No Mercy by royallyethereal

Reviewer: marshaa1306

Title/Cover - 10/10
I really like how your title and cover go together well. The title implies that at least one of the characters is ruthless, and the sharp, bloody crown pairs perfectly with that assumption. I also like the incorporation of dark purple on the cover. The shade you’ve selected looks sinister and dark, and it matches the crown since purple is the color of royalty.

Blurb - 9/10
When I read your blurb for the first time, it sounded really nice, but there are a few connections that need to be made clearer. Mainly, I failed to see how Ivy coming back for vengeance translates into her and thirteen other kids trying to save the kingdom. In my mind, vengeance is equivalent to fierce destruction, which doesn’t exactly line up with “saving the kingdom”. You might want to reword a few things to make your point clearer on what Ivy would like to accomplish. Also, the reference to millions of Holders demanding for Ivy’s head is unclear. I don’t understand why that is the case, considering your blurb only mentions that Ivy fleed the kingdom beforehand. If fleeing the kingdom is some kind of atrocious offense or if Ivy has committed some other sort of crime to warrant her pending death sentence, that needs to be clarified in your blurb. Otherwise, things escalate from Ivy fleeing the kingdom to her being despised with millions of Holders wanting to kill her. That doesn’t really make sense.

First few chapters/Exposition - 9/10
(For reference, I am referring to parts one, two, and three of your prologue as being your first, second, and third chapters. My apologies for any confusion.)
Your first paragraph is literary gold. It immediately shows me some of your voicing while capturing my attention in a vise. However, for the rest of your first paragraph, a lot of it is spent with your main character reminiscing about her life, which is pretty abstract and gets boring quickly. These abstract thoughts can have a place at the beginning of your story, but their role shouldn’t supersede that of the concrete things that are happening. I think it may be beneficial to shorten the portions of the chapter that are purely Ivy’s long trains of thought or to move them to different areas of the story. That way, your first chapter is less of Ivy thinking about things and more of Ivy doing things and moving the storyline along. It should also hold the readers' attention a bit more effectively.
The second chapter is where things begin to get interesting. We get into the fiasco of Athena trying to frame Ivy for stealing her amulet and the final fallout between Ivy and her parents. All through the first and second chapters, Ivy’s personality is built and revealed beautifully. I think these first two chapters set up Ivy’s character and the following plot very nicely.

Plot - 20/20
I have no critiques here. I am at a loss for how you managed to invent the world that No Mercy is set in and the story that unfolds within it. Remarkable work, truly.

Pace - 9/10
The pacing of your story is nicely done at some points and overly slow at others. The slow parts of your story generally come when you discuss what Ivy is thinking. Don’t get me wrong, it is absolutely necessary to see into Ivy’s head in order to decipher her character and motives; however, sometimes it seems like there isn’t any action and Ivy’s thought process just stretches on and on. Be wary of this, as it can make readers lose interest. 

Grammar, Punctuation, Syntax & Diction - 10/10
Your grammar and punctuation are flawless, and your word choice is immaculate. The writing style you possess is very smooth. If I were to read it, it would roll off the tongue.
I’m going to be really picky for a second. If I had any critique in this area, it would be about your sentence length. You tend to write a lot of really long sentences all in a row. This can get tiring to read for extended periods of time. Varying your sentence length with shorter and longer sentences will bring your writing to the next level.

Characters - 15/15
The characters in this story are masterfully developed, especially in the case of Ivy. Her emotions, her actions, and her motives are almost tangible. Her character beautifully demonstrates the flawed nature of humanity and how it is overcome. I think that this fact makes your story resoundingly impactful. As for your other characters, each is his or her own person, and each has his or her own intricate backstory. I commend you for weaving the characters’ personal stories into the main story so well. 

Overall Enjoyment - 14/15
I enjoyed this book much more than I originally thought I would. My favorite thing was mainly your characters. They brought such life and emotion to your story. The only thing I really disliked about your book was the pacing at some points; otherwise, wonderful work on this novel!

Total Score: 96/100