PART TWO

ELI

"A heart full of love. A heart full of song. I'm doing everything all wrong. Oh God, for shame, I do not even know your name. Dear Mademoiselle, won't you say? Will you tell?" I sang the opening part of A Heart Full of Love musical score of Les Miserables. I was playing Marius Pontmercy for the West End Company in Les Miserables.

"A heart full of love. No fear, no regret." I was taken aback when she continued the song. And I almost nearly forgot that we were in the rehearsal. I smiled genuinely and continued.

"My name is Marius Pontmercy."

"And mine's Cosette." I walked nearby her and held her hand. I pressed it, feeling its softness.

"Cosette, I don't know what to say."

"Then make no sound."

"I am lost."

"I am found." Then she looked at me with her eyes full of passion and desire. Widely smiled and gave me a sweet and warm kiss on my lips.

My last line, "I am lost", totally made its way. I was shocked that I forgot my lines. So we looked at our director, he had an irritated expression on his face.

"Sorry." I apologized and gesture a peace sign with my fingers.

"Tsk, I thought you memorized all your lines! I gave you one week!" He shouted, making all the actors turn their attention towards us on the stage.

"We'll make it work, I think we should both practice our lines. Together." Emily, who plays Cosette, told the director calmly. The director just shrugged and we made our way outside the stage.

"Thank you for saving my life. I know our director won't spare my soul due to his aptitude for being a perfectionist."

"No problem. Ha-ha-ha, and you actually consider it his aptitude?" She laughed and we headed to the nearby park. An open space for a tight closeness.

"Well, aptitude is a natural ability. It suits him well, though." I joked and we sat on a bench.

"Ha-ha-ha, whatever you say Marius," she said.

I chuckled and suddenly turned serious.

"Let's start practicing?" She asked and I nodded.

~*~

Being Marius, I learned how to fight for love. It was like, he entering me like a spirit. Making Eli as Marius. That was what the director always instructed us to do, "Feel your character's essence. You and the role you are playing are one." Finally, I found my real life Cosette, by the name of Emily.

But as the old saying goes, "Nothing lasts forever," it was like a sharp spear that hit me directly in the heart. Shattering pieces of my love, one night that ruined everything.

"You should've told her," my father shouted at me.

I shrugged it off, with images of Emily crying so hard at my funeral pops into my mind. I immediately erased that eerie thought and composed myself. "I'll be okay, she doesn't have to worry about me. I will not tell her, that'll make her paranoid. I know Emily. She will never think of consequences." I replied and texted Emily that we'll have to meet because something came up.

"And what will you tell her then? That you're leaving this country for what reason? Family gathering? For Pete's sake!" I didn't respond, just left.

~*~

"Your text creeped me out," Emily told me honestly. It made me freak out too. I couldn't imagine what her expression and reaction will be when I tell her my made-up situation.

"Always remember that I love you. No matter what happens. No matter how far it will go," I started. She closes her mouth and lent me her ears.

"But, there are times we can't control ourselves. Hormones. Body heat and uhm," I gave her the keyword and as I expected, she was shocked.

"H-how c-could you do this!? I trusted you!"

She countlessly punched me on my chest. While her tears sprang into view. I remained silent, blank and cold. It hurts when your loved one is crying for you, and it hurts more that you are lying to her. Keeping a secret wherein she has a right to know. Because she's part of it. A part of my life.

"Just accept it, weep or mourn, it doesn't change the fact that..." She didn't let me finish my sentence, instead her hand landed on my cheek, leaving pain and, I think, a red imprint of her palm. "This is what I deserve, but I promise it'll be worth it," I told myself. And suddenly, I saw her, walking away from me. Full of tears. Tears of regret.

After two years, I came back to the Philippines from the US. My private doctor already told me that I am now fine, the cancer cells' are all gone. After hearing my doctor's announcement about my condition, we are all happy. In the midst of my happiness, I thought of Emily. After two drastic years, would she able to love me if I came back to her? Does she realize that my love for her was unending? Or maybe, she has a new life. New lover.

"Dad," I called, he looked at me very seriously.

"Okay, I'll arrange your papers immediately. Give thanks to your doctor, for he also gave me an approval for you to travel back home. I know, you're dying to see her. That's how missing someone feels." He voiced out, giving me a sincere look. My father, could be vicious, in looks and voice. But believe me, at the back of his violent image, there's a loving and caring father living inside it.

"Thanks!" I smiled, he nodded and walked away and close the door. I was now all alone in this white room I had been staying in for two years. I looked at the window pane, and I found it was already fall here. The renaissance season for me. And now my Getting-Cured season. I smiled widely before resting.

"Dad, I want to see Emily." I told him when we were on our way to the hotel we're lodging at. He looked at me using his serious black eyes. I became silent and looked straight at the coaster's front window.

He coughed a little, cleared his throat and muttered, "I'll get someone to find her."

The next day, I was woken up by the ringing of my mobile phone. Still sleepy, I searched for my phone and looked to see who was calling.

Director Kretzmer Calling...

My eyes widened. I hurriedly answered his call.

"Eli?" He called my name.

"Yes, speaking," I replied.

"I know that you are aware of the revival of the West End Company for Les Miserables?" he asked. Revival of the West End Company? Sounds okay to me. It'll be more okay if she will play there, again.

"Ah, yes. Why?"

"We are inviting you to play Marius, again," he pleaded.

"I thought someone's already got the role?" I said. He sighed before he replied.

"Yes, we got a new Marius. But the company is having its 30th year anniversary we are thinking of inviting all the former cast to do one performance as a special number." He explained and a bright idea came to me. Emily will be there!

"Alright, please tell me the practice days and schedules."

"Thank you, we will work on that. As soon as all the casts are okay." And with that he hung up.

As I got back to my bed, I couldn't hide my excitement to do rehearsals. I could only imagine that we will be together again. Maybe I overdosed on a dosage of being optimistic. I laughed at my own thinking. Later that night, he emailed me all the needed information about it.

~*~

"But there are dreams that cannot be. And there are storms we cannot weather. I had a dream my life would be. So much different from this hell I'm living. So different now from what it seemed. Now life has killed. The dream I dreamed." Ms. Lea Salonga, who was playing the role of Fantine, a factory worker that became a prostitute due to her forced dismissal at her work, sang the all-time favorite musical score and one of the musical's highlights; I Dreamed A Dream. She ended it leaving our jaws on the floor.

"Your voice is still magnificent, just like the old times. And speaking of old times, Eli you came here very late. Like the old times," our director remarked. As he saw me entering the hall. I just shrugged it off. I was about to put my bag on a chair nearby, when I accidentally eavesdrop a conversation of our stage manager and staff.

"So there's no one playing Cosette? Because Emily isn't doing okay?" The stage manager asked the staff and the staff only nodded.

Wait, what!? Emily's not okay? What happened to her? I picked up my phone in my bag and called Debbie. Luckily, she and I had kept in contact with each other. She's the one who tells me everything that concerns to Emily. But, why she didn't tell me that Emily wasn't okay?

After three rings, she answered.

"Yes?" I could sensed in her voice that she's half awake.

"Get up first, you owe me something," I said.

"Owe you what?" She let out a yawn.

"Why didn't you tell me that Emily's not okay?" I asked straightforwardly.

"She's not okay? I think she's lying. She's freaking okay. Safe and sound. And guess what, my mom bought us a VIP tickets for Les Miserables."

"Yeah, yeah. Our director invited all the former West End Company to do a sort of special number for the musical's 30th birthday."

"Really? Then you're playing as Marius again? But wait, Emily didn't mentioned to me anything about that. Well, I'll ask her after we talk." She assured me. And we ended our talk. Director Kretzmer approached me and gave little instructions about some changes in the acting. I listened to him with all my ears. Trying to absorb what he said, but it didn't help me not to think of Emily. So I asked him who would be playing Cosette.

"We are trying our best to reach Emily, since she's your original partner. But if we fail the new Cosette might replace her." That made me frown and a little irritated. So she still doesn't have any courage to meet me or even glance at me. Or feel my presence? Is she avoiding me for what happened two freaking years ago? That's bullshit! I thought girls could move on after just three months. That is according to their so-called Three Months Rule, but for me its crap. Moving on for someone takes time not a limited just like that.

"But please, try to make it up to her," I begged our director.

"Yeah, whatever." He walked out, heading towards the new casts and still contacting other original casts.

The half day practice went well. Our special performance is the One Day More score. The new Cosette temporarily took Emily's role.

That night, Debbie called me to inform me that Emily was acting unnatural. Sometimes she suffers from severe headache in which she takes some pain reliever. But then, she told me that they are still going to the concert. And shared her made-up plan. That can make us talk for a while.

At the night of the concert, she texted me that they got the tickets and were both heading inside the area. When the intermission occurred, I saw people going to the nearby snack bar to buy something to eat or drink. Then I received a text from Debbie.

I'm on my way at the snack bar. She's alone there. Go! Row 3.

After reading it, I immediately went out the back stage. "I'm going to pee," I excused myself.

Minutes passed before I successfully saw her. She sat alone in row number three. I quietly went behind her back, since it's dark she didn't see me so I grab my chance to be quick on my actions. I placed my hands around her eyes.

"Who the hell are you?" She annoyingly asked and forced my hands to let go of her eyes. When she got rid of it, she stare at me amusingly.

"Eli?" She called my name.

"The one and only," I answered and winked at her. Also gave me her sweetest smile that evening. But she raised her eyebrows, showing me how much she dislike my attitude at the moment.

"Don't you remember me?" I innocently asked her. I felt as though something was wrong with her. She stare at me like I was a stranger to her. And answered no. It hurts my ego, but I still managed to speak up. "Alright, I have to go. Act Two will be performed next." And I bid my goodbye to her. She glanced at me, she had a confused expression on her face. What's happening here?

After the whole performance, during the playout I immediately ran back stage and grabbed my things. I didn't even excused myself in my hurry. I will text Director Kretzmer as soon as I'm out of here.

I was on my way to Emily's house when Debbie called me,

"I'm on my way," I said.

"Good, we're still here. Emily is taking more pictures with the casts," she laughed.

"Okay, just update me when you're headed here," I commanded her.

"Right, bossy." She hung up.

This was Debbie's plan. First, I'd see Emily so she could recognized me then I'd go to her mother and pay a visit. Asking about her condition. We were now suspecting something was wrong with her. And we both didn't know it. So we were investigating.

When I arrived at her house, her mother widely and wholeheartedly welcomed me inside. She showed warm hospitality towards me. I don't know if she knew that I dumped her daughter.

We exchanged greetings and she led me to their living room. While waiting, she offered me something to eat, I decline but she insisted. After a few minutes, she came back from their kitchen with a sandwich and soda.

"So you're trying to make up with my daughter?" I almost choked on my food when she asked about it.

"I know everything. Even if she doesn't opened up to me. I know you two aren't well. Actually, I think you broke up?" She asked me, very seriously. I couldn't say anything, so I looked down at their floor and nodded she laughed. I think, it's her way to stop the awkwardness between us.

We both looked towards the door when it opened and showed Emily. She didn't even pay attention to me and coldly made her way towards her bedroom. I hoped she was just tired, because of that, I told her mother I should go home. For my father is waiting for me. Today's is his birthday. But before I walked outside, Emily's mother called me so I went back inside.

"When you two broke up, she was very miserable. Until one day she woke up almost losing all your memories together. When your Director Kretzmer called me to ask for permission to have Emily perform Cosette, her response was, "Who is going be my partner?" She paused for a while before continuing, "I said it would be you, she shrugged it off and told me to tell Kretzmer that she's not okay." That's when I realized that there was really something wrong with her. I thanked Emily's mom for that and went home. Thinking of Emily's condition.

~*~

When Debbie told me that they were both at the university's library with her professor in Psychology, I queried her about it. She explained to me that she thought Emily's condition was called memory skips. As soon as I knew her deduction, I told her that I'd meet them.

When I was on my way, I couldn't think straight. My mind was full of clouded ideas.

Why was Emily's suffering from that?

Was her mother's statement true, that one day she woke losing our memories?

What really happened to her during those years, we were separated?

The list of questions went on and on.

Where are you now?

I texted Debbie when I parked my car at the university's parking lot. I saw some students, which I thought, knew me because they were smiling at me. Maybe they watched the musical last night so they were familiar with me.

We are at the cafeteria.

She replied. I headed there. At last, I saw them. Debbie said something to her and pointed towards me. I walked to their table, flashing my bright, sweet smile.

"Hey girls." I greeted them, winking at Emily. While Debbie looked at me, and cleared her throat. "And yeah, I'm outta here. My next class will start in a few minutes. I need to go. Bye!" And with that she winked at me and hurriedly finished her food and packed her things up. Patted Emily's head and looked at me. As if sending a telepathic message to Emily. When she finally left us both, I sat near her. I looked at her, as if I was memorizing everything on her face.

"Debbie told me everything. About your memory skips." I started sensing she wasn't comfortable with me talking and having a small conversation.

"Argh, that woman!" She said. But she failed to make me believe she's okay with the company I was giving, until now. She bit her sandwich and drank her soda.

"So it's true that you can't remember me. I thought you were just lying or had amnesia."

"Amnesia is a medical term for those who can't remember memories by head injuries, memory skips are different. For one forgets events and people of recent times," she said professionally. I smiled and told her, "Wow, so you're trying to shift to Psychology?" She just giggled, everything went back to the awkwardness.

"Now I see, but let me help you to cope and accept," I offered. She became silent.

"Screw you! Stay away from me!" She freaked out scaring the hell out of me. It was the first time that she mocked me like that. After expressing her anger to me, I noticed some of the students were paying attention to us and murmuring about the scene we were making. I couldn't move, I was shocked by her attitude. So I remained silent. Allowing her to run away from me. Was this the ending for us?

~*~

After that day, I was paranoid. I couldn't stop thinking of a way, for us to be back together or how we could mend each other's broken hearts.

Debbie texted me demanding I visit the local café. Where they always had their happy hour. I had nothing to do anymore, so I accepted and she instructed me to go at exactly three in the afternoon.

I wondered what was up with her and what'll be there for me?

~*~

The aroma of different coffees greeted me when I entered the café. It was Saturday, the last day of winter, so there were many people visiting the café just to have a warm drink. All of the staff seemed busy and there were only few vacant seats.

"Hey." Someone called, I looked to find Debbie waving her hand for me to go to her table. That's when I noticed she was with Emily. My heart beat rapidly. Due to being vulnerable? What if she got angry at me again? What if she never listened to my excuse? What if she doesn't remember me at all?

What if she doesn't love me anymore?

My mind was being controlled by the What If's.

"Sit, there's a vacant chair nearby her." She pointed out Emily who was sipping her latte, she didn't know I was there. It seemed this meeting was unexpected for her.

"Then all is settled. You can now talk, I'll go to the book store nearby to see if Gayle Forman's book is available. Either you two can message me if you're okay after this meeting is over. Good luck," Debbie told us and smiled.

As we looked at her leaving us again, I immediately thought of something that could ease the moment. Or maybe decrease the level of awkwardness.

"Debbie's very stubborn and hard headed. She forced me to talk with you. I can't talk to you," she stated as I listened.

"Why you can't talk to me?" I asked. She sighed and replied.

"Because when I talked to her prof, he said that acceptance is the only cure to my memory skips. How can I accept things if I can't remember anything about it at all?" She sighed again and took a sip at her latte.

"I will tell you everything. Just promise that you'll listen to my side." She nodded and it was my cue to narrate our story. Like a child, she open mindedly paid attention and wholeheartedly took each pain as I told her about our break up.

"So, after all you're a jerk. Asshole," she remarked. And I smiled.

"No I'm not. Because there's no jerk that can think for the sake of his loved ones." I muttered and she sent me her questioning look.

"Hey, my reason about hormones isn't true at all. I made it up. Because I didn't want to hurt you," I said but she slapped me.

"So do you think you're not hurting me by lying to me? Tell me, what the truth is!?" she said as tears started to fall from her eyes. I sincerely took a look at her and offered her my handkerchief.

"I don't need that! I can wipe my own tears, but it can't take away the pain." She wiped her tears sternly. With that, I started to tell the truth.

"So that's it? You were afraid that I'd get hurt if I knew that you had cancer? Coward!" She uttered and bit her lips.

"Sorry." Was the only word that exited from my mouth.

"And you are here to what? To tell me your sorry and ask for forgiveness? Is that so? Well, I am sorry because I can't! I am totally devastated that my past lead me here. This fucking memory skips!"

I couldn't say anything, I couldn't take the moment with her crying and cursing me to death. Yeah, it was all my fault. After all, it was me who trigger her to forget about me. About our memories together.

"Emily," I said calmly.

"Don't you ever say my name again! I curse you! I hate you!" She said as she continued to cry. She hurriedly walked out. I collect all my strength and followed her. She immediately enter the elevator. I was about to enter too when the door closed. She left me no choice, I used the stairs and ran towards the mall's parking lot. I had to end this now. I had to.

I was panting when I reached the parking lot. I stopped running and gasped for air. While I took a small break, I looked for her. I looked around the lot. I was surrounded by tons of cars. I couldn't find her. I was about to lose hope when I heard a sound of an engine nearby me. When I looked at it, I saw Emily was in the car's driver seat. I ran toward the car and forcibly banged on its door. With irritation, Emily stopped the car and stepped outside.

"You know, I consider myself lucky having this. Why? Because it is my natural solution for the pain you caused me," she stated before getting back inside the car.

"Emily!" I called but she drove off. I ran as fast as I could to reach her. But when we arrived at an intersection, another car popped into view! I heard a screeching sound, the only thing I remember before I closed my eyes is Emily's voice, calling my name.

"Eli, don't leave me!" And everything went black.