REVIEWER - Blade DeathBlade__

REVIEW - SEARCH FOR THE FAE (Pinkroseutena)
The first 3 chapters were reviewed.

Title: 3/5
- I’ll be honest, when I read the title, I wasn’t too thrilled to read it. There have been no hints of the fae (till where I read) although the mysterious figure might be what you’re talking about. Either way, the title doesn’t pull readers in. it’s rather straightforward forward which I believe is the problem.
- The title isn’t bad per se but it could be better. I really liked the plot (more on that later) so to have a weak title didn’t seem like justice to the book.
- Perhaps you can expand on the vocabulary and look for one-worded titles. This of course is not compulsory, it’s just a suggestion.

Cover: 0/5
- The cover has a lot of room for improvement. For starters, you mention the fog a lot. While there is some fog at the bottom of the cover, it is much too bright. I always imagined it to be in dark and that it clouds the vision but the cover didn’t portray that.
- The main issue is the color scheme. You seemed to have gone for lighter colors when darker ones would have suited the plot.
- The font is very small and it’s not very grand. Since the cover doesn’t have any details except a simple stairway background, more focus could have been put on the font by making it bigger and styling it better.
- The background itself could use some change. The plot so far has a lot more than the staircase (such as the missing children) so adding just that doesn’t cover many aspects. Also, it’s too simple for the plot you’re going for so I’d highly recommend a change.

Blurb: 2/5
- You give all the necessary information, which is great! My only problem was the sentence structure.
- Many sentences in the blurb are rather lengthy. You continue sentences without breaks which makes them less appealing. For example, the last line in the first paragraph could be made shorter/into 2 parts.
- The same goes for the last paragraph. My suggestion - add full stops in the sentences to break them down for easier/more convenient reading.
- I also really don’t like the use of ellipses in the blurb. They were used a lot in the chapters as well and it felt a bit unnecessary. Also, I noticed that after ellipses, you don’t capitalize the first letter of the next word which should be done. This isn’t always compulsory but in the context of the blurb, it was a new sentence so it needs to be done.
- I’d say to fix the formatting of the sentences and your blurb would be good to go.

Writing Style: 7/10
- The writing style was great for the most part. You described scenarios well and I had a good picture of where Ressy was.
- I really loved the writing style in the opening paragraph, it made my expectations for the books very high (and it delivered).
- However, at certain times it could have been better.
- For example, the missing boy is supposed to be 23 years old! I felt like that kind of information could have been given when she started interrogating Mr. and Mrs. Brice. The way they spoke about him, he sounded like a teenager. You could have left more hints about this.
- In chapter 1, Ressy sees a drawing of a shadowy humanoid and seems concerned about it. However, I wasn’t since it wasn’t described in great detail. You could describe it better to add to the creepy effect.
- In chapter 2, there was an intense scene going on with Ressy and the rest of the police trying to find the girl before it was too late. The scene was incredibly well written and the stakes seemed high but that changed after you gave the backstory about the teens’ arrest. While it may be important, adding it in between another scene of high importance ruined the flow.
- Perhaps you could have segued it at another time instead of in the middle of an action sequence.
- In the same chapter, Ressy hits someone with a car. At least, she thinks she does. Now, that is something that could really panic someone but she didn’t seem fazed by it. You could expand on the panic she would have felt at that moment to make the scene feel more real.
- You described the winged, red-eyed creature in chapter 2 and repeated the same thing again in chapter 3 which felt unnecessary
- You also write Of course she knew, yes she knew, yes this, etc all the time. It feels like you’re confirming someone’s statements except no one said anything. I’d advise you to keep that to a minimum.

- Other than that though, the writing style was very easy to follow and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Grammar; 6/10
- The main errors I found were related to how the sentences were formatted. I’ve mentioned this in the blurb but it was present a lot more in the chapters (since they were wavy longer).
- Other than that, there were many typos (which is quite common).
- I have noted down some of the errors that I found and hopefully it is of help when you rewrite those parts.

Chapter 1
- You wrote ‘Deep drag’ in the first para and repeated it in the second. You could use a different term to make it less repetitive.
- And after almost 100 years since the town’s founding no one - omit since the town’s founding (to make it less lengthy) and add a comma between 100 and no one.
- The cold within the house was something felt more in soul rather than skin - add that was between something and felt.
- Nothing I never heard before, yet so familiar somehow - this implies that it’s not she didn’t hear before so the second part of the sentence is unnecessary. Don’t use double negatives in the first sentence.
- Mr. Brice already has a lot on his plate….” - add a “ to the start of the dialogue

Chapter 2
- flies -  change it to fliers (in the first paragraph)
- If anything a room filled - add a comma between anything and a.
- Since then no other outside law enforcement - add a comma between then and no
- Sleep ethier mom - change it to either
- but never day after - add a between never and day
- She raced the old dark blue Camry - add to between raced and the
- But they also intrigued her even in her childhood - add a comma between her and even

Chapter 3
- She shook like mad - rephrase it to She shook like a mad woman.
- Can I help you?” - add a “ to the start of the dialogue.

- Grammatical errors are the easiest to fix since you only need someone (or yourself) to reread the chapters. You could also use Grammarly to make the task easier.
- Overall, I hope you were able to get a glimpse of the kind of errors you make and I hope it’s easier to fix them with this.

Plot: 9.5/10
- I enjoyed the plot a lot more than I expected. As I mentioned, the first impression (title, cover, and blurb) didn’t really sit with me but the plot was incredible.
- The pacing was amazing. There was never a dull moment and I was curious with every passing scene. The flow wasn’t too fast or too slow, it was just right!
- There are many mysteries hidden in the book and all are given great importance. It seems like a great mix of the supernatural (the fae) and mystery (the missing children).
- Although a few errors in the writing style (such as the teen arrest in between another scene) made the plot a little less enjoyable, it didn’t trouble my reading at all.
- I really enjoyed how everything is being laid out so far. You asked if you should make the book longer and I’d definitely say that you should! You could plan out the mystery and take it to great destinations.
- Overall, I don’t have much to critique on this. What I do know is that I enjoyed it a lot and it has great potential!

Characters: 7/10
- So far, there is only one character of importance, and that is, Ressy. Although I feel like you could focus more on other characters as well, it’s only been 3 chapters and if you do extend the book, you could expand on them as well.

Resistance: She’s incredibly strong. Her mother neglected her after Lucy disappeared but she made a good life for herself. She’s also a very responsible mother to Lorelei which was great to read. However, I found certain flaws in her.
1. She doesn’t have many flaws. I’m not saying that she seems like a perfect character, only that her flaws haven’t been revealed yet. If you give hints about all versions of her, the readers would be able to see her as a three-dimensional character.
2. She’s not a very efficient cop. She screams the missing girl’s name (Cynthia) and draws attention to herself when there might’ve been danger lurking around. She also doesn’t seem attentive enough to feel like a real police officer who might find something useful. We know for a fact that she isn’t an apprentice and it isn’t acknowledged anywhere.
It’s not like she’s supposed to be a little unattentive or anything, the cop part of her character just isn’t designed well enough yet. Maybe adding more details and realism to that could make her feel more real.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
- I liked the book a lot. The plot was simply amazing and although there were many things that weren’t up to the mark, my overall enjoyment was very high.
- Just work on everything that I’ve mentioned so far. I am certain it will make the book better and it will raise the overall enjoyment.
- I wish you good luck with your future writing endeavors.

Total: 38.5/60