Reviewer: Moon_G0ddess

Client: imagines_and_stuff

For further explanation, any questions or requests you might have, please tag me in a comment here. If you don't tag me, I won't get it.

#Cover:

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The cover is fine, I suppose. Though to be honest, I was not impressed. But at the same time, I felt a bit intrigued by it. The color theme fits the title and the vibe of the story, and the font choice is great. Assuming that the girl in the picture is Princess Riniya, the cover is telling some of her story, which is good.

#Title:

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It was interesting from the beginning. Though I haven't yet reached the part that explains the title, I can see it has a nice ring to it. It's sufficient to attract some readers, and I can tell the story might be intriguing just from the title, so good job.

#Blurb:

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Beautiful. It has all the elements of a good blurb, and it is absolutely hooking without giving away much about the story. I loved it so much, and I applaud you for it.

#Plot:

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It took my breath away. Literally. Especially the sixth chapter; I totally did not se that coming. I was intrigued from the very beginning, and as the story progressed, I got even more entwined into the plot. It caught in a snare of absolute enjoyment of this highly entertaining plot. I love fantasy, so needless to say I was really excited to review your book. And the blurb showed some promise too, but when I dived into the story, I found myself so very hooked by it. I love it, and I totally wish to finish it.

#Characters' Development:

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The story has introduced a lot of characters, all unique and special in their own personalities. But the greatest character development is that of Riniya, if course, as she is the main character. As the story progress, we can see that she went a long way from being the princess whose biggest worry in the world was her marriage to a complete stranger to the brave person that she is right now. I loved her reaction to all that has happened to her because it sounded natural to me, especially her anger at Rosie and Giselle, and her regret afterwards. It is completely understandable after what she's been through. However, there isn't much material for me to judge her character development any further. But I can tell that you're on the right way.

#Writing Style:

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Stunning. It was absolutely beautiful, sufficiently descriptive, and captivatingly rich. Your writing style is something to be commended. It is certainly very suitable for a fantasy, and the vocabulary is so rich that I find it hard to believe that English is only your third language. Beautiful. It shows just how much effort you've put into this, and I really really hope that you continue to write this amazing story of yours and find the recognition that you deserve.

#Grammar:

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Let me just say I'm proud of you. Your grammar was almost flawless, and when I say almost, I don't mean that you have any noticeable mistakes. On the contrary, I had lost hope that I might ever find one when I found it. The past perfect tense, that's your mistake. While it's used by authors to write about things that happened in the past, that only happens when the story itself is written in the past. You see, the past perfect happens before the past, so we use it when the story is in the past to write about things that happened even before that past.

(As my father finishes his speech, I realize I hadn't listened to a word he said.)

If we take a moment to contemplate this sentence, we realize that the act of saying happened before the listening. But you wrote it as though the latter happened first, which is not logically possible.

(As my father finishes his speech, I realize I didn't listen to a word he had said.)

And that is the only way you can use the past perfect, and the only time too. When speaking about things that happened in the past again, stick to the past simple or past continuous.

(I had watched his lips part and form the words, but I hadn't comprehended any of them.)

Using the past perfect here was a mistake. You're only allowed use the past simple, since the story itself is in the present tense.

(I watched his lips part and form the words, but I didn't comprehend any of them.)

But to think that English is only your third language, I was absolutely impressed by your grammar.

#Punctuation:

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The punctuation was fine, but it was not perfect. There were some noticeable mistakes. For instance, a comma should be put after every introductory phrase, but you don't seem to apply that rule.

'(Looking back at me), I see my own troubled face.'

Here, the sentence (Looking back at me) is considered an introductory phrase, so a comma should follow.

'(Once outside), I let the cold rain soak me...'

That was another example of an introductory phrase.

("I'm just teasing Niya," she laughs softly. "what can I do for you?")

You've been doing great with constructing your dialogues all along, but here it was all wrong. Have you noticed where you've gone wrong?

First, you forgot to put a comma before the name, because here Rosie was calling her not mentioning her name. Then (laughs) is not a dialogue tag, but an action tag, so why put a comma instead of a period at the end? And following that, why did begin with a lower case letter in both (she) and (what).

("I'm just teasing, Niya." She laughs softly. "What can I do for you?")

This is the right way to write a dialogue with an action tag.

("Ah yes," he grins. "Mother is a bit too excited...")

This is another example of an action tag, which means no comma but a period instead.

("Ah yes." He grins. "Mother is a bit too excited...")

But when it is a dialogue tag your using (say, speak, tease, mutter, mumble, etc...) add a comma instead.

"It is an honor to meet you." I say... (Wrong)

"It is an honor to meet you," I say... (Right)

And don't forget the comma before a conjunction like (and, but, so, etc...). And the period before an independent phrase without a conjunction.

"You may not officially be a princess but very much look like one, I dare say you are the prettiest girl at the ball." (Wrong)

"You may not officially be a princess, but very much look like one. I dare say you are the prettiest girl at the ball." (Right)

And the last thing, when using the dash, go for the big em dash (—) instead of the small one.

The beast–which I assume is a kelpie–roars... (Wrong)

The beast—which I assume is a kelpie—roars... (Right)

And don't forget that you're not supposed to leave a space between the dash—any dash for that matter—and the two words on each of its sides.

#Reader's Enjoyment:

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I absolutely enjoyed it, and I would love to finish it if you return to writing one day though. This amazing story seems very promising to me, and I highly recommend it to any one who likes this genre.

#Overall:

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A breathtaking journey that will leave you speechless at times, laughing at others, and crying your eyes out at another point. It is worth reading, and would leave craving for more at the end of every chapter.