.- ... .- . .-..

There's nothing quite like waking up in the embrace of a man, with the scent of incense permeating my nose, and an awful lot of unwelcome questions barging into my mind.

Everything was still foggy when I woke up around an hour ago, so I snuggled myself closer against my supernatural companion in hopes of getting more winks of sleep. Suddenly, something hit me, like my skin was electrified and my mind was forced into a clearer clarity of what was happening.

Of what I have just done.

God what have I done?

"Salie."

Is he awake? Wait, did he even sleep? He doesn't need to, does he?

"Be quiet."

I gulp and try not to move. Am I breathing too heavily, too lightly, or too fast? Maybe he'll think I'm still asleep if I focus on my breathing.

"Your anxiety is barging into my senses." His fingers brush my hair, nails lightly scratching at my scalp. "Hush down."

How can I? How can I just... calm down? It's impossible to ignore all these thoughts running in my head. It's impossible not to berate myself after what I did last night - what I let myself do with and to Lucifer.

I committed a big sin.

"Salie."

I went against God.

"Salie?"

Even after I pledged in the altar months ago that I will walk a new path without disobeying His teachings and His way. Never again.

"Asael."

But I did. And...!

"Asael!"

I suck in a quick, almost suffocated breath, eyes wide open staring back into Lucifer's gorgeous red eyes all dimmed in the morning light. His black hair is a curly mess, pale skin drifting to a warm tone, and he's frowning.

My shaky hands freeze as he squeezes them with one hand. After another series of gasps, I blink, letting hot, sinful tears blur his perfect image.

"And yet..." I mumble and bite my lower lip, as if saying it out loud will make it more real than it already is. As if my beating heart would stop the moment I come to terms with the truth.

I committed a sin against God. I pledged never to sleep with another before marriage anymore. I pledged never to engage in such a relationship with the same sex anymore. I pledged never to let the devil tempt me away from God. I pledged never to disobey God anymore.

I pledged to be a better person. To be a devoted follower of God. But I still couldn't do it after all this time. I failed. I sinned. I strayed. And yet...

With a gulp, the words escape me in a single, almost ragged breath, knowing that it is in my free will that I truly want to ground myself.

To let it really sink into my entire being. That...

"...It feels so right."

In another blink, the tears roll down my face, and my vision is clear again. Lucifer is no longer frowning. He seems oddly in shock.

With his loosened hold on my hands, I reach out one hand to cup his cheek and caress my thumb against his cool, yet warm skin. I could do this forever - just staring at such a sincere expression on his face that I am physically cupping in my hand. But with my entirety screaming at me after my admission, I pull away and stand up, gathering my clothes on the floor.

"Salie," he calls out softly.

"I... I need to be alone. For a while." I quickly put my clothes on, shuffling sloppily. Once done, I whisper loud enough, assured he'll hear me, "Please."

With that, I step down the stairs at a quiet, practiced pace. Descending in the darkness, where my thoughts instantly ring and echo across the walls. I reach the door and soon open it, bracing myself for the gentle rays of the sun and everything that speaks true to my senses.

Barefooted, the sand slips in between my fingers. It's cool, still a little untouched by the sun. The wind blows gently even as I reach the line where the breeze beckons the small series of waves to crash. What time is it? The sun hasn't risen properly. It's still peeking out in the horizon, coloring the world a colder tone, shading nature with a silent, peaceful stillness, and casting clarity in all my sensations.

I close my eyes. And when I open them, the world reverts back to a blurry gradient of colors. Despite the silence and serenity of the wind and the waves, with occasional seagulls croaking in the distance, there is a static noise in my head. Even with the coldness of the bubbles of the water freezing the sand on my skin, I stay still and breathe in the fresh saltiness in the air.

God, are You there? Do You see me? Hear me? Read my thoughts? I'm sure He does. He knows all. He knows everything there is to know in this world. Every single being's actions and thoughts. All the spoken and unspoken words. All the feelings and reality of our conscience.

But what does He think of all this? Of me?

Will He forgive me? Or has he forsaken me already? Is this proof of it all? Or is this just a challenge, as they call it, that I will conquer eventually once the time is right?

I gulp and ball my fists. With a deep breath, I bend my body and scream. And scream. Until the tears overflow and join the sea as it falls back. With another breath, although I'm running out of it, I let out another scream. The sound slowly becomes grating, and my throat feels itchy. Soon, the hoarseness dies down to a sob.

I clutch my face with my trembling hands. But it doesn't stop. Why am I crying? Why do I weep when I have admitted that going against God and my family feels right? Is this because of my conscience? Do these messy feelings have anything to do with the real me? What if these are simply administered emotions developed from my upbringing?

What is real in these feelings and what isn't? Are these feelings wrong? If they are, why does looking at Lucifer make it all feel so right? Like I finally belonged somewhere and found a place to fit myself in.

Like a puzzle piece mixed up in a different puzzle, forced to fit into it despite not being a part of it. Now brought back to its original set, able to freely depict the whole picture without any more falsehood and uncertainty.

I shake my head.

God is real. I can't deny that. Ever. Even on this road to straying from Him. After all, angels and the devil exist, and with the way things are going right now, there is something happening behind the scenes or beyond the plains of human existence.

For some reason, I have a role in it. I'm a puzzle piece with the role of a groom. But what if this role is only what I see and forced onto me, because they don't want me to see, know, and find what my real role in this charade is?

The question that supports this comes: so what is the role of my family in all this?

God, what is going on? Is this road I'm leading up to a part of Your 'scheme'? If everything is according to God's plan, then did He mean for me to side with the devil and question everything I was taught not to?

"I'm so lost," I mumble, my tone strained, my tears dry on my cheeks, and the sun rising up more clearly above the line where the sky meets the sea. I chuckle. It almost seems like God is enlightening me with reality.

If I interpret it that way, despite not understanding what is going on with everything around me since I met Lucifer, it almost feels like God is approving. As if... assuring me that all will make sense soon enough. I just have to wait a little longer.

I'll believe it. I'll interpret it that way. But as blasphemous as it seems, I couldn't care less anymore what everyone will think. Even God's. After all, He gives me no concrete answers. I'll trust His signs, but I can't tell whether I still care for His grace and forgiveness.

I still can't make sense out of everything. Not right now. Not when there's still too many pieces left before the puzzle is complete.

Weirdly, the more the sun brightens up the sea, casting blinding streaks of light across the waves, the more the darkness in me grows.

I shake my head again and sigh, feeling all the stress tone down inside, all the mess settling down. For now.

I close my eyes and wipe my tears. Do I now have super sense? I'm sure Lucifer is standing somewhere behind me right now. Silent and waiting, but there nonetheless.

As I exhale deeply, I turn around and meet his red eyes glistening in the light. The wind blows on his tousled hair and sways the blanket draped around his shoulders.

God, I am sorry.

The only reassurance and comfort I need is Lucifer's.

"Tell me, Lucifer." I muster the words out. "Do you know?"

He steps forward after a moment of silence, closing in the only distance between us. "Hasn't it manifested clearly enough in your senses? In your reality? I doubt it. You already know the answer."

"Do I, now?"

"You are simply seeking my consolation. You wish to find solace and assurance in my words."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"You are inquiring me about that?"

I snort. "I can't help it. I have to hear it."

"I am aware."

"So?" I ask once more.

He cups my face, making my heart race, then he kisses me and whispers against my lips, "Because you're mine."

His sweet reassurance echoes in my sense of hearing, validating everything I was sure was wrong with me.

"Is that so?" I smile, pressing our foreheads together, my hands clutching to the blanket around him.

"Yes."

"I need to hear it more." I close my eyes. "But... I only want to hear it from you."

"I will keep telling you the truth if you so desire."

I purse my lips. "And if I desire something else?"

"I will give it to you."

Is it possible to marry the devil and have him for myself forever?

"Thanks."

He reaches up to press his lips on my forehead, pulling me against him in an embrace.

"Unnecessary," he whispers to my ear, and I shiver in response to the sensation. "I am here. With you. So, it's only natural."

Being with him right here, in this moment, feels fitting. Real. Without anyone around us. It's almost like a taste of freedom.

.- ... .- . .-..

"Holy..."

Lucifer adjusts my spare sweater and sweatpants on himself. "Do you have any news?"

"Yeah." I scroll on my work phone. "So, I left my real phone in the hospital and borrowed this one, right? I asked them to tell me if there's something I really need to know."

"And?"

"My family came by the hospital again."

"But?"

I internally laugh. He knows exactly where this conversation is going.

"They're coming." I slip my phone in my pocket and stand up from the makeshift bed. "That guy snitched."

"Who?"

"The lighthouse keeper."

He scoffs. "Humans and their fragility. He must've been offered quite the stash of wealth or something even greater."

I roll my eyes. "In any case, it doesn't matter right now. We need to leave as soon as possible." Just as that escapes my lips, Lucifer grabs me by the arm and the world spins.

The world steadies again as we settle underneath the floors of the gallery, right at the ceiling of the lower floors hidden in the shadows. The only thing in sight is a fragment of the staircases.

I would ask what's up, but his hand cups my mouth gently, and his breath against my nape as he wraps his arms around me is steady and still. We are unseen where we are, which only means one thing.

On cue, car engines echo from afar, and hurried steps on the sand follow, with several distant voices. The noise grows louder, and I hold my breath as soon as the door is kicked down, flying across somewhere, making a noise in the kitchen downstairs. Soles on the wooden floorboards, then the staircases shake the ceiling and upper wall where Lucifer and I are pressing against. My eyes shoot wide as men in tuxedos all rush in front of us without being spotted due to our hiding spot's angle. The sun shines somewhere to our side, the rest of the stairs and the boards casting deep shadows where we are.

"Up here. Clear signs of living briefly in the area," one of them says.

"Affirmative," another replies. "Boss, we've secured the perimeter."

Boss? I don't think anyone's ever called any of my parents or Remi that. The voices are unfamiliar, too. So these aren't my dad's people?

"Refrain from touching anything." That voice... "Stand by."

"Yes, ma'am."

"So, they're not here?" she asks them.

I may not have heard her voice enough, and the way she is speaking right now is much more composed, loud, and clear, but the silvery tone hanging by it is familiar. And this presence as she climbs up is eerily akin to that same angelic atmosphere at church during my failed wedding day.

As the person reaches the level where Lucifer and I are, her face comes into full view from my angle. My throat feels dryer than it already did. Fair skin, dirty blonde hair, and blue eyes. There's no mistaking it.

It's my fiancée.

.- ... .- . .-..

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