Client: Mikkula01

Reviewer: dojacant

Thank you for choosing me to review your story!

Title/Cover: 8/10

I thought the cover worked fine for the story. It's a little similar to others I've seen in the same genre, but it does give the reader a feel for it, and the writing on it is clear. The title is simple yet intriguing, and definitely suits the story.

Grammar/Syntax: 6/10

I don't do a separate section for the blurb, but I just wanted to point out that the grammar and spacing in your story's blurb could use a little editing. I think it encapsulates the story well, but certain sentences need a little fixing. For example, the sentence, "What will Sofia do when she will know about this bad news?" could be edited to something like, "What will Sofia do when she finds out about this bad news?"

In the actual chapter, the writing is better, but there are a few errors I wanted to point out. The first is that you have some verb tense shifts. Most of it is written in past tense, but there are times where it switches to present tense. For example, the sentence, "I am loving every second of it" is in present tense. To make it past tense, I would write it as, "I was loving every second of it."

Secondly, whenever quotation marks are used, there should be punctuation within the quotation marks. A couple of times you missed a comma or a period, and once the period was placed outside of the quotation marks, so just something to look out for.

Your writing, otherwise, contains a lot of great (graphic) descriptions! I could definitely picture everything that was happening.

Plot: 8/10

Since there is really only one chapter available to review, I'm going to do this section a little differently from how I normally would. I'm just going to base it on my initial thoughts of the story.

I like how it immediately starts with some action. Starting a story with dialogue is sometimes risky because it can cause confusion, but in this case I think it worked out really well. Readers get a feel for Leo's character right away. The first words out of his mouth are ruthless. Then, we see some pretty graphic violence when Leo's torturing the man, further establishing who Leo is and how others fear him.

But then Sofia comes in, seemingly unaware of how powerful/cruel Leo is. I was definitely intrigued by her character. I'm not sure if you plan on switching between Leo and Sofia's POVs throughout the story, but I would love to see that moment from her perspective. Overall, I liked that the story dove right into the action. There wasn't a dull moment in this first chapter.

Characters: 7/10

Though we haven't yet been fully introduced to Sofia's character yet, I have a feeling she's going to be a very interesting character based on how she is introduced. As I mentioned before, I hope the story also shows her POV. How she became a surgeon at the age of 24, though, is a complete mystery to me lol.

Leo, while an intriguing character, is clearly not a good guy in any way. I think that's probably the point, but from what I've read, I can only use one word to describe him: evil. I always have a hard time when it comes to stories like this because we see one character as a really terrible person, but are also supposed to want them to get together with the love interest. Maybe it's because I'm not super into the kind of dark/mafia romance genre, but I'd like to see him humanized a bit.

Overall Enjoyability: 7/10

The first chapter is definitely a wild ride. It does a good job of characterizing Leo (and Sofia to an extent.) It's a little difficult to review a story based on only the first chapter, but I think it's going to be a very entertaining story. As I said, I'm not super well-versed in this genre because it's just not really my cup of tea, but I think those who are into mafia romance stories like this one would enjoy Deviant!

Total: 36/50