REVIEWER: rebecca_batteur

CLIENT: lelyko

Title:

The title is, in my opinion, perfect. I find it both poetic and full of meaning. This is the story ofthe traumatic experience that Alexandra underwent, hence the term diary. It's a bit of a way totalk about what she experienced without ever having to express herself directly. Love and Pain isa very good way to summarize the content of this book, since it is a mixture of both at the sametime. The mad love that is born from the meeting between the two main characters but also thepain, the pain present everywhere, in every corner of this text, in each character. A pain thatcould define them entirely and take control of their lives, a pain that they will manage to putbehind with the help of love, this love that they manage to find together, whether between Alexand Nolan or with the rest of their friends.

It is at the same time a tribute to past loves, Mark,who disappeared without the reader knowing what happened to him, who represented love for along time for Alexandra and who is today a source of pain.It is a beautiful duality which is presented in the title and which is found later throughout thetext. The love that is born after pain or the pain that is born from love, or maybe both at the sametime.

Cover:

This cover seems to me to be both simple and charming in the gentle candor it conveys and theintoxicating atmosphere of love it suggests. The pastel colors, pleasant to the eye, immediatelybring to mind a soft and languorous story, a real little bubble of happiness. I think it's a very wellchosen combination that suits the tone of the story. This simplicity also highlights the onlydrawing on the cover, the image of two hands trying to come together. Again, the idea of loveand pain. Love in the possible reunion of the two hands, pain in the distance that there is stillbetween the two. It is perhaps also a kind of love therapy that is offered here.

To conclude, I alsoreally like the little detail of the heart above the word Love and the blood stain that stains theword Pain. It's very well found and very elegant.

Blurb: 

I find this summary very good, although incomplete. The first paragraph in particular is by farmy favorite. I really like this idea of trying to put the pieces of memories together to understandeverything that happened, plus, that's exactly how the book has worked so far. From Alex, welearn little directly, we only discover the truth through the scraps of her memories which unfoldhere and there.

The other two paragraphs clearly set up the framework of the story and allow thereader to easily imagine what happens next, in a suggestive way that is nevertheless simpleenough so that the exercise is not impossible for someone who has never read the book. I simplyfind that this summary ends too abruptly for my taste. One line at most would be enough tocomplete everything and give the impression that the summary ends properly. Maybe a questionwould work well, like "Is there a place for love inside Alex's diary of pain?".

Plot: 

I don't have much to say about the story itself. It is coherent and seems partly based on trueevents if I understood correctly what war Alex had to face. I think this kind of story, based onfacts, is very helpful for people who have suffered the same kinds of things as Alex. It's a goodway to express pain and incomprehension, the feeling of no longer being able to conform tosociety that they may have felt. Showing suffering, telling it and above all, proving that there is away out of it is a completely laudable endeavor.

In addition, Alex's tragic past really adds depth tothe story and creates some of the most touching and memorable passages in the book. Alexbecomes completely different thanks or because of what she has experienced. This really sets herapart from the "classic" romance heroine, in that she immediately acquires a much greater depth.

Otherwise, the story doesn't have too many elements that I need to talk about. The situations arequite predictable, although often painful, the death of Mark's brother, Alex's parents, the eventswhich lead to the rapprochement and romance of Alex and Nolan. This is not a bad thing, thisbook does not need a very complex plot and the quiet and touching sequence of actions that itpresents is quite enough for the story that is told. I don't see anything to complain about, no biginconsistencies that make the story impossible to read, just a few elements that I perhaps findsurprising, like the fact that Tobias has a house big enough to accommodate so many friends inan apparently very popular ski resort, that students like them can afford the car ride and theEurostar ticket to the ski resort or that they can take a whole month's vacation while they are atUniversity. Perhaps there is an explanation but it is never clearly stated.

However, this is not the most important element of the story, so I would calmly pass over itwithout paying any more attention to it than that. For me, the focus and real strength of thisstory is in its characters and their relationships with each other. So that's what I'll focus on. 

Characters: 

Alex:Alex is an interesting character because, as I said before, she doesn't exactly look like the typicalheroine of this kind of story, she is deeper, she brings an additional message and, if her tragic pastwas not present, the story would lose much of what makes it interesting.

Alex, in herself, is notan exceptional person. She is neither bad nor particularly good. She's an ordinary young girl, andthat's not necessarily a bad thing. She is what one would expect of her, not a prodigy norsomeone aberrant. She is a sensitive young girl, I must admit, and she has qualities, such as herhumor or her great resilience, but she does not strike me as the best element of the story. She isordinary, without any major personality traits that could leave an impression on the reader.

Shealso has no flaws that could place her in a bad light. She has enough compassion to be interestedin and interact with others and enough analytical skills to notice many things about those aroundher, but Alex is not much more. I have to admit that she is pretty, that her behavior is notexasperating and that everything she does is justified and justifiable. She is courageous, it shows.She has lived a lot and she is still here, ready to risk everything, she has the will to continueliving.

However, much of what makes her more relatable to the reader comes from her trauma.What makes her special compared to others, what makes you can't help but feel compassion forher, what makes her appear mysterious is this scent of misfortune that hovers around her. She,because of this, becomes a more mystical character, less like the people we meet on a daily basis.This is what gives it flavor and makes its story truly interesting.

Other than that, even as someonewho has lived through so many atrocities, she doesn't display any particular enlightenment orwisdom that truly sets her apart from others. I find that her trauma is very well dealt with by thescars it left her, by the fear, the anguish and all the emotions she keeps inside her. Her slowevolution is also one of the keys to the character; it is through this long and difficult change thatwe realize all the pain she has endured, all that what she has experienced has cost her.I just have the impression that Alex isn't necessarily much more than a traumatized personexperiencing a love affair. I have the feeling that she is not much more than that. I don't know ifI see her as a real person.

I had trouble imagining who Alexandra Felyk is, what she likes, whatshe wants to become. I have information about what happened to her during the war, I know afew things about her family, her parents, what she did with them but I think Alex would gaineven more as a person if she was more defined, if we knew more about her, her family, what shelikes. As such, even though she is the main character whose thoughts we follow, I don't feel like Iknow her that much. I don't know anything about who she was before what happened to her, Ionly have scattered information about her.

We learned that she was previously popular at herschool. Very good but we don't know anything else about how she behaved there, what personshe might have been. She must have had friends, at least a few but we never hear about them,Alex doesn't mention a single one or worry about any of them. Did she have a best friend? Achildhood friend ? This is a big problem with Alex's character: we don't have enough details tobecome more attached to her. Each of her flashbacks and her entire situation could be made evenmore touching if we learned details about her daily life before the war. What was her routine?Was she passing small local boutiques or department stores? What were her neighbors like? Didshe have any habits there? What were her interests?

I think the gravity of the war could beconveyed even more if you described the setting in which Alex operates, not just from theoutside, as a foreign spectator, but rather as someone who has lived there all her life and who hasmemories associated with every street in her city, every storefront and every stone. We need to beable to feel the full content of what happened to the city in order to immerse ourselves even morein Alex's suffering.

Additionally, I have the feeling that Alex doesn't often talk about her aspirations. I understandthat she is still struggling with the post-traumatic stress of everything that happened to her, but Istill think that giving her some ambitions, some simple dreams perhaps would help to make hermore active as a character. Simply stating why she wanted to go to a university in England tobegin with. Even if her brother lived there and she knew the language, she would still have beenvery far from her native country and her parents. Was there a particular reason, a course that shewanted to follow? It seems to me that it has been said that this was already her ambition evenbefore the war and the death of her parents.To complete the whole thing, I think that there should be certain nostalgia in her, a sadness thatlasts from every moment, when she sees the landscape that surrounds her, so different from thatof her country.

I think Alex would be even more touching if we could feel all her sadness atbeing separated from her native land, from her family, and I think you are not using thisopportunity to show how war is cruel because it deprives Alex, even after successfully escaping,of the possibility of ever returning home.Happiness and love, since you talk about them a lot in your story, attract happiness. We tend toonly like a person who seems happy and active; someone who is withdrawn into himself doesn'tattract much more than the compassion of others. I'm not denying the existence of acts ofkindness towards people who have lost everything, but the love you describe between Nolan andAlex is not that kind of thing. So where does this affection come from? How could Alex get itlike that, without really doing anything to get it except exist? Happiness is very often a quest thatis never perfectly completed; obtaining it without doing anything for it makes it lose its valueand diminishes the realistic side of the story. I'm not saying that Alex hasn't suffered or that shedoesn't deserve to have happiness, I'm just saying that part of it is something she has to seek and Ithink your message would be even more impactful if Alex took a more active part in history.

To summarize, Alex is not a bad character but she seems a little flat, especially compared to apersonality as striking as Nolan.

Nolan:Nolan is, even if we do not hear his thoughts as for Alex, a very striking character by his way ofbehaving, by his nonchalance, by his humor, by everything he represents. I think this is due tothe fact that Nolan holds an ideal more than anything else, first and foremost because of theunconditional love he feels for Alex. I'm not saying the two don't have good chemistry. Theywork very well together, but the problem is that it's almost more due to Nolan than anythingelse.

Alex is funny, I've talked about that before, but she's nowhere near as expressive as Nolan.We can only sense her humor by following all her thoughts while Nolan's is through his gesturesand words. In addition, I have the feeling that, in this relationship they have together, Nolan isthe one who always makes the most effort and confides the most, despite his past which does nothave much to envy of that of Alex. In passing, I notice that the contrast between the two wouldbe even more marked if we learned more about Alex's life before the war, the oppositionbetween the two would be more striking, one who was happy and who had everything and thenlost all of that suddenly and the other who was never happy.

Nolan is understanding, he is attentive, he respects the limits established by Alex to the pointwhere you almost have the impression that he is just a robot created to respond to her slightestdesires. He's the perfect man, as handsome as a model, abs, curly hair, green eyes, he's British,smart and obviously he only has eyes for Alex. I'm not surprised that Alex was able to fall in lovewith him though, and as she says herself, why did Nola fall in love with her? Two pains thatattract each other? However, Vanessa hasn't had an easy life either, so why Alex and not her? 

Vanessa is not shown as a negative character, Alex's insistence on not hurting her shows this well.Vanessa just had the misfortune of falling in love with the main male character in a romance but Ifind that, compared to Alex, she has almost more dimension as a character, she is active in life andmanages to alternate studies and business for a boutique which isn't even really hers technically.She's known Nolan for a lot longer too, why didn't things work out between them? What ismore or different about Alex than her, other than the fact that she is the main character?

Coming back to Nolan, apart from his almost supernatural clemency towards Alex, who makeshim accept everything for her, not knowing her past, not receiving the slightest explanationabout Mark, not revealing their relationship to others and hiding it as much as possible, whilekindly complying with Alex's physical desire, exactly when she wants it, he's an enjoyable andvery funny character. I really like the fact that he has a personality, aside from being handsome ormysterious.

The two main characters, Alex and him, initially annoy each other a little but Igreatly appreciated the fact that this annoyance seems natural and not exaggerated and quicklybecomes friendship then love. Nolan is not so arrogant, nor is he the cliché bad boy and I mustsay that it is refreshing. I also find that his personality fits Alex and the story well, with his intenseaffection for her which will help her heal from her wounds.

Nolan, although he seems like somekind of idealized dream, is true. He is someone with a touching past that goes back to his firstname.Although I don't understand his extreme attraction to Alex, I have to say that the two go welltogether and complement each other. They have moments of genuine affection that aren't justabout physical attraction and that's a positive point for me as well.It's a very sweet love story that they develop together and I have the feeling that, more than thelove, the message is for everyone that, despite everything that can happen, despite the darkness ofthe world, one day, one day things will get better. This is how I interpret Alex's quest to getbetter, helped by Nolan who quickly becomes everything to her.

Borys:Borys, even if he is a secondary character, is, in my opinion, an excellent character. He is welltreated in every scene he appears in and, even when he is not present and only mentioned byAlex in her thoughts, we get to see exactly what kind of person he is. He is an emotional supportfor Alex and plays his role of protective big brother to perfection.

We feel all his suffering atfinding his sister like this, at not knowing exactly what happened to her, at not having been therefor her and at not knowing how to help her from now on. He is attentive and very tender withher and we can feel the incredible relationship they have together, through the jokes andanecdotes that Alex relates. Borys is a funny character who brings a touch of joy to the story ineach of his interventions, even when he bothers the two lovers, when they try to kiss for the firsttime for example or the hilarious moment when he wakes up Nolan whom he finds in his sister'sbed with her.

In addition, we can very well imagine how much he means to Alex, as well asRebecca, with all the times she talks about their relationship. I almost feel like the two have takenthe place of Alex's parents in her head as a protective couple watching over her.

Vanessa:As I said before, Vanessa is an interesting character, almost more so than Alex herself. She haswillpower, although her love for Nolan makes us lose sight of everything else she is. Overall, Idon't really know what Vanessa's purpose is. She's nice and Alex likes her and does everythingnot to hurt her, although I think she'll end up finding out the truth soon.

She is not a negativecharacter, you make that clear, so she will not serve to strengthen the bond between the twomain characters by trying to interfere between them. I admit that the fact that she is so pleasantand friendly with Alex is still a good surprise, it suggests that a love triangle will not lengthen thestory. In this way, we see Vanessa as a person rather than as a rival to be eliminated. I just wonderwhat awaits her and I just hope that it doesn't turn out badly, it would be a shame to see such apositive character go down the wrong path

I don't have much to say about the other characters, except perhaps Mark who is an importantcharacter in the plot. Mark is touching in his protective side towards Alex. Their relationship isvery different from the one she has with Nolan and that's an excellent point, it allows you toreally feel the differences between Mark and Nolan without pitting them against each other. 

Mark is not presented in a bad light to make Nolan look better and the opposite is also true and Ithink it's a very good choice. You showed how they were each good in their own right, they areopposites without either being negative. We can see what both relationships bring to Alexwithout either one suffering from it. I really like what the questioning of Mark's fate brings tothe plot. We have a certain tension, a mystery which hovers over the story and which gives it atragic and deep tone, just as the fate of his brother has already done. This gives a lot of depth toyour story, and you feel it, since you delay any revelation about Mark as much as possible.

As for the other characters, they are not significant enough for me to need to talk about them.They are good secondary characters but I don't think it's necessary to talk more about them. Ilike the depth that you still put to each of them, giving the story a varied and enjoyable set ofcharacters. None of them have any flaws, and together they have good group chemistry thatmakes it seem like they are real friends.

Pace: 

The rhythm is not always the strong point of the story I would say, since the book begins withvery long parts without pause which can perhaps put off the reader. I think splitting up the earlyparts to make them as short as the later parts might be desirable. It's not essential, the story readswell as it is, but I still have the feeling that this length could put off some readers.

As it is a lovestory and not an action story, some chapters sometimes drag on. The ones that work best everytime are the ones that feature flashbacks of Alex, they always sound much better than the rest asdeep, impactful elements of the story. In these flashbacks, the emotions are always much morewild and striking than in the rest of the story, so this sometimes creates a certain uneven pacebetween the present moment and Alex's past.

The present is not very forbidding either, certainscenes, between Alex and Nolan in the chalet for example, are very pleasant to read andcharming in their sweetness and simplicity. I would advise trying to focus on these kinds ofwarm moments that serve as healing for Alex, without paying too much attention to the desire ofthe two characters. It's not when they want to take advantage of each other that they are mostentertaining and there is, in my opinion, greater value in ordinary moments of exchangebetween them. Talking often about Alex's emotions and trauma is also a good choice because ofthe realism it brings.

All I can recommend is to try to be even more precise and sharp in theevocation of feelings for an ever more poignant analysis of emotions.

Writing style: 

Your writing style has its moments of glory, especially when it talks about the chaos anddestruction of war or Alex's tumultuous emotions after what she went through, however, I haveto say that it remains very basic and never goes into lyrical flights of any kind. Lyricism and thedeep and metaphorical evocation of feelings is for me something to master when writing a lovestory. I would advise you to work on your descriptions and not hesitate to draw from thelandscape that surrounds the characters reflections of their romantic situation, like when they stopat a gas station, the sky is white, the snow is falling, Nolan is tired, Alex is sad about the distancebetween them and she takes advantage of this moment to honor Mark's brother. During thesekinds of moments, very deep and sad naturally, you shouldn't hesitate to dramatize things a little,to take a different tone that almost separates the scene from reality.

Some of the characterdescriptions are often a bit flat since they are just lists of items that these characters wear. Wemust focus above all on what distinguishes these characters from others, small characteristics thatwe notice with a little attention and that the author uses for his reader to help them betterrepresent the character. You have to aim for the precise feeling you are supposed to feel whenyou see the person. What stands out from them? More than the color or style of the clothes theywear, what does this choice tell us about them? Does this person have a particular approach? Didthey wear their hair differently today? What is the difference between what it was yesterday andwhat it is today? 

I recommend that you try reading romantic authors, both French and British. So try the Brontësisters, Jane Austen if you want, or even Victor Hugo. Some reading of this type, especially LesMiserables, would be very beneficial to you. I find Les Misérables very touching because of themixture of misery and hope that one can draw from it, as well as its many extremely pathetic andtragic passages which are capable of moving someone from the inside. I don't see how takinginspiration from the greatest would be ridiculous or excessive. I consider that whatever one doesor desires to do, one must do it as best as possible and try to reach the greatest heights throughthis work so as never to be ashamed of it, despite the type of work or project that it can be.

Forromance, Jane Eyre is also an excellent example with magnificent descriptions that mark a personforever. I would also suggest novels such as L'Ecume des Jours or maybe Manon Lescaut. Theobjective is, once again, to succeed in obtaining as much culture as possible for a more advancedstyle. I don't think that a way of writing that's too complex would suit your story, so I don'tnecessarily advise you to adopt formulas that are too convoluted. It is a simple story that you arewriting, intended for everyone, however, there is style even in simplicity and it is quite an art tosucceed in conveying through your lines a very precise feeling to the reader without it evenfeeling like reading the description.

In this area, an author like Guy de Maupassant perfectlyillustrates this point.The key word is precision and simplicity. You have to express what you want to say, withoutnecessarily going through thousands of detours, but doing it in a way that still touches the heart.Down with the vague side which sometimes gives this story a too trivial or vulgar side. You feellike you're reading someone's thoughts, but I don't know if that's always a good thing. I have thefeeling that misfortune and suffering sharpen the mind as well as the pen and make speech moreauthentic and striking at the same time.

I think one of the problems that has bothered methroughout is that most of the thoughts we hear from Alex, except on rare occasions, don't get tothe heart of the matter, it doesn't say her emotions, and only repeat or announce events that Alexsees. This puts a certain distance between the reader and her, while making the reading less fluidand more repetitive. We can't feel the truth from Alex.

Someone, however, who has experiencedhell, would rather save words and express their feelings directly. This story is called a diary,which means that it must focus on the introspection of the main character.The only real remarks that tell us Alex's feelings might as well be dialogue because of how littlethey reveal to us that we didn't already know from what had been said before.

Grammar:

I haven't noticed any major problems, apart from some problems with the concordance of tenses,I suggest some rereading to eliminate these problems.

Personal Enjoyment: 

If what I've already written isn't clear enough, I really liked this story. In general, I find it moredifficult to write a lot or rather to write well to correct a story that is not close to my heart. Thisstory is touching, the characters are endearing, there is no fault, error or intrinsic defect thatcould push me to turn away from it. I only find a very sweet message, a romance that makes youhappy. I think there is potential here to do something even better. Everything can alwaysimprove in general anyway

I find that the suffering, the pain that some people have had toendure is very well represented, I find that it is something which will perhaps allow someone,somewhere to feel less alone and to still believe in better tomorrows. This is why I advise you tocontinue on this path, especially given that you have already gathered a very good base ofreaders.

Good luck to you for the rest of this adventure.