REVIEW - HELL IS AN EMPTY HEART (AnnamitaMuscaria)

REVIEWER - Blade DeathBlade__

(First 3 chapters were reviewed) 

Title: 5/5

I love the title a lot! It is a part of a quote that I really like and keeping that as the title works wonders with the book. 

There’s a lot about love in this story from what I can tell (especially now that Hades kidnapped Persephone for a forced marriage). He is also the king of the underworld and this marriage was arranged by her father for her, so both the hell and the empty heart parts of the title tie in together.

Hermes also lost the girl he loved which could also contribute to the title. 

In the first three chapters itself, I could relate the book a lot with the title and there might be more instances in the future. 

The title is really good and perfect to attract new readers. 

Cover: 3/5

I love the font/ everything related to the texts used on the cover. I love the flowers and leaves growing from the swirls in the text, it represents Persephone’s attachment to them and their attachment to her. 

However, other than the font, the cover is a bit simple, especially the background image. I’d prefer if there was a lot more going on in the cover to give off more of a magical feeling. I mean, the story heavily follows greek gods, and a cover showing the extent of their power would have been a better fit. 

My suggestion would be to go for a manip cover with more magical elements rather than a plain image. 

Overall, the cover does look great but I’d like it better if the background grabbed my attention greater than the font did. 

Blurb: 4/5

The blurb is short but it conveys a lot, all the while building up the reader’s curiosity. The last two sentences really create intrigue (it definitely did for me). 

But she chose to be the prisoner of her husband’s love. When I read that sentence, I was really in awe. There are many ways to interpret it which again, leads to greater curiosity. The word prisoner made it seem like she was unwilling to be there but the word love may contradict it. It’s the perfect sentence!

The only issue was the first sentence. Again, it's a great starting sentence but it feels a bit incomplete. Personally, I’d change into something like this, 

“It is this sacred blood that made you strong, dangerous, and above anything, a woman”

Without the It is, the sentence feels like it should continue but it doesn’t

Other than that, I loved the blurb! It was enough to reel me into the book!

Writing Style: 10/10

There are no grounds for me to complain about this. Everything was perfect! The description of the characters was perfect, I loved how you described the smallest details (such as the flowers) and the overall writing style was so unique! It gives a sense of olden times, without being too hard to read and it was a perfect balance!

The first chapter opened with started off in a poetic way that I’ve never seen before. It was certainly very unique and it also gave an overview of Mount Olympus and how it looks. The paragraph following that had stunning vocabulary (as did all three chapters). You described the flowers and the research done on them made it very authentic. I loved how you introduced the readers to Persephone and the whole paragraph was filled with imagery. 

You compared Persephone with a chrysalis and that was a very subtle detail. It insists that she’ll grow to be a butterfly and I love these tiny details. 

The way you describe people is also very unique. You often compare them with something else, as you did with Persephone and a chrysalis. You also compared Hermes’ skin tone to that of a cassia bark (which apparently is just Chinese cinnamon) instead of just saying he had a dark skin tone. I also loved how you contrasted it with Persephone’s skin. 

The only things you could change in chapter 1 are,

- You wrote Our majesty from the netherworld although the story is written from the third person POV. That sentence clashes with the rest of the POV.

- You wrote As Hermes had revealed before introducing Demeter again. While I understand that this is for people unaware of greek mythology (myself included), it seemed unnecessary. 

In the second chapter, you introduced more characters (Artemis and Athena). Your introduction to Athena has to be my favorite! I just love the sentence one-edged Makhair that only knew how to cut, not how to thrust, It represents her fierceness really well (more on that later)

The third chapter was filled with emotions and they were portrayed really well. You described Demeter’s pain, Artemis’ anger, and Athena’s worry for Persephone very well! It was a very painful scene and the writing made it all the more impactful. 

One thing I really enjoy about your writing style is that it almost feels poetic. You have so many imageries, metaphors/analogies, and personifications as well. I loved how the flowers died after Persephone went to the underworld, it showed that not only were the people upset, the flowers were too! 

Speaking of the underworld, the way you described it was simply amazing!

Overall, I really have nothing bad to say about the writing style. I was so in awe of your writing and it enhanced every scene in the book. 

Grammar: 10/10

Again, I have nothing bad to say. Writing style does wonders for a book but poor grammar could lessen its effect. Luckily, that wasn’t the case for you! The grammar was immaculate! There were no typos (which is very common), the tenses were perfect and so was the punctuation! It’s clear that a lot of effort has been put into making sure that everything turns out perfectly, and it has really paid off!

With that being said, I found 1 sentence you could improve, 

- The ground pulled them further deep. As the four armoured sable-black horses kept them together.

The full stop between deep and as seemed unnecessary to me. You could either add a comma between the two words and continue it as one sentence. Else, you could keep the first sentence as it is and merge the second sentence with its succeeding sentence.

It is an easy fix and despite this, I didn’t find any errors. You have done a wonderful job, kudos for that!

Plot: 10/10

Now, I don’t know a thing about greek mythology except there are many gods to keep track of and that there is a lot of incest. When I realized that it was about greek gods, I was worried that I might get lost but that simply was not the case!

The plot building was gradual enough for me to keep track of it but it wasn’t too slow that it became boring. The pace was perfect!

There was a lot of foreshadowing, but not in an obvious way. You had a few sentences in the middle with a bunch of thoughts that were really helpful in engaging the reader (aka me). For example, 

Who was with her? where was she going? will she ever come back? It presented Artemis’ thoughts really well, all the while making the readers wonder the exact same thing (at least in the last line). It also had me hoping that she would (but I should perhaps know better) since my heart was breaking for her mother. 

The buildup for each scene in the book was so well done and intense. When Persephone goes to grab the Narcissus, it was a common thought that its beauty was only luring her. Still, the way you wrote everything so gradually had me on the edge of my seat!

Writing historical fiction is tricky since things are far different now. Still, you managed to keep it accurate. Persephone thanks people with a kiss. That might be odd and misleading now but back then (especially since they are gods) I can understand why it is not considered odd.

I felt the same about the characters. Apollo has nine maidens and people don’t really accept that a lot now (at least, not for the long term) but it was very common. It’s the same with incest.  It is not generally accepted but it was back then and keeping all of these in mind and writing a timely accurate story is hard, but you’ve done a great job there as well!

The last two sentences of the 3rd chapter have left me hanging. It shows Zeus’ tearing heart and that sentence is a literal masterpiece! The fact that Hermes already has a plan to get Persephone back left me so intrigued and that was the perfect cliffhanger if I’ve ever seen one. 

I love the plot so far. I’m so interested in it and I want to know what will happen to Hades and Persephone. The base of the plot so far is amazing and I can tell that plot will progress and grow better!

Characters: 10/10

I don’t necessarily like all the characters. But, I can see that they have a few redeeming qualities that might make them grow into better people and that’s what matters. A book can get boring with overly nice characters but you have a mix of both which makes them a lot more interesting. 

Persephone: She is very innocent. She fears abandonment which is why she does everything Demeter asks to please her. She’s oblivious to Hermes’ feelings towards her and everybody else’s as well. Although she is the main character, I feel like I know more about other’s than her. Still, she’s likeable and now that she’s in teh underworld, she will probably change from the innocent girl to somewhat of a bolder personality and that change will be great, I can tell!

Hades: He kidnapped Persephone, I’m not fond of him. Still, he’s the ruler of the underworld and people look at him with shame and not a lot of respect. That may be a cause for his actions which makes me relate with him a lot more. He has a cause behind his actions and while it doesn’t affect Persephone directly, she might change that about him (preferably gradually).

Demeter: I really like Demeter. She keeps persephone away from Hermes (who is her closest friend) and while that is not geat for Persephone, it makes sense from Demeter’s perspective. Persephone is oblivious to what the people think/want from her but Demeter is not and she’s only trying to protect her daughter. She is also very bold and I loved the scene where she was turning down Ares, Hephaestus and Apollo. She knew her daughter’s worth and was not going to sell her to them, which was really bold of her! I also liked how she let them speak their points calmly without interrupting and when they were done, she gave a firm no. Athena and Artemis are outright badasses but Demeter also has that in her, only in a more subtle way.
She had a mother’s instinct about Persephone being in danger and that shattered her. Seeing the tears roll down her cheek was very sad and it portrayed all the love she had for Persephone.

Zeus: I loved the contrast you showed between Zeus and Demeter (in a subtle way). First, we have Dememter turning down 3 guards in order to not sell Persephone to someone and in the third chapter, we see that Zeus did the exact same thing. He aided Hades in kidnapping Persephone. While that is unnacceptable, you made it clear that it hurt him deeply and that he may or may not have had no choice. While that isn’t enough, there is room if redemption and perhaps there is more to his character that we are unaware of. 

Hermes: I really like him. He’s sweet and although he’s not as innocent as Persephone, he still has some innocence. I can aslo see the bond between him and Persephone since they have similar interests (flower garland making) whereas Artemis and Athena don’t share that with her. I was sad for Hermes when he found out about Persephone being taken by Hades. He loved her in secret for so long and when he finally took the courage and initiative to ask her hand in marriage, it was too late. The ending of the 3rd chapter is also interesting because he seems to have a plan and he’s not as innocent as I thought he would be.

Athena: Like I mentioned once, I loved her comparison with the Makhair. It shows her fierceness in a very creative way. I also liked how you mentioned that Athena was a fan of Hades since he was good at fighting and that was very consistent with her characters. I loved her reaction when she found out about Persephone, how quick she was to comfort Demeter. 

Artemis: Artemis, just like Athena, is a badass. I loved how the second she found out about Persephone, she was already out, on a hunt to hurt anyone who may have inflicted harm on Persephone. It showed how much really cared for her and although the whole scene was a bit sad, seeing her confidence brought the same feeling in me. 

All the characters have many layers and only few have been dissected till now. As the book progresses and more situations arise, we’ll be able to dive further into their character and there is a lot of potential for that!

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

I love everything about the plot, the writing style, the grammar and the characters! Everything is so well done and thought out and I was in awe with every chapter. You’ve left me hooked with only a few minutes of reading and that is such a huge thing! I have nothing else to say except this may be one of the best books I’ve read on Wattpad! 

Great job on all the effort put and Good luck with the sequels of this book :)

Total: 57/60