Review

Fallen Wolf by doggx_

Reviewer

Yasmin Owls1221

Title: 8/10

The title is good, in my opinion it gives the reader multiple interpretations of what the title implies, it could mean that the wolf might have fallen from their clan or fallen from their natural habit as a true wolf etc. I have nothing else to say other than good.

Cover: 9/10

I remember in the beginning that the cover had a normal picture of a wolf with the story title, then it was changed. And to be honest I like this one better because not only is it simple and pretty, it also gives the reader a better idea of the story. Like the blue glitters on the wolf’s fur and the bright orange eyes, it gives that fantastical and mystic feel to it. Although, the title font could use some small change, I prefer if you put the cursive or the regular font that is most readable on the cover right now. Because the cursive font looks like scribbles on the main title when I first read it. But others find it fine then that’s fine by me, because this little issue isn’t a big deal it’s just more of a personal preference.
 
Summary: 8/10

I would say that the summary is good but it needs to be worked on in terms of punctuation and a little bit on grammar or maybe in terms of writing style. But still the overall summary is good.

Grammar: 6/10

Well, I have to say that despite the story being good and simple, there are lots of things that need to be fixed in terms of other elements. And I’ll start with the grammar. As I read your entire book (there were only five chapters) I noticed that you seemed to mix past and present tenses together when describing actions and thoughts. How some sentences (majority of sentences) start with the past tense and suddenly change to a present tense.

You see, when it comes to writing, you have to choose one tense. If the story or event takes place in the past, then all of your writing has to be in past tense, if the story takes place in the present you can write your story in the present tense. Like these examples:

X incorrect X:

“He walked, he sees the stalker and sprints,” he says to me.

O correct O:

“He walked, he saw the stalker and sprinted,” he said to me.

The reason why we should write in one tense is because we don’t want to confuse the readers on whether the events happening in the story are in the past or present.

Vocabulary: 4/10

The vocabulary is good, however, there were a lot of repeated words and phrases. Such as the words “then”, “escape”, “ran”and more. There are also phrases such as “she hunted, ate, drank water, and took shelter her whole life” and “she sniffed, then she listened, then she ran away…” and “she didn’t want this so she went for it”.

My only advice for this is to lessen the same words and phrases and use synonyms instead.  Because if you keep repeating then the words will lose their meaning and become boring for the reader.

Spelling: 9/10

I don’t think there are misspellings except for very few, like the words “she” and “he” being mixed up probably? Because at one point you described the hunter to be a “he” then in the very next moment he became she, same goes for his and hers. I don’t know if it was a mistake or not but it confused me a little. And there were random letters left in the middle of the sentences like “m” and “f”, if they’re meant to be words then fix them, if not and they’re accidentally put there you can remove them.

Hook: 6/10

To be honest, I wasn’t hooked much, but it did make me curious on what’s going to happen to Akira. Some chapters ended with somewhat of a cliffhanger that made me worried for Akira. But still overall, I wasn’t hooked but rather curious.

Character Development: 6/10

I understand that in the chapters it was mentioned that Akira can change her emotions rapidly, it could be a valid reason that she could have some mental disabilities. But I find it a little hard to believe that, and I'm talking about how she interacts with the humans.
In the first chapter, when Akira’s cage opens and a strange man enters, she’s suddenly excited to see him even though she knows nothing about him. I was confused by her reaction. Usually predators still show anger and are still in fight and flight mode because they think they’ll be harmed or attacked by humans.

For Akira she straight up felt excited when a stranger came to her. Because she’s a wolf, she should have some natural wolf instinct when it comes to interacting with different creatures (humans), like it should take some time for her to trust someone rather than immediately trust someone just because they aren’t hunters.

So basically there should be some realistic interactions between an animal who’s never been or interacted with a human.

Plot Development: 10/10

I would say the plot is moving forward as expected from the summary, however, in this book it showed us what happened first and how Akira got captured in the first place. And I like how each chapter is a new stage to keep the plot moving and there weren't a lot of subplots (I don’t think there are any) which kept focused on the main story.
 
Personal Enjoyment: 10/10

Aside from the errors, I really enjoyed this book because of one thing. From a personal preference, I like reading from a non-human perspective. I don’t know why but maybe because it’s a change for once in a while or the fact the majority of books with wolves in it are figurative for werewolf romances (urgh too dirty and boring). But this book felt kinda wholesome to me (even though the plot is about a wolf being experimented on by humans :/) I like to see the world from a non-human perspective and see how these creatures are exploring our world and show us their thoughts on our intentions and behaviour, these kind of books or POV really gives us that kind of insight on what we’re doing as humans and how we’re affecting other creatures around us. That’s all I have to say about my enjoyment.
 
Punctuation: 6/10

I noticed that almost every sentence ends with a full stop rather than a comma, especially the ones that start with a word or phrase which makes me think there is going to be additional information. But no, they end with full tops. Like this sentence for example: “Trying to free her tied-up self from the chains of the people who wanted to experiment on her.”

Upon reading this, I was expecting something more for this one sentence, instead I got a full stop. And these kinds of sentences keep appearing throughout the book. If you want to add more of the same information and the sentences are dependent clauses, you must add a comma instead. Otherwise the sentences you wrote are a bit confusing because they’re dependent clauses that depend on certain words or conjunctions that help them to show meaning in a clear way. Try this instead:

X incorrect X:

Trying to free her tied-up self from the chains of the people who wanted to experiment on her.
O correct O:

“To free her tied-up self from the chains of the people who wanted to experiment on her, she must try to unchain herself to escape.”
In this correct form, it showed a clear message and an idea of the plot and at the same time it was done correctly according to the grammar and punctuation rules.

Pacing: 5/10

Even though I did mention that each chapter is the plot moving forward, what I didn't mention was the fact that the pacing felt a little quick and in an unsmooth way.

Like the time Akira felt excited when she saw the stranger who asked if she wants to go hunting, with a very short and brief thought Akira agrees and they both go hunting by saying “then they went hunting for hours” and the fact some scenes felt much quicker. 

Like when the stranger shoots Akira by accident or on purpose? First of all, how did Akira get shot in the first place? Was she at the front or on the side? Did she run in the front and sacrificed herself for the other unknown wolf they spotted together? And the stranger was immediately like oh no you’re hurt, picked her up and went to camp right away without any thoughts or explanation to what happened and why.

Overall, try to give some moment of explanation to certain actions. Like I said about Akira’s interaction with the humans, let her act aggressive or in fight mode when she is forced to move or do things, a good example (or a very GREAT example) of animal interaction is the animated movie Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Oh yes, I highly recommend you watch it not just because it’s a great movie, but it also gives you an idea how animals realistically interact with humans since this movie is also seen from a horse’s perspective.

Writing: 7/10

Well, there’s one last error that I must point out. I already mentioned the rest of the errors in the previous sections and now I want to focus on one thing… The logic and style.

First of all, there is a lot of telling in the book and very few showing. Which is bad in terms of pushing the readers away either because it becomes boring for them or the fact you’re revealing too much for the reader and letting them imagine the scene for themselves. You mentioned in the book that when the stranger asked where Akira's herd are, you told the readers that he was manipulating her rather than showing it through his body language or speech. Here you bored the reader by revealing too much. Here is an example of how you can show the person’s intentions:

X incorrect X:

Mark is going to stab Eric in the back!

O correct O:

Mark chuckled as he put his hand on Eric's shoulder, only for Eric to feel a sharp metal pierce his back.

In this sentence, not only did you let the readers imagine the scene, you also shocked the readers by showing them that Mark was a traitor! How could he?! See?

Writing is basically letting the readers’ imagination go free, and you as a writer should make the readers feel what your main characters are feeling through seeing, hearing, smelling, touching and tasting. This is done by showing and not telling. Like saying “the smoke of cigars entered her nose” which means she smelled cigars or “Tick tock of the clock filled the silent room” means the sound of a clock ticking is heard. See? This is what is meant by showing not telling. So when it comes to interactions and emotions, show it to the readers.