Title: The Flaws In Love

Author: _PreciousWords

General:

The storyline isn't bad it's cliche but, most books are. You have the love triangle, the MC is shy, smart, and self conscious. These are cliche. I like that you did give her flaws. She's aware that she let's lover A take advantage of her. She's smart not clueless, she does it anyway though.

To be honest I don't like either of the love interests yet. I haven't seen much of likeable moments with them. The boss was nice to get her out of the party, but he could have done that so he wouldn't be embarrassed. And Calvin is a jerk, I don't know what's up with him yet. Is it a bet? Or does he really like the MC?

I keep reading because I want to know who she ends up with. Even if the storyline is cliche. I know once her boss opens up, it could be a magical romance.

I don't want to give too much away but the whole coffee shop scenario is clever. It's a good twist throws in some extra conflict. Ew, Hank.

The biggest problem I had with reading the story is the grammar and such. The book needs editing, the writing says amateur at the moment with all of the mistakes. It's okay, that's why we edit. I pointed some out as I read. My suggestion is when you go back to edit read aloud, you catch your mistakes that way. If the words feel wrong or you stumble over a line/phrase/word change it.

If you notice repeating words change them or the sentence. Don't be afraid to use character names either.

The flow of the storyline was good
and the story made sense. I see a lot of stories on wattpad that jump around way too much. It's in first person point of view and you don't switch. Which is a relief. If it's not done right it can get confusing.

You give details of the scenes and characters. I could see the rooms, and exactly how your MC acted/dressed at certain moments.

Positive Points:
You give the readers great descriptions. You can picture the type of apartment your MC lives in, the workplace. You also feel a little bad for the MC, being in love with a jerk that takes advantage of her feelings. Even worse she knows it and can't help herself.

You give you MC flaws and strengths. Yes, she's smart but the guy she's 'in love' with is her weakness. She knows he's bad but can't help herself just like a real woman with feelings. Your MC doesn't like people or tight spaces but she doesn't have panic attacks because of it. That is refreshing. While your MC lets the love interest run over her. She will still stand up for herself with other women.

The way your characters talk is realistic.

I like the fact that your MC wasn't perfect the first day as an assistant. It's realistic to her lifestyle.

Negative Points:
You have a lot of run-on sentences and some grammar issues. Don't use and/but so much. End the sentence then start a new one.

You use 'was' in places where you should use 'were'. Readers are more comfortable with past tense phrases.

You use he/she a lot. I would suggest breaking those up and using names. Read back through the paragraph. If you see a repeat of words go back through and change them up or change the sentence. This will help your readers from getting bored.

Rating (1-10 ⭐'s)
6 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Edit the book and it should get more reads and votes.

Hope this helps. Write on! ✒️