Reviewer: Sadie twoshortnails
Book: All The Swans Are Closer
Author: sodapopxtreme
Chapters read: All (and I enjoyed it)
[TW: this review mentions suicidal thoughts and depression]
Cover:
I like the simple black and white theme of your cover. A lot! It looks neat and clean, and the image made me almost choke (who doesn’t love hands like that?). Looking at your character aesthetics, I can see that you have a good eye for what is ‘pleasing’ or ‘aesthetic’, versus what isn’t. Your cover is very aesthetically pleasing, and there isn’t much I’d want to change about it. I definitely approve of it!
Whilst your cover is pleasing, I feel like it isn’t the most relevant to the book itself. I would be interested for the cover to have some sort of reference to swans, or black swans to be more specific. I feel that black swans are an important and aesthetic factor that could be explored in depth, and create a really cool concept, especially on a cover. Perhaps it would be worth fiddling around and experimenting with using a different image.
The only reason I’m reluctant to ask you to change your cover is because I don’t want your cover to lose that ‘dark’ quality that comes so naturally with the image you’ve chosen. It’s really up to you, but my suggestion is there if you want to change something, and you need ideas!
Title:
Oh, what can I say… I’m an absolute sucker for longer and more poetic titles. ‘All The Swans Are Closer’ hits just right, and I absolutely love it. I wouldn’t change anything about it, the capitalisation is a bit odd, but on point, and the way you’ve phrased the title is just amazing. I wouldn’t change anything.
Blurb/Description:
Your blurb is great; I especially like the last sentence of the warning, ‘oh, and Russians’ because it captures the humorous nature of your writing style. The only thing I’d really change about the blurb is the sentence: ‘But what happens in a place where soulmates are found?’
This sentence, no pun intended, is backwards, because obviously, in a place where soulmates are found, soulmates are found. So I feel as if it’d be best for you to reword the sentence to something like:
‘But what happened to a place where soulmates are found?’
The above sentence is much more angsty than the original sentence, which you probably want if the main character is suicidal. It’s trying to convey that, in such a different environment, Clara forgets that soulmates can be found, and that, in Greece, she will probably find her soulmate.
This is, of course, just a suggestion. Your blurb works fine as it is, I’m very happy with the content of it, and the way it’s presented.
Characters:
I just want to talk about Clara first, because, god, do you deserve recognition for her character. She’s the perfect amount of sassy and humorous, but not overly so to ensure that she’s still likeable, and not just a girl who’s whole personality revolves around being funny. Talking about how personality sometimes revolves around one thing, let’s approach Clara’s depression and how you wrote about it.
I think that the way you approach depression and suicidal thoughts is very accurate. When you need to concentrate on other things, being depressed and wanting to die isn’t always at the front of your mind, you know? But the extreme amount of dark thoughts and dark humour, as well as confidence, is something that most depressed people either think about, or do. Clara’s very confident for a depressed girl, but I suppose when she doesn’t care much for her life, there’s not a lot to be embarrassed about. Then, there are certain triggers that magnify the feelings of wanting to die, and feeling worthless, and these thoughts can be hard to shake and people can spiral very quickly — like Carla did.
I just want to express how impressed I am that you could create such a funny and realistic main character in like less than 10000 words or something, because personally, it takes me a while to start really liking a character.
I like all the morally grey characters, like Xerxes, and the clearly displayed threats. It’s super interesting how someone who is suicidal isn’t afraid of death threats, and I feel like you could develop this idea in future chapters, to explore and discover just how far Carla is willing to put her life on line. Not to be dark, but would she still not be afraid of death if Xerxes promised to torture her before? And also, if Carla ends up loving herself, will she start being afraid of death, or simply feel the same about her death, but respect her life more? There are lots of interesting questions you can answer as you continue writing.
Going back to the very start, I like how you describe the two girls as ‘Girl One’, and ‘Girl Two’, rather than giving them names. I’d prefer if you used numbers rather than words (i.e., ‘Girl 1’, and ‘Girl 2’), because ‘One’ and ‘Two’ look like names a bit, and it took me a hot second to realise what you were doing when I started reading. I do love how you introduce the two of them in the fourth paragraph, they should totally make a comeback at the end of the book for the laughs!
Let’s talk about your descriptions! You sneaked in a basic description of Carla neatly, but I’d like to know more about what she looks like beyond her hair colour and eye colour. Of course, this is only for future chapters. Xerxes’ description is very nice, I especially like the ‘searing hazel eyes’, as the adjective ‘searing’ creates great imagery.
I’m very impressed with your characters.
Plot/Storyline:
You dive straight into the action in Chapter 1, and you introduce Clara’s suicidal thoughts immediately. The pace of your plot is admirable, and you certainly don’t keep readers waiting.
The main thing I feel could improve, one of the only things I’d like to improve about your books, is how much content you write. I strongly feel that your chapters are very short, and could be lengthened so readers get more content every time you update, and therefore enjoy the book more. I do have some suggestions to help you lengthen your chapters.
In Chapter One, instead of short snippets of speech, Clara can hear a few conversations, and perhaps you can elaborate on Girl 1 and Girl 2, and what they do once the bell rings. Do they keep arguing about the boyfriend? Do they whisper about Clara behind their back? This has a lot of potential to build up Clara’s character, because how she reacts to what they say will tell the reader a great deal about her.
During the shooting part, where the school is attacked, I feel like you could expand on the action more. It’s over very quickly, in like five paragraphs or something, so if I was skim reading, I would probably miss it — not ideal. To expand on the action, you can describe situations other people were in, beyond what Clara is feeling, so almost like an out of body moment. That’s just a suggestion of course, but I would like you to lengthen the action.
In future chapters, I would also like you to think about writing more. But don’t ever forget the quality of your writing — I don’t want you writing more, but then ending up with lots of mistakes in your writing because you haven't bothered to check it all.
If you need any help working on the feedback I’ve. given, feel free to DM me.
Moving on… As one of the comments said: ‘dark humour at its finest’. There’s an absolutely brilliant sense of humour from you, and it interests and amuses readers, therefore keeping them more invested in your books. The metaphors you use, and all the references you make give me whiplash — there’s so many!
I like the soulmate concept, which isn’t very original, but you know what is? The explanation for why people cover their marks. I, personally, think it’s very cool and will make an interesting concept that readers will like.
Again with the concepts: the ‘Receiver’ and ‘Initiator’ concept is not only clearly explained but also very interesting. I like things being clear and definable, and this certainly is. The only thing I don’t really like about the whole ‘finding your soulmate’, is the words you have to say, or rather, the words you cannot say to anyone but your soulmate.
For me, I say ‘I love you’, a lot, to my friends, my family; not only my girlfriend — so I’m not a fan of people not being able to say ‘I love you’, in a casual, familial or platonic way. I hope you understand that. Perhaps consider changing this phrase, like you have ‘I believe you’, that the Receiver says.
And finally, I’d like to compliment your writing style. It’s really giving chaotic Rick Riordan, which I absolutely love. It’s sassy, funny, and full of attitude — yet serious when Clara is feeling depressed. You’re a great author already, and I’m excited for you to flourish, as if this book doesn’t blow up, I’ll lose complete faith in Wattpad.
Grammar:
Your grammar is absolutely fine. There were like two very small mistakes where you mixed up ‘were’ with ‘was’, but I forgot where they were, so it might be worth double checking when you proofread. During the first few chapters, the school bell’s ‘Ring’, should be in italics to distinguish a noise from the rest of the text.
Otherwise, I am highly pleased with your grammar and punctuation!
Summary:
To sum up, I’ll make a few points of things you should aim to do!
Address the fact that people realistically might want to say ‘I love you’, to other people apart from their soulmate.
Check the two tiny things I said about your grammar!
The content you upload is amazing, but there could be more of it to flesh out things like the action.
Maybe try my suggestion about changing the image in the cover, up to you!
But you did so many great things with your writing as well!
Honest to god, this is the funniest book I’ve reviewed, the dark humour is everything.
Your writing style is just amazing, and there are close to no grammar issues which is also amazing.
The plot of your book is fast paced and always interesting.
Clara’s character… The entire way you’ve approached depression… chef’s kiss
I hope you appreciate my feedback and use it to benefit your writing.