Reviewer: _Swaralee_

Half-A-Man by denyefa4

Thank you for giving me a chance to review your story.

I had a wonderful time reading your story and I'm looking forward to reading what happens next.

Cover: 09/10

Though it is a simple cover, it portrays the main character which is always a plus point while attracting your target audience.

Title: 08/10

I personally love the title. It's a pretty cool title and defines its purpose in the first chapter as well, but I hope you bring back its relevance further as the story progresses. Or else, the readers will get confused with why this title was necessary if the Main Character's 'Half-A-Man' perception wasn't addressed anywhere after.

Blurb: 08/10

The blurb tells what to expect from the story clearly. A teenage boy afraid of love. Just add a few more lines about Manuel's personality apart from his fear of love. His views, his dreams, his lifestyle, anything. We need to know more about the character we are supposed to root for.

Opening/First Impression: 10/10

First of all, adding song/music to go with the mood of the chapter? Outstanding. I'm always a fan of music plus story and a lot of other readers are too. It was a nice choice.

And secondly, I cannot praise you enough for the first few paragraphs of the story. The way it starts with a simple dialogue we often say to our friends and then in the next few lines the tears come in... *chef's kiss*

We are off to a great start and I'm sure anyone who reads these first few paragraphs will feel the same and will want to know what happens next.

Plot: 07/10

'The main character suffers a heartbreak back at home. They leave for college and change the way they see the world and do things differently.'

Stories like this have been around for a while. So there's nothing particularly new about the plot. However, this is my first time reading a story with this plot from a male's perspective.

Dialogues: 09/10

Dialogue placement and punctuation are on point. Every character has their own way of speaking and expressing themselves which makes them more realistic. These are the little things many writers forget but I can tell that you spent quite some time thinking over these things.

Characters: 08/10

A shy main character who enjoys his books and Netflix time more is always relatable. Although I would suggest making him act less like a jerk when he attends the party and interacts with others. I'm sure he's hot given his body description and he is doing things differently there but still, he needs to calm down on the confidence.

Manuel needs his supportive elder brother who is also like a friend in his life. Going through teenage and entering college is tough, so you need as much care and love as you can get and Prince is just that.

And I'm gonna be honest, I kind of like this roommate of his, Mason. He is the type of guy anyone will want to befriend. Also, he's right, writers do rock!

Quality of conflict: 06/10

As I said in the Plots section, the stakes aren't that high and that new. However, I have only read the first three chapters so I don't know what's going to happen next. But based on what I have read so far, the conflict will need to up its game whenever it shows up and it will need to 'wow' the readers.

Writing skills: 07/10

There are a few mistakes I noticed here and there, but they can be fixed by just another editing/grammar check. Try using synonyms of a word if it repeats more than once in a paragraph. The one mistake I found and noted was in the second chapter when he is trying to find his dorm room. It should be 'Am I...'

For describing an environment, I would suggest using more powerful verbs and reducing the usage of adverbs. It will make the flow better.

Reader enjoyment: 07/10

The story started with a bang! but then it didn't keep up. There were some great scenes, but the high expectations you made the readers have with your first great chapter weren't matched.

Total: 79/100

Other suggestions: Try to deviate the plot as it goes further in a different direction, or try out something that has never been done before because as I said, the plot is quite common so you need something that will make your story stand out.

During the Truth and Dare game in the second chapter, when Manuel is *using his hands on the girl*, it does not sound believable and feels forced. I know these games go crazy in such parties but if you are going to touch someone intimately in public, and someone like Manuel is going to do it, it should make others either uncomfortable or comfortable or aroused or something else. There needs to be a reaction.

Apart from these few things, I believe your story has great potential. I'm rooting for Manuel to become a successful writer because we love to see someone living our (writers) dream and I hope you make it happen for the newbie writers like us.