The Last Demonic Spirit by Mysterious_Peridot

Reviewer: Ananas rebecca_batteur

Cover:
Your book cover is absolutely beautiful. The tones used correspond exactly to what one would
expect from this story, setting up a mysterious but also dangerous and threatening atmosphere,
the red emanating from the forest, the black which becomes a mist around the scarlet eye of the
demon. His gaze is highlighted, piercing with this unusual color for a pupil and we feel all the
danger that this demon can represent. In the midst of his gray skin, his ruby eye stands out and
pierces the reader who contemplates this cover. The character below whose silhouette makes me
think that it is the princess, seems to venture into a dangerous and unknown territory, she sinks
into a relatively terrifying wood that one could associate with the demon she tempts to tame in
this story. Seeing this cover, we fear for this character without even knowing exactly the threat
that lurks near her. The font used for the title is also very pleasant to read, it stands out with its
silver color and adds even more to the sinister atmosphere that we feel throughout this cover.
The arabesque or flourish present below gives more cachet to the cover and gives it a complete
appearance, neither overloaded nor empty. For me, this is a great cover that suits the theme of the
story well.
Title:
The title makes sense and sounds like an ominous tune that ties in well with your story. This title
gives us several information that helps in understanding the story. This book deals with demons
and especially the last of the demons. As the term “spirit” may suggest, we might find a history of
possession. This title works very well and plays its role as an incentive for the reader, letting him
glimpse a little more about the story he is about to read without, however, saying too much to
leave the curiosity of the reader who comes across this book grow.
Blurb:
The first sentences are interesting since they let the reader learn more about the universe where
he will land. He understands that this story will oppose humans and demons in a world where the
two have found themselves mixed. We do not have an overload of information that could disgust
the reader but just enough to make the reader wonder about the circumstances that led to this
situation.
The following sentences present an interesting symmetry in him and her, two characters still
unknown but who already take a lot of depth for the reader without him even knowing who
they are. We understand what their motivations are as well as the extent of the relationship that
binds them to each other. There is the opposition between him, the last demon, and her, who
becomes like an angel for him. We also learn that he has endured many sufferings, that he does
not know how to love. I really like the opposition between him who is seized by the fevers of
pride and her who offers him unconditional love. “The devil has his ways” is also an interesting
sentence, which echoes to “god has his ways”, recalls the demonic origins of the man and seems
to announce that their love is inevitable. The last two sentences are also very well chosen. Three
elements clash, two that we have already encountered, pride and love, and the last, vice, which
seems to represent the possible relationship between them. The question seems to be: who, him,
her, or both will triumph?

Overall, it's a summary with a lot of hidden meanings and elements that make much more sense
once the story begins. I also like this way of writing the summary, with a lot of space between
each sentence, the whole scrolling like a fresco. This summary manages to reveal a lot with few
words, it's a very good job.
Plot:
From what I've read, I haven't found anything very impressive about your plot. It has no errors
or faults, but it is not spectacular either. Most of the events that happen are relatively predictable,
the relationship that will be created between the princess and Michael and which starts off on the
wrong foot. We can easily guess that they will end up together, it is even declared in the
summary, it is therefore not a surprise, we already suspect that this is what will happen. Some
elements look a little more promising than others, but you don't see them much at first. The
political intrigue, with the princess revolting against the authority that the heads of the kingdom
are trying to impose on her, has potential but it is treated in a rather secondary way or does not
have enough impact for my taste. Nowel, during the ball, decides to frighten or reject each of the
suitors who come to her because she does not wish to become a simple wife sold to a foreign
prince to lay a slew of heirs. A perfectly understandable desire for independence. However, not
for a moment does she think about the impact that her treatment of the princes will have on her
kingdom's relations with other countries. Insulting and chasing each of these princes does not
seem to me the most judicious choice if she wishes to gain her freedom, it even seems to me on
the contrary a reason for the leaders of the kingdom to impose even more constraints on her. I
fully understand the hatred she may have against them, but acting in a more diplomatic way
seems to me to be a more viable solution. Also, I know that these princes are selfish and don't like
her at all, however, I find that the way they approach her is quite caricatural, they seek to seduce
her, so they will work to flatter her, even if they don't feel anything for her. Even though they
aren't supposed to be smart, they still received an elite upbringing that should have instilled in
them notions of politeness and conduct in high society.
I think that rather than confronting the princes directly, perhaps she should have sought to hide,
to flee, wanting to be left alone away from all the affairs of the kingdom and then trying to
declare her independence to the chiefs in private. Involving other countries seems to me a bit too
unreasonable. The principle of this ball, more than showing the rebellious nature of Nowel, is to
create the forced relationship between her and Michael. This meeting and the whole contract
between her and the chiefs could perfectly well happen, by trying to flee, Nowel could, in the
same way as by dancing, inadvertently jostle the demon. However, I am still going to nuance this
point: the idea here is that it was fate that brought them together, that Nowel had to fall into his
arms. I quite like this principle and removing it would perhaps make the meeting a little less
impactful I suppose. However, there are still improvements to be made to this passage.
There is also another element that disturbed me: when Nowel makes the contract with the
leaders of the kingdom, the counterpart if it fails is not very clear to me, I think it should be
specified what she risks if she fails to tame the demon. Apart from these details, I found the world-building in your story interesting, with for example
the members of the council, the leaders of the kingdom who show enough depth. I find them all
intriguing and I think that they play their roles well, Illinois and Elys for example act as an
opposing force against Nowel and each of them has motivations that make sense. Illinois who
seeks to maintain the peace of the kingdom at any cost and to finally tame the ardor of the
rebellious princess. Elys who shows genuine fear of demons against the skepticism of his
colleagues. Both are useful to the plot as they allow Nowel and Michael to have more adventures
as well as an opposing force fighting against them. The customs of the court of Andromeda are
also interesting to observe, with the presence in particular of the queens consorts, the concubines
of the king, as well as the tradition for the princesses during a ball to roll until she falls into the
arms of a prince… I think we need to dig even deeper into this aspect in order to give your text
an even more nuanced aspect with a very rich world. There are however still many details that I
do not know, such as the history between the human kingdoms and the demons, as well as what
led the demon race to extinction and I believe that, handled properly, these elements will be very
important and exciting for the reader. The immersion in the universe of your book is carried out
smoothly and it is not difficult to understand what is happening as well as the issues. The
existence of slaves who serve the royal family as well as a very developed traffic is also an idea
which has potential and which will have to be dealt with. Perhaps, by getting closer to Michael,
Nowel will develop an anti-slavery policy, in the same way that she seems committed to the fight
for women's rights within her kingdom.
Characters:
The characters, as they are, are interesting if we focus on the two main ones, Michael and Nowel.
I think, however, that they lack the necessary depth in relation to their past as well as their
personal troubles. Each has an external conflict with the authority of the kingdom which wants
to confine them to roles and places that do not suit them and each rebels against this order of
things. However, they have almost no inner conflict, apart from Michael, perhaps in relation to
his violent demon nature, but this aspect is a little too overstated for my taste. For their love story
to become even more impactful, I think it is necessary to give them both a certain loneliness and
rejection from others because of what they have been through. Nowel is alone in the world, she
lost her mother first then her father, leaving the kingdom without any heirs. She still has her sister
of course, but she is now an orphan and totally helpless in the face of the demands of the
kingdom's leaders. That's why I think that loneliness needs to be exaggerated even more, that
you need to really see her desire to be able to lean on someone through her willingness to make
Devi her mother. Instead, this decision she makes is only mentioned once and Devi hardly comes
into the story after that. The reader must be able to feel in her the feeling of being able to count
on no one or almost no one. Her pain linked to the loss of her two parents has to be exacerbated
because, in the state, one could almost forget that she is doing the bereavement of two parents.
Nowel doesn't have the backing of anyone in court, she can't oppose Illinois' demands on her
marriage or his decision to strip her of her chivalric courses. It would be necessary that these two
decisions taken by the heads of the kingdom without consulting her and of a capital importance for her future provoke in her a fit of rage or at least that we have more the impression that she
hates them all for depriving her of her independence and freedom. This feeling of being different
and not being able to rely on anyone could also be reflected in her relationship with her sister,
she avoids her because she feels that it is impossible for them to understand each other and that
she prefers not to not get attached to another member of her family only to have her taken away
from her again. Making her at certain times more fragile would also help to feel more connected
to her because, for the moment, she very often seems arrogant in her actions and her behavior,
without anyone understanding where such assurance comes from, having been raised in a society
where women are muzzled.
It is necessary to show the lack of confidence that she has for everything around her and this
constant fear that someone will come to hurt her, in this way, the arrival of Michael in her life
could find a resonance in her own sufferings. and allow her to fully understand and relate to this
young man. On Michael's side, we feel all the suffering that has been inflicted on him in the past
but, once again, he should be marked even more. He must be instilled in him with a permanent
terror towards others and the environment in which he is forced to evolve with the only answer
he finds against all this hatred and this violence which is directed against him being a perpetual
aggressivity. He was so often hurt, rejected, treated like nothing. The summary itself says that he
does not know how to love. We must therefore show this protective shield that he has put in
place around him against the constant assaults of a reality that does not accept his mere existence.
Its only means of preservation is to always defy the authority that one tries to inflict on it. You
must not hesitate to show him in a slightly more vulnerable light sometimes. I also think that,
compared to the eventful beginning of his relationship with the princess, it would be necessary to
establish the fact that he is not used to living in society or even to interacting with others, which
would explain a little better his sometimes strange behavior towards Nowel.
Establishing such a symmetry between the two could justify a little better the choice of Nowel to
rescue Michael despite the risks she runs. She would feel in him a similarity to her that she never
felt with anyone else. By meeting his eyes, more than telling herself that they are beautiful, she
would notice that they carry the same suffering that she finds in herself.
As for their relationship, I haven't seen enough to be able to judge if it settles well and cohesively
into the story but, from what I've perceived so far, I'll recommend caution and slowness in
relation to their love. That a natural attraction exists between the two, I can understand it but it
takes time for any love to be born between individuals like those you present to us, who are used
to rejecting everything around them.
Pacing:
The rhythm is pleasant, without wasting too much time. The different parts were short, which
makes reading fast and avoids boring the reader. We go straight to the point and we do not take
detours. Overall, I was not bored.
Writing style:
Your writing style might need a little more work and detail, but that's not absolutely necessary
either. As it is, your story works perfectly, with descriptions in an admittedly meager but sufficient quantity and also with a way of telling things that is very specific to the characters, as
we see with the insolence of Nowel for example. However, if you want to reach an even higher
stage of writing, I would advise to perhaps try to sink yourself even more in depth in the scenes
you describe and not to hesitate to do everything so that the reader can be completely immersed
in the story. However, this is not absolutely necessary, your story is already good, understandable
and pleasant to read, it is simply an option if you want to improve yourself a little more in order
to acquire a style that is unique to you and that anyone could recognize by reading your
writings. Again, the choice is yours.
Grammar:
There weren't a lot of mistakes, but I still recommend caution with respect to the timing, which
was sometimes incorrect. A few re-reads should fix the problem.
Personal Enjoyment:
The story was relatively pleasant, although it doesn't really stand out from what you can find on
Wattpad, I think it still has potential by really deepening the concepts covered. The characters
must fulfill more than a function and become real people. I would also recommend being careful
not to use manipulation in your story by showing only a fairly Manichean version of things for
the sole purpose of making us arrive at the desired conclusion about events or characters.