Achieving Unbroken
Chapter Twenty Two

—

"What did I do?
'Cause every time I turn around I'm back down to one,
Tell me why if feels like I'm still on the run"
Good News | Ocean Park Standoff

—

Jason
[Monday, May 20th, 2018 - After School]

The door slams shut behind me as I walk into my moms' apartment. Mama is hunched over the counter, scrolling through her phone with a blank look on her face and a full plate of food next to her. I frown.

"Hey, Mama," I approach her, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She snaps up, like she hadn't realized I had come home, and gives me a small smile.

"Hi, Love."

I roam to the other side of her and gesture to the perfect sandwich on the plate to her left.

"Why haven't you eaten?" She looks caught, and tries to laugh it off.

"Oh, gosh, I didn't even realize that was there. I just got really distracted, is all. Theresa was texting me and asking if she could have a day off next week, and I got lost from there. You know me and my phone addiction," she pulls the plate towards her and lifts the sandwich to take a bite, but after she does, she pulls back. "Hm. It's cold now. I'll throw it in the microwave and get some water."

Mama picks the plate up with two hands and tries to walk around the kitchen island to the microwave, but sways a little, and ends up resting the plate on the counter again. Her hands clutch the edge of the counter for support, while I rush over and grab her lightly by the elbow, ready to hold her up. It's in this position that I can really see how sunken in her eyes are, and the grayish hue that her skin has taken. Her hair is wispy and thin.

"Mama," I mumble. "Have you eaten today at all?"

She lifts her head to look at me. Her eyes are filled with regret and the corners of her lips are pulled down.

"I may have forgotten breakfast," she admits. Just as I am about to reprimand her, she interrupts. "There was an emergency at the cafe, I needed to monitor some orders coming in, and—"

"And you own a goddamn cafe, you couldn't have had Jeff make you an egg?"

"—And then there were order forms that I left here and had to pick up, and on my way back I brought the girls to school, and then I hung around the cafe to make sure everything was running smoothly. I just forgot."

"You've been forgetting for awhile, Mama," I say through gritted teeth. "And God knows what Mom has been doing! Willow better make sure that she's ordering breakfast, lunch and dinner for Mom while she's holing herself up in that office."

"Your mother has been working very hard, Jason, and I understand that it's been hard that she hasn't been home as much, but—"

"'But that's her coping method', I know. You've told me. I just..." I try to think of how to put this without sounding heartless. "You guys felt the loss. And you felt it hard. I did too. And you know what? I'm trying to make my peace with it. I'm confronting the issue head-on, in favor of avoiding my family, starving myself or turning myself into an asshole. I just wish that you and Mom could do the same. There's still three kids in this family and two of them are little girls who are here full time and are having their brother painting their nails and helping them with their hair instead of their moms. I want you and Mom to make peace with it yourself."

I don't want to hear Loraine say anything else. So, I spin around, grab the keys off of the counter, and walk back towards the door I just walked through.

"The girls will be out soon," I yell over my shoulder. "I'll pick them up."

And I shut the door behind me.

—

As I sit in the car, waiting for the girls to get out, I think about how Lilla wasn't at lunch with us today. Remembering my conversation with Patrick, I feel the need to tell her about how I seemed to have gained a friend. My phone sits inside of the center console, so I fling it open and grab the phone, opening my text thread with Lilla.

Me: hey, missed u @ lunch today

So, it's a little pathetic, but it'll do if I can get her to respond. My phone buzzes a few seconds later.

Lilla: Hey! Yeah, sorry, I had something to take care of

Me: Piper gave me little details

Me: Is everything ok w Maxwell?

It takes her a few minutes to respond. The message bubble pops up with the ellipsis, and then it disappears, and then it shows up again. The cycle continues.

Finally, another message comes in.

Lilla: Yeah, it's fine. We just decided to end our arrangement.

The message is direct and short, and I try to interpret whether or not she's actually upset about her and Maxwell's "arrangement" ending. Do I need to comfort her? Do I say "oh, that sucks, but someone called me their friend today"? I decide on the classic check in, and see where she takes it from there.

Me: Damn, I'm sorry... Are you ok?

This time, she responds immediately.

Lilla: Don't be sorry, I'm fine. If anything, he's more upset than I am. I think he was hoping to be more than an arrangement. I was never looking for that.

When I read that, something in me stops.

I was never looking for that. Looking for an actual relationship? Was, as in she is now? Is it the commitment, or the emotional attachment, or something else?

Lilla: But it honestly doesn't matter. I kinda initiated the end, and while it's too bad that I'm not gonna have the same friendship with him, I didn't want our relationship to escalate. Simple as that.

Lilla: How was your day?

Just as the message comes through, I hear a bell — identical to the one that Bringham has — sound around the school campus, and small bodies begin flowing out of classroom doors. I don't answer her, instead getting out of the car and waiting until I see small blonds running around the corner of the building.

"Diamond! Sapphire!" I wave. They turn their heads in unison and their eyes fall onto me; faces lighting up with smiles.

"Jacey!" Diamond squeals, jumping into my arms while Sapphire clutches my leg. I put her down and crouch to their level, eyes flicking from one girl to the other. They both beam at me.

"Nice hat," I nod at Sapph, noting that the baseball cap she's wearing is mine. "How were your guys' days?" Diamond jumps in to tell me first.

"Claire and I played fairies at recess and I was the garden fairy like Rosetta in Tinkerbell!"

"Seriously? Rosetta is my favorite!" I exclaim, watching Diamond get even more excited. Then, I look at Sapphire, who already has her favorite event of the day ready to tell.

"I was playing soccer and I kicked Johnny in the shin! He started crying and sat out for the rest of recess. But now he isn't going to try and steal my juice boxes ever again."

Honestly, I can't help but smile. Does my little sister have violent tendencies? Maybe. Are they kinda influenced by how often I like to play-wrestle with her? Most definitely. I ruffle Sapph's hair.

"Okay, you two crazies. Get in the car, we're going out for ice cream, but don't tell Moms."

They both cheer, and jump into the backseat. When I see my phone sitting on the center console, I remember that I need to respond to Lilla. But I can't text and drive... I unlock my phone, already on the texting thread, and pass it on to the small hands of my sisters.

"Can you guys type in what I say?"

"Who's... Lilla?" Diamond inquires. I shake my head, pulling the three of us out of the parking lot.

"A friend. Can you text for me?"

"You have a girlfriend?" Sapphire pipes up. I grunt.

"Sure. Can you please text her for me?"

The girls don't respond, and I look in the rear view mirror to see them both hunched over the cellphone, giggling.

Shit.

"Guys, what are you writing?" I demand. "Hey! Wanna loose phone privileges?"

Privileges that they never had to begin with? God, kid. I guess Lilla's gonna have to help you with your family interactions also.

They continue giggling, and ignoring me. Frustrated, I huff, and turn the volume up on the radio which is blaring Hunger Strike by Temple Of The Dog. I mumble the words to it, and after a few more minutes, we finally park on the street and I turn my body around to face the girls.

"Phone. Now." The two of them pout, and Diamond juts her hand out, phone right in front of me. I pull it from her hands and turn back around, going to sift through the messages that they sent.

"Can we get ice cream now?" Sapphire whines, and I hold my finger up.

"One minute, Cutie."

And then I start reading.

Lilla: How was your day?

Me: Im roseta!

Lilla: um... jace?

Me: I kiked a boy in the shin

Lilla: Who is this? Did your sisters take your phone?

Me: do u like are broter

Lilla: Yes, I do. He's very nice!

Me: u shuld mary him

Lilla: well, him and I are a little young for that, haha! But you're very sweet. Have a good time with your "broter" :) Tell him I'll talk to him later!

My head falls into my hands. God, could these girls be more extra if they tried?

"Ice cream!" Diamond screams, feet slamming into the back of my seat. I throw my hands up in surrender.

"Okay, okay, Jesus!" I cup my hands over my mouth. "Shit, don't tell Moms I said that in front of you." I cover my mouth again. "Crap, or that!"

I help them out of the car and we walk hand-in-hand into a quaint bakery that has ice cream and other deserts. The twins make a beeline for the ice cream freezer, and I look on, smiling to myself.

"Jason?" I hear to my left. When I turn to the side, I see a blond girl facing me, and another girl with golden hair and an unforgettable face angled in her chair to look at me.

"Hey, Lilla."