❝ story ❞

"cormorantstar?"

makopaw pawed at the vines that grew over the den entrance, not daring to enter without permission. their heart seemed to claw at their ribcage, but they wouldn't let it, or the worms squirming in their stomach, make them barge in.

"come in, makopaw"

someone else's voice followed the first one- a deeper one that rumbled even lower than cormorantstar's. then, "it's fine, crestlion. let's hear what he has to say. no cat would ask for me without reason, not even an apprentice."

makopaw's gut twisted over itself at the word he.

taking a deep breath, makopaw stepped through the green barrier. there sat two cats: one was a broad-shouldered she-cat with fur the colour of marigold and eyes the colour of ferns. to her left was a smaller, sleeker tom with medium-length, smoky black fur and a silver undercoat that shone most prominent on a shaggy silver mane. his olive green eyes seemed to read every fragment of makopaw's being.

"sit down, makopaw." cormorantstar blinked slowly, and makopaw could only stare at him in return. those eyes, and his deputy's eyes combined to the mix, unnerved them.

when they could move their legs, makopaw sat. shivering, they tried to meet the golden she-cat crestlion's gaze, but with her enormous size and muscle, she looked intimidating. then she noticed makopaw's scared expression and lowered her gaze, pretending to groom her chest with long licks.

"what seems to be the matter?" cormorantstar asked in an effort to ease makopaw's tension. "is it your own troubles, or did someone else send you here?"

"um, no one sent me here directly..." makopaw kneaded the ground and stared downwards. "but i did come here because of someone else... oh why did i even come here, you're right." makopaw growled sharply. they prepared to rise, still not looking at either of the cats in front of them. "fallowstalk wouldn't listen to me, and he's my mentor!"

"fallowstalk is just a warrior." crestlion raised her head to gaze at makopaw. "and here we are, your deputy and your leader." crestlion nodded at cormorantstar, and the tom smiled at makopaw.

"we will hear you out, makopaw. you have our word."

"... are you... sure?"

"certain. it's our duty to watch over the clan, is it not?"

makopaw breathed. "... okay. okay."

"... well, a-are you two aware of... of cats who don't want to be associated with... um, with being either male or female...?"

cormorantstar and crestlion glanced at each other.

"well, flutterdaze did mention something like that a pawful of moons ago..." crestlion started, frowning.

"-but she never brought it up after that, and has shown no discomfort at being identified as a she-cat," cormorantstar finished.

"why not listen to them?" makopaw questioned idly. they tossed up some dirt with their paw, still not looking their clanmates in the eyes. "they could just be resigned to hearing themselves being misnamed over and over again- i don't know how they take it."

"i suppose i wouldn't like it if cats called me a tom. tell me, makopaw," crestlion rumbled, "have you spoken to flutterdaze about this?"

makkopaw shook their head, suddenly self-conscious. now cormorantstar and crestlion were bound to ask them why they were so sure of flutterdaze's discomfort.

"... makopaw, i have to commend your concern, but how do you know that flutterdaze is really feeling bothered?" cormorantstar studied makopaw carefully.

"because... because i feel bothered by it, and flutterdaze... they're the same as me." the words rushed out of makopaw in a muffled mumble, their muzzle scrunched with worry and fear, although they couldn't place exactly why they were still nervous.

... wait, they don't know that i'm-!

"ah, that explains a lot."

makopaw looked sharply up to crestlion nodding. "it explains why you came in order to defend something that you otherwise may never have noticed. it also explains the confidence that brought you here."

"so you would prefer us not to refer to you as a tom anymore, makopaw?" cormorantstar asked.

"t-that would be nice. thank you." makopaw squared their shoulders, abashed. they hadn't expected cormorantstar to take it so easily.

"well, there's no point in making a big deal out of it," cormorantstar reasoned, "though you will have to tell your peers yourself."

at this, ice pierced makopaw's heart. tell them themselves? but they already knew that at least one cat would deny it.

"cormorantstar, i can't do it myself... i'm sorry, but fallowstalk will never believe me. he ignored me once, and he'll probably do it again and just keep on..." makopaw deflated, their body's energy finally giving in to their mental battle. "i dunno, brushing me off? he'll just repeat what he said about me being 'confused' or whatever."

cormorantstar tilted his head, pondering. "fallowstalk..." he mused.

"cormorantstar?"

"your mentor said that to you?"

"... yes." makopaw shifted his haunches, half from eagerness, of wanting to know what was happening in cormorantstar's brain, and half from nervousness at cormorantstar's sudden sort-of interrogation.

"rest assured, makopaw, i believe your word. still... i'd like to have a word with him. can you tell him that i sent for him? and tell him to bring along flutterdaze as well."

"y-yes, cormorantstar." makopaw rose to leave and turned to the den entrance.

"makopaw."

makopaw glanced back to see crestlion with a faint smile on her face.

"thank you for confiding in us. you were brave today."

***

"just a word, fallowstalk." cormorantstar casually tucked himself into his nest, yawning. "has makopaw told you anything out of the ordinary recently?"

the clan leader faced two of his warriors, the same ones that he had told makopaw to summon. the cat on his left was a dainty cat, a brown and white tabby whose dark brown gaze never left her companion- a brown tabby tom who stared squarely and fixatedly at his leader.

"certainly, cormorantstar. he has made... mentions of feeling, ah, foreign in his identity as a tom. he claimed not to associate with gender as a whole."

"and what did you say to makopaw in return?"

"only what i should've said. i tried to let him understand that he should feel comfortable in his own skin, and that he should relax in due time." fallowstalk's yellow eyes narrowed. "unfortunately, he fled before i could get through to him. he was too distraught."

beside him, flutterdaze flinched almost invisibly, and the tiniest hint of malice shone in her gaze as she leered at fallowstalk.

cormorantstar seemed to consider fallowstalk's answer. "what do you think, flutterdaze?" cormorantstar's olive eyes reached flutterdaze, his expression carefully neutral.

flutterdaze blinked in surprise and stared at their leader. "what i think? well..." flutterdaze glanced sideways at fallowstalk before they gave their answer.

"i think that fallowstalk is being just bit insensitive... then again, what do i know?" flutterdaze gave a small, exasperated sigh. "it's true that most of the cats here see everyone as either male or female. fallowstalk didn't do anything unexpected- that's not to say that he wasn't wrong." flutterdaze scowled at fallowstalk, whose stare hadn't moved from cormorantstar.

fallowstalk flicked his ear as if swatting away a fly that was buzzing too close for comfort. a scowl that mirrored flutterdaze's started to show on his face, too. "and we're supposed to just pretend like this unorthodox- this unprecedented decision is not to be questioned? makopaw showed no signs of even questioning-"

"cats take time to realize themselves, fallowstalk!"

"both of you, quiet." cormorantstar rose to his paws and stretched in his nest. neither warrior said anything after their leader's firm command, only glaring at each other, fire seething in both pairs of eyes.

"flutterdaze," cormorantstar began, "makopaw has brought to my awareness that your request to not be called a she-cat has been largely ignored. does it still bother you?"

flutterdaze whirled onto cormorantstar, suddenly surprised. "after all this time- quite so, yet no one has shown to care." a snarl edged flutterdaze's meow, and their eyes started to slit. "but i'm not the same cat that i was born as, and i'm not defined by what other cats think i am. it's not a choice." a soft growl rose in flutterdaze's throat, and they glared sideways at fallowstalk.

"you've been kind to your apprentice so far, fallowstalk, but where they were the most vulnerable, all you did was fool them into believing that you were trustworthy and prove them wrong."

fallowstalk scoffed and turned his face away. "it is my duty to make makopaw a capable deltaclan warrior, not to let him be caught up in sudden whims and flimsy hogwash. he'll grow out of it eventually."

"actually, fallowstalk, makopaw has requested that we don't call them a 'him' from now on."

fallowstalk glared wide-eyed at cormorantstar. the two toms' gazes met- furious and calm on opposite ends.

"you say that makopaw's whims are not to be taken seriously, but how can you prove it? how can you possibly know how makopaw feels?"

"h-he's just an apprentice!" fallowstalk spluttered. "he doesn't know any better."

"cut the excuses! i was a full warrior when i told twistedstripe, and then word spread- actually, fallowstalk, i'm older than you! age clearly doesn't matter to you as much as you say it does; otherwise, you'd have respected my identity from the start."

"flutterdaze, stand down!" cormorantstar's gaze flicked to the brown cat, and they turned away, lip curled, but now silent. "and fallowstalk," cormorantstar added, turning to the brown tom with sternness written on his face, "i can't believe i'm saying this, but you really need to learn how to be more sensitive."

"you don't get to decide how important something is to another cat. you say that their claim came from a mere phase and should therefore be quelled. but why does that mean that it should be shunned? the moon too exists in phases; would you scorn it for changing its face every night? just because makopaw is different doesn't mean that they must be silenced and ignored."

cormorantstar sighed to himself and closed his eyes. for a while, he merely stood there, his dark fur making him almost invisible in the den's shade.

"... fallowstalk, you are dismissed. and make sure that flutterdaze and makopaw are both treated with their inate rights, understand?"

fallowstalk looked like he wanted to say something, but a glare from cormorantstar made him swallow his words, nod, and turn tail.

"flutterdaze, i apologize for not noticing your discomfort earlier." cormorantstar meowed after fallowstalk's departure. he met his warrior's gaze without fear- in fact, it was still flutterdaze who looked the most flustered. "judge us as you will, but we were simply conditioned to think-"

"cormorantstar, no, don't say those things," flutterdaze stammered. "you didn't mean any harm."

"but fallowstalk did- or at least, he was staying stubbornly oblivious." cormorantstar frowned at the mention of the tom's name. "how could you even survive with such mediocrity?"

flutterdaze hesitated. "... well, i was born a she-cat, so maybe i was just... too used to it." the brown tabby's tone was dismissive, resigned.

"... but unlike me, makopaw spoke up for themselves. i wish i'd had that much courage."

cormorantstar hesitated. "then how did you last for so long without saying anything more? everyone thought that your statement was but a flighty one, so we just kept on viewing you the same way we did before."

flutterdaze pawed the ground and raised their head to meet cormorantstar's face, speechless for a while, but not out of shock, not in a bad way. they merely seemed to be calcuting her words.

"anyone can present as 'normal'", flutterdaze finally meowed, "if they silence themselves enough."

"the world sees cats like makopaw and i as 'defects'. we don't fit in. the world wants us to conform to what it created us to be, yet here we are, different but not knowing why, unique but forced into the image of monotony. cats like fallowstalk make our existence all that much harder, but through the trials of living as myself in silence, i've learned one thing." flutterdaze's eyes flashed. "give in, and you always win as an illusion. speak out, and you may win or lose as yourself."

flutterdaze stopped to take a shuddering breath. "we may be different, but we still belong. for me, in search of belonging, i forgot myself. makopaw, however, was wise enough to demand both."

a fragile silence stretched in the small den as cat stared at cat and will rose to meet will- but not in opposition.

...

... instead, these two wills wanted only one thing in that moment- acceptance. acceptance for the ones who were denied it, yet needed it. acceptance that would last until the end of time, unquestioned, proud and strong.

"can i ask a favour of you, flutterdaze?"

flutterdaze nodded.

"you saw how fallowstalk was just now," cormorantstar meowed, "and how rooted in his own beliefs he is. he isn't afraid to ignore others in order to keep his own conservative boundaries."

"i can't change his mind," flutterdaze murmured.

"i'm not asking you to. fallowstalk is clearly not a good influence on makopaw, or on any other cat, because although he can be kind, he's proved that can also be ruthless to anyone with whom he disagrees. therefore, i can no longer trust him with the future of any of our clan."

"but he's not your deputy, crestlion is." flutterdaze tore her gaze away, nestling their head in their own shoulder. "so as long as you prevent him from taking the position in the future..."

"no, flutterdaze. not that either." cormorantstar flicked his tail. "what i'm asking, flutterdaze, is whether or not you would be willing to take makopaw as your first apprentice."

flutterdaze snapped to attention as cormorantstar continued. "it is evident that i must take fallowstalk's apprentice away from him. as long as he remains this... insensitive... fallowstalk has no right or reason to influence any deltaclan cat. but for makopaw, the story is quite different. they are in need of a safe environment, and since you can see best through their eyes, i think that you would be the best choice as makopaw's new mentor." cormorantstar smiled at flutterdaze. "so what do you say?"

flutterdaze could only stare dumbfounded at their leader. a storm of wordless thoughts whirled in their head, coalescing into just one emotion:

relief.

"of course. i'll do my best to continue makopaw's training..." flutterdaze smiled to themselves. "and to teach them that they're valid just as they are."

***

[ A/N i have an idea that i was originally gonna use for this chapter but i'm saving it for the next one so stay tuned @ that one person who reads all my stuff but never comments or votes ]

suffice to say, makopaw's self-esteem improved greatly after they had a cat who accepted them for who they were.

a moon after their re-apprenticeship, makopaw's proclamation to the clan was, at first, met with some outcry, except from flutterdaze and from cloudypaw, whose reaction, to the embarrassment and gratitude of makopaw, was to meekly apologize for her calling them masculine.

but it didn't bother makopaw anymore. the past they could leave behind. now, they got to be them.

within a few moons, most of deltaclan recognized makopaw and flutterdaze as neither tom nor she-cat, to the former's joy and the latter's relief. especially since meadowsun and sleekriver, makopaw's parents, didn't seem to mind, as long as makopaw was happy.

which is how it should be.

it was an unspoken rule by then, after moons passed: no cat should be condemned for their gender. that was little more than being misogynistic or misandristic but for cats like flutterdaze and makopaw.

all that stemmed from a brave, public cry from an apprentice, after their predecessor was ignored.

for this reason and more, makopaw earned the name makocry, for their pride, for their confidence in themselves, and their openness and willingness to show themselves in the face of opposition like fallowstalk.

fallowstalk... wonder what he's up to?

❝ winners ❞

first place: shadedatlas with makocry

second place: hushh--child with makovine [ had to knock you down for using something they were insecure about in the reasoning ]

third place: Rena_Kalosia with makoflame

❝ honourable mentions ❞

onlyryan with makodance [ maybe if you hadn't called them 'he' in your comment, i'd have considered it *pouts* you're a nb person yourself, you rat ]