“Grey Testament” by sodapopxtreme

Reviewer: marshaa1306

Title/Cover - 10/10
The title is an interesting choice of words. The only connection I can find between the title and your blurb is that Kolyzn is compared to a wolf, and some wolves are grey. The “testament” part of your title sparked my curiosity, so kudos to you for that.
If you’re going for a racy cover, you nailed it. The image in the background is suggestive, to say the least. I also like how the white and grey text contrasts with the darker shadows in the background picture.

Blurb - 9/10
The blurb you’ve written is nice up until it ends. It ends pretty abruptly with Daphne’s life turning upside down. I advise that you extend your blurb and elaborate a little bit on how her life changes. Little details of how her life is going compared to how her life was before meeting Kolzyn will add a little more intrigue than just saying her life has turned upside down.

First few chapters/Exposition - 10/10
I love how you start the story with an argument over Titanic. It’s classic. Also, I enjoyed how you wove the introductions of your main characters and the setting of your story into one of Daphne’s normal school days. It felt very natural and was smoothly written.

Plot - 20/20
In the beginning, everything’s going along happily. There’s regular teenage drama about boys and school, yadda yadda. Then, the party happens. Daphne is assaulted. Enter Kolzyn Bishop. Cue the scene of Kolzyn fighting Daphne’s captors. This is where things begin to get interesting. Now there’s a weird dynamic between Kolzyn and Daphne because she’s a privileged Elite while he’s an Anarch, but for some reason, he cared enough about her to find her, rescue her, and even kill her captors. To sum it up in one word: Tension!! I love it. Then, I find out Kolzyn’s a hitman. The plot thickens! You’ve ensnared me with your storyline, that’s for sure. Your story captures the strife and confusing nature of people’s motives and emotions perfectly.

Pace - 9/10
The beginning of your story is nicely written, but the story doesn’t truly get moving until the fourth chapter. I would consider trying to either 1) make things more interesting in the beginning chapters or 2) condense those beginning chapters a bit to prevent your readers from getting bored before the real action actually begins.

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 8/10
About half of your sentences are fragments. A few of these are acceptable for dramatic effect, but the rest are not. I’ll show what I mean below (fragments are inside the dashes):

Acceptable sentence fragment -
He said this because that table they went to wasn’t empty. That individual sitting there belonged to the bottom of the hierarchy dumped in the second side of the city.

-Kolzyn Bishop.-

Unnecessary/unacceptable sentence fragment -
Compared to the stereotype rumored to belong to Anarchs, Kolzyn was cleaned up. He looked like Tom Shelby with a different color palette. -With straight noir hair styled in front of his face upward contrasting from pastel green eyes and a ghost complexion.-
Other than the fragment issue, your story is relatively clean with minimal grammar errors.

Characters - 14/15
I don’t really know what Daphne or her friends look like. You describe the Baron triplets and Kolzyn right at the beginning of your story, but Daphne, Rosalina, and Hallie are pretty much left to the readers’ imaginations. Also, the ages of your characters (besides Sabrina’s age) are never mentioned. This might be something you want to clear up. Besides those things, your characters are well-written. Daphne is kind of an open book since she’s the main character. However, Kolzyn’s character is the perfect mystery. I mean, he’s the only Anarch at an Elite school, he saves Daphne, and then he hints that he’s some sort of hitman/mafia man? Say less, I want to find out more!

Overall Enjoyment - 15/15
This book has me hooked. I’m adding it to my library. I’ll be back!

Total Score: 95/100