《Dee》The Waves Whisper
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The Waves Whisper by arabellah-
Reviewer dojacant
Title/Cover: 10/10
I really like the title. It's intriguing and beautiful, and we find out its significance in Chapter 3, which I loved! I also saw that you updated the cover and I wanted to say that I like the new one better! It gives more of a feel for the genre, not to mention it's aesthetically pleasing.
Grammar/Syntax: 7/10
I kept in mind that you mentioned English is not your first language. The overall syntax/sentence structure of your writing is really good! A couple of sentences I really liked in particular were in Chapter 4: "She was reading me a story from an old torn storybook while gently stroking my hair. Despite my best efforts, I was unable to recall her face, but I did remember her touch, her scent, and her bright red saree." Little details like these help paint a vivid image for readers, so well done!
I'll point out a few grammar errors and tips just so that your story flows a little better.
When a character speaks dialogue, he/she should be lowercase and have a comma within the quotation marks instead of a period if it's a statement.
For example:
"Yeah. It's...completely fine. Don't worry," she said, glancing at the man standing in front of her.
(This example is from your first chapter.)
Since some of your chapters are dialogue-heavy (which I totally get - I love both reading and writing dialogue) it'll help it read a little better!
There's also just a few things to look out for when it comes to commas. For example, if a person is speaking and it is directed towards them, there should be a comma before their name: "It's nice meeting you again, Aunt." "How was the journey, beta?" etc. A quick review should be able to fix most of the grammatical issues.
Plot: 8/10
I like how it starts with Naomi deciding to visit India. We immediately get a sense of her and her mother's relationship, and also how Naomi wishes to learn more about her culture. The story begins quickly, so I found it to be interesting right away.
I was also kind of wondering how you were going to do the dual stories of Naomi and her grandma, and once I got to the part where we begin reading the grandmother's life story, I thought it was really cool how you did it. It's like two stories in one. Really clever!
I think I would have liked more back and forth between the past and present, though. I wanted to hear more from Naomi, like her thoughts about her grandma's writing and what's going on with her and Kabir. I think it'd be cool to do sections, where a few chapters are from Roopali's perspective and then we switch to Naomi's perspective for a few chapters. The juxtaposition between their very different lives would be interesting to read.
Characters: 9/10
Naomi is a really relatable character, juggling between her Indian culture and the culture in which she grew up. Like I mentioned in the previous section, I'd love to hear more from her and about her life. She's a cool character and very compelling.
Roopali, the grandmother, is probably the most interesting character. I loved reading about her life. The power dynamics due to the wealth inequalities was really powerful, and the competition between her and Apoorva was infuriating yet exciting to read about.
Overall Enjoyment: 9/10
This story is really unique! It kept me interested, and I just found myself wanting to learn more about the characters and the culture. The way you write makes the story easily digestible. The things I mentioned about wanting to know more about characters, particularly Naomi, is because you got me hooked right away.
I think a lot of people would like this story and also find different characters relatable! The mix between past and present reminded me of a book I read recently called Black Cake and how culture and traditions are passed down through generations, but sometimes certain customs and beliefs get lost over time.
Total: 43/50
One last suggestion I have, which I also struggle with sometimes, is showing rather than telling. So, for example, in Chapter 5, you say, "I might have to wear this stained blouse for the rest of the school year, but the shame of being poor will stick with me even after the lifetime of this blouse." Instead of her telling us exactly what she's thinking, you could show it through her emotions, body language, and other imagery and associations, if that makes sense. Your writing is beautiful, and small things like that can take it to the next level!
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