Traverse Review

(Poetry)

I'm glad you found a way to express yourself the poems are not bad. The subjects are ones almost every teen can relate to. I think they they could have more of an impact though.

The poem about love, one line you say 'love is a thing'. The word thing is in descriptive and bland. I would replace thing with feeling, emotion, or sentiment. These are suggestions you might have a word that suits it more.

In parents poem second paragraph, last line, 'like they were there when..." You have a 'like' in the first sentence which is fine for the transition. If you took 'like' out of the beginning of the second sentence, the line would make more of an impact.

In the poem Hurt you say 'Hurt is the thing', be more descriptive. Examples hurt is a emotion we can't live without. A descriptive word or phrase about hurt being good and bad. At the end of the poem you say 'most of all, it's important', these two sentences together are bland. I'd go with something along the lines of 'most of all, hurt is the feeling that let's us know we are alive.'

Friends poem- friends are secret? This sentence doesn't really make sense unless you meant, sacred. I would change that, it doesn't go with what the poems about.

Christmas poem - the fourth line about food and drink is repetitive. I would change it to along the lines of 'With different kinds of food and drinks, that we love.' Instead 'make fun', I would say 'have fun', different meanings.

Cry Lullaby - I'd much rather you talk to me personally. This poem is more personal.

I'm Fine poem - After the first line I would put some name calling that you've heard. Example

'...

Duff

Fatty

Stupid

...' 

The words should pertain to your poem and feelings. This would make an impact but do not over do it. Two or three descriptive words would be fine.

Anti-gay violence poem you switch between you're, they and we (we're), I would stick to one or the other.

Helplessly falling - you have a misspell 'carreer' its 'career'.

09.11.19 First line I would take 'still' out, you don need it. Line 'And I just let it flow' take out 'just'.  Line 'and at some point' take out 'And'. The line 'But at least we...' take out 'But'. All of the sentences would make more of an impact without these filler words.

When you're writing poetry let it flow in the rough draft. When you do a rewrite is when you pay attention to the details like these. So great job giving emotion and meaning to your poems. I would work on taking out filler words and making your sentences have impact. -Comatose7