Reviewer: Kailucy

Client: ArabelaTaylor

Cover: 9/10

The cover is really cute. I love the picture chosen and the font is great.

Title: 9/10

I actually like the title a lot. It fits the plot and it's easy enough to remember. I usually don't care much for long titles but I do like the way this one flows.

Blurb: 8/10

The blurb isn't bad but it's not enough to keep me interested. Maybe add a paragraph before introducing the MC and some of the plot then have the paragraph you already have after. It'd make it a little longer without going overboard and give a little more info. (Just a suggestion don't feel obligated to do it.)

Character/character development: 7/10

So far there isn't much about the characters. Like in the sense that I don't really care about any of them yet. At this point I don't really judge harshly on development but more of whether I can see where they could possibly develop. Right now I can see that Esther will probably change throughout the story. Since she's basically the mean cheerleader type right now (I know she's not a cheerleader or at least I don't think it was mentioned just mentioning this cause of the trope) throughout she'll probably let her walls down for Tomas. Giving her a moral ascending arc. Maybe it'll be a more visible change for the others or maybe it'll be only around him. Of course, there's also a chance she won't change at all and she'll have more of a flat arc. Which would be interesting to see honestly.

Honestly maybe work on making the characters a bit more three-dimensional. Right now they feel a bit flat. Developemtnly I think you're on a good track. As I stated I can see a few ways the character could have an arc but the reader won't make it long enough to see it if the character already feels too flat.

This might help a little: Consider their motivation, make the reader understand what drives them to do the things they do.

Plot: 17/20

The plot is interesting. Chapter One did a good job of starting it all up. The pacing is good.

I like the time skip for the second chapter. I like that it gives some insight on Esther's life in high school.

Third chapter they meet again. So far the pacing is perfect. I wonder what'll happen when they actually talk.

The fourth chapter keeps up with the pacing. And so does the fifth.

I really don't have much to comment on for the plot. So far the pacing is great and the plot is entertaining. It kept me interested as I was reading and making guesses about where you would go with it. So far there were a few parts I didn't expect. Mainly Esther being the bully.

The main issue with the plot is that I don't find the characters all that interesting as I stated above. I feel like they're flat and since this is more of a character-driven book it's gonna be hard to continue if they stay flat.

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 3/10

There were a lot of mistakes. I wrote down a lot of them but I might've missed a few so it wouldn't be a bad idea to possibly check into an editing shop. Lots of communities like this one have them. Or even seeing if a friend could look over it.

I capitalize the mistakes and write some of the sentence so it'll be easier to find. I won't write out the whole sentence unless I need to.

Chapter one:

Need a space between "my" and "honey" (it's one of the first sentences so I didn't write the whole thing)

"Many TIMES"

"Hi," Esther SALUTED...

The little girl SAID as SHE HUGGED her back.

RESPONDED the woman holding her still IN her arms. (could also be worded as, responded the woman still holding her in her arms)

"We don't have lessons today or did I FORGET again?"

"You're GOING to leave me too?"

Some I's aren't capitalized. Also, I'm not really focusing on punctuation right now so you'll definitely need someone to help with commas and stuff. But please do choose between "!" and "?" it gets distracting when they're used together. Occasionally it's not so bad but it shouldn't be overused.

Esther said it with another TIGHT hug.

Need a space between "Mum!" and "boy" Also add THE before boy.

"I will BUY you another doll."

"Brokenhearted"

"If she KEEPS..."

"But I GAVE him a small car."

Would make more sense to write, "The mansion has a back way out that leads to the beach."

Take out the emoji.

"With his white SNEAKERS," when Esther CAME doing the same.

"Why DID you COME here?" he asked watching as the waves crashed.

"Go home. This isn't a place for you." would sound more natural.

"Why did you COME here?"

She OPENED her green eyes.

"Well, today I LOST the chance..."

He COMFORTED her...

It looks TOO red, he WONDERED.

"If you want," she said. He bent down and kissed her on her reddened cheek.

She requested and he listened. Esther kissed where there was still a mark, but didn't linger before pulling back.

They waved.

"Come home now, Esther."

Space between "father." and "she."

Chapter two:

Don't need to write flashback start/end. Just use italics it gets the point across.

Chapter three: a lot of the lines were confusing.

I didn't write down everything for the chapters after one. Just think about what I suggested above or even see if you can get a grammar checker. They're not perfect but they can help a bit.

Enjoyment: 7/10

Overall, I did enjoy some parts. I like the idea of the plot and I am curious to see where it will go. Will I continue reading? Probably, because like I said, I'm curious. I want to see where it goes.

Overall: 76/100

Overall, I think you have the potential to write a great story. The plot is a great idea. Just work on seeing about making the characters a bit more lively and work on grammar/spelling. Other than that you're doing great! I hope this review wasn't too harsh I only wish the best for you.Best of luck with your writing/editing!