I think it would have been better if I had decided to get a second cup of coffee.

I was in my lab on the tenth floor, debating about another cup. Eventually, I decided against it, as I had yet to outfit the break room on the tenth floor with a coffee machine, and the next nearest one was on the fourth floor, at the far end of the facility from the elevator. Best-case scenario, if someone had just made a fresh pot and there was no one else going anywhere on the elevator, it still would have taken me about twelve minutes to get there and back with my coffee. So I decided against it.

I don't remember the exact words of it, only that it was Asriel speaking on the phone, and he was in such a panic, that he "wanted a new plan" or something. I think that it was only his panic that convinced me to come quickly- he said it was the human who was sick, and, as I'm sure I've made it clear, I had no desire to help them. But Asriel was on the verge of a meltdown, and I liked Asriel.

So I found myself once again hurrying to the castle to save the human.

I got there to find they had all the same symptoms as Asgore had, but tenfold worse. They were lying, barely conscious, head and shoulders in Toriel's lap. Asgore was sitting beside the bed, holding the human's hand. Toriel was stroking their hair and humming a lullaby, simultaneously gently rubbing healing Magic into the child's chest.

I paid no particular attention to the song Toriel was humming, but the notes would lodge themselves firmly in my mind, resurfacing only many years later when my own son needed help sleeping. I-... I wish I could do that again. Hold Sans while he slept. I-...

...

... No, I-... I'm not going to get all sentimental like that again. Once was more than enough, and, quite frankly, I'd rather be telling a story than mourning my erasure.

So.

Both Toriel and Asgore looked up when I came in. I won't lie and say I didn't have a rising feeling of dread when I saw the hope in their eyes at my arrival. They thought I could save their child.

I was considerably less sure.

Still. I knelt down beside the bed and started my examination.

I did what I could. I swear I did. Even though I didn't like the human, still I tried.

But...

Eventually, I rose. Blinking a little, I stood there for a long moment, a sort of detached emptiness in my chest. Then I looked at the king and queen.

"... There is nothing more I can do. I am sorry."

They both looked horrified. It was a long time before either of them replied. "Gaster-" Asgore spoke haltingly, voice choked with desperation, "can't you- can't you do what you did for me?"

I glanced at the bandages still wrapped around his chest, just showing beneath the collar of his shirt.

I just shook my head. "No. That was-... ninety percent of that was driven by emotion, and if I tried to draw on any sort of emotion now, I would probably end up killing them myself. I-... I will not lie and say I like the human. I will not lie and say I will be sad to see them die. But you are my friends, and I realize how much they have come to mean to you. More than I want to see the human die, I want to see you happy. I-... I am sorry. I truly am. I've done all I can. I'm sorry."

There was a long moment of silence. Neither of them would make eye contact, both just looking down. Crying.

With just a little hesitancy, I reached out to set a hand on Asgore's shoulder. "If-... If I could do anything, I would. I swear I would. And-... if there is anything else I can do for you... just call, and I will be there."

Then it was time I took my leave. As I stepped out of the room, Asriel was waiting at the door.

I think that is what hurt me most. There was such hope in his eyes. He looked up at me, and I could tell he thought I could do anything.

But I could not. And-... and that is what hurt, when I just looked down at him and shook my head. Seeing the light fade from his eyes, replaced by horror and panic.

And suddenly, he was clinging to my legs, letting out panicked shouts.

I knelt down beside him, grabbing his shoulders. "... Go," I said quietly, "the human--..." you may have noticed, but even now I try as little as possible to say the human's name. Saying it makes me shudder. But then... "Your sibling needs you, Asriel. Chara needs you."

... Perhaps I should not have told him to go to them. I thought-... I thought I was doing him a favor. Trying to get him to come to terms with the human's coming demise.

Perhaps... if I had told him to stay away...

I should have gone to get the coffee. I was in my lab when the next panicked call came. Toriel, this time, barely able to string together comprehensive words. Something about Asriel and Souls and-...

I would have been on the fourth floor had I gone for the coffee. But I was not. Perhaps I could have saved him. Perhaps...

He was lying in the throne room. Big, only a few inches shy of Asgore's bulk. A long flowing robe, gently curved horns. Black streaks beneath his closed, like the tracks of dark tears, sliding to his chin.

The body of the human, pale with the chill of death, in his arms, and a fistful of golden flowers in his hand.

... The wounds that marred his body. The dust that slid off his frame with each shuddering breath.

A part of me understood what had happened. That he had absorbed the human's Soul, and crossed the Barrier.

But more than that, I understood that he was dying, and needed help.

I started forward, kneeling down at the worst of his wounds.

He noticed me, either by sound or presence or something else, and his warm eyes fell on me.

"Dr... Gaster..." he breathed, voice barely audible.

"Hush." I told him. "Save your strength."

"T-hey-... just-... wanted-... to-... s-e-e... ...t-h-e... f...l...o...w...e...r...s... ... ...a...n...d... ... ...t... ...h... ...e... ... ...h... ...u... ...m... ...a... ...n... ...s..."

That was as far as he got. That was as far as he needed to get. I understood. Humans had done this to him. Humans had wounded him like this. Humans had tried to kill him.

For the first time in a long time, I felt the fire burning in my chest. The same fire I had felt when the Barrier first blocked off the sun, the fire I felt when I had crafted all the weapons, the fire I had felt as I stood on the battlefield, laughing.

The fire that had first been ignited when I stood over Firhaur's collapsed, wounded body, screaming vengeance upon the humans. When I had first wet my hands with human blood, first slain my enemies.

For the first time in a long time, Firhaur's fire raged in my Soul, rekindling my hatred for humankind.

I have no doubt that as I worked on Asriel, tried to heal him, did everything in my power to fix his wounds, that I wore an expression much like I had on that fateful day.

I was probably screaming again, too, cursing humanity, cursing the demon in Asriel's arms that had led to this, cursing such a cruel world for taking all the light from my life.

I was furious. I had failed Firhaur. I had failed on my promise to Firhaur. I could not fail again, could not fail the small child in the body of the monster lying before me. I could not fail Asriel!

... But I have never been good at choosing my battles, have I? I failed Firhaur, I failed on my promise to Firhaur, and I was fated to fail Asriel.

I did not stop in my doomed labor until Asriel's body collapsed beneath my hands, his dust spreading across the grassy floor of the throne room.

And then I stood, my hands shaking. Stumbled back, my breath coming in panicked gasps.

I had failed.

Oh, Firhaur, I had failed!

I-...

...

I was numb, for the king and queen. In their grief, I was something solid, something for them to cling to.

But when I made it back to the lab, my lab, I-... I screamed. Threw things. Broke things. I eventually dropped to my knees, still screaming and howling and sobbing, and apologizing. Repeating, over and over and over,I'm sorry, Asriel. I'm sorry, Firhaur. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

For hours.

I do not know how long. I might have fallen asleep, there, on the floor, or maybe I was just so lost in my pent-up grief that when it began to fade, ever so slightly, it was like surfacing from the depths of oblivion.

Either way, I came to my senses, lying curled up on the floor, my face wet, trembling.

I laid there for a long time.

Eventually, I pulled myself to my feet, dried my face. Walked out of the lab. Into the elevator.

I had been alone in the lab for a long time. The news had already spread.

One of the lab employees asked me. I don't remember exactly what he said, just that I looked at him, detached and cold and numb.

Yes, I remember saying in a perfectly calm, monotone voice, I already knew. I was there.

For months after that, I think, I did my best to stoke Firhaur's fire, keep it burning bright amidst the dark gloom that had settled on the Underground.

It would be a while, though. Several years; almost twenty.

Twenty years, and then Firhaur's fire really would blaze so brightly again.

§

A/N

I almost split this into two parts, but nah. Figured I would just give you a more concentrated dose of feels, all in one chapter.

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Comments and votes are my Favorite Things, and every notification I get makes my day!