I slowly paced around the room. They had moved Julieta to a standard room, the healers worked on her to ensure that there was no damage. There were some. Older injuries she had sustained internally that had made me want to find the male who had done it to her so I could break every bone in his body for doing that. She had a rough go of it and it pissed me off that no one had figured out what Vera would do before Julieta had gotten banished.

What happened to Julieta was just another thing tacked onto the list of sins that Vera had. It made me wanting to go back to Provocatio that much more important. I had to ensure she was stopped and that the past would be dead and buried. I wanted the whispers and urges of it out of my veins and head. It would end, once and for all and then maybe I could figure out where I stood, where I fit.

I turned and glanced at Julieta. She looked exhausted, even in deep sleep she looked exhausted. It had been nearly six hours of hard labour before she had given birth. They hadn't found Luiz in those they had processed until hour five but by then it had been too late to get him processed and released. I hated that she had to go through that with just me.

I had felt inadequate. I hadn't been soft or soothing, I had barely been able to comfort her. All I had been able to do was stop the healers and doctors from trying to shove the pup onto her. She wasn't in an okay mind for that. She didn't want to see the pup and it was okay. They kept trying to do it, had even left the cot in the room.

I glanced over at it before slowly moving over. I didn't blame the baby, I held no ill will towards her but I understood Julieta's reaction. It wasn't wanted, none of this was wanted. I stopped by the edge of the cot and stared down at her. She was swaddled tightly, a little pink cap on her head. I bent down and stroked along her chubby cheek. She had weighed seven pounds and was something like twenty-inches long. I tilted my head, bending down slightly, and taking in her scent, she smelled like new life and formula.

One of the healers had tried to carry her over to Julieta for a feed shortly after Julieta had fallen asleep. I had not been nice in stopping her. They would not force that on her, she would take her time and do it when she felt okay to. And if she never felt okay, that was fine too. This was Julieta's journey and however she took it was okay. This was not a wanted pup, not one made of love like Mikhail or D.B. or even the twins. This was a pup born of circumstances Julieta did not truly want.

Her tiny lips pursed and she fussed slightly. I felt a little awkward but picked her up, holding her close. I had no ill will towards her, she was just an infant, just a pup, but that didn't mean I would allow anyone to bully Julieta into taking her. I might have spent much of the past nearly fifteen years as a wild but I knew that forcing an unwanted pup onto a female did no good for either of them.

I walked around with her as she settled. She was so tiny, much like Heidi and Amelia had been. I walked over to a wall to look at the posters they had hanging. There were some for lactation consultants, some about the dangers of illness in shifter infants, other were about resources for prenatal care. I slowly wandered, taking them all in with my head tilting every so often.

The little female fussed again and I shifted her, carefully resting her on my chest, holding her there like I had seen everyone else do with babies. I felt awkward, like my large hands might break her, but she settled quickly. A content little thing. She didn't fuss much, which was good. I didn't think she should have been put in the same room as Julieta but I hadn't been able to explain it properly and I doubted they would have listened.

I hated people who thought that females would accept their pups if they were forced to spend time with them or around them. That wasn't how it worked. Sometimes females needed time. Pregnancy and birth was hard emough, I had seen it in the wild wolf pack. If a labour was rough, some females simply didn't wish to care for the pups until some time had passed. That didn't even account for the assault, the rape, Julieta had endured for this pup's conception.

Julieta needed time and once she had it she would make the choice best suited for her and the little female.

I carried her back over to the cot and gently lay the pup down again. I stroked her tiny eyebrows with slight amusement. She looked just like Julieta when she had been a baby. Baby pictures had covered the walls of their home in Provocation and this pup was the spitting image of her mother, same little rosebud lips, same little button nose. It was cute to see, to remember.

I could almost smell the scent of the shitty tamales that Luiz would cook for Julieta's supper before he would cave and throw in a frozen pizza. He had never gotten the hang of cooking like his mum. Her food had been absolutely spectacular. Everyone in Provocatio loved it. When her and her mate had passed, it had been a sad day for the pack. Everyone had turned up at the funeral and offered their help to Luiz and Julieta.

I could hear Julieta stirring so I glanced over before I headed to the hospital bed. She cracked her eyes open and I could hear her heart rate pick up so I nudged her hand with the backs of my fingers. "'Zekiel?" It came out cracked and raspy and I nodded with a faint grunt. "Okay." She shifted on the bed and winced with pain. I picked up the pain meds and water cup that the healers had left on the bedside table.

"Here." I held them to her mouth and she took the two pills without question. I handed her the cup and let my hand hover over it just in case she slipped as she took a drink. Once she was done I took it away and set it back on the bedside table.

"Where's...." She didn't finish the sentence before wincing. She looked rather horrible and I reached out and pushed her hair back, checking her eyes and feeling her forehead. Some blood vessels on her face had popped, leaving tiny red marks and her skin looked sallow. "Where is it?" She croaked it out and I gave a small hum.

"There." I pointed behind me and she looked away a fraction. I watched as she tightened her hands into fists.

"You must think I'm horrible." She whispered the words and I shook my head. "I can't... I can't think to hold it. I just... I didn't want any of this." She sounded so broken and I hesitated before I grasped her hand, crouching down beside the bed so I could look her in the eyes. "I just... all I can think about is him and I feel like throwing up at the thought of holding the baby and I just-" She was tearing up and I hated to see it, she didn't need to feel bad about something that was natural to half of who we were. We were human but we were also wolves.

"Wild... wolves." I started slow, "Females... sometimes... no want pups." I frowned, trying to string together the words I needed to reassure her. "They... leave pups. Sometime they... take later... others no." I squeezed her hand, holding her gaze with mine. "It 'kay.... if..." I pointed at her so she understand I was meaning her, "need time." It was okay if she needed time, if she needed space. It was more than okay.

Her bottom lip trembled and she sniffled, squeezing my hand back. "I feel like a bad person." I shook my head, showing my blatant refusal of that. She wasn't bad, she was hurt, she was in need of healing, it would take time but she would get to where she could make a proper choice. "I do though. I think that I should be able to magically love it but I just want to puke and I feel horrible because it didn't do anything wrong but at the same time all I can think of is who its father was."

"It kay. It happen... Sometime females need... time." I nodded slowly at that. She just needed time, that was all. And perhaps some therapy but I didn't have the capacity to explain that to her but she needed time right now.

"They do. Some do need time and even after some just can't." The new voice had me whirling around with a snarl in my throat but it died when I saw the Head Priestess standing in the door. Her gaze pinned me in pace before it slid to Julieta. "Hello, child." She moved gracefully towards the bed and I moved out of the way as she bent over.

She gently brushed Julieta's hair from her forehead, holding her hand to her forehead. "I am glad to see you are safe." The words were soft and I was surprised she was learning to be less awkward. Lilith had that effect though. "Mene's love has carried you far from home."

Julieta's face twisted and she looked ready to burst into tears. I made a sound of protest, I didn't want her to start crying again. It had been enough prior. "It wasn't love." It came out strangled and almost wet.

"It was." Ambris clucked her tongue. "Sometimes... when our lives are at the darkest points, we cannot see Mene's love as love. We cannot see how she guides us, we cannot see the kindness in the cruelty we suffer." The words were a low murmur, "But Mene has urged me here, to talk to you, to give you a choice."

Julieta sniffled and I slowly shuffled around the bed, keeping half an eye on the head priestess, she gave me the jitters, like she was a lightening rod in the middle of a raging thunderstorm. "What choice?" She wiped at her eyes and Ambris gently brushed her forehead with her thumb before tracing the side of her face with her fingertips, stopping under her jaw.

"Mene never gives us more than we can take and it is why I am here. You cannot look after the pup." It came out if her surprisingly soft. "The three of us in this room know this, regardless of how, we all do." That actually surprised me but I knew realistically it shouldn't have. She was Mene's conduit, she knew as the goddess did. "We all know that if you are forced to do so, you will break under it." Ambris stood up a bit straighter, "So I have come, to take the pup back to Altia with me. We shall tend to her, nurture her, raise her with love under Mene's eye, until you feel ready to make the decision of if you wish to keep her or wish to let her go. Can I take her?" That actually shocked me and I flicked my gaze between the priestess and Julieta.

I could see the emotions warring on Julieta's face, I could see the shame and guilt she didn't need to feel but I understood all the same. She closed her eyes, "Okay. You can." Julieta's voice was a cracked whisper and I watched as she swallowed hard, giving a shaky nod, wiping at her eyes again. "I just... I feel like a bad person cause I can't... I can't handle it." It came out trembling and Ambris shushed her softly.

"No, my child, you are not a bad person." She brushed Julieta's cheek with the backs of her fingers. "You are not a bad person because you understand your limitations, your inability to be what that little female needs right now. This is a great kindness you are bestowing upon her. She will know nothing but love under Mene's gaze while you traverse this path of yours. She will not know hardship or her mother's resentment while her mother takes time to heal. She will be safe and taken care of. You are granting her that, you are giving her love, Julieta. And that is not a bad thing, is it?"

There was a thick silence and Julieta sniffled again. "I guess not." She covered her face with her hands, sniffling again and again as if she wanted to burst into tears.

I glanced at Ambris and she reached over and gently grasped Julieta's arm. "When you feel ready, we will welcome you on Altia with open arms and Mene will guide you on the choice you need to make with all the love she has for you. Limitless and understanding, Mene will guide you." With that she turned and walked straight for the cot in the corner. She bent over, picking up the pup and moving to the door before she stopped in the doorway. "Ezekiel, remember who loves you and that they love you without reason or cause. You will figure out where you fit but know that it wasn't much of search after all. You know where you belong." She didn't look at me and I shivered under the words before she was gone. I stared after her for a moment longer. She always gave me the creeps, that didn't help matters.

I was aware Julieta was trying to stifle her sobs and I reached over and grasped her wrist. Not hard, not in a way to stop her, but simply to remind her I was there. "It kay. You have time." It was good, Ambris showing up was good. Julieta would have the time she needed to heal and that was what was important right now. She needed to heal, needed to find herself, she needed time.

"I feel horrible." It came out muffled by her hands and I shrugged.

"It kay, pup safe now." That was all that mattered, Julieta and the pup would both be safe. They would have time and what they needed so Julieta could figure out how to navigate this choice she had.

"It is... that's good." She pulled her hands from her face and I didn't let go of her wrist, following along as she set it beside her. I didn't call attention to the puffiness of her eyes or the tears on her cheeks. "I don't..." She gave a shuddering exhale that was she was trying very hard to not let be a sob. "I don't know what to do now." She swallowed hard and I shrugged as I squeezed her wrist gently.

I knew what needed to happen but it was explaining it that would be difficult.

We had to go back to where all of this started.

We had to go to Provocatio.