I Will Wait by Am_Burt

Reviewer: rebecca_batteur

Cover:
I find your cover to be truly charming and to work very well for several reasons. First, the background of the cover, with this mixture of colors suggests a joyful and playful story, quite simple, filled with serenity and immediately catches the eye with this colorful aspect. We have the impression of being swept away in a storm of feelings and emotions, a multicolored tornado, it is a great success. I then really like the hands on the cover and the way they are drawn and what they represent. They are the link that unites the two main characters and indicate a romantic relationship. They hold each other by the little finger, a sign that recalls the promise concluded between the two characters as well as the central role that this promise plays in the story. Idea which is confirmed by the message written at the bottom of the cover "I broke my promise". I also really like the font used for the title, I find it elegant and pleasant. For me, it's a good cover that doesn't need big changes, expressing the main ideas very well in a simple way that suits the story that is told here. No need for more complexity than what is found here.
Title:
Again, the title is well chosen since it refers to the promise that the two characters made and which is at the center of Selah's concerns. They decided to wait for each other but Selah did not respect this oath. However, I still have to make a comment. Since the title of the story is related to the promise, isn't it a bit contradictory to finally state that Caleb doesn't remember this same promise at all? I'll go into more detail later about Caleb's promise and reaction but, for me, it's still a good title that highlights the complementary relationship they share, with a desire to always remain there for each other and never to forget the memories they shared.
Blurb:
This is a good summary that explains the content of the situation quite well and that summarizes for the reader what he is about to discover and, even before we meet the characters, we already feel their connection. There is also a bit of an incentive function here, which is always important in a summary. For the rest, the most important points of the summary will be covered later, so I have no big comments to make here.
Characters:
I will deal here first with the characters, trying to focus in detail on the main characters, I will then move on to a study of the plot.
Let's start with Selah. Selah is a character with flaws, first as a person but also, and more seriously, as a main character. To explain what I mean, not only does she have flaws that are part of her personality but she also has inconsistencies in her character.
First of all, I really don't understand why she decided to break her promise. It's never explained in detail even though it's supposed to play a central role in the story. We are only told that, as it had already been two years, she decided to move on. What I also do not understand since we are told that she has already been with Bert for two years and that she is traveling by his side. So she didn't wait at all? This is something quite astonishing and a completely selfish act, I would even say, and which is never really justified. I really wish I had a better reason for such a decision. I can understand that she made a mistake but I would still have preferred someone to tell us a little

more to try to contextualize this choice. As things are, we suspect that she is still a very young woman, that the separation may make her want to try something else and that the wait may seem long to her, but the reader can only make assumptions without having a lot of material for his suppositions. And that's a shame because it makes Selah come across as selfish and unreliable as well as quite childish. Moreover, this lack of justification further reinforces my incomprehension at her dismay when she has to confront Caleb again. It gives an even worse impression of her. She didn't care about that promise for two years and didn't hesitate to break it almost immediately but, as soon as she's forced to face the one she promised a date to, the guilt returns. And she deserves to feel that guilt because her attitude was not very correct. I also have to say that her reaction is quite disproportionate in many situations. In this regard, I would recommend approaching the situation differently. In real life, even if some people have intense reactions to certain situations, it is in my opinion a little rarer. In general, the less you show, the better. Even if in real life someone is totally upset, in general, except for some people, people do not always display extreme emotions. Especially in Selah's case, whose situation is far from dramatic. But making her express emotions that are much too strong makes her look like an unreasonable person, or not very credible, or even simply ridiculous and incapable of controlling herself a little. However, if these kinds of reactions are essential to the character of Selah, I can understand it. But it is still necessary to show why she is so expressive. I myself am someone who easily gives way to relatively extreme feelings and this reflects, I think, on the characters I write, but I try all the same to put the great sensitivity of these characters in a certain context. Each person is endowed with their own internal landscape, with all its complexity, and what makes this landscape even more interesting is that it is not always supposed to be visible to others. That's a big part of the complexity of writing: capturing all the nuances of an individual and portraying what makes them whole beings.
I also have big issues with the way her relationship with Bert is handled. We are told that this relationship was not good for Selah and that Bert has understood it, Selah contenting herself only with following Bert everywhere in the world without really having a will of her own. We are told that she realizes that her future would have been dull and dreary because she dedicated herself not to God but to Bert. I understand the principle of highlighting the fact that, in a relationship, you need to have interests and activities outside of this same relationship and be able to remain somewhat independent of the other. However, I find it very poorly exposed here for the simple reason that almost nothing is known of Bert and Selah's relationship. There is absolutely no way to see how this relationship was wrong or how it would have made Selah unhappy. Yet it is of the utmost importance. Instead, we're told straight up that Selah wouldn't have been happy and that's it. You don't dive into long explanations and you also just say that everything seems more natural with Caleb. The comparison would have been very interesting to observe. There's nothing toxic about Bert and Selah's relationship, on the contrary, but it's also not the relationship they each need and it would have been interesting to show why. I also want to say that I didn't really like the way Bert broke up with Selah over the phone. It's stupid.

Theydated for two years and traveled all around the world, so their bond is pretty strong so why is he just breaking up over the phone? It is quite insensitive and above all strange. I think the scene at Caleb's party could very well have happened with Selah breaking up with Bert in person a few hours earlier and still feeling pressured to come to her friend's birthday party.
Also, compared to their relationship, the fact that Selah has to find purpose in life isn't addressed much more when she reconnects with Caleb. I just feel here that the reason given for the breakup between Selah and Bert is a little off and only serves to easily separate them and push Selah directly with Caleb trying to make it seem like everything is better when they are together. The problem is that, in my view, simply exposing this through Selah's internal dialogue is not enough. You have to show it to the reader in such a way that he himself comes to this conclusion without even having to be explained to him again and again. In reality, very little is known about Bert or Selah and their relationship. We only learn what Selah wants to tell and she is now convinced that they were not meant to be together so we readers have no justification.
Overall, I can see that Caleb is adorable and amazing to her, but I don't quite understand how he allows her to be closer to God or to find herself. I am not sure what the big plan is here. If the goal is to make Selah evolve, I'm not really convinced. Since this story seems to be both a romance and a quest for self-discovery, you must be able to explore how their relationship gives her a new vision of herself and pushes her to evolve on her own. For the moment, everything is really static since they are content to redo activities that they used to do when they were little. Selah is more or less reliving her childhood and I don't really see how that constitutes a change or a positive development.
Compared to the character of Caleb, I must say that I find him enjoyable and overall charming. However, I must express my disbelief that he forgot the promise made with Selah. I don't know if this is really possible coming from him. He remembers almost every single thing he used to do growing up with Selah, and as soon as he gets back, the first thing he thinks to do is reconnect with her and ask her out on a date. I don't think he would forget making such a promise with her if she meant so much to him. Also, given the title of the story, I thought the promise would really be brought to the center of the story as something important, but in the end it's easily brushed aside without Selah having to face any consequences.
Overall, it looks like fate has decided to work in Selah's favor by giving her everything she needs. Just before the birthday party of the boy she had promised to go out with and whom she hasn't seen in two years, her boyfriend breaks up with her without giving her a reason, over the phone in the car. New miracle, the boy with whom she decides to go out without transition no longer remembers this same promise and therefore does not reproach her for not having kept it. I think things should have been handled differently. If Selah had a real reason for breaking her promise, she might have seemed less guilty to readers and she could have explained herself to Caleb.
To finish this part, I must say that I found each of the characters endearing and pleasant, with a charming ensemble. They all seem close to each other and are down to earth in their cuteness. It gives a framework adorable to this little romance. I have a slight preference for Mama Eleni, I must add.

Pacing:
The pace is decent, although some elements would have deserved more explanation. I must however notice that some parts are quite unbalanced compared to others, we go from a long part like chapter 12 to a much shorter one, like chapter 13. Maybe you should try to make everything more equal but this is not one of the most important elements for me.
Writing Style:
For me, you have a very good style, capable of painting very beautiful, realistic and captivating scenes in a few moments, and that, in my opinion, is an excellent point. I tend to find some Wattpad stories too lacking in descriptions but this one didn't really disappoint me on that score. I would suggest working on it even more, you already have a great base and I think all the scenes you present can be made even more engaging than they already are by adding other senses than sight for example, try to focus on the various aspects of a moment and how the circumstances surrounding it make it unique. On this, I also think that your style would perhaps take on an even more personal side if you used the emotions of the characters to reflect them on the decor around them. It can add a truly lyrical aspect to a romantic story. If you still want to refine the talent of your pen, I also recommend finding out about the various figures of speech that exist, this would give even more cachet to your style.
Grammar:
Impeccable, I did not notice any major error and therefore I have no comment to make on the subject except: continue like this.
Personal Enjoyment:
This story is fun to read. It has an average level of complexity and thus allows a good moment of relaxation. Some elements can be improved but the story is far from unreadable as it is. It is touching and comes from the bottom of the heart, its existence is probably the result of a desire to transmit a moment of joy and pleasure. I see only laudable intentions here and indulging in the exercise of writing can only be desirable.To write is a real enrichment, both for the author and for the reader. Continue on this path and do not hesitate to immerse yourself without restraint in deep analyzes of your characters, this is what will separate your story from the others. Having a particular style that places an atmosphere specific to a particular book will also help to detach you from other works on Wattpad