Reviewer: -taeyze-
Written by: leomimi17
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[PS: Reviewed till Chapter 27]

Cover: 3/5
The combination is pretty catchy, and I really like the fonts used and the placement of elements is good too. But the image taken is too much in contrast which I think needs to be fixed. Maybe you can take a better picture too.

Title: 4/5
So far, the title seems quite fitting, though it is somewhat common. But even though, it is catchy and good to go.

Blurb: 4/5
The content is just perfect! It has the right amount of information and enough to strike one's curiosity to just read the book. I like the aesthetic look you provided to it as well. It's really eye-catchy. There are some typos though, and some punctuation errors, especially capitalisation. A proofread would fix these small things. Also, I guess the ranking you've written aren't needed because the reader can view the ranking themselves.

Plot: 2/5
The plot isn't something very different from most mafia stories that I've read. It is a little cliché. It goes like, love blooming between two childhood best friends and suddenly they are separated by a scheme of a girl who likes the guy. Then the girl is caught by a mafia who was going to sell her, but fell for her. Then taking a chance, she ran away and another man found her, who apparently started having feelings for her too. This is all too cliché and happens too quickly without much happening which adds a little to its fault.

Execution of the plot: 3/5
Even though it is cliché, it does have its own flavor to it, which is a must. It doesn't get boring at any point and that's very appreciatable. The way it carries a little mystery with the characters is also pretty nice. Since the story isn't completed yet, I can't really comment on the execution of the plot overall, but so far, it has been done pretty nicely, not talking about the predictability of it.

The idea of the story: 2/5
About the idea I could grasp, it's nothing but romance; bunch of guys falling for a girl. Also, at times, it feels like it's a story of a damsel in distress waiting for her prince to come and save her. This isn't really what you wanted to convey, but that's how it seems, it needs to be fixed.

Originality: 2/5
The story isn't very unique. It is a common concept that I've come across a lot. But it does have a touch of uniqueness with some things; such as the twists it has. But despite that, it's often predictable.

Writing Style: 3/5
The writing style isn't very great, to be honest. The details aren't provided and everything is written very to-the-point. Some things like feelings, atmosphere, scenario, they need to described so as to create the vibe for the story; it's very lacking. Apart from that, when characters are introduced, their names are straightaway written. You could do a better job by explaining the features of the character and use some hints before revealing the name. This would keep readers hooked to the story. Also, with my knowledge of the writing style that should be used, I'd suggest not to narrate using casual words but rather be formal and professional with the speech. The dialogues can contain the franks and slangs, obviously.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 5/10
There are punctuation errors, mostly capitalisation. There are many other grammatical errors such as, incorrect forms of verbs and incorrect as wel as improper sentence formation. There is an overly usage of ellipse which shouldn't be there, and also other exclamatory symbols are incorrectly used. The vocabulary used is also very limited and at places the words are wrongly used; for example: instead of "...biting on her bread" you can use "munching on the bread". They mean the same thing but that's not the way they are used; another example: instead of "...fell in a great discomfort" use "...fell in vital discomfort", and "blood spots" instead of "blood dots" would be a better phrase. The phrase "great discomfort" is very contradicting and doesn't blend in. It could be used sarcastically, but it's not used in that way either. Then, there are minor typos as well.

Presentation: 3/5
In the first few chapters, you have used an image as well apart from the banners that are used throughout, they could be removed since I don't think they hold any importance. Also, I think it will be better if you could edit the banners; make it thinner so it actually works like a banner. Apart from the graphics, at places, italics and bold texts have been used that add to the beauty of the text as well as emphasize on the important things to be noted. But at some places these are random as well, and hence lose their meaning.

Flow & Pace: 2/5
The plot seems somewhat rushed from scene to scene; more significance and time should be given to each scene so that it could create an impact. The scene changes too quickly and not much happenings are shown, yet a huge change of emotions is seen in that extremely short period of time. This makes the story lose the feelings it should be holding. It'd be better to slow down the pace and describe everything needed and give enough time for the feelings to emerge.

Structure: 3/5
The structure of the story is mostly fine, except at some points it feels a little distorted. By structure, I mean the framing of the scenes, the plots and the dialogues, and their sequence. It isn't very concrete and wavers sometimes. Keep it constant. The scene switches way too frequently as well.

Literary Skills: 3/10
Honestly speaking, there really aren't any literary devices used. One thing that I always look for in a story is, imagery. Imagery is a key element to any writeup, according to me. It creates a picture in our mind and we can closely feel the story, and each word written can be felt. Another important device is exposition. Though it can be slightly ignored in some kinds of short writings, it's a very important device in a descriptive writing style. Other devices, like metaphors, personification, symbolism, anastrophe etc. that could be well used in this type of writing aren't used either. Flashbacks are used overly as well.

Characters: 1/5
The characters are common too, since the plot is common. Their personalities are nothing new. They have very typical characteristics with very usual dialogues and scenes. Also, Y/N's character comes out as a damsel in distress, though I think that's not what you wanted to show. The characters need to be refined; bring out not just their straightforward feelings, but also the hidden ones that's unrealised, and their third person outlook.

Emotions & Development: 3/10
There are emotions but they don't create a feel. There is this aura that needs to be created for the reader to breathe in the emotions written on their screen. Even if they haven't felt it ever, they could feel it through those words. This sense of emotional writing isn't present here, though I won't say it's completely absent but it's negligible. The development of their emotions isn't feel-worthy either. You've put the words directly, rather you could throw hints and signs to indicate the feelings. The feelings just jump on without the journey of how it happened to be, which cuts off the emotional connect between the reader and the story, and its characters.

Reader's Enjoyment: 7/10
Despite the faults, the common plot and various other things, the story is quite enjoyable. I'd be lying if I say that I just scrolled through just to finish your review. I was kinda hooked to the story and had the curiosity to know what's gonna happen next. Though the predictability of the plot ruined some of the fun, it is commendable how the story still managed to keep my interest.

Total: 50/100

Strengths and Weakness:
The strength I'd say can only be the writing style. Writing style is one thing that can never be compared to someone else's writing style. Everyone has their own style and that's what makes an author unique and appreciatable in this field. Since this story doesn't have much originality, working on the writing style is the key to bend this towards perfection.