"How are you feeling today San?" Ms Peris didn't look at him. Instead, she wrote in her white notebook as she always did. Her blue pen and white jacket suit were the same as the last time they'd spoken, just like his answer. "Fine," he responded flatly. 

She looked up and smiled displaying a perfect row of white teeth. It was almost as white as the crisp white walls, chairs and desk—the only dark thing about her being her hair. It was nearly charcoal in colour. Soothing piano instrumentals played in the background. He wasn't sure from where since there were no visible speakers. 

"Would you like to talk about that day?" She asked. 

San shifted in his seat and clutched at the white pair of pants they'd given him to put on this morning. His heart rate shot up as the images flashed through his mind. 

"San? San?" She snapped her fingers. It was like he woke up from a trance. Her brows were marked with worry. "We want to help you. I want to help you. But I can't if you don't share."

He took a deep breath. "We were in the middle of the shopping mall performing our last song, Turbulence. Everyone was looking out in the crowd at the fans. They sang back to us. It was a different language but they sang back to us." The moment warmed his heart. 

"And then what happened?" She asked. He couldn't look at her. He pouted. "A loud bang. I don't know where but it was loud and then it was yellow smoke from in the crowd. People started to scream and my members were afraid. People came on the stage with the Lightiny." He held his hand up and waved it back and forth. "They start to try and hit us. Hit Mingi. They tried to hit me but I dodged." His eyes began to water. "When I tried to stop them. Their eyes were red. They didn't look like people anymore." 

"Where are the members now?" 

"I don't know. More loud sounds and everyone ran. I thought they would run to outside but when I run outside they weren't there."

A little bell dinged signalling the end of their session. She wrote a lot in her notebook. He wondered why she needed to know all of this. How did reliving the memories help him? 

"Thanks for sharing today San. We can talk more tomorrow okay?" 

He nodded. He got up and bowed slightly before being escorted out by the man that always waited outside the door. He towered over San and hand arms were the size of his head. He walked him to the common area where the survivors stayed during the days. 

On his way out he passed by another boy that always met with the lady right after him.

He sat by himself at a table in the corner. All the other boys sat in small groups and chatted. No one wanted to talk to the Korean boy. Maybe they thought he didn't speak English. It was fine by him though.  He dwindled his thumbs and observed. Two guards at the entrance. The only way out of the facility was through the large roll-up entrance he came in through several days ago.

A line of more survivors was guided into the common room. He stood up to get a better view of them. They were covered in black dust. There were seven of them. Four males and three females. He didn't recognize any of them. None of them was his members or managers. One of the males held hands with one of the females. His lips quirked slightly. At least they had each other. He didn't know if his members were even alive. He prayed several nights that they were, though he didn't in a god.

Later that day all the boys stood in line to collect food. He picked up the cold metal tray at the back of the line.

"Sorry, I was here." A taller burly boy steps before him grabbed the tray and pushed him backwards. San stared at him incredulously before giving a dimpled smile and stepping back. "Sorry," he said in his native tongue.

Tsk. "Feckin Asians."

San shook his head.

"Don't pay attention to him."

He turned around to see another boy, an unfamiliar one looking back at him. His hair was dirty, but his face was all cleaned up.

San nodded and bowed slightly at him.

"People aren't like that usually, not anymore at least," he continued. He held out his hand to San. "I'm Matthew."

San stared at it. No one ever really spoke to him. Why was he?

"Oh Sorry." He said wide-eyed. "I didn't realize–."

"No no, it's ok." He was quick to relieve the boy's stress of thinking he was offended.

"Oh, so you speak English."

San simply nodded.

"What's your name?" he asked.

Why did he want to know? There were many people here he could talk to. Still, he answered.

"I'm San."

"Sand?"

"No no, San, like Sand but no 'd'".

"Ooooh, Saaaan." He stretched the A. He would correct him but chose not to.

They finally moved up in the line and Matthew took up another tray. "So how long have you been here?"

"Not long. What about you?"

"Me? I just got here."

San nodded. The line shuffled forward. Someone groaned in the line ahead. They complained about having stew again. He was at least grateful. His members could be out there starving or worse, turned into one of those monsters. His skin crawled and the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He shivered to perish the thought. They were smart, Wooyoung and Jongho would fight them off. Hongjoong would find somewhere safe to stay.

Maybe Yunho and Mingi would be devising a way to survive. And Yeosang, well he'd be Yeosang. San smiled. Before he knew it, he was at the part of the line where they were sharing the food. One of the men dressed in camouflage pants and a green shirt was a stark difference from the white background. He spooned a white plop of mashed potatoes onto his tray. Next, a spoonful of brown stew. He would give anything for some rice right now.

He bowed and whispered under his breath in Korean. "Thank you for the meal." He picked up a fork and went to his designated chair away from everyone else. To his surprise, Matthew followed him. He pulled up a chair and sat across from him. San chose to ignore him and his manners and started to eat.

Matthew barely touched his food but kept looking around the room, like he was searching. He couldn't bear to see food go to waste.

"Hey, eat."

"I'm not that hungry." He shook his head and turned up his nose. A low growl rumbled around them. It wasn't San's stomach. "Well, maybe I am. But I can't eat."

It was odd for someone who was hungry not to eat. 

"Why?" 

He looked down at the food and looked around again. Then he whispered. "My friend, she came in with me but they separated us. I don't know where she is."

San pondered on what he said.

"They don't keep girls here." 

"Really do you know where they do?"

San shook his head.  None of the girls and some of the boys he came with were around anymore. He thought they had left. He wanted to too. But maybe his members would come, so he stayed and hoped. 

"I promised I would protect her." The boy's bottom lip quivered. San lifted a spoon full of the tasteless mashed potatoes to his mouth. He opened his mouth wide and swallowed it as he was unsure of what to say to him. 

Matthew shook his head and took a bite of meat. The meal continued without another word. 

~~~~

That night, San lay on the paper-like mattress with tired eyes. He tried many nights to fall asleep, some nights he did. It was hard to fall asleep with nothing to hug. The matchbox-like room was dark, but the white light from the hallway shone through the square of glass on the door. Crickets sang outside the small barred window. He hadn't been outside since he came. He had asked if he could leave, and the lady said he could always leave. 

Footsteps shuffled outside his door. He saw shadows moving. They passed his room. He thought nothing of it until someone groaned loudly and then there was a thud. He got up and peeked through the tiny square of glass. At first, he saw nothing. Then two men from the side lifted up the same boy that had pushed him out of line earlier. 

They held him by the shoulders and dragged him down the hall. A third man got up from the ground and rubbed his eye. Where were they going?  San wondered. He put his hand on the door handle and tried to open it but it was locked. He didn't remember locking it. Every morning he woke up and got ready, he was always able to open it, so why was it locked now?

What if something went wrong and he needed to escape, what would he do? He paced the room. Panic rose in his chest. Just then his door clicked. The door swung open. The white light from the hall cascaded over him and he had to squint to see better. Two men in all white stood at the entrance, one of them was tall and lanky. The other was shorter and thick with muscles. 

They charged at him. San wasn't sure where they were going to take him, but he didn't want to go. The lanky one grabbed at his arm, and he dodged and kicked him in the side. He rolled onto the bed. The other kicked the invert of his knee and he buckled. He grabbed his arm and picked him up. San pushed backwards slamming the short man into the wall. His grip on him weakened but he didn't let go. 

The tall one got up and advanced toward him. San Brazilian kicked him and he fell to the side. He elbowed the man that was holding him till his grip loosened enough for him to get free. 

He darted toward the door. The hallway was empty. He sprinted toward the common area. Soon the white hall flashed red. A loud buzzing noise echoed through the room. He needed to get out or hide somewhere. He ran to the lunch room and slid over the counter. He ducked behind it. 

Several footsteps stomped through the room. It sounded like there were more people. His shoulders ached from when the short strong one held him. He rolled it back to release some tension. It banged against a loosely placed metal tray. The noise was loud enough to wake the whole facility. 

Suddenly the footsteps were quiet and all he could hear was the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. Their shadows converged on the wall in front of him. They whispered to each other. In a frenzy, he grabbed the tray and slapped one of them across the face. He kicked another in the stomach. 

A shock of pain radiated through his lower back and he collapsed to his hands and knees. Then it happened again but this time from his side, his whole body convulsed and he rolled onto his back. His vision blurred but he was still conscious. Conscious enough to feel them lift him up by the arm and drag him. 

~~~~ 

San woke up to a blinding white light. His entire body was numb and his mouth was dry and pasty. He tried to move but realized he couldn't lift his arms or legs.  When he could see better he saw that his wrists and ankles were strapped down. He could barely move his head as each movement resulted in a wave of nausea. 

In front of him was Ms Peris. A wave of uneasiness coursed through him. She was talking to a white man in a white coat. His glasses hung low on his nose and he held a clipboard in his hand. He tried to move but the room swayed and he groaned. 

Ms Peris came over to him and patted him on his shoulder. Her hands were ice cold. She smiled but it didn't comfort him. 

"Everything's going to be alright," she reassured. But nothing was alright. Why was he here? Why did they come for him? He strained against the straps on his arms and legs but couldn't move. 

"Whyyy?" He groaned. 

She looked at the man, who was now beside San as well. 

"San, I'm doctor Goodwill. Are you alright?" The doctor introduced himself in Korean. It caught San off guard as it had been so long since anyone spoke Korean to him. 

"Aniyo." He responded with a scratchy voice. He wasn't okay. None of this was okay. He just wanted to be back home with his members in the dorm, eating meat and laughing. 

"Don't worry we will take good care of you. We have been monitoring you San. You are exceptional." 

San groaned again he felt weak. 

"We'll help you to gain your strength again. Though you did put up a good fight." Ms Peris patted his head like a caring mother. Like his grandmother did to him when he was young. 

The door opened and a guard with a bruised eye wheeled a cart into the room. On it was a needle and a small bottle of yellow liquid. He noticed he was hooked up to a drip and a beeping machine. The doctor took up the needle and inserted the syringe into the bottle. 

"San, San look at me," Ms Peris said forcing his eyes away from the doctor. 

San shook his head and pulled and yanked against the straps. 

"Calm him down Ms Peris!" the doctor commanded. She tried to soothe him but he wouldn't stop. 

"I think we should sedate him again. He might go out of control."

"I'm not waiting any longer. We've had the best results so far with him."

"Think about it," Ms Peris urged. 

Doctor Goodwill inserted the yellow liquid into his drip bag and it flooded with the substance. San's heart rate shot up and his body felt like lightning was coursing through it. Suddenly he was hot and cold. His back arched as pain travelled through his spine. It was as if he was being burned from the inside out. The light was too bright. His vision shifted to an orange hue. The beeping on the machine beside him got louder and louder. It flooded his senses. He could suddenly smell meat cooking somewhere. His toes curled under and his fingers dug into the sheets. 

It was too tight. The straps were suffocating him or was it that his airways were closing? He pulled at the straps and they burst open like a thin string. Ms Peris stumbled back. The pain was immense but he felt stronger than before. He ripped at the straps on his ankles and they burst easily as well. He rolled off the bed onto the floor. His breath was heavy and deep. 

Ms Peris approached him her cold hands were shaky. Her fingers grazed his shoulder. He roared and with one swift motion, he whacked her in the chest and she flew into the wall. Blood splattered on the wall and she fell to the floor. 

San's breathing was uneven. Why did I do that? He looked at his hands. The veins were a bright yellow and stood on end under his pale skin. 

"San, San? Are you okay?" The doctor asked once again in Korean. He turned to see the doctor and the guard standing on the other side of the room. 

"Aniyo." He answered in a voice that didn't sound like his. It was low and rough and animalistic. 

The doctor took small steps toward him and the guard had a black stick held up as if he was ready to fight. 

"I know this might be scary but," he looked at Ms Peris, " we want to help you. See you're the answer to this disease that's been going around. You are our first good result," the doctor said in Korean. 

San looked at his hands.  

"See you even understand me. None of the other ones did. This is a good thing."

San stepped back as the doctor approached. He wanted to hide. He didn't want to hurt the doctor like he did Ms Peris. 

"With this gift I've given you, we can find your members."

His members? His members! He could find them. San bolted out the door down a long corridor. 

"Stop him!" the doctor yelled. 

Again,  the white corridor turned red. He ran down the hall to the exit but something caught his eye and he stopped. There was another room with more people strapped down. He didn't want them to get hurt as he did. He barged into the room and freed them of their bondage. He shook them vigorously to wake them up. 

He recognized one of them, the boy that pushed him out of the line. He shook him and shook him but he didn't budge. The other one, a girl, woke but could barely move. 

"Hey! Stop!" 

San turned around to see three guards standing at the entrance. 

"I don't want to hurt you." He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror beside them. He didn't look like himself. His eyes were wide and red and his hair dishevelled like he'd performed Hala Hala twenty times. 

The guards raised their black sticks. 

"what's going on?" The girl asked in a daze. 

San stepped back but hid the girl behind him and pleaded. "Please don't. I don't want to hurt you."