Title: Zanilla

Author: heartofemotion

Positive Points

The description of the woods in the prologue was perfect. I could see the surroundings.

Negative Points

For starters, you have four different POV's, one being the author. I would choose two Pov's or stick with the third person. You switch between POV's in a single chapter making it confusing.

You overuse 'he, she, him and her'. I didn't know who was speaking half the time. ' "Blah, blah, " he said. He with eyes of...' It's bland writing and just plain confusing.

Why were the Scars after her? Why did they kill her family? Is she royalty? Are they rich, powerful? It should have come out somewhere. If she doesn't know the reason then she should say that.

After her parents are killed, your MC faints at the horrific sight. Okay I can see that. She's out for two weeks though? The MC would of had to been in a coma or have something medically wrong with her. 

There are grammar mistakes, missing periods.

In the prologue, Nina was standing behind your MC angry and wasn't saying anything. Your MC tells her to shut up. Then a new paragraph for your MC to say "what am I going to do with you, Nina?" This made no sense. Which someone pointed out to you.

When we meet Zhang(whatever his name is). You describe who he is and his family in a paragraph with this * at the beginning and end. Like it was a side comment from the author. It was already in the author's POV. You should have introduced Zhang, saying he's a ruler, politician whatever in the paragraph. The whole spiel about Zhang's family was info we didn't need at that moment either.

Before you say you don't get me think about this next question. Have you ever read a successful published author that used * that for a describing paragraph? No.

The writing is spotty and screams amateur. I only read four chapters but that was enough. It's hard to read as of right now.

And when you ask for a review on your story I would take the criticism a little better next time. I get it, you like your story and think it's great.

There is a lot of editing to be done. There's plot holes. The structure needs work. The writing is amateur.

The characters are cliche. The two love interests are cliche. What makes your story unique? What separates this story from the next?

These are things to think of. I wouldn't continue reading this if this book doesn't receive some serious editing. And I wouldn't recommend it either. Most readers would be frustrated with the mistakes.

Rating ⭐
3 ⭐⭐⭐