Rise of the Night Witch (by PASharp)
*Note: Intro to Chapter 1.10 were read

Reviewer: Borbityborb

Book cover - 4.5/5

I love it! The color scheme is mysterious but modern, which reflects the story. My only observation is that the text ‘Rise of the Night Witch’ is too big and should be a little smaller, because the beginning and last letters are too close to the edges.

Book title - 5/5

It’s got a nice hook (Rise and Night rhyme splendidly) and left an impression on me! Plus!! It fits the story!

Book description - 4.5/5

It’s straight to the point but doesn’t give too much away; if I read this blurb in a book store I would definitely buy the book! However, I feel this line can be cut out:
‘The alluring fae Zane wants her on his side while her classmates Isa and Simon notice she's hiding things.’
For me, it breaks the intensity of the question that comes before that line: will she study in a magic academy or go on with normal life? Also, the blurb doesn’t give me too much to care about Isa and Simon noticing Marissa.

Prologue - 5/5
*(This covers “Grief”)

I loved it! I like how the prologue threw in so much at once about the Otherworld, but not in a confusing way. Witches, familiars, Grief Eaters… all those cool concepts got me turning to the next page in an instant! I like that it’s also something I (and I’m sure many other readers) can relate to; that overcoming these demons also takes special strength, because they can take the form of your anxieties and depression.

Plot - 18/20

I like the plot - I thought that witches and modernity was a strange clash, but you proved me wrong. You wrote it in such a way that I was kept on the edge of my seat! I love how grim the story begins with Marissa’s mother, Alice, disappearing.

In the first 5 chapters we are introduced to Marissa’s school life, her struggles with family and the past, her best friends Simon and Isa, and her encounter with a hellhound and helltree. In these early chapters I suggest clarifying these things:
Is this hellhound/helltree Marissa’s first time to slay a demon?
Why is Marissa so chill about Simon knowing how to deal with demons? For me, it would make more sense if she questioned him/had a little shock.

In the next 5 chapters Marissa, an unconscious Isa, and a surprisingly capable Simon teleport to a Dimension. Here they encounter Zane, a mysterious elven boy who tries to strike a deal with Marissa about finding her mother. But then Simon’s older sister, Darcy, intervenes and brings them back to Earth. Here Darcy tends to Marissa and Isa and, with the help of her Magia Phone, Darcy encourages Marissa to train for the Cunning Folk Academy. The final chapter closes with a look into Marissa’s home life and a teaser for the next arc of the book.

I did not detect any plot holes/unnecessary scenes in these next 5 chapters! It was one ride to the next, which not only introduced captivating obstacles for MC, but also built the world of magic smoothly. Well done!

For the overall plot, I have a suggestion. For the sake of readers like me who can be forgetful, you can make a glossary of all the terms that may be unfamiliar; sometimes it’s dificult for me to read because I don’t know exactly what aether, Geas, or Veil means and I forget what a helltree/hellhound is strong/weak to. A glossary would also help you keep track!

For an example of a fictional glossary you could look to Tolkien’s or Ted Sanders’s “The Keepers.” “The Keepers” is also a great reference if you want to learn how to worldbuild with magic-users, the characters here also have familiars (although they are objects) and battle with demons of their worst fears!

Characters - 10/10

OH MY GOSH. This is my favorite part of the book, which makes the plot so much better! I have never seen such a unique yet familiar cast! I instantly felt attached to the characters, wanted to root for them, wanted to learn more about them, and… maybe it’s just my thing for edgy characters… but I look forward to more Zane scenes. All of their interactions, especially Marissa’s and Darcy’s, are enjoyable, natural and never dull. Even the sidecharacters like Alice Carter, Marissa’s dad and Siris (bless that cat) don’t hinder the story and add more depth to it!

Marissa has to be my favorite. I love her awkward snark, her battle to solve her problems and fight demons, both personal and physical, and her overal badass-ness! I look forward to her rise as the night witch >:) Author, you are brilliant at shaping characters! Keep it up!

Pacing - 7/7
The timeskip from Grief to Chapter 1.1 was understandable. The chapters from then go on a steady and smooth pace; there is no jarring moments, nothing that feels to slow or boring to me. This helped me visualize the chapters in my head and enjoy the story even more!

Enjoyment - 7/7

I don’t read modern books a lot, but Rise of the Night Witch is an exception. I’m a sucker for fantasy and, as someone who’s read a lot of novels in the genre, I can say the magic in this story is interesting and integrated splendidly. The world is exciting and, although the idea of a school for the gifted is not new, the plot and characters are more than enough to keep me reading!

Writing technique - 8/10

The story being told from Marissa’s POV in this arc is executed well. You withheld some information from the reader which really built the tension of the story, but you also showed us Marissa’s train of thought in detail! That’s why I sympathized with main girl a lot!

In my opinion, you could tone down the real-world references a bit. Sometimes readers won’t understand what Marissa means when she says “this scene plays out like Death Note” or she uses the term “muggle.” There are two ways to fix this; you can replace them with another metaphor or expound on the referenced material more.

Unto the topic of metaphors, I like how you wrote them! They are unique, catchy and add flavor to your writing style!

Grammar/spelling/vocab - 9.5/10

Your grammar, vocabulary, and the way you format paragraphs is great. Seriously, I want to cry from how well-written it is, my English teacher would! There are some minor spelling mistakes that can easily be fixed once you edit your book in the future.

Overall - 78.5/84

Let’s put it in a nutshell! Your book cover only needs some text sized down, the description can have a slight adjustment while the title is perfect. The prologue, characters, and pacing were handled well, in the other hand, you can clarify some things on the first 5 chapters, tone down the real-world references and write a glossary of the world’s magic for reference. Your writing is concise and coherent with only some minor spelling mistakes!

You are an amazing writer. I can tell you’ve got a whole world to show us and you’re ready to write it! I honestly forgot I was supposed to review this book and just wanted to buckle in for the ride XD Thank you for this wonderful journey to the Otherworld, and for having me as your reviewer!