Jackal Jim: The Hunt Is On by JohanLiebert33

Reviewer: Moon_G0ddess

Cover: 
The cover is so beautiful and fitting for the genre. In fact, I loved it so much. The picture, the color, the font, everything is amazing, especially the color. But what's bad and should be done better? The title is written perfectly, but only half of it. The subtitle, 'The Hunt Is On', is written in red color, making it blend with the background, and so it's hard to read. The same happened with the Author's name. It's even worse with the author's name that I can't read it at all. And if you could raise the title above one tiny bit, so the silhouettes would be more visible, because they have a very special effect on the cover. That's all for the cover.

Title:
The title is amazing. So mysterious and attractive. I could almost hear it, see the action in it. But there's one thing I'd like to talk about. The subtitle. You've written it right on the cover, with capitalized letters. But in the title itself, you didn't. Instead of 'The hunt is on' you should keep it capitalized. By using small letters, you've made the subtitle sound insignificant somehow.
It should be :
Jackal Jim: The Hunt Is On

Blurb:
Blurb is... not so good. To be honest with you, it cannot be considered a blurb. Let's try and talk about how you should write it. First off, excerpts. If you want to include an excerpt from your story, you can choose a catchy line from the book and add it at the beginning of the blurb, but make sure it's just that, a line.
Just one or two lines, four at maximum. Something with enough suspense in those few lines to draw your readers. Set it apart from the rest of the blurb somehow.
("I would burn them all with my fire," Alex said, her icy blue eyes glowing with the desire to kill, and her silvery strands crackling with the electrical charge running through her entire body. "I would make them dance with death the way my entire village did when they arrived to claim what was never theirs.") End of excerpt.
Then start with a logline, or a catch-phrase, as some may call it. This is optional, but to explain it further, it is usually one phrase that sums up the story without giving away much, but at the same time with enough mystery and hook to draw your readers attention. It should leave your readers wondering what happens next. So they move on to the blurb.
Example of a logline:
"After losing everyone and everything she loved in the blink of an eye, Alex picks up her hunting bow again, but this time, she won't be hunting little rabbits."
See, it mostly sums up the story, but without giving away any plot twists or important storylines. We know Alex is the main character, she lost her family somehow, and now she wants revenge. But how did that happen and how will she do this? Read on to know, that's what your logline says.
Then you move on to the blurb itself. First, you should keep it brief. Second, you should definitely introduce your main character and their main goal in the story. Who is Jim exactly, and how old is he. You could also introduce the antagonist, if there's any, and how they might affect the story. You should include the conflict, or what might be keeping the protagonist from getting to their goal, and then end with a conclusion that has a climax. Insert enough suspense to make your readers curious about the book. End the blurb with high stakes.
"Now the childish hunt is over, and Alex realizes that if she wants to avenge her family and loved ones, she will have to declare war. But how can an army of a sixteen-year-old girl, a chieftain's young son, three children, and a lone wolf win a war against an army of a dozen thousand invaders?"
Note: I would've used your characters and your plot, but I didn't get to know much about them from the short chapters that have been published so far.
Two things that should've been there but aren't: Mature, and all rights reserved. Your book is definitely marked mature for violence, blood and gore, and use of curse words. Then the public domain problem. Public domain means no one owns this work, not even you. Anyone can use it without permission. Do you want that? I think not, so if you want your work to belong to you and only you, mark it with 'All rights reserved' meaning you retain all rights to the book, only you can publish it under your name, and anyone who wants to use it, let's say a publisher, will need your permission to publish the book under your name and pay for that permission.

Plot:
Plot is creative and original. But it's also a bit unrealistic. There's great potential for it, but you need to work harder on it. It is very hurried. Every thing happens in an instant. Give it some time and try to build some more suspense. In the first four chapters, you've introduced a lot of things all at once. Without suspense, your story won't thrive. I think with enough suspense and description, and if you don't hurry through the scenes, you can break the first phase into a few more chapters.
There's so much elements from the real world, making it very relatable in a way. I especially loved that they watched AoT :)
But we also have to accept that there are a lot of things that could never happen in the real world too. Like assassins who can dodge bullets and kill cops with no fire arms at all. You either have to try and make it a bit more realistic, or you can add some paranormal elements or transport them all into a fictional world where there are people capable of doing things like that.

Characters's Development:
I really loved Jim's character. At first, he sounded like the amazing protagonist who can do it all, you know. That was in the 'Introduction'. But then, he seems more realistic and relatable when we continue reading. The younger Jim who had paralyzing fears, who really wanted to help but couldn't, the shy boy who blushes when his girlfriend kisses him. I loved how you gave him a semi normal life in the beginning. But then there's Jack. While he's amazing in his own way, he also sounds a bit like a dotting mother hen. I get that he's sweet and wants to take care of Jim, but let's bring it down a notch.

Writing Style :
You have great potential. I could see that and touch it. But you hurry through your scenes, you don't give your characters time to breathe, and you don't describe sufficiently. To be more clear, you don't have that 'show don't tell' problem, because you do show us what's happening. But you haven't mastered the act of showing quite well.
It feels a little too hurried, like the scene starts and then it ends, just like that. When you're describing a horrible scene, for example, try to stand there, in the middle of it all, imagine yourself with them. Take a moment, look around you, describe the details of what you're seeing, and then tell us exactly how you feel about the scene, but in the form of Jim's feelings, of course. Take your time and build suspense through your descriptions.
There's also the problem of your dialogues. Apart from the fact that the grammar is not that much, the dialogues are fine. Still, it needs some polishing. And there's the bold problem. You write all your dialogues in bold letters, which is actually wrong. All you need to set your dialogues apart from the rest of the paragraphs is the quotation marks "..." and you have these, so forsake the bold letters please, because it's upsetting to the eyes. Don't ever use bold, unless it's a heading. If you mean to emphasize something said, use italics, like this. Don't use bold or capitalized letters.
Don't tell us it's a flashback. Indicate it's a flashback. Insinuate. Maybe in the 'Alice Flashback' you can't just say that Jim stared right ahead, remembering the first time they met. But instead of writing 'Flashback' above, write the whole flashback in italics, that's how we know it's different, that's how most authors do it.

Grammar:
All right, I'm not really sure how I could help with that. I'm really sorry, but everything about grammar in your book is just wrong. There are no mistakes I could point out. You should just start over. The verb tense is okay. You just switch between using 'her' and 'him' often when you're still talking about the same person, always forget to use articles like 'the', confuse between plural and singular, use adjectives and nouns without discrimination, and confuse between active and passive forms. Along with a few more mistakes. I would like to help, but I'm not that great at explaining grammar. Please forgive me here, but I suggest you do some research and study on the matter. I don't mean to sound harsh, so please forgive me.

Punctuation:
A problem that's so easy to solve, yet it bugs us the most. So, I'll give you a few rules to follow with your commas, and then the rest is up to you. Do some research and find out how to use punctuation marks. But if we solve the comma matter, then the rest is almost unnoticeable, I guess.
First off, if you're writing a sentence and then start another one that's actually complete and can stand on its own, then it's either a comma between the two sentences or a period. But if you put a comma, there must be a coordinating conjunction (and, so, or, but, yet... etc) Let's give an example from your first chapter, ok?
'Everything was at stake, and dead bodies were...'
Or it could be :
'Everything was at stake. Dead bodies...'
See what I mean. No conjunction, then it's a period. If there's a conjunction, then absolutely use a comma. Don't forsake it.
When you're listing a few things, like when you said 'Shops, houses and cars', use a second comma, like this:
'Shops, houses, and cars' or 'Shops, houses, or cars'. It's a rule. Use commas till the end, even before the conjunction 'and, or'
A comma before a dialogue tag. When writing a dialogue, if you end it with 'he said', use a comma at the end of the dialogue. Of course, this rule applies to every other dialogue tag, like 'shouted, yelled, murmured, mumbled... etc.' or any verb that describes the act of saying itself.
"I can't run anymore," said a boy named Jim.
When you start a new dialogue, like when two people are speaking to each, set each one by itself in a paragraph, like when Jim and his mother are speaking.
When starting a dialogue, always start with capitalized letters, no matter if you use a dialogue tag or an action tag. Example of both below.
Angelo whispered, "You all..."
If it's a dialogue tag, like 'whispered' above, use a comma after it.
Angelo glanced at Jim. "Close your eyes, kid."
If it's an action tag, meaning it describes what the person was doing while he spoke, like 'laughed, smiled, glanced, looked... etc.', use a period.
If the characters are addressing each other with their names or some other nickname or moniker, use a comma before the name.
'Thank you, mister.'
'Keep running, Jim!'
Always remember, quotation marks are not enough on their own. It's either a comma if it's a dialogue tag, or a period if it's an action tag.
If you have more questions, tag me in the comments and ask away as much as you want. Or you can dm me.

Reader's Enjoyment:
I could see a great plot and characters, which is the most important to me, drowning under the weight of so many grammar mistakes, so much hurriedness, and no punctuation. I haven't particularly enjoyed reading your book, but I can see myself enjoying it once it's polished. It will require some heavy editing on your part, but you are just at the beginning of your book, so you can start now with no worries.

Overall:
Please don't misunderstand me. I know I might sound a bit aggressive at some point, but that's because I want the best for your book. Because you have a great plot, I want you to show us the best of it.
Let me know how you think about this review in the comments, and if you need anything else. Don't hesitate to dm me if you ever need any more help. I'm always there. Take care!