices every time they spoke. Because their ethnicity was as much of them as their name is. They found people who loved them and people around them slowly realized that they weren't so different from them.

      However, that didn't stop Rosé. There were times where Tom would catch her staring at the pretty blonde girl in their math class a little longer than they should've. Or how when they were little and played with coloring books she'd always color the little girl's eyes bright blue or green. But as a kid he overlooked all that thinking she was like him who hated having brown hair or brown eyes. He didn't realize how deep her pain grew.

      In many ways he suppose that it's his fault for not pulling out that nasty weed long ago like he should've done. Tom couldn't control her feelings, he knew that much. But maybe if he showed his appreciation for her, built up her confidence so she wouldn't feel so badly about herself things would've been different.

      He didn't know what to say to make her feel better. He knew that he couldn't say one thing about one race without being offensive to the other. Tom wasn't the best when it came to comforting people, especially girls, because believe it or not that's what Rosé is. But he knew that her gender doesn't defy her emotions or the way she reacts to things. 

      So he tried his best hoping that it worked.

      "Do you think you can sing me that song?" Tom asked out of nowhere catching her off guard. Rosé was halfway wiping away her tears when he sprouted the random request. He sheepishly smiled and scratched the nape of his neck as he looked down at his lap. "You know, that one Korean song you like from that drama."

      "But you don't know what the song is even about."

      "Doesn't matter. It's still a beautiful song in the end."

      And Rosé didn't think much of his request, thinking that it was Tom being Tom. But his message was as clear as day: it doesn't matter if the song wasn't something he could understand lyrically or if it was something that not many people listened to or liked. Because at the end of the day if it's a beautiful song it's still music.

      "No matter how long you wait

      I can't be by your crying side

      Why can't you see that I only hurt you?

      Stop waiting and just leave

      I miss you, I miss you

      I miss you so much that I hate myself

      I want to cry down on my knees

      If only this can be something that never happened

      The memories of us crazy in love

      Those memories are searching for you

      No longer in the excuse of love

      Can I lock you away

      I know I shouldn't be this way

      But I miss you like crazy," her voice sang softly and clearly. It was one of her favorite songs, something she'd find herself singing for no reason. And whenever Tom would come over to the Cha household for another one of their crazy sleepovers the twins would always host a karaoke session right in between the movie marathons and the random late night baking. This song was definitely one Rosé would sing, and even if he didn't know what it meant, the emotions poured into her voice spoke words. He had listened to Rosé singing it so much that he could even memorize the romanization and what came next.

      It's been awhile since he had heard the song. But it reminded him of the happy memories, it reminded her of the times where she wasn't scared of herself. Maybe he didn't do it intentionally, maybe he hadn't meant to choose this song specifically. But the message was clear for both of them: to forget about all the bad memories, to remain in the good memories of one another's presence, even if it was only in their past that they could relive such happiness it doesn't matter.

      The type of song doesn't matter, the language it is certainly doesn't matter. What matters is the emotions you can depict out of the busying background, the way the words are conveyed, and if the message was received in the end. All that matters in the end is that they're all music, they're all the same thing.

      And it's about time that Rosé remembers that.

♔ ♔ ♔

A/N;

The one time I go all poetic and deep with you all. Truly love this chapter, this is the one chapter where I don't care if it gets enough votes or comments, because I truly don't care for this chapter in that sense. I care for it's message, and here is where I explain myself to you in the best way I can. So ignore this if you don't care about this author's note, I won't get offended.

Truth be told I'm conflicted with this social media fanfic. I don't think the best of it, I don't love it as much as I should or as much as you guys do. And I finally realize why, because I don't love Rosé. Now before you come after me with your pitchforks and your angry mobs hear me out. Tom Holland fanfics are the hottest shit, I get that, and I'm not mad that there are fanfics out there with more votes and more comments than me. I know that they're better than mine if they have that much support, and honestly I'm so grateful for you guys so don't take it the wrong way.

And I think to myself, 'Wow, would Blurred Lines be this successful if I had Dove Cameron as the faceclaim? Or what about Victoria Moroles?' Now this isn't me shitting on those fanfics who have them as their face claims, believe me, I'm not a shitty person I swear. But I think to myself, what I hadn't used Rosé to play, well, Rosé (yes for those of you who don't know the faceclaim's name is actually Roseanne whose nickname or stage name is also Rosé) would this book be more successful?

I know my books don't get a lot of love as others do, even if my idea is completely unique or something different. And I kind of know why, because the faceclaims I use are someone you're not used to seeing on books. I'm here to change that for Fanfics. I'm not just using this girl because I love BlackPink or because I love KPOP, no, it's because I can relate to an Asian girl.

I wrote this chapter for myself for once. Because I love the message, and this is something I can look back on, to remind myself the message Tom gave Rose. It doesn't matter if I don't use the typical faceclaim, because at the end of the day it's still a faceclaim for a character with a backstory, for a purpose. 

So this chapter is dedicated to everyone out there who feels the way I do. Who feels as though they're not getting love because of the characters they use. And I'm telling you to just fuck it, fuck what they think. Use that faceclaim, use that unknown faceclaim no one cares for. This is your book, your fucking domain and you rule it. You got this, I believe in you, even if you're not willing to believe in yourself.

And as always,

Much Love Guys.

( written: august 27, 2017 )
( published: august 27, 2017 )