[Episode 20 - Blood Brothers]

"We don't have long" Stefan drags out Katherine.

"Katherine. Katherine!"

Damon and Stefan lift Katherine out of the carriage. They untie her and take off the muzzle that covers her mouth. She whimpers and slumps down in their arms with a grunt.

"We're going to get you out of here" Stefan coos to her "Damon, hurry. Hurr-"

A gunshot reverberates through the tense air and Damon falls down with a groan, indicating his life leaving his body. Stefan rushes over to him with a scream as he crouches over the corpse of his brother. They may have had their differences but he loved him and Katherine with all his heart.

"No! No. Damon!"

Men's voices drift through the almost abandoned space in the wood "Come on. Let's go"

He hears a gun loading behind him and picks up a weapon to avenge his brother's death. He runs but before he can lift another step, a loud sound is followed by his groaning. He looks down to his bloody shirt and the blood near his heart. He gasps for breath as he falls down between his brother and a struggling Katherine.

There are tears in her eyes as she gives up, lays her head on the ground with a sad smile, whispering her last words to him "I love you Stefan".

My eyes fly open and I look around in confusion for a few seconds. Then I see Elena looking into the cell from the bars. 

Stefan. 

Damon puts a hand on her shoulder and leads her out of the gloomy place. While going, he throws me a look "Come on up, it's been awhile" I sigh and dust off the feeling of guilt from the vision, but I feel it remaining abstinent, refusing leave the pit of my consciousness.

We all sit in the parlour, Elena's packing up our stuff while I snatch a drink from Damon's bottle. My sister raises an eye at me but I just shrug. 

Drinking helps, according to Damon. The anger, was directed before, at vampires. But now, it's worse, it's undirected, which means that I feel angry at everything and anything. And my powers keep exploding. I'm skipping school since the past three days and told Jenna that I'm staying at Damon's. Don't ask me what I had to do to make her agree.

"It's so hard to see him locked up like this" Elena sighs as she throws me my jacket.

"You're the one who wanted him locked up" Damon takes another sip.

"You helped" she retorts.

"I couldn't have him running around chewing on people. While the town was looking for vampires, now, could I?" 

"It had nothing to do with you actually caring about him?" Elena asks with a raised eyebrow. Good luck getting that out of him sister.

"Your thing, not mine" he gets up and offers me his glass, I wave it off and he sits on the opposite couch, palming the Gilbert invention that Pearl gave to him as an 'apology'.

"Did you ever figure out what that is?" I ask. "Nope. Whatever it is, it doesn't work"

"Pearl didn't say anything else about it?" Elena asks as she leans against the wall.

"She thought she was stealing his vampire compass, but that was a pocket watch. That Johnathan Gilbert was a crazy scientist. Have you spoken to your uncle lately?"

"I've been avoiding him, actually. That, and we've been here most nights... Can't have his heart ripped out without the ring now, can we?" I give a hint to Damon. He's the only one who knows. I didn't even tell Elena or Alaric, because, well, one problem at a time.

"So, you'll be here again tonight?" he asks my twin. 

"Is that a problem?" she raises her eyebrows.

"Her?" he gestures to me "No, she's a good drinking partner. You? No. You're a complete nuisance" he mocks flirtily and I roll my eyes. Give the damn damsel a break.

"Heh" she chuckles "See you later" I wave off as I exit.

A while later, we're in fresh clothes and Elena's packing for another night's stay. I hang up after I talk to Caroline to fill her in on my 'sick days' and then call Damon. Apparently, we're supposed to be hunting for Stefan.

"What?" he asks urgently. 

"Hello to you to Damon"

"Okay, Kat, what?"

"We're just grabbing some clothes, and then we'll be right over. How's Stefan?" I ask.

"Extra broody. Hold on-" he puts me on hold and comes back 10 seconds later

"Tell Elena he won't eat anything..." she hears it and shakes her head sadly.

"He has to eat... What's his favorite...Kind of, um..." She fumbles.

"His favorite kind of what?" I can hear his smugness right through the line

"Animal blood Smoldy?" I state with a roll of my eyes, hell, I don't even date a vampire and I'm used to it. 

"Ew. Gross" he mutters.

"You once had a litre of soccer mom in your fridge Damon. This is far from the gross of your standards" I state angrily and he shuts up.

"Now, hurry up. I can't baby-sit all night. I have things to do..."

Elena snatches the phone from me as she hands me the bag "I would say, drop dead, but..."

"Ha ha... Stefan likes...Puppy blood...Little golden retriever puppies with cute, floppy ears. That's his favourite..."

"We can't rob a pet store Damon, spill the truth" I frown.

"Deer"

"Now you're being helpful, I know where to find them. Bye Damon" I hang up and Elena rolls her eyes in annoyance at her boyfriend's brother.

Elena opens the door to head out but we stop in our tracks in shock "Sorry..." he says, not sorry at all.

"John. I didn't see you there" Elena mutters, still surprised.

"I thought we could talk. We haven't had a chance to catch up"

"We're actually just heading out, so..." Elena tries to be polite while I squeeze the life out of the bag strap.

"Well, it won't take long" he insists.

"What did you want to talk about huh?" I smirk "Vampires? Magical rings? Sorry, we have more important work"

"It really is silly to keep pretending..." he taunts "What do you think your mother would say. If she knew you were dating vampires?" I drop the bag and push him to the wall by the throat, "A. She's dating a vampire, I'm just friends. And B. Which mother?"

He taps my hands with panicked breaths and I leave him "Let's go".

▹▹▹

Two hours later, Elena takes the bottle of deer blood downstairs. I sit with Damon when he tells me he has an errand to run... With none other than Alaric Saltzman "Are you two friends now?" I ask with a teasing smile.

"I don't have any friends, Kat..." I raise my brows and point up and down at myself "Yeah, only semi-stable Guardians"

He leaves with a warning and after a while, Elena comes back up, dejectedly holding the full bottle of blood. She shakes her head and I gulp down the rest of the alcohol with a sigh. I snatch the bottle from her, only half drunk "My turn. Take a breather"

I speed downstairs and take a steadying breath before I try to face Stefan. He's sitting on the ground, back against the rickety old bed. I place the bottle in between the bars for the moment.

"Hey..." He doesn't speak.

"You need to drink that. You need it, Stefan. Can't survive without it"

"I don't want to survive..."

I don't speak for quite a long time "What? What did you say?" I check. 

"I'm sorry, Vivi... No more. After what I've done, it has to end. I just want it over..."

"Are you that selfish Stefan?! Want it over? W-Who came into my life because he wanted to love Elena? You. Who asked you to do it? No one. Who loves Elena? You. Who's the one I'd die to see now? You! How dare you say that? You think I didn't want to rip out your throat that day? No! Did I fight it? Yes!"

He inhales "You know, Damon hasn't fed me vervain in a while. I could be at those bars in a flash, and you'd be dead" he tries to scare me. I shake my head.

"Yeah, I'd love to see you try, since I'm supposed to be indestructible and all" I frown.

"Please just go away. I don't want you here"

I look at the lock on the rusty door. Sighing, I punch it. And punch it, again and again until it gives under the pressure. I look to my fist and watch it heal. Stefan snarls from inside and I open the door wide and step inside with the bottle. "What are you doing? Get out of here!" he cowers to the corner of the cell.

"No." I sit on the musty old bed and look to him. I extend my left hand, the bottle in my hand, but my vein is also exposed to him. He gulps once, twice, before he finds his voice "You're taking a stupid risk. I could hurt you"

"You wouldn't mention that if you didn't care. Drink" I inch my hand further towards him. He comes an inch closer but he withdraws again "Viv, get out of here, or you'll regret it!" I get up and go closer to him. I take a step "I'll regret leaving you like this..." I box him in and he closes his eyes with the fear of where his thoughts are right now. 

"I said get out!" he shouts, into my face, expecting me to cower and go running in tears like Elena. Elena's hurt and worried. I'm also angry, that makes a very huge difference.

I punch the wall inches from Stefan's face "I said I won't!". He takes a breath and looks at the crumbling piece of his cell wall.

He looks at me with tears and I feel something hot and wet on my cheeks too. I withdraw and sit down "Guilt can do a lot of things Stefan. And you have two paths in front of you, either you kill yourself and writhe in the pain of seeing us pay for that guilt, or, live and learn to share it. I'm here for that, share it with me Stefan. I'm here... Why are you doing this?"

"I'm making the decision I should have made years ago"

"What are you talking about?"

"You have to feed in order to complete the transition. And it was a choice I shouldn't have made..." 

I take his hand as he sits down on the other edge of the bed. I feel a flash and it's all guilt next.

▹▹▹

Stefan enters his fathers office, lit by only one lantern to light on the shame of a father. Giuseppe looks up from his desk and stands up in surprise.

"Dear God! You're one of them now!" he gasps, backing away from behind the table. Stefan smiles sadly and shakes his head "No. Father, I came to say good-bye. I'm not going to become a vampire"

"I watched you die" the old man gasps out, his hands stumbling for defence.

"You were there when we were shot?" he frowns.

"I pulled the trigger myself..." he states as if he shot a wild boar, a menace, and not his own blood.

"You killed your own sons?"

"You were both dead to me the moment you sided with the vampires. I only thank God that your mother isn't alive to see the disgrace you've become" he draws out a stick by the fireplace

"I haven't turned yet" Stefan cries "I don't want to. I'm going to let myself die, father. Please..." he begs with tears in his eyes. He just wanted to say goodbye.

"Yes, you are" Giuseppe breaks the stick in two, and runs forward to stab his own son with the stake. Stefan throws him against the wall with the strength he didn't realise he had. His father lies fallen at the other end of the room, with wood piercing his human body, blood pools on the floor as he grunts in pain.

"Father! I didn't mean to...!" Stefan rushes forward with eyes full of guilt as he tries to help his injured father.

"No! Get away from me"

"No, let me help you. Please..." Stefan removes the stake from his father's chest.

Something strong draws him to the red elixir stuck on his fingers. 

Sweet. Irresistible. 

The bewitched boy's lips touches his red fingers. 

And from that moment, he wasn't any boy, he was a vampire, Stefan Salvatore, a bloodthirsty vampire who would kill for blood. Black veins creep up his once-innocent eyes as he eyes his father's wound with newfound hunger.

"Uhh. Uhh! Oh, God. What's happening to me?" Stefan tries to suppress the urge to rip apart flesh and drain out blood from the vesture in front of him. He gulps but that only sends shivers through him, one cannot fight primeval urges. 

Thirst. Hunger.

Something sharp touches his bottom lip and he gasps as his fingers encounter two new fangs, ready to tear into Giuseppe, limb by limb, vein by vein, inch by inch. The father grunts once more, more out of fear than pain. He stumbles backwards but he's against the floor in merely a second, his son giving in to Mother Nature's mistake.

If Giuseppe ever had any faith, it would be in his hatred towards vampires. And his own son, once an innocent little boy, had become a pagan.

▹▹▹

I look at Stefan's guilty face and my hand twitches towards his knee. He gets up and murmurs "How can you even look at me right now?"

I see Elena stand at the door of the cell, tears in her eyes, worried about her lover. When Stefan sees her, she comes forward, pleading "You need to be able to talk about these things, Stefan. I need to hear them. Come upstairs. We can talk about it more, and we'll keep talking as long as you need" she looks at me and jerks her head towards the door. 

I walk out without saying anything.

Stefan was supposed to be telling that to Elena, his girlfriend, not me, her sister. But he did. That means there still is a part of him that wants to live as a normal boy. He said I made him feel human, maybe that's what I need to do. I sigh and slide to the carpeted floor near the fireplace. I'm thinking about the same thing when Damon enters, chipper than he left.

"Ugh God, you're still here" he rolls his eyes as he eyes the glass in my hand, I hand it to him without any words; Elena is on the couch writing her diary, Jeremy must have put it back, but I still don't have my diary.

"Were you expecting anything else?"

"No" he pulls me up and gently pushes me to the other couch, I stretch my legs along it's length, giving him no place to sit. But he's Damon, so he lifts my legs up with a roll of his eyes and settles them down in his lap as he sits down. We share another sip as Damon and Elena continue to bicker. I'm lost in my own thoughts, I feel heavy in my chest.

"So, how was the 'errand'?"

"Futile. Although, I think I witnessed the teacher having an existential crisis. Has Stefan eaten yet?"

"I thought you didn't care" she mentions glibly. 

"Hmm" he  chalk it up to morbid curiosity"

"I think he's getting there" Elena informs "But he's got a lot of guilt that he has to deal with. And it doesn't help that you've spent the last 145 years punishing him for Katherine getting caught"

He isn't getting there, he's bouncing to and from suicide and guilt-inducing murder.

"This is my fault now?" Damon questions with something almost like a frown.

"No, it's no one's fault, Damon. I'm just...saying you're not exactly innocent. You've made it your life's mission to make him miserable" Damon gets up at her words and I look to him as he gets closer to my sister, tone neutral, giving nothing away 

"Let me ask you a question. In all this important soul-searching and cleansing of the demons of Stefan's past, did you ever manage to get the rest of the story?"

"He said there was more..." Elena trails off. There's always more.

"Yeah. That's an understatement..."

▹▹▹

"From the moment Stefan had his first taste of human blood, he was a different person. I suppose, I should thank him. It's been a hell of a ride" he scoffs lowly, taking another sip.

"Oh, my God" Elena shakes her head "He said he wanted to die. That's why he won't feed. Now I understand why, but..." that's right Elena, he feels guilty - guilty for murdering his own father, guilty for wishing this curse of eternity on his own brother, guilty for not being to suppress the hunger in all those times he didn't.

"His choice. If he's stupid enough to make it, so be it" 

I get up and throw the glass down, I pin him over on the couch "Don't do that. Okay? Don't pretend like you don't care" I grit out. He pushes me off roughly and I hear a window close downstairs. I look at the older Salvatore, he has the same look but he stays behind. I speed down to the cell to find it empty.

On the old gray cot, lies a daylight ring. 

No. He can't.

No, I need to do something, the guilt. Guilt! 

I run upstairs to face my sister on the way "Where is he!"

"He's not there! Really..." I assure, but she checks anyway... After hearing the rest of their history from Damon, I gasp in realisation "The quarry! That's where he is. That's where Stefan is... Damon turned there. Elena! His ring!" I keep the necessity safely in her palm and close it 

"Go to the quarry. That's where he is. Get him back"

She doesn't invite me to come and I don't insist, I let her go. 

I close the door as she leaves and slide down to the floor, finger trying to fist wood. I wait for them, each second ticking slowly. Damon sits stoically near the fireplace, not offering me a drink now, of all times. At last, I hear the knock and bounce onto my feet. Stefan comes in with his head down and in follows my sister, her eyes happy again.

"Little boy lost" Damon remarks stoically.

"I'll be upstairs, OK?" Elena walks upstairs, giving privacy.

"Thank you" he whispers.

"No, Stefan, thank you. You're back on Bambi blood, and I'm the big badass brother again. All is right in the world" Damon says, taking another gulp of his amber-liquid.

"I mean it. Thank you. For...helping her take care of me..."

"You brood too much. Everything on this planet is not your fault. My actions, what I do, it's not your fault. I own them. They belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt" Damon glares at him.

"Do you feel guilt?" his brother questions and I stand there, knowing the answer but listening nonetheless.

"If I wanted to, it's there. Emily waited till after I turned to tell me she'd been successful in protecting Katherine with her spell. She didn't want me to know about the tomb. She thought it would impact my decision"

"She didn't want either one of us to turn. She said it was a curse"

"Witches...Judgy little things"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"'Cause I didn't want you to know. 'Cause I hated you and I still do" he tries to convince us. 

"I know" Stefan says, as if he's making peace with that fact.

"But not because you forced me to turn" Damon warns.

"Then why?"

"Because she turned you. It was just supposed to be me...Just me" he looks to me at the last moment, maybe seeing her in me, wanting to ask her why he wasn't enough.

He turns to me, gives me the bottle he was contemplating and goes out. I look to Stefan who smiles at me "Thank you"

"Everyone is a demon, Stefan, it just depends on who's telling the story. Are you... Okay now?" I ask and what I thought, happens. He looks down and looks up again, hesitantly smiling "I will be" 

"Good night then..." I take my coat, not leaving the bottle, and head to the important place I know will see Stefan again.

▹▹▹

He fiddles with his ring, toes curling and uncurling. The sun will be up in 4 hours, that leaves enough time to say goodbye I suppose. He looks around but he can't find me. He takes a deep breath and raise his hand to get rid of the very thing allowing him to live during the day.

"Okay is overrated Stefan" I speak up, coming out of the bushes, Stefan jumps back, startled.

"Vivi"

I sit down beside him and motion for him to do the same thing "It fought it's way back up didn't it? The guilt?" He doesn't say anything but takes the bottle from me and uncorks it. He takes a sip "It always will..."

"As long as it's there, forever"

"Yeah..." he trails off, still looking at his ring in his palm.

"But I guess it's okay..."

"Please don't make all of this okay... Not you too, Elena-"

"-thinks that any guilt is the same kind" I sigh "but it's subjective Stefan, she won't feel guilt like you do. I actually felt your guilt for all that while you opened your mind to me. I know how you fee-"

"How do I feel?! Huh? Tell me!" he shouts and gets up, pacing away from me towards the water.

"It hurts you" I whisper "It hurts you, knowing what you've done, and that pain...That pain is with you all the time. And, you think that if I just... just give myself over to the blood, I can make that pain stop. It would be that easy, and every time, you fight that. You're terrified that one day, you're not gonna want to fight that anymore.... And the next time you hurt somebody...It could be the girl you love" I tremble.

"You just need someone to understand you Stefan, you don't have to die, you can't die"
I gently force the ring out of his palm and put it back on his finger, smiling sadly "Months ago, I was scared shitless because I was afraid I'd become my nightmares... You were there for me, and now," I squeeze his hand reassuringly "I'm here for you"

Stefan takes a deep breath, tears at the edge of wide eyes. I shrug and open my arms with a small smile. He breathes, finally plucking the courage to smile at his problems. Slowly, he wraps his arms around me.