November

Ok I take everything back. All of it. Olivia is incredible. She is the best friend I've ever had. I don't even know what to say. I'm crying so hard right now. Let me tell you what happened just as it happened.

{Maybe include some flashback sequences in story to show importance of this friendship}

"How long has it been since you two have spoken?" Olivia, my best female friend asks. She's talking about my friend Kyle.

"A week," I reply. Then I think hard and try to count the days, but realize I'm not sure when it started. "No, actually...I'm not sure."

"How did that happen?"

"I don't know." I do know, sort of.

"I'm going to talk to Kyle for you."

"No I—" I stop short for Olivia has walked away leaving me to stand there all alone in the dimly lit hallway of the high school as hundreds of other students walk by my frozen body.

***

When the bell rang for lunch I started to gather my things at a very slow pace. I usually liked to be fast and get there first, but for the past week I hadn't seen the point. I dreaded lunch. The eating, the socializing...I had no one to talk to anyways. I grabbed my bright blue science notebook (which had slowly morphed into my writing notebook), a pen, my phone, my earbuds, and my lunchbox. I walked the busy halls as slowly as my legs could carry me (without walking backwards) with my music blasting in my ears. Somehow, I still made it to our table first out of everyone else.

There were a few chairs already at the table I always sat at, but I knew none of them were for me. I put my things down on the table and moped across the lunchroom until I found an empty chair. I dragged it back over and sat down. Once I was comfortable, I opened my notebook and started to write.

Writing was my freedom. My pen flew across the page at the speed of light as idea after idea soared into my mind and out of my pen tip. I had written about half a page when I heard Olivia speak.

"You both aren't mad at each other. Why don't you just talk already?" I looked up and saw everyone had arrived at the table and were now staring at me. There was a clanging sound of metal on metal as the chain on Kyle's bag hit the back of a nearby chair. Kyle was running away from me. My friend. He was leaving me. He didn't want to talk to me. "Well, I can't say that was a surprise," Olivia said. "He's is very self conscious." Then to me, "aren't you going to go after him?" I turned around in my chair just in time to see him walking away. I shook my head sadly.

I feel like all the weight of the world just crashed over my head. The volcano inside my chest bubbles and churns until it runs cold and becomes a steady stream of tears. I put the pen to my paper, but it doesn't move. My mind grows numb. I think of all the good things our friendship had, and how its over now. How I'll never feel his arm around me. Never hear him tell me not to bother with questions. Never find out how he got that cut on his arm that only I seemed to notice. Never again.

Suddenly the volcano starts up inside me again; this time, even stronger than before. I rise from my seat at the table. My notebook hits the table with a cracking sound as the music streaming out of my earbuds comes to a screeching climax. My earbuds and phone stay at the table too. I turn around and look more slowly this time. Suddenly I catch sight of him. He's all alone in a corner uselessly tapping at his phone, hoping it will give him some sort of release from what he is feeling.

With the volcano bubbling hot inside me I march across the lunchroom. When I get to him, I yank an earbud out of his ear, look him straight in the eyes. The volcano explodes and, "I'm not mad at you!" I scream in anger.

Then the molten lava inside me turns back into cool, clean water and I cry. I cry and I cry and I cry until I feel my legs start to give way. Suddenly, I feel strong, welcoming arms wrap their way around me. He's hugging me like we haven't seen each other in years. "I'm so so sorry," I blubber. "I don't know how it happened. I had homework, and I was sick so I didn't bring you food, and I don't hate you, and I miss you. I need you." I hug him and hold him tight. I repeat my words over and over.

Eventually I've run out of tears. I don't need to cry anymore. What I do need, however, is a tissue. I reluctantly pull away from him and tell him I'll be right back. I find a napkin to blow my nose in and then I laugh out loud. I realize I have no need to be sad anymore. I race back to him and launch myself into his arms. We start to walk back to our lunch table when he stops me. I turn around and he says, "I wasn't mad either, you know." I smile a sigh of relief and we walk, hand in hand, back into the world.

So it's actually crazy. Like totally insane. I guess we're friends again. Or maybe we never weren't. Was it just a miscommunication? Either way, these have been some of the worst days in my entire life. And now it's over.

One thing I learned from today is that friendship is important. It's really important. And even though I want to push people away so much sometimes, it's not worth it. It really isn't. There is so much more stuff that is worth it than just giving up on everything and this is something that I need to remember. That no matter what there are people who are worth it. And I need to hold on to them and not just give up. Giving up isn't worth it. Goodness I'm in a good mood now everything is easier when you're in a good mood. But when things are bad and difficult then I think bad thoughts and I don't like that. I really don't. It's just not funny or worth it. But what is worth it, is holding on and pushing forward. Yeah. I'm about to fall asleep so I'm going to go to bed now. I think I'm going to sleep well for the first time in a long time.

Goodnight,

Kay