Creature of Creation by TheQueenofGremlins

Reviewer: SamMariLu

NOTE: I'm sincerely sorry for how long this review (and all other pending reviews) have taken. I have been very busy recently, which does not excuse my lateness whatsoever. But I do hope the review has been worth the wait and helps you improve!

Cover: 4/5
— The text seems to be off center, and although this could be an artistic choice, it doesn't exactly fit for this story and this particular cover.
— I really like the fonts for the text, though. I would like the title font to be a bit bigger, as it doesn't stand out too much from the other text as I'd like, but that's not enough of an issue to remove another point.
— The images used in the cover are fantastic! The "creature" definitely gives off the impression that she's a lab creation, and the wings in the background show that longing for freedom and hint towards Anpiel's aspirations. Great job with that!

Title: 5/5
— Really great title! I love how "creature" and "creation" work together. It's very catchy!
— The title also fits so well with this story. I can't find any flaws with it. Excellent work!

Blurb: 4/5
— The intro into this blurb is very good! The only criticism I have about the beginning is that the phrasing is a bit clumped at the end of that first sentence. I think you can start with something like, "After being held captive since her creation at the GreenerPastures lab, Clay has never dared to imagine freedom." Changing that—not necessarily to exactly what I wrote, but to something similar—will perfect this intro.
— Add some more specifications about what Clay has gone through. Being held captive isn't a good situation, but it is implied that she is suffering in captivity. Explain why.
— The fourth paragraph was sort of confusing. I assumed it was about Clay still, but it was about Anpiel. And why does it put their relationship and lives at risk? That paragraph threw me off a bit.
— The final paragraph feels rushed. The fear Clay has of herself isn't mentioned at all in the rest of the blurb, so it felt very sudden to introduce it right at the end. The same goes for destroying the lab. I feel like that's going to be the main conflict, the main journey, in this story. So, introducing it at the very end of the final sentence isn't very good for readers.
— Overall, the blurb is great! The last two paragraphs are my only major concerns, and they're not even that bad. They could just cause readability issues for first-time readers. But fixing that will improve this blurb greatly!

World: 4/10
— The world isn't shown as well as I would like it to be. I wish there were more details given about GreenerPastures before Clay and Anpiel's escape, but that's also an issue with exposition I'll get to in the next category. I just wanted more details about their experiences in the lab and how the lab runs, and that wasn't as detailed as it could have been.

Plot: 14/20
— As I mentioned before, I would have liked more exposition. That ties in a lot with the world, of course. I think perhaps starting with an examination scene or punishment scene would establish this miserable and torturous environment very well. And it would show the horrors the projects have faced since their creations. That's just an idea that came to mind, but something with a similar effect as I just described would be a bit more effective.
— The entire concept of this story is great. I love the sci-fi elements. I love the idea of these projects by a evil laboratory escaping and trying to survive, then teaming up with journalists to try to take down the company. I haven't read quite far enough to know for sure if that's what happens, but I assume it is. If not, do correct me. But either way, the direction the plot seems to be going is exciting, and it definitely makes me want to continue reading!

Characters: 9/10
— Anpiel's descriptions are great, probably the best descriptions out of all the characters. I wish Clay was described in a bit more detail, as she seems to be the main character, but it's not a big issue.
— As for the other side characters, James and his family seem quite important to the plot. Initially, I didn't think it was important to include so much about James and Smith, but after there seemed to be a lot of hidden backstory with them, which I assume will be revealed later on, I think including as many details about them as you have so far is a good thing.
— The way you describe the characters is incredible. Your descriptions about the doctors' clothing, movements, and speech when they're drunk is astounding. And the characters have very distinct traits that define their actions in each scene, especially Clay and Anpiel. Clay is great at hiding her emotions and responds well to stress and panic, while Anpiel cannot hide her emotions and freezes up. You are so dedicated to showing these distinct characters, and you do a great job of it!

Pacing: 5/10
— I found that pacing was an issue in the story. Like I said, there wasn't a strong exposition at the beginning, which contributed to the very quick pace throughout the first two chapters. I just felt like the story moved on so quickly. By only the second chapter, the creatures were escaping. I think there could have been more exposition before that so the pacing was steadier.

Writing Style: 19/20
— Your writing style is truly incredible. Any issues I did notice were very minor. I had to nitpick to find them.
— I noticed some very subtle issues of telling instead of showing. There was one particular point I noticed, during the unauthorized examination scene, you wrote that James was annoyed that he had to repeat himself. That is telling readers how James feels, when you can just write that he shouted it and maybe add that he was tapping his foot or crossing his arms maybe. Little details about their actions can really show readers how a character feels without having to dumb it down for them, which is just nicer for the audience to read.
— You use adverbs fairly regularly. (Kind of ironic that I pointed the issue out using adverbs lol.) Of course, they are perfectly fine to use on occasion, but it is best to avoid using them if you can use a stronger verb in place of it and have the same effect. That way, you won't be over explaining and dumbing it down for the audience. This is similar to the last critique. It didn't seem to be an issue, but I wanted to point it out just to make sure you were aware of it.

Grammar: 9/10
— I truly had to hunt for grammatical errors. Those that I found were likely typos or just went unnoticed. These are really, really nitpicky, just like the writing style errors.
— When a character is speaking to another character and calls that character by their name, whether at the beginning, middle, or end of their sentence, there should be a comma around the name used. For example, "E1 I highly suggest you remember your place" should have a comma after "E1."
— When a character shouts a question, you should use this punctuation: !? I only noticed it once, but I decided to mention it. It's in chapter two, when James shouts, "What did you f***ing do!"
— When a character's name ends with the letter S, it is common for writers to add an apostrophe to their name to show possession. However, you should add an 's even though their name already ends with S. It's a very common misconception, but the only case that you only add an apostrophe is when you are showing possession with a plural noun ending in S. As for a name, you still add 's to the end.

Enjoyment: 4/5
— Although the pacing threw me off at first, I really enjoyed this story. I would say this almost was a 5/5, I just felt that I wasn't properly built up into the plot. But I would love to continue reading it!

Overall: 77/100

I think, based on technicality, your overall score isn't as high as I expected. I love your story and your writing, so if it weren't for the exposition, world-building, and pacing at the beginning, I think this score would be nearly perfect. Your writing, the characters, and the conflict in this story are incredible! A score in the 70s for me is a very good score, and I think with some adjustments to the beginning, it will drastically improve. Happy writing!