The morning sun was bright through the windows behind me and I could see the tired looks on some of the younger priestesses' faces. They had spent a fair amount of time last night to worship Mene during the full moon, when her eyes was open to us the widest, where she could potentially see them better. They would learn, in time, to manage their sleeping schedules better, not every full moon under Mene's wide eye needed to be seen, smaller worships were just as effective.

Mene never gave us more than we could take. If they were not capable of it, then they would not be there. They were priestesses for a reason. It was the reason for my sermon, my lesson.

"Mene, she is our guiding light." I started slow and the older worshippers nodded. I watched as the main door opened and Tulip and her gaggle of pups came in. The two former Alphas holding hands openly and Tara, the young female, following behind Tulip. I was glad to see them. Them joining my lessons was rare, so I always enjoyed seeing them coming in.

I nodded at the formidable female and she sneered, the scar pulling up her upper lip making the expression more twisted. I looked around the gathering. "She guides us in our lives and she never gives us more than we can withstand." My bare feet brushed against the stone of the raised dais I stood upon. Tulip snorted and I understood her disagreement. "Mene is not the ruler of our destinies. She does not weave or twist our life's chord, the three sisters of fate are in charge of life and death and they weave the fabric of our lives but Mene guides us all the same if we are willing to listen."

"She will never allow more than we can withstand but if the fates choose to be cruel, she is there all the same to guide us back to where we need to be. If she cannot stop our troubles, she will soothe us in the aftermath, guide us to be better." I touched the top of the stone altar as I walked along to light some incense. "Take, for instance, the lost female who was brought to us, broken, bleeding, her sanity in shattered pieces. The fates had delivered her a cruel blow that Mene left weeping, unable to help prevent the destruction wrought upon her."

"The one that caused Mene to bring about the curse for the Old Ways, right?" A young priestess held up her hand high and eager, clearly more interested now than she had when she had first come in. In fact a lot of the tired looking ones seemed more interested.

I bowed my head slightly, "The one and the same. Fate can move in strange ways and despite her powers, our mother goddess is not all knowing. Even she cannot predict the whims of fate." I struck a match and lit a few candles and the stick of incense. "But we must remember that she loves us, she guides us. Even if it seems cruel, her love is kindness." It had taken me a long time to come to terms with the way Mene loved Lilith, what she had her do to that poor unfortunate babe that had grown within her. But I understood now, that Mene's love could seem cruel but at the rawest core it was always a kindness.

"She guided that poor female to our hands and we cared for her and then Mene guided her into the hands of a new male." A new life, a blessing to Lilith from Mene, an apology that she could not change her fate, could not stop it. "With this guidance Lilith was able to change, to heal, to be better." I looked over them all. "Mene's love is both love and cruelty, fair and unfair, a great kindness and injustice. She is our dichotomy. She is both and yet none. How we see her actions, her guidance, is dependant upon how we understand her and ourselves. Her actions that once could be seen as cruelty, when you look back, can then seem as the soothing kindness they are."

I paused for a brief moment. "That female... Mene guided her to cut herself, rid her own body of a child she did not want or wish for. I viewed this... quite arrogantly, as a failing of the female, as a horrible and cruel injustice." I felt shame whenever I thought about how I had thought, so arrogant in my position. It had not been Lilith's fault, it had not been Mene's fault. Th responsibility for it all had lay with Adam, the twice cursed male that he had been. He was dead and I was glad for it. "But yet... as Mene guided Lilith onwards from the scene of that destruction, I began to see the kindness it was."

"Without that child in her belly, that female was once again able to hear Mene's voice, follow her guidance. That one act of brutality that Mene pushed her towards to get her away from an inhumane situation, allowed for that female to heal in the most compassionate of ways." Without it, I had no doubts that Lilith would still be languishing, she would not be where she was today. "She went from a silent victim, a female shackled by the male who took her by force, broken pieces of who she used to be swirling around without rhyme or reason, to someone better." I gave a soft smile as I thought of her.

"She now contributes to her pack, she spends more of her days lucid than not. She is fierce, a survivor that guides others much like I guide you. She is a sight to behold. She is well loved mate who has a male who treats her like the precious female she is, she is a full pack member, she is a helper to the healers in the pack, and she is a mother." A mother to one of the most darling males I had the pleasure of meeting. He was such a sweet little boy and Lilith loved him so. I didn't miss the smiles that spread across faces at the words. "Yes. That female, the one who Mene had guided to cut out a child who would have never been born, is once again a mother. But this one was her choice, it was her choice to bring this child into this world. It was born into a family and pack filled with love and I can see how much it has helped stitch her together."

I moved back towards the stone altar. "She came full circle, a rebirth yet not. But we can all see that something that seems like an injustice can turn into a kindness we could not fathom at the beginning." I looked over them. "Mene will never give us more than we can endure and if the fates choose to be cruel, she will give us the kindness we need. Sometimes it just takes time for it to show itself." I gave a soft smile as I looked over what a mundane priest would have called a flock. But we were wolves, not sheep.

"Time doesn't heal all wounds, priestess." Tulip snorted, crossing her arms over her chest and I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. I had been expecting an outburst from her. She quite enjoyed questioning me and my lessons. I did not mind. If my beliefs, if Mene actions, could not stand being questioned, they were not worth following. So I welcomed the questions, the challenges.

"That is true, time, patience, and a willingness to heal, heals wounds. Does that mean we will be without scars? Does that mean we will not limp or that our skin will not hesitate to stretch? Does that not mean we will have aches and pains?" I shook my head. "No. It will hurt and our lives will forever be changed by what we endured. The female I spoke of, she will never be the female she was before that male broke her. Never again will she live in a mind that has never been broken. She must endure the scars it has left her with. We all must."

"Then what's the point of calling it a kindness?" Tulip's gaze was sharp, "Was it a kindness, what happened to me?"

That had me giving pause. I had never truly communed with Mene over Tulip's path. She had been the former Head Priestess's intake. She had been there when I had arrived. "The fates need balance on this world and sometimes this means they choose people to endure what is unimaginable to make that balance." I spoke slowly, choosing my words carefully. "Mene is not in charge of the fates nor how they weave our threads of fate. What happened to you, Tulip, what happened to you, Tara, was suffering brought about by the sisters of fate, not Mene."

"As much as she is our mother goddess, we cannot blame her for all that happens to us, sometimes destiny, the fates, seeks to use our lives to balance their own scales." I moved a quartz crystal on the altar, making sure it sat just right. "They are cold in their logic, it does not matter who they make suffer, if it is fair or not, all they care about is that the balance is even. It does not matter if our personal scales tip too far with suffering. They do not have to watch us weep." I looked up at Tulip. "Mene does. She watched and she wept, Tulip, and she guided you here."

"Fat lot of good it did." She sneered and I gave a slow nod.

"Mene can lead a wolf to water, she cannot make you drink it." I gave a wry sort of smile. "You are contrary, Tulip, and she grumbles at times. She gave you a space where you can heal but that healing is your choice to make, not hers." I gave a small, amused breath. "it does not stop the fact that Mene embraced you in one of her heartlands, that she guided you to rest your weary and pained soul here. She knew you would not take the help, you are as she made you, stubborn." I quirked an eyebrow and that had her smirking, just slightly, letting me know I had won that one.

"But our journey towards healing begins and ends with us, our personal choices and decisions." I looked around to those gathered to hear me speak of Mene. "Mene can guide us but it is up to us if we listen and when it comes to our healing, it can only start if we are willing to put in the work." I clasped my hands together as I smiled. "It is our choice, to heal or not. Mene can guide us but she cannot force us."

"And for those of us who choose not to heal, to not let go of the structures we created to protect ourselves, we can never see her love as anything but unkind, unjust, and cruel." I stared at Tulip pointedly as I said it. Sometimes, without healing, we could not see the bigger picture, lost among the traumas we endured. "But I am not saying that it is not cruelty because if you view it as cruelty, it is cruelty that you have suffered. It has still marked you, changed you. Mene does jot judge us if we choose to stay still. Not forgiving those who harm us is not a fault. Nursing our pains are not a sin."

I looked them all over to ensure they had heard me correctly. "Mene does not judge us if we choose not to heal nor should we judge others. What I am saying is that without healing, without growth, we can never be strong enough to see what Mene wants for us, we cannot see the kindness she gave us. But that does not mean our weakness is a sin." I lifted my clasped hands. "But the choice to find the strength to push forward is personal, no one can judge us for it and no one else can take that journey for us either."

Without growth, we could not see.

Without growth, we were lost.

Without growth, we would all be better off as wilds.