Zee

"You almost killed us, Zee!" Nick said while opening the door.

"As you can see we both are very much alive, Nick."

Nick offered to teach me how to drive last week and we just had our first lesson. I thought It'll be a good idea if we got ice cream on my first day of learning how to drive, so that's where we are right now.

"That doesn't make it okay Zee. We could've died and you know that." Nick said, walking toward our seats.

"Stop being so dramatic. We wouldn't have died." I followed him.

"You were going way past the speed limit and it was your first time driving a car. Ever! We could've easily died." Nick gestured to Sia to give us our regular order.

"Okay first of all it's not exactly my fault. I thought about going a little over the speed limit. I didn't think the car would go so fast. And come on we're both okay no need to make such a big deal about it."

"It wasn't a little. And it was a big deal, it was irresponsible and dangerous Zee you know it."

That makes me feel a little guilty. It was irresponsible of me to not listen to Nick and go past the speed limit. Actually, it was stupid of me.

"Yes. You're right." I admit. "It was my first day driving and I was so excited that I thought it'll be fun to drive a little fast but it was incredibly stupid of me. I didn't know what I was thinking, I'm sorry."

He sighed. "I'm sorry too. I guess I was pretty hard on you. Shouting and all."

"Yeah, you were shouting a lot."

"I was telling you to pull over because I thought I was gonna die!"

"C'mon buddy I was not gonna let you die."

"Oh, I forgot that The Great Zee was there to protect me."

"Yeah. She was and she always will be, buddy." I patted his back.

He shook his head at me. Sia gave us ice creams. Earlier this week, Nick gifted Sia with his motorcycle, and she was thrilled. We heard about her plans to flex it in college. He rode it one last time before giving it to her. When I asked him if he had second thoughts about giving it away, he said no. It was the last ride that convinced him to give it away more than ever before. He felt relieved after giving it away.

I nudge Nick's elbow with mine. "It was kinda fun wasn't it?"

He doesn't look at me and replies, "It was irresponsible and dangerous. But it was a little fun."

"See! I told you it'll be fun."

He hid his smile from me. I noticed he does that a lot but detective Zee always notices it.

"Have you forgiven me completely yet?" He asked after a few beats.

I completely forgot that I was mad at him.

"Oh yeah completely."

"Well after you almost killed me the least you can do is forgive me."

"For the last time, you weren't going to die!"

"You don't know that."

"And you called me dramatic?"

"I'm not being dramatic. I could've—"

"Nick," I cut him. I put my hand on his shoulder so he takes me more seriously. "You're being dramatic."

He rolled his eyes. "So school's starting next week." He changed the subject.

"Yeah." I grimaced.

"You don't like school?"

"Absolutely not. Hate it. You?"

He shrugged. "I don't hate studying or learning. I just don't like people that much."

"I don't like either of those things. I don't want to study nor do I want to be in a place with so many people. I didn't graduate high school to do it all again." I put my head on the counter.

"Well if you've already graduated then wouldn't it be easy for you? You might not have to study that much."

I straighten up and laugh at this. "I forgot everything I learned the second I submitted my answer sheet. My brain is completely blank buddy."

"Were you in college? You didn't say anything about that."

I love that he asks me things about my old life even though I know he doesn't completely believe me. But still, he's trying because he trusts me. This makes my heart feel so warm.

"I didn't go to college or couldn't go to college. I used to work at a cafe and I had to do all the chores at home because that was the only reason my father let me live there. The money which I earned was not enough for me to even move out. College was completely out of the question."

Nick looked furious. His jaw clenched. His dark eyes turned even darker. "I hate that this happened to you."

"I know buddy." Our conversation turned too serious and too fast. I'm not really comfortable with serious emotional conversations when it has something to do with me.

"Are you excited about school?" I asked changing the subject.

If he notices my poor attempt at changing the subject he doesn't point it out. I'm glad he doesn't. "I wouldn't say 'excited'. It's okay. I don't mind the classes. I just don't want the amount of attention I get when I don't even want it. Why don't they give that much attention to the people who actually want it?"

"It feels weird when they stare at you way too much right?"

"Oh yeah completely. Sometimes I feel like they are undressing me with their eyes." He shuddered at the thought.

"Being hot really is a struggle," I tell him because I genuinely feel it. I had an average face and I was insecure about it at first. When no guys showed any interest in me. No one in my life ever said I was pretty or beautiful or even cute. It became one of my biggest insecurities. A lot of people say that "looks don't matter" and all that shit when deep down we know that it does matter to some extent.

But when I was in my junior year there was a girl in my class who was the prettiest girl in the whole school. So many guys and girls asked her out and when I saw that I realized I don't want that. At all. I felt bad for her. It must be so exhausting dealing with so many people every day. I also realized that she'll have a difficult time differentiating between people who genuinely care about her and people who only like her because of her looks.

After this, I saw myself in the mirror and asked myself. "If someone else had this face would you have criticized that person as much as you do?" And the answer was I wouldn't. Because that's a really bad thing to do. And frankly, I didn't look that bad. I actually like, no love my face. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and we shouldn't do that. Life is already hard as it is. The least we could do is love ourselves unconditionally. And in my case, it's not like anyone else would.

"Did you just say I'm hot?" He asked, breaking my chain of thoughts.

"You know I'm sure Zach is excited about school," I said, immediately changing the subject.

"Yeah, he is pretty excited. Nonstop talking about how this is our last year of high school. We should constantly make memories and all that can we go back to the part where you called me hot?"

"We should take a picture! Zach is right we should make memories and this is a memory. Sia, can you take a picture of us?" I hand her my phone.

I smiled while looking at the camera and not thinking about the guy sitting beside me who I accidentally called hot. Sia raises her eyebrows looking beside me.

"Don't think we are not going to talk about how you called me hot," Nick whispered in my ear.

My head whipped toward him. He turned his entire body toward me. His hand rested on the counter and the back of my chair. There was too much closeness between his face and mine, as he stared at me. It was hard for me to break his gaze. In close proximity, his eyes appeared darker. Aren't people supposed to look a little ugly up close? How is this person still looking so damn handsome?

The sound of a click ended our staring contest. Sia gave me my phone. "Nice picture." She winked. I gave her my phone back and said, "We are taking another photo, and this time." I looked at Nick, "You're going to look at the camera and smile." I turn him toward the camera, not failing to notice a hint of a smile on his face which he's trying to hide.

It would be great if the camera didn't show how much I'm blushing. My heart sped up a little faster as I tried to digest what just happened. 

Sia clicks the photo and returns my phone to me. Our eyes are fixed on the picture. While his one hand is still behind my chair, I can clearly see that I am blushing, but I am focusing all my attention on Nick because he is smiling. In fact, he's grinning. It's insane how gorgeous he looks. The sight of him smiling makes me so happy. I enjoy seeing him happy.

"I'm gonna make this photo my phone wallpaper," I tell Nick.

"Why?"

"Because I want to." I shrugged.

I changed my wallpaper and showed it to him.

"Can we go back to our previous conversation now?"

"We should go, it's getting late," I said getting up from my seat and heading out.

"Yeah sure, Zee, run away from conversations, that's what adults do," Nick called behind me.

Ignoring him I went outside. While heading toward the car I checked the other photo and stopped in my tracks. The photo shows how focused we are on each other. The way we are looking at each other in the photo suggests that we are unaware of what is going on around us.

It was so hard for me to notice the small smile on his face during the picture since I was focusing on his eyes. His eyes make me feel as if he was really looking at me. Not Zee Thompson. Not Zee Meyers. Just Zee. When I turned around I saw him approaching me.

Yeah, No one's going to love me.

Right?

......................

It's the first day of high school and I miraculously have completed all the steps I had planned in my mission.

I still can't believe I did it.

I don't remember exactly how I did it but who cares?! I'm Nick's friend, he got rid of his motorcycle and he smiled at me. On top of that, he also offered to give me a ride to school? I feel like this is all a really vivid dream and if it is I refuse to wake up. I'm going to sleep forever.

But I can't go to sleep right now because I have to go to this stupid school. Last year when I finally graduated high school I felt so free. No more classes. No more annoying classmates. No more irritating teachers but more importantly no more studying!

And now I have to do it all over again. The thought of skipping school vanished as soon as it came to my mind because:

1. Zee's parents have spent their money and I can't let it all go to waste.

2. I have to keep an eye on Nick and Olive and make sure they interact as little as possible.

Nick and James both met Olive on the first day of high school. Whereas James fell for her at first sight Nick took his time and I'm going to take advantage of that. Make sure he doesn't fall in love with her and break his heart in the process and to do that I'll keep Nick as far away from Olive as possible.

It would've been easier if the book showed Nick's perspective as well. If it showed exactly when, why, and how he fell in love with her it would've made my job a little easier, all I know is what Nick told Olive in the book and mostly he told her how she made him feel. And how he'll try to make her the happiest person on earth if she'd give him a chance.

She didn't.

I respect that, I don't have any problem with that.

You don't like the guy? Okay.

Nothing wrong with that.

But calling him whenever you need him and pushing him away saying, "I don't love you, why don't you get that?" That shit is wrong!

You're the one who called him in the middle of the night crying and told him to come over because you fought with James—which also could've been solved if you'd have just talked to the guy—and when he did you're the one who told him to stay the night.

What the fuck did you do in the morning? Kicked him out and told him not to take advantage of your vulnerability.

Jesus.

Nick slept on the couch when you're the one who told him to sleep on the bed. He was constantly saying he should go home but reluctantly stayed because he couldn't say no to you when you were crying like that.

There were a lot of reasons to not like Olive's character but always misunderstanding and blaming Nick was the top one in my mind.

What did the guy even do to you?

All the students in school told her that Nick was the "Bad Boy" of the school so she believed them and whenever something bad happened she blamed Nick again and again and again. Without proof. Just straight out said, "Nick probably did this."

I'm glad nobody died because I'm sure Olive would've somehow found a way to blame him even for that.

It also would've been a little easier if I wasn't so sleepy today. I didn't sleep all night. I was watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and then when I glanced out the window I noticed the sun had come up.

Time, am I right?

I was planning to go back to sleep when I remembered I had school. I got ready and headed toward Nick's place to eat. Normally I don't eat breakfast there because I sleep at that time but Sara told me to come and eat. Who am I to reject her food?

Today Sara made sandwiches.

Let me rephrase that. Sara made the world's best sandwiches.

I have no idea what Joey's favorite sandwich tasted like but if it was anything like this then I also would jump in front of a bullet to save this sandwich.

Nick arrived minutes after I started eating. I received a nod from him when he came down. Taking out orange juice from the fridge, he filled a glass with it. He was not even surprised to see me like it was perfectly natural for me to eat his food at his house, and considering the last few weeks, I felt the same.

A glass of juice was placed beside my plate as he sat across from me. Since I was too tired to thank him, I simply smiled at him. He gave me the famous Nick Miller nod.

Sara kissed his forehead and said goodbye. I waved at her, having no energy to speak yet.

"Why do you look so tired?" Nick asked.

"I didn't sleep last night," I mumbled.

"Why?"

"I was busy watching the love of my life." Taking a sip of juice, I relaxed. It was clear from his eyebrow raise that he was asking me to elaborate.

"I was watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine," I explained. "Detective Jake Peralta is the love of my life."

"Today is the first day of school and you spent the whole night watching TV?"

"It's not exactly my fault. I was going to sleep after watching one more episode and the next thing I know it was morning! Time is really weird buddy."

"What were you doing all summer? Why didn't you watch it then?"

"Oh, I've already watched the show a zillion times before. I was re-watching it."

He tilted his head to the side. "Let me get this straight. You didn't sleep last night to watch a show you've already watched many times before."

"Yes." I nodded. "I even remember all the dialogues."

"What is wrong with you?"

I chuckled."We don't have time to cover that buddy. We have to go to school."

Standing up, he shook his head at me. He gestured for me to come out after taking out his keys. Together, we reached his car. Sitting in his car has become almost second nature as well. I've been driving it since last week and let me just say I'm a pretty good driver. Even Nick said that.

Fine, he said that I'm not that bad of a driver, which is a very big compliment coming from Nick and I've only driven a car for a week.

"Are you sure you won't pass out in the hallway? You look like you would." He said while buckling up.

"It's really sweet of you to worry about me buddy. But relax, I won't pass out because of not sleeping one night. It can happen if I don't sleep for 3 nights."

"You sound like you have experience with that."

"That's because I do. So don't worry, I'm fine."

Despite looking at me like he didn't believe me, he still started driving without saying a word. 

First day of high school.

Here goes nothing.