Book: The Goddess' Chosen

Reviewer: twoshortnails

Author: JessicaPowell481

Chapters read: All

Cover:

Firstly, I really love the fact you drew the art for the cover yourself. The shading and proportions are really good, and much better than anything I could have done. To improve, I think that the colours of the art, especially the blue side, are too bright against the black and white background. It might be worth toning down the saturation, only a little bit though, because the colours are what make the art so good!

You've used silhouettes fantastically, and your cover is pulled together so well!! I really do love it, and the fact that you created the key element is so special and unique.

The font is very suitable, and gives off perfect fantasy vibes. Two things that I'm going to suggest: remove the little orange text saying 'Wattpad Original', because it sticks out in a negative way; and possibly remove the chunk of text starting with 'the goddess has...' That text makes the cover too crowded and takes some of the attention away from your artwork.

I'm really impressed with the design of your cover, and keep pursuing your art — it's fabulous to see someone love creating stories and art!

Title:

To start with, the title looks really, really good on the cover. I'm not often a big fan of titles that are in this basic format, but I think that your title does work very well for your book. This might just be me being British, but I would write 'Goddess's' as 'Goddess''. i.e., without the extra 's' on the end. So, the title would be: 'The Goddess' Chosen'. This is completely optional, and depends on what you think would look better, I'm pretty sure both ways are grammatically correct.

Blurb/Description:

I think that your blurb is pretty much perfect!

You don't need to make those sentences bold, they are separate from the chunky paragraphs, so they stand out anyway. You're really good at using sentence variation, meaning you are varying your sentence lengths. This creates tension, and anticipation, which is great for blurbs.

I like the way you introduce your characters, and the overall content that you have included is truly remarkable. There's a brilliant balance between divulging information and making the reader want to find it out. Another thing that is positive about your blurb is the fact that you don't overload the reader with loads of information. There aren't too many names mentioned, and the reader gets the basic gist without being like 'woah, so there's John, Amy, Susan, Sarah, David, Jane and... who else?'

One more thing: the sentence 'and that is only the beginning... ...will play the key role'. It's too long, and too awkward, so I rephrased it to:

'And this is only the beginning — for a war is coming. A war, in which the abomination he found — the abomination, and yet so much more — will play the key role.'

I basically broke up the sentence into two parts, so it is easier to read. Overall, I'm really happy with your blurb.

Characters:

Right away, I'm impressed with the way you've introduced your characters

The first chapter is well written, with good descriptions, grammar, and flow. I like the way you describe your characters, with Ivory as someone who is innocent and slightly ignorant, and her how her parents' are secretive. It's very well done, and I feel that your writing style, where you slip in little hints that alludes to the character, means the reader has to pick up, and correctly interpret them — making the book more interactive and therefore enjoyable for a reader.

This same technique, where you drop discreet notes about characters, or Arvora in general, show me that you have a great understanding of what exactly you want your characters to be like. You wrote this with a clear idea of what sort of character Ivy had, and Xavier's key personality traits... I might be wrong, but if I am, the confidence you have to not mix up character descriptions throughout various chapters, is very impressive!

As I continued to read the chapters that are focused on Xavier's POV, I noticed some things that could be improved to make Xavier a better character.

First of all, Xavier's reaction to the mating bond is quite anticlimactic, at first. I, from what I know about werewolf fantasy worlds, believe that the mating bond is meant to be super dramatic. Dramatic as in they can't stop thinking about each other, and all they want to do is to be close to each other. I don't really get this feeling when reading about Xavier's initial reaction to the mating bond. For one, he willingly gives his mate to his father without overthinking it, which seems unrealistic (in the werewolf fantasy world, that is). In order to make Xavier's character more relatable to what readers would expect a male wolf would do, I suggest displaying Xavier's more possessive side, where he is unwilling to let go of his mate, or something along those lines.

That being said, I love the part in Chapter 5 when Xavier says, "And what happens when my mate finds out I'm the one who took everything from her?" It's really sweet and considerate, and very angsty at the same time.

And to improve Xavier's character even more, I think you need to add negative sides to his personality. So far, he's really lovey dovey and fluffy with his family, which is cute... but not as interesting as it would be to see Xavier all antagonistic. Even soft boys have something that ticks them off, you need to create Xavier's, and then the reader can see a new side to Xavier — something that will be interesting and entice them to continue reading.

I see great potential in Ivy's character, but what I think could be improved about her generally applies to all characters who are hidden from their true identity, or secluded from the world. I think if you want to read to discover more about how to create a character like this, the first book of Cassandra Clare's series, The Mortal Instruments, could be a good and enjoyable lesson as well. Mainly, I felt that you lacked the detail to make Ivy's secluded life actually plausible. She seems like a fairly obedient girl, but in a burst of rebellion (on her 18th birthday), she exits the wards. What has stopped her from doing this before? I explain this in more detail in the next section.

In Chapter 8, Ivy and Xavier first meet. My main problem was how Ivy saw him, and then pictured what was under his clothes... when she barely knows him. I mean, it's one thing to be aesthetically attracted, but the fact that she's picturing him naked makes me uncomfortable. I feel that Ivy, who is currently in a vulnerable mental state, thrust into a new atmosphere, wouldn't be primarily concerned with how hot this guy she just met is. If anything, the fact she's picturing Xavier naked makes me dislike her, because it shows how shallow she is. I don't mean that it is wrong to feel attracted to Xavier, it's just that in that instance, I felt it was rushed and you were trying to provoke feelings that hadn't even developed. I hope you understand

What is positive about your characters? I'm remarkably impressed with your descriptions. They are short but effective, especially Xavier's description from Ivy's perspective. I like the adjectives you used, and I could picture him well. Mainly, to improve on your characters, you need more detail. A third dimension to Xavier, more reaction to the mating bond, and more realistic first interactions are a good start, but if you really tried to find all the flaws in your characters, I think your book could be at least ten times better.

Plot/Storyline:

Starting with the first chapter, I am really pleased with the flow. You have clearly pictured where you want this story to go, and I, as the reader, can tell. The descriptions, as I will mention continuously, are awesome!

I can see the idea that you have, but the ending of the first chapter is just... too abrupt. i.e., why is her eighteenth birthday the first time she feels 'rebellious'? Maybe it would be worth having more backstory. Ivy might have had a dream that night about what was beyond the wards, and that was what convinced her to step out of the wards. Then again, it also doesn't make sense why the wards wouldn't prevent her from leaving. Magic, after all, is a powerful and versatile ability that would surely mean the wielder could stop certain people from going through the wards completely?

Whilst I like fast-pace, I think that there are moments where the story is too fast paced. Xavier and Ivy meet each other properly in Chapter 8, when Ivy basically just woke up. You are missing like a big chunk of them just getting to know each other, and getting more comfortable with each other. You need to let the whole 'event' rest for a bit, and let Ivy kind of gain some mental preparation before there's like a big revelation. I feel that you are skipping straight to the end of the plotline, and that readers miss out on what could be a really interesting plot, and series of interactions.

This is something that a lot of writers do, even published authors. You'll find that critical readers like a fast-paced book, but the moment it crosses the very fine line between 'fast-paced', and 'lacking key plotlines'... that's when a book starts to get bad reviews. There are several places where I feel that you are rushing through the plot that you have thought about, without properly developing what had happened. This is the main thing I think you should work on to improve your book. But I do agree with the comments describing this book as a 'new, and fresh read'; it was certainly an interesting book, and I'm sure it will improve as more chapters are added.

Grammar:

Your grammar is great. There isn't much to say because I didn't spot too many errors. The lack of grammar mistakes in your writing means you can focus more on the plot and characters.

Summary:

To sum up, I'll make a few points of things you should aim to do!

Implement my suggestion for the cover

Try my suggestion for rephrasing that sentence in the blurb

Work on the things I mentioned about your characters, and pay greater attention to fleshing out your characters

Slow down the pace of the plot and allow Ivy and Xavier to get to know each other, before dropping the bomb about what happened to Ivy's parents.

But you did so many great things with your writing as well!

I love the fact you drew the art for the cover... We stan multi talented authors!

The content in your blurb is perfect

I'm impressed with the way you introduce your characters

Your descriptions are really good!

I hope you appreciate my feedback and use it to benefit your writing.