Whoo, hoo.... I'm packed and ready for my girls weekend away up the coast.  This is the first weekend off from the kids in a year. Well.... actually, more than a year but who's counting!

"Hey babes, are you ready for a weekend of sun, sex, drugs and alcohol," Sarah screams from her car window as she's pulling up to the curb to park her car.

"What, I thought we were learning to scuba dive this weekend? I've packed the wrong clothes," I giggle as I know she is only joking.  I paid for our course four months ago so if she's backing out now, I'm going without her!

"Oh, poo hoo, you're no fun. Who wants to swim with the fishes anyway?  I'd rather eat them at Garfish." Sarah pouts and opens the boot of her car to unload her gear.

"So.... speaking of Garfish, what the fuck? Your blog is hilarious! How can you date two people you know within your first month of dating online? What the?  And btw, you've gone global! Amy is sharing your blog with her colleagues in the states! You have a fan base with over 10,000 hits already." Sarah's face lights up with excitement. "We could make money out of this."

"Really? How do you figure my blog is worth money?" I laugh back and collect her bags from the curb to put them in the boot of my Audi station wagon.

"It's called influencing online. Shit, I thought you were in marketing and strategy!" Sarah winks then goes to check she has everything she needs from her car.

Do people actually make money out of blogging the products they buy and use? Surely that can't be their sole income?

"Ha, ha. I know about influencers. I've worked with Jules remember when he wanted to set up his company." I snort back while checking I've locked the front door to the house.

Jules is an ex TV celebrity I met when I was in college who wanted to set up a start-up online influencing company.  He didn't have money for a strategy and marketing team back then so leveraged his mate at our college to access the minds of college students - free ideas - to help him launch the company.

Besides the fact he was hot....6'4, blonde, blue eyes, slim but not skinny and so funny, I volunteered as I wanted the extra credit for my grades.

"How is Jules these days?  You never went there did you?" Sarah climbs in the passenger seat and starts programming our playlist for the three hour trip up north.

"He's good. Married with children remember? We went to his wedding," I sigh as that was a great weekend with my ex. 

I still have so many fond memories of the good times we had and I'm trying to hold onto these so I don't completely poison the relationship we have, especially for our kids.  It's not healthy for them or me to have a toxic relationship, so I'm focusing on the good times and, hopefully my brand new future, with a potential new husband. If I can find a new one online of course!

What am I saying.... I mean.... when I find a new husband online!

Be positive littlered. Things come to those who deserve it!

Ring, ring....ring, ring.

My car bluetooth goes off and Lilly's name appears on screen.

"Hey my lovelies. Are you on your way? I'm stuck on the bridge so do you want me to drive myself or can you wait another ten minutes at my place?"

Lilly is never late to anything.

I have no idea how her life is so organised!

"Hey Lil, we're just leaving my place now so will be at yours in five. Is hubby home ( I won't use his real name just in case ) as we can pack your bags while we wait?" I ask as I know she will, of course, be packed and ready to go in like a minute of arriving.

"Hubby is home early today.  He was hopping to bid me farewell for ten to fifteen minutes before we leave," Lilly laughs.

Bitch is getting goodbye sex before she leaves for our girls weekend! How do you find a husband like Lilly's?

"You know I hate you right now! No.... not really but I am soo.... jealous." I squirm in my seat and look out the car window to change lanes for the turnoff to Lilly's house.

"You go girl. You get as much sex as you can girlfriend. With four kids, I think you're earning it anyway!" Sarah chokes and smiles at the same time then starts singing,

"She works hard for her money ah, ah, ah ah. So hard for her money ah, ah, ah, ah. She works hard for her money so you better treat her right!"
Song Working for it by ZHU x Skrillex x They.

Too funny!

"What can I say ladies? I'm a lucky women. You make all the mistakes with your first husband and then comes your second husband and when I say come I really mean co....!" Lilly is now laughing to the point of choking.

"Ok, ok. I get it and thank you both for reminding me I haven't had sex in like.... forever!" I too now am laughing in response.

"Hubby, has some treats for you lovelies when you arrive.  Not my doing by the way but I think you might like them!" Lilly's phone disconnects which means she must be on the bridge by now.

You always lose phone reception when crossing the Sydney Harbour bridge! They really need to fix the box on the bridge.... as it's so annoying when you're on a business call and get cut off mid sentence.

We arrive at Lilly's house and hubby is waiting on the front veranda with what looks like champagne and a goodies bag.  It has Haigh's on the side of the bag. 

"Hello ladies.  I thought since you were going away for a girls weekend I'd pack you the essentials.  Veuve champagne, a bottle each, chocolate from Haig's, your favourite Jess I believe and some Natural Confectionery jelly snakes.  The red ones are the best so I hide them from the kids," hubby smiles and walks down to meet us in their driveway.

"Um....thanks but what are the jelly snakes for?" I ask and open my car door to step out and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"After your dive, eat them.  You think hash cookies are good, wait until you have these babies after breathing in one hundred percent pure oxygen.  It's another world and it's legal.... Sarah!" hubby answers while kissing me on the cheek and glaring directly at Sarah.

"Why thank you kind sir for providing the legal drugs! I may have baked a few cookies for the weekend anyway. Just in case we needed to let loose. Woo, hoo....GIRLS WEEKEND. I'm so frecken excited," Sarah response back and dances around the car to meet hubby for a big hug and a kiss.

"You do know that you can't do drugs and dive right?" he responses. "The champagne is to be consumed after the diving. Your last night before you come home."

"What.... wait! No one told me this was going to be a drug free weekend.  What the fuck! We might as well be going away with all of your children if I have to behave all weekend!" Sarah jokes back at hubby and holds him a little too long in an inappropriate bear hug.

Lilly wouldn't mind this behaviour as she is completely confident hubby loves her.... and only her.

"I don't have the kids this weekend either Sar....It's a BOYS WEEKEND too you know.  Football, pizza and beer all weekend for me but you're welcomed to pick up my kids from my ex's if you feel the need to be all domesticated and parental," he's laughs and is released from Sarah hug.

As if that's ever going to happen!

"Which boys? Do I know them?" Sarah enquires with a grin.

"Sarah, I love you, you know that right, but there is no way I would let you loose on one of my friends.  You'd eat them up alive!" he gulps. "And, it's Jess's turn from what I hear. So no new hubby yet from a month of online dating? Did you really want to shag your new work colleague on the dinner table within minutes of meeting him?"

"Did Lilly tell you that?" I question hoping Lilly hasn't told him I'm also blogging about it.  It's best to keep my blog secret as much as possible from the people I know. Especially as it's happening in real life. I trust the girls to keep my anonymity as the online dating blogger but if word gets out it's me, I'm screwed!

God, imagine if my new work colleague finds out I blogged about our date. Sexual harassment case pending already and he's only been with the company for just over a month!

"Nope. I'm reading your blog. It's my favourite Friday morning release with my coffee of course.  You certainly are training us blokes in what not to do or say on dates!" his face cringes a little as he speaks.

Lilly car pulls up next to mine and she quickly jumps out of the car with her laptop in toe.

"Hello my gorgeous girls. Give me five to strip and change and I'm all yours. Is the car packed? Do you love our treats? Hello honey. Want to help me for five?" Lilly winks at hubby on her walk to their front door.

"If you can only fuck for five, you're not the hubby I thought you were!" Sarah calls after them as they enter the house.

"Oh Sar, you're dating the wrong blokes. It's not about me. If I can't get my wife off in fifteen minutes I should be divorced!"

I think hubby definitely wins this round!

I mean, what do you say to that? Nothing really.

And now I'm even more determined to find a new husband. One that I can have lots and lots of unprotected sex with.

Bring it on already!

~*~

Our weekend was so much fun and I didn't feel claustrophobic at all swimming in the ocean with fish surrounding us.

I also learnt Wobbegong sharks have no teeth so when they swim between your legs it's best to just freeze and float. Otherwise they latch on, suck and you have to cut their heads off.

Not frightening at all?

Yep... Sarah has the suck marks to prove it!

Hubby was so right about the jelly snakes! They were amazing after breathing pure oxygen for two days. I wasn't really into drugs at school or college. I experimented a little as all college student do but preferred to spend my money on clothes, shoes and holidays over a regular drug habit.

I updated the girls on the missing bits of my dates not blogged online and clarified the rules again just in case.

I'm really thinking of sleeping with my ex boyfriend #surferguy but the girls remind me 'he's an ex for a reason babes!', which of course they're right, and we laugh about my five conference calls with my new work colleague #ITguy.

I'm still having fantasies of shagging him on our boardroom table where we link for our conference calls each week. It's mahogany so maybe it would be better to do it in the stationary supplier room up against the shelving?

More comfortable maybe?

We can't do it in the IT security room.

Too many cameras!

🍾 🦈

~*~

And now, what you're really waiting for is my next date, #scubaguy.

Of course he was our instructor! I've got to take every opportunity I have right now as it's going to be a long year of 'kissing many frogs to find my prince!'

Lucky number five date is.... drum roll again peeps.... #scubaguy.

(Read on peeps as this one was fun!)