Reviewer: Yasmin Owls1221

Greed by scrabblepost

Title: 5.5/10

In all honesty, the title is fine when you read the summary to have the context of the story, however, it’s somewhat similar to other stories that contain the same title which kinda makes it a cliche and somehow confusing regardless of the genre. For example, when I search “Greed” I can’t find your story but other stories with the same name yet different plots, there are also story titles like “The Devil’s Greed” or “King of Greed” etc. I think it’s best if the title should have some context as well to attract the reader and make your story at least distinguishable and unique, maybe by adding the name of the goddess or the name of the cave?

Cover: 5/10

I would say it's also fine, it’s not very good nor very bad, I just think it’s simple. However, maybe fix the size of some of the subtitles because some of them were hard to read or spot. Like the one at the bottom of the cover that says (what I think) is “The Cave Book One”, it was so small and faint I found it hard to read at first. As for the phrase at the side, I think it should be like this “More than the eye can see”, you missed the word ‘the’ and the eye in this particular phrase should be singular. That’s all you have to fix in the cover, the size should be a little bigger for the subtitle and the phrase should be corrected (unless you want it in plural form).

Summary: 8/10

The blurb is good actually,the style of it made me want to know the mystery behind Trisha’s father’s death, showing Aditya’s main goal from the start and how he’s committed to it. But I found it a little odd and confusing when I read the last line about a goddess. If Aditya doesn’t believe in fairy tales, how did he know it involved this goddess? And Why is he figuring out how to stop her if he doesn’t believe in magic or folktales? Maybe add a little more context to help the reader understand the plot better. You could add that maybe he’s forced to investigate this?

Grammar: 8.5/10

I would say in general that grammar is good, the meanings were clear and written according to grammatical rules. It’s just that there were some words that seemed a little odd for me, like for example how the sunlight is “piercing” through the windows, the sound of “cracking” after a person fell out of the window etc. Correct me if I’m wrong but I think the word choices here are a bit inappropriate because of their meaning, when you say the sunlight is piercing through the window, I’m getting the idea that the sun rays are acting like lasers and are heating/burning everything they touch. I suggest the word “piercing” should used for physical descriptions or actions. As for the word “cracking”, you can still use it but it has to be done in the correct way, because when you used it to describe Manik’s fall I got confused. The word crack itself means breaking or splitting something but not entirely, you could use it if someone for example is standing on a glass platform and it starts to crack due to the person’s weight, or you could use crack if an earthquake occurs etc. Not when someone is thrown out the window, instead you could use “break” or better “shatter” to emphasise the violent/tense moment. But still, overall the grammar is clear.

Vocabulary: 8/10

There were some good vocabulary used, however, I noticed that most chapters have repeated words. Such as spun/spin, trudged, brows knitted etc. The characters are always trudging, spinning and knitting their brows. I suggest using synonyms for these words, you could say the character turned around, or they strode towards the person or even say they narrowed their brows. If you’re having difficulty with synonyms, use WordHippo to help you find other words.

Spelling: 10/10

There are no major spelling mistakes except for very, very few. Like “her” was left as a “he” which seemed to be an accident, it was fine though because I understand, it might’ve been overlooked but overall it didn’t affect my reading.

Hook: 8/10

The summary did a good job planting questions into my head about what’s going on, what happened and how and why does Trisha forget what happens everytime someone is killed. I mostly enjoyed Aditya’s chapters because they showed his investigation and his process, which made me also have my own thoughts about why something might have happened and who is the suspect etc. A crime reader would definitely enjoy these parts of the story.
  

Character Development: 9/10

I like how every new chapter I see the characters showing development through their thoughts and actions, how Trisha isn’t just a girl who forgets but gradually showing that she’s confused and is getting worried about people accusing her but at the same time she was willing to defend her boyfriend (I assume) from getting accused/arrested. Meanwhile Aditya is shown to be really focused on the case and is committed to solving it to get the promotion he wants, however, I found him a little odd in Trisha’s POV where he’s kinda acting like the villain when he’s smirking and taunting the friends for answers in chapter 5. I understand that he’s suspicious about Trisha but I’m talking about his gestures and behaviour when reading in Trisha’s POV, but when I read Aditya’s POV he doesn’t act like a villain at all but act as a committed officer. Unless he looks like a villain because Trisha thinks he’s evil (obviously we’re reading Trisha’s POV so that could be the case, which is somehow clever). Basically, I like how you showed the characters’ thoughts accurately and showed us what they are actually seeing through their eyes, like how Trisha finds Aditya to be a villain meanwhile Aditya is seeing himself as good and is just doing his job.

Plot Development: 10/10

Again, similar to the previous section, every new chapter is showing new progress right away rathar than focusing on something else. How in Trisha’s POV we’re always seeing her focus on the crimes that occured and how she’s trying to remember what happened, meanwhile in Aditya’s POV we’re seeing him work on the case and seeing the homicides as promised in the summary. What I like more about this development is the fact that we’re learning more about Trisha through interrogations with the other characters  and records in the past, this was a really good ‘show don’t tell’ technique.

Personal Enjoyment: 10/10

As I mentioned previously, as a crime enthusiast I mostly enjoyed Aditya’s parts because it showed his progress on the case. And what he’s encountering during his work, such as discovering that Manik’s son died the day he argued with his friends, Trisha experiencing the same memory loss when her real father died etc. I also got curious to know more about Trisha’s trip to the cave and wanting to know what actually happened.
 
Punctuation: 8.5/10

There is nothing much to say other than to suggest to lessen the use of full stops and maybe try to write slight longer ones, and there should be exclamation marks if some of the characters are screaming. Because some of the dialogue felt kinda emotionless. If someone found a person they know had discovered their body they should be like this >> “Oh god! David!” and not like this “Oh god, David,”

Pacing: 10/10

As I said, the pacing was moderate, it wasn’t quick nor slow. And the events shown in both POVs have a smooth flow and at the same time made me want to turn to the next page to see what happens next.

Writing: 8/10

In all honesty, the writing is actually great with the characters’ physical and emotional descriptions and the landscape, as I mentioned in the vocabulary section there was good use of vocabulary but there were repeated words. However, I also noticed that there were unneccassary details to what the characters are doing and seeing. Like how they saw that there was a nightstand in the left side of the bed, or there were tops and dresses and jeans and heels and shoes in this wardrobe (this is just an example), and how this person went to the left corner of the parking lot etc. When writing novels, it is not neccassary to make general things into detailed explanations, we don’t need to know if the character is holding something in their right hand or if they’re kicking something with their left foot. You can only write specific details if it is relevent to the plot, like the broken glass, the size of the knife used in the crime scene etc.

Overall:

I would say that the book is good and it has some interesting scenes, it’s just that there were small errors that needs to be fixed so it can be easier for the reader to understand what is going on in terms of the words used and the writing style. I still enjoyed the mystery parts of the book and I would recommend it for those who are crime enthusiasts because you’ll mostly be focusing on the case with one of the main characters who is a police officer.