Reviewer: Ananas rebecca_batteur

Stay With Me by JohanLiebert33

Cover:
The cover is very pleasant. I find it original, with charming color tones. Two silhouettes side by
side, facing the horizon, the dog and the man, their eyes riveted on each other. We immediately
understand what this story is about and also the atmosphere that is targeted. The atmosphere of
the cover, a little hushed, gives a touching and almost romantic aspect to the scene which is
presented to us and transmits to us the idea that it is a quiet and sweet story that you are trying to
tell us. The style is quite simplistic, as is the story itself, the two go well together and it looks
good. The handwriting used for both the title and the author's name looks good and both fonts
work well with the backdrop. The rising sun gives the story a dreamy dimension, an idea of
hope. It's dawn, the moment when the sun comes back again to light up the world and it also
makes you think about the end you give to your story. It's a pleasant and quite inspiring
reminder and, overall, your cover has a rather soft aspect which already allows us to understand
what is going to happen in the story with this certain intimacy that we feel between the two
characters present on the cover: the dog and the human.
Title:
For no particular reason, I liked the fact that "Stay with me" rhymes with "Dog story". I don't
know if it was intentional but I found this repetition pleasing to the ear. The title itself further
confirms what the cover may have already suggested. This story tells of the relationship between
a dog and its master and the touching friendship of the two. "Stay with me" conveys the idea that
they need each other's presence and never wish to be apart. There is also in the background an
initial idea which seems to suggest a rather tragic side to the story. It is already a certain affection
and a great friendship that we can perceive between the two and this, without even knowing
them. For these reasons, I found the title to work very well, perhaps the only thing I would
advise would be to remove the parentheses in front of "A dog story" to play even more rhyme by
just putting a comma between the two parts of the title.
Blurb:
I don't have much to say about the summary, since it is so short and provides so little
information. It doesn't say anything very important and we can really do without it. However, I
understand the difficulty of making a summary for a short story without revealing too much and
losing all interest for the reader. I would not advise making a summary longer than a few
sentences. I can on the other hand recommend to perhaps change the current pĥrase and to
replace it by some words without verb, very simple and very sober, no need for artifices or long
sentences, all that one needs to know is already contained in the title and in the cover. Instead,
you can put "A human. A dog. And a story.". Short, concise, brief. It's not incredibly well written
or amazing in any way but it should be more than enough. In the end, it would echo the title
and not clutter the summary with unnecessary things that would only spoil the reading.
The story:
Now, I'm not sure exactly how to do a plot review here because, given that it's a short story, the
plot is by definition often limited. So judging a short story on plot isn't necessarily the right thing
to do because often this type of work relies on memorable characters or unexpected twists as well as a gripping writing style that manages to capture the reader in a few pages. However, I do have
a few things to say about your handling of this story. I think I'll organize my argument into a
single paragraph that I'll maybe break up as I'm breaking through my different topics.
This story does not have a lot of stakes and talks about simple subjects, although touching for
many people. But I found that, from the beginning, you were wasting a lot of your time in
rantings that were of no importance and only hindered the main story from playing out. At the
beginning, with the character being late for classes, you take the opportunity to introduce this
dog, in a nearby alley that barks every time and terrifies Alex to the point of preventing him from
taking this path. I found that this passage had been stretched far too long so that, in the end, we
only learned a few bits of information that were really useful to the plot. Almost a quarter of the
story is used for this and I found it excessive. I think the subject could have been treated
differently while letting the reader discover the same information. I think that briefly recounting
a number of times when, for different reasons, Alex was confronted by this dog, would both give
a touch of humor to the story and also help to make the passage less busy and less stretched. You
could insist more on the dog and also give an idea of repetition. This is not the first time that
Alex has been blocked by this dog, it has happened many, many times. This would also allow the
reader to discover a little more about his life and perhaps have more attachment to the character
and it would also avoid somewhat awkward transition sentences like the one used "Everything
was going well, normal typical school life with friends. But an unexpected day changed my life".
The whole thing would be much more natural if the beginning of the story had taken the form
of small anecdotal events, which would make this day really seem like a normal one, Alex is
forced to take the path with the dog for some reason, the reader has a certain expectation, he's
used to what's going to happen since that's what happened all along since the beginning except
that there, surprise, no barking from the dog and that's when things get truly surprising.
At this moment, I think you could have used a lot more description to show than this dog who
has always terrified Alex on a recurring basis, of which he is truly afraid, this dog who had always
seemed fierce and threatening to him is completely different when he sees him this time. He's
hardly the same dog anymore and seeing him in such a sorry state directly inspires pity in Alex,
especially after being frightened by him so often. The contrast between his usual aspect and his
present aspect would be so violent that even the reader would be moved by compassion for the
dog. I also think that, to make the connection almost automatic between the dog and the human,
it would be coherent to give more precision on Alex's life. Make him someone with few friends,
who feels isolated or who has problems with his family. Give him the need to have someone by
his side to fill a certain void, something that justifies the sudden attachment he would feel when
he sees an abandoned dog, left to starve by the side of the road. Try to make him see a bit of
himself in this dog and immediately feel connected with this animal and its suffering, I think it
could give a little more depth to their relationship. Things as they are don't really give an
explanation for this attachment as powerful as one could have for a human. A little more detail
could make the scene even more touching.

Then, I have to add that the period of happiness between the dog and Alex, compared to the
length of the rest of the story, is extremely short, and that shows in the reading. It is just a quick
summary of their life that is given here without any depth. Just because this is a short story
doesn't mean you can't dig a little deeper into some passages. It is even necessary to pay attention
to the smallest details. The story is not long enough for us to really have something that can push
us to continue reading it in the long term, there is much less suspense that we can put in place.
You have to interest the reader immediately and not hesitate to take great care when making
such an ellipsis. In this case, you can skim a bit over their little moment of happiness, but I think
it's still important to dwell on it more. It's a story about the friendship between a man and a dog,
you have to be able to feel this friendship, otherwise the story loses a bit of its raison d'être. As
they are, things look a bit hollow and empty. Try to go much more into detail, tell little
anecdotes, everyday elements that everyone could have experienced. Show above all the
evolution in this new relationship. Having previously set up an Alex who does not have many
close relationships, having a new and most faithful friend with him would cause many emotions
for him. It is necessary to illustrate how having a dog changes everything for him, to what extent
this animal represents little by little much more than a domestic pet. For example, to show the
impact that Max now has in his life, you can tell about a moment of sadness or loneliness that
often occurs for Alex except that, this time, he is no longer alone because he has Max who
suddenly arises to comfort him and, with his games, ends up distracting Alex and taking him out
of his grief. These are just a few examples, but if you have a dog yourself or know people who
do, you can easily glean some amusing stories from yourself or these people about things that
happen when you adopt a dog.
You then tell through Alex that Max made a big difference in his life but, since you've just flown
over all of this before, there's nothing we can do but take his word for it, without having any
proof or justification. It would give more weight to Alex's words if past events were there to
justify his words.
In addition, giving this passage even more depth would trap the reader a little so that he does not
really suspect how the story will end.
It's time for me to talk about the end. You specifically asked me to give my opinion on the
ending. In itself, the ending you chose is a good idea, it is original and we do not necessarily
expect it. It gives a good fall as well as a rather tragic side to the story, which I find interesting. I
think it's a good way to end the story in a strong and meaningful way. However, I have a few
remarks about the execution.
First, when Alex finds out his dog was hit by a car and then forced to euthanize him to end his
suffering, I think you could have put in a lot more detail. Alex has just lost his best friend
abruptly, brutally and unexpectedly. His dog was taken from him in an unnatural and painful
way. The way the separation is written is already very satisfying, it is touching (even if it would
be even more impactful if their relationship were developed further) but I think it could be even
more so. I am someone who really likes tragic elements. It might not be to everyone's taste, but I think in this case adding more dramatic elements or sentences full of the character's suffering as
his dog agonizes while he can't do anything to save him. But these are only details here, what
you have written is already very good, I am only trying to make it perhaps even better, if
possible.
However, my biggest gripe is about Justin, the one who killed Max. I just wonder: why? This
character really has no interest or even reason to kill Max. I don't really understand his role in the
story. I think he's here mainly to incite Alex's rage, who then vents on him before finally getting
to the moral of the story, the idea that his dog will always be with him. I think the message
would get through even better and Alex's distress would be felt more if the person responsible for
Max's death had done it accidentally, without any ulterior motive. This would make Alex's anger
all the more terrible for the reader who would see him unleashed on an innocent.
The conclusion itself is quite charming and hopeful. It gives a smile and is touching for the
reader, I think it works very well.
Personal Enjoyment:
The story was fun to follow but I think you have to put in even more effort to make it
memorable since it's a short story, you have to mobilize a lot of resources to still succeed in
leaving a trace in the reader's memory. However, there are no flaws in this story that cannot be
corrected. As it is, it is already of good quality but I think it can very well improve even more.
With some effort, it can become memorable, albeit short, and manage to touch the reader even
more with a relationship between a human and a dog that many of us can relate to.
Anyway, thank you very much for choosing me as a reviewer.