{E Pluribus Unum, Part II}

"How many times do I have to tell you, dipshits? I don't work for the government!"

Alice's interrogation had been going on for only about five minutes, and she was already fed up. She wasn't even scared—she knew she could handle whatever the Russians tried to throw her way.

But she worried about her friends, and being worried made her frustrated, and being frustrated made her sarcasm levels fly off the charts.

"You think you're on to something," Alice continued, "but you're really just wasting your time. But wasting time is all any government can do, right?"

The Russian soldiers interrogating Alice shared a look. They hoped their comrades were having better cooperation from their subjects.

"We're going to ask you again before things get ugly," one of the soldiers said in stilted English. "Who do you work for?"

Alice glared.

"And I'm going to tell you again," she said, "I don't work for anyone. I'm only 17. That's a little young to be a spy, don't you think?"

The soldiers turned from Alice, bent their heads together, and whispered in Russian.

"Oh, sharing secrets now, are we!" Alice said. She smirked. "Well, here's a secret: your mom's a bitch."

One of the soldiers turned and scowled.

"What did you say?" he snarled.

"You heard me!" Alice said defiantly, staring up at him from the uncomfortable metal bench she was on. "She's a nasty, ugly, bi—"

The soldier punched Alice in the face before she could finish her insult.

She coughed, a little surprised.

"You know," she said coolly, "it's rude to interrupt."

The same soldier punched Alice in the stomach—hard.

"Okay, I get it!" she wheezed. "You're big and scary, and I'm not. Stop showing off."

Her nose began to bleed as her powers worked to fix the damage from the blows. Alice tried to stop her powers, realizing she was starting to illuminate slightly.

If these Russian goons figure me out, Alice thought, I'm toast. No, worse than that: I'm sunk.

"You're dead!" Clive added.

Alice hadn't noticed Clive appear, but sure enough, there he was. He sat on the other end of the bench and swung his back legs back and forth like a child on swings.

"Don't worry, love," Clive said with a wink. "I won't let that happen."

Alice ignored the Russians as they continued to ask her more questions. Instead, she watched as Clive jumped down and gracefully hopped away.

"Answer the question!"

She snapped back to attention when one of the soldiers yelled at her, missing the way Clive slipped under the impossibly small crack under the door.

"Okay, I'll say it again," Alice said with an icy stare. "I don't work for anyone! Now, let me and my friends go!"

"Wrong answer!" the soldier said. He punched Alice's stomach again, and she gasped, winded.

To Alice's dismay, her powers kicked into overdrive. Her nose bleed faster, and she glowed even brighter. This time, it was bright enough for the soldiers to notice.

"Why are you so light?!" the other solider asked, hanging back. His punch-happy comrade didn't hesitate to poke and prod Alice's arms and face, wondering if his punch had activated some sort of flashlight setting. Did American spies have flashlight settings?

Alice took a page out of Steve's book and played dumb.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, batting her eyelashes.

"Let me try something else," the puncher said to his partner. He reached in his pocket for something small and metallic. Alice didn't know what it was until it was being plunged into her leg.

"AGGGGHHHHH!" she yelled. "YOU STABBED ME! WHY DID YOU STAB ME?!"

From the distance, Steve and Robin cried out, "Hey! Alice! Alice! What are you doing to Alice?"

The soldiers ignored Alice's shouts. Instead, they watched and waited.

The stab wound stopped bleeding a few moments later. The pain ebbed away. The wound closed itself up and pushed the knife out.

The pocketknife sailed through the air and landed on the floor a few feet away, covered in Alice's blood.

Alice's nose bled faster, her leg completely healed.

The Russians didn't even know what to do with themselves. They freaked out, whispering and waving their arms around.

"I need to get the general," the violent one said.

"We need to get everyone!" the other said. "She's a—she's—it's—"

"Guys, come on," Alice said, panic in her voice. "What I just did, it's not that special. Everyone can do that! Have you ever tried it?"

The soldiers gave her a look.

"Well?" she prompted.

"Well, no," the quieter soldier said.

"Go right ahead!" Alice said. "Stab your friend in the leg, and I promise it'll do what mine just did."

"Nice try!" the puncher—erm, the stabber—said, picking up the knife and wiping the blood off. "You're one of those American superfreaks. We've heard rumors about your kind."

"My kind?" Alice said, eyes wide. "No, no, like I said. Everyone can do that. I'm totally normal."

The stabber tapped his chin, looking off in the distance.

"Hmm," he said. "If that's the case, you won't mind if I stab your two sailor friends, would you?"

He turned to leave.

"Wait, stop!" Alice yelled. "Wait, I—I was just kidding! Yes, I'm a freak. I'm a superfreak. Please don't hurt my friends."

The stabber grinned evilly.

"As I suspected," he said. "Well, Vlad, we're getting a promotion after we present this creature to the general. Let's bring her to the lab with the others."

The quieter soldier—Vlad—cleared his throat.

"All right," he said. "Come on, you."

He picked Alice up from the bench roughly, but recoiled.

"Why are you hot?" he said.

Alice gasped.

"I'm 17, you creep!"

Vlad shook his head.

"No, I mean, hot!" he said. "Warm to touch!"

He reached to touch her arm again, but hissed. Her skin burned.

Alice held her head high.

"One of the perks of being a freak," she said smugly.

Vlad didn't look too happy about it, but he wrapped his hand around Alice's bicep and dragged her through the maze of hallways.

"Ouch, ouch!" he mumbled.

When they made it to the lab, Vlad threw Alice to the ground and began blowing on his palm.

"Look what she did!" he said, shoving his palm into the face of the general. "She burned me with just a touch!"

Alice watched from the ground as the general inspected Vlad's palm.

"Fascinating," he said. "Truly fascinating. Who would've thought today was our lucky day?"

"Alice!" Robin hissed. "Are you okay?"

Alice's heart soared when she looked behind her and saw Steve and Robin alive. Tied up back-to-back and bloody from punches, but alive.

Well, Steve was definitely unconscious and probably concussed—but his chest was moving, and that was good enough for now.

"As good as I can be," Alice whispered to Robin. "Listen, you're about to learn some weird stuff about me—"

She yelped when the stabber yanked her up from the shoulders and dragged her across the room. The stabber strapped her arms down to a chair that was maybe for dentists to clean teeth, but was most likely for torture.

Alice really, really hoped it was for cleaning teeth.

"Hey!" Robin yelled. "Don't hurt her!"

Steve stirred in his chair, head still against his chin, but didn't wake.

"Good work, Vlad, Anatoly," the general said, ignoring Robin. "You've secured quite the asset. She must be sent by the stupid American scientists studying the same realm as we are."

The general leaned closer, baring his teeth as he said, "My question for you is, why are you sneaking around with two sailors?"

"They aren't sailors," Alice said, eyes glaring daggers at the man. "They work at the ice cream shop in the mall you're using as a front for your shitty plan."

The general raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, so it's a shitty plan?" he said. "Any less shitty than yours?"

Alice bit her tongue. She wanted to say more but was honest-to-God terrified now. The Russians knew she had weird abilities, and the way they were looking at her—like sharks circling chum—made her stomach turn.

Where was Clive in her time of need?

The general smirked, happy to have the last word.

"I'm glad you could join your friends," he said silkily, "because this is the last time you'll see them alive."

Alice opened her palm and sent a blast of hot air in his direction.

The general stumbled back, startled. He glowered and stormed out of the room, his soldiers following.

The door to the lab buzzed. They were locked in.

"Bastards!" Robin screamed. "Bastards! Let us out of here!"

"It's no use," Alice said. "They won't let us go."

"We can't just give up!" Robin said. "Help! Help!"

"We're not giving up," Alice said. "We're changing the plan."

She wiggled her wrists around in the restraints of her torture-or-teeth-cleaning chair. She heated up her palms, hoping the warmth was enough to melt the fabric straps—eventually.

"This'll take a while," she said, "but I can melt through my restraints, and then I'll get you and Steve free and then we'll sneak out...somehow."

"Melt the restraints?" Robin said with a hollow laugh. "Alice, you're talking nonsense."

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are! How can you melt yourself free? What are you, an X-Man?"

"In a sense, yeah."

Robin, facing the opposite direction of the room, furrowed her brow.

"Wait, are you kidding? I can't see your face and don't know if you're kidding."

"I'm being 100% serious," Alice said. She didn't want Robin to find out about her powers like this, but no time like the present. "Robin, I'm not normal."

Robin sat quietly for a minute. Alice wondered if she was mad, or confused, or about to call the Russians back in because obviously her friend was insane and needed to be transferred to a different torture room.

Instead, Robin snickered.

"I could've told you that," she taunted.

Alice laughed despite the circumstances.

"Yep, that's me," Alice said. "Alice the Abnormal. I'll explain more later. Just trust me, okay?"

"Okay. Do your thing."

They sat in silence for a few minutes while Alice worked. She was definitely getting warmer, but her powers weren't working fast enough to melt the straps.

She also tried using blasts of heat from her hands to ricochet out of the chair, but that did nothing except make a nearby table of tools rattle.

The sound of rattling metal woke Steve up. He mumbled something incoherent before opening his eyes.

"Steve!" Alice said, noticing him stir. "You're awake!"

"Are you okay?" Robin asked, turning her head as far as she could to try and look at him.

"My ears are ringing," Steve moaned, "and I really can't breathe. My eye feels like it's about to pop out of my skull, but you know, apart from that? I'm doing pretty good."

"Don't worry," Alice said, continuing her attempt to melt the restraints. "When I get out of this, I'll heal you right away."

Steve raised the eyebrow above his swollen eye.

"How long have you been working at that?"

Alice shrugged.

"I don't know. Just a few minutes."

"And what's your progress?"

Alice mumbled something incoherent.

"What's that?"

"No progress yet!" she said louder. "But it's something."

"Steve," Robin said, "do you see that table to your right?"

Steve, still a little loopy from the beating, looked left.

"Your other right," Robin said patiently.

Steve turned his head.

"You see those scissors?" Robin continued.

"Uh-huh."

"While Alice works on...whatever she's doing," Robin said, "we can get them. If we move at the same time, we could get over there, and then maybe I could kick the table and knock them into your lap."

"And I could cut the binds!" Steve said.

"And we could get Alice and get out of here," Robin said.

"Yeah, we can do that," Steve said. He snickered and added, "Those morons left scissors in here?"

Robin snickered as well.

"Yeah, morons," she said. "Total morons. On the count of three, we're going to hop."

"Okay, hop on three," Steve repeated.

"Good luck," Alice said. "And hurry if you can."

"One," Robin said, "Two...Three!"

She and Steve hopped to the right in unison. Their metal chairs skidded toward the table of tools.

"That worked," Robin said with a grin. "Let's try again. One, two, three!"

Again, the duo hopped together and got closer to the table.

"Holy shit!" Steve said. "This is going to work!"

"You're close," Alice said. "I might be able to send a wave of heat your way and drop the scissors in your lap..."

Her friends, too excited about their success, ignored her. Instead, Robin counted them down again.

"One, two, three!"

Crash! The aggressive hopping threw off their balance. Robin and Steve yelped as they hit the ground, still attached to the chairs.

"You guys okay?" Alice asked, wincing with sympathy pain.

No response. From her vantage point, she could see Robin's shoulders shaking.

"Aw, no!" Steve said, hearing Robin's whine and mistaking it for a cry. "It's okay, it's okay. Don't cry. Robin—"

Suddenly, Robin erupted into peals of laughter.

"Are you laughing?" Steve asked, disgusted.

"Yeah!" Robin said through giggles. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's just...I can't believe I'm going to die in a secret Russian base alongside Steve the Hair Harrington and Alice the Amazing. It's just too trippy, man."

"We're not going to die," Alice said. "I think I can move the scissors with a blast of heat. Let me try something."

She focused all her attention on the scissors and sent a light heatwave in their direction.

Unfortunately, Robin's giggles distracted her. The scissors flew across the room, further out of reach.

"Nice one," Steve said sarcastically.

Alice blushed.

"It doesn't matter," she said. "I can feel my restraints getting looser."

She continued to melt them while Robin's laughter petered out. She sobered up and said, "Steve, do you remember Mrs. Click's sophomore history class?"

"What?" he asked, surprised Robin was bringing up school now.

"Mrs. Clickity-Clackity," Robin continued. "That's what us band and drama dweebs called her. It was first period, Tuesdays and Thursdays, so you were always late. And you always had the same breakfast: bacon, egg, and cheese on a sesame bagel."

Steve laid quietly listening to Robin remind him of the class from so many years ago. Steve had forgotten he and Robin ever crossed paths before he and Alice became friends.

"I sat behind you two days a week for a year," Robin continued, a melancholic tone washing over her voice. "Mister Funny. Mister Cool. The King of Hawkins High himself. Do you even remember me from that class? From before Alice and I started eating lunch with you last spring semester?"

Steve didn't respond. Robin chuckled.

"Of course you don't," she said. "You were a real asshole, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know," Steve mumbled. He looked up at Alice from his spot on the floor, watching blood drip from her nose as she tried melting the straps of her chair.

"She's right," Alice said quietly when she noticed Steve looking at her. "You and I were in the same Spanish class that spring. Even though we sat right next to each other, you never talked to me. You only ever started talking to me because you started dating Nancy."

"That's not true!" Steve rushed to defend himself. "You were a freshman, and I just didn't know you then."

"You didn't make an effort to know me because I was in drama club," Alice said.

Steve closed his eyes, embarrassed.

After a beat, Robin began to speak again.

"It didn't even matter that you were an ass," Robin said. She took in a shuddering breath and said, "I was still obsessed with you."

Alice looked up from her chair and raised an eyebrow, not believing her ears. Robin had never told Alice she ever had a crush on Steve!

"Even though all of us losers pretend to be above it all," Robin said, "we still just want to be popular, accepted, normal."

Something in Robin's words made Alice's heart clench. It was like Robin was reading Alice's mind. 

"That's so, so true," Alice said with a sigh. "However, I liked it better when I was a nobody drama dork. Now that I'm the sick girl, the coma girl, the freak with the fevers, everyone pays attention to me or pities me, and I hate it. I'd rather be popular for being funny or having rich parents, or something."

"Or something," Steve piped up. "If it makes you guys feel better, having any of those things isn't all that great. Seriously. It just baffles me. Everything people tell you is important, everything people say you should care about, it's just all..."

He chuckled sadly. "It's just all bullshit. But I guess you've got to mess up to figure things out, right?"

"I hope so," Robin said. "I feel like my whole life has been one big...error."

"What I wouldn't give for a genie with three wishes," Alice said, gazing into the distance dreamily. "I could wish away all my problems..."

Robin turned her head as far as she could and said, "Proposing a game of Hypotheticals at a time like this?" 

Alice snorted.

"No," she said, "but if we were playing, I'd wish for a new, accessible pair of scissors."

Robin and Steve laughed.

"You know," Steve said, "I wish I had known you both before. Before Nancy, I mean."

"Yeah?" Alice asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Really, I do!" Steve said. "Maybe you two could've helped me study. I was shit in history and Spanish...maybe if I'd passed those classes, I'd be on my way to college right now."

"And I would have no idea that there were evil Russians beneath our feet," Robin said, "and Willie and I would be happily slinging ice cream with some other schmuck."

"I thought he was a dingus!" Alice corrected.

The trio chuckled, and Steve said, "Gotta say, I liked being your schmuck, Robin. And Alice, I—"

Steve looked up at her, brown eyes wide and voice softer than Alice had ever heard—

"I'm really, really, really glad I got to know you. Being friends with you—both of you!—was fun while it lasted."

"It was," Robin said quietly.

Alice's heart flew into a frenzy. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do.

"Steve, listen," Alice said. "Before those guys come back, I just want you to know—"

The door buzzed open. Vlad, Anatoly, the general, and a few other intimidating characters entered the room.

When the general noticed Steve and Robin on the ground and the scissors across the room, he chuckled.

"Where were you two going?" he said. "Trying to get your freak friend to free you, hm?"

Vlad and Anatoly righted Steve and Robin's chairs while a beady-eyed man in a stark white lab coat re-arranged the tool table. His back was slightly turned to Alice, so she couldn't see him attaching a long, sharp needle to a dispenser gun.

"Try telling the truth this time, yes?" the general said. "It will make your visit with Dr. Zharkov less painful."

"Dr. Zharkov doesn't take my insurance," Alice said, trying to open her palm and send another hot blast of air at the general. Unfortunately, before she could, the sinister doctor plunged a needle  into her neck.

"Agh!" she cried out. 

Two other doctors stuck similar needles into Robin and Steve, ignoring Steve's shouts of, "Did you even clean that thing?!" 

The last thing Alice remembered before the world turned wonky was Clive the Cottontail slipping past the guards and hopping over to her.

"Go on, Alice the Amazing!" Clive said, holding up a comically large pair of gardening shears. "Off with their heads!"

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

{Posted February 20, 2020}

{Edited July 18, 2020; Republished March 3, 2025}

A/N [from 2020] QOTD: Favorite color?

I like pink and blue :)