Reviewer: marshaa1306
Written by: kalistawriteslol

Title/Cover - 7/10
The title does a good job of introducing the premise of the book and giving an insight into what might happen.
The cover is well made, but it totally does not prepare the reader for the story that lurks within. Based on the picture and color scheme used, I was ready for a light, lovey romance story. Instead, I got a dark, racy mafia one. I highly advise that you change your cover to reflect the story that you’ve written.

Blurb - 7/10
Your blurb is alright, but it is very repetitive. You use pretty much jut one kind of sentence throughout the whole thing. I don’t really understand the point of your blurb, to be honest. It’s supposed to hook your readers and be the inside cover of your story, so to speak. I think with your writing ability, you could rewrite your blurb to be more intriguing and encourage your readers to go beyond it and into the story itself. Also, after looking at your introduction, the first blurb you wrote is better (at least in my opinion).

First few chapters/Exposition - 10/10
I like how you have the flashback to set the stage for the rest of the story. It provides a nice amount of background info for the readers. Also, you jump straight into the story with the first chapter. You don’t mess around at all; you mean business! That fact alone makes me like your book more because it makes your story interesting right off the bat.

Plot - 18/20
I enjoyed reading your plot, but there are two things I’d like to talk about. First, I think that the explanations of some story events are very rushed.  For example, when Olive is explaining Nikolai’s backstory, it seems like she’s racing to get through her monologue. It sucks the emotion and genuine feeling out of the moment. I would advise slowing things down and imagining how you might say things if you were the character from your story. It might make your dialogue more life-like. Second, I think it’s awesome how you reference Wattpad mafia stories in the middle of your own Wattpad mafia story. It was a good relief from the dark themes of the book and made me laugh.

Pace - 7/10
There are some times when the pacing of this story seems wildly out of control. Things might be really slow and nonchalant in one second and in the next, the story’s pace has taken off like a rocketship. I think if you wrote more buildup to the highs in the pace, they would be more effective.

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 9/10
Both grammar and punctuation in this story are pretty solid. However, there are quite a few typos in each chapter. I advise reading each chapter aloud to try and catch these errors before they’re published.

Characters - 15/15
Bellamy: She’s very outspoken and blunt, which I admire. She’s also very emotionally driven and has her feelings on display. Bellamy’s character is very refreshing because of these qualities. It’s simply fun to read about her.
Nikolai: Okay, this guy seems like the definition of pessimism and frigidness. He’s not a person that shows much emotion, and it seems like he sees the world in all black and white. He’s also kind of a psychopath, to be honest. I like the contrast he brings to Bellamy and the tension he adds to the story. It makes things much more interesting, that’s for sure.

Overall Enjoyment - 14/15
To be honest, I was not expecting your story to be what it was. It was very dark and kind of morbid, but I couldn’t stop reading. I will be continuing to read this story to see how it turns out. I dearly hope there’s a happy ending!

Total Score: 87/100