Review

Tale of the Princess by ScribbleYourThoughts

Reviewer

Yasmin Owls1221

Title: 6/10

I don’t want to hurt you but in all honesty the title feels somewhat cliched or that it is very similar to fairy tale titles. But that doesn’t mean it’s bad, it’s just very basic and very simple and it gives that feeling of simplicity.
 
Cover: 8/10

The cover is nice and it looks like a lot of work has been put into it in terms of the font, the crown and the background. It is nice really, you could just change the title to not only suit the plot but also the cover itself. To tell you the truth, the cover looks like it’s going to be an adult fantasy romance kind of story but the title says otherwise (I’m talking when readers first see the book before they read it). Basically, the cover IS nice but the title needs changing so readers wouldn’t get the wrong idea of your plot. 

Summary: 7/10

The summary is good actually, how each line or paragraph is setting out the beginning and the climax. That is until the second half of the summary felt like you spilled a lot of the plot. I like how you not only set out the scene but also you showed the challenges the protagonist is going to face, how she needs to serve her people but oh there’s love and oh there’s going to political stuff she needs to deal with etc. But then you revealed too much at the end. I suggest that maybe you should lessen the summary by just showing us the games, the love phase, and the creatures that lurk in the shadows without showing us that she married her love interest or that her husband got stolen etc. Keep the readers intrigued and guessing on what’s going to happen to the character without revealing too much in the summary, because that’s the purpose of the summary, to give a short and brief idea of your book.

Grammar: 9.5/10

I would say the grammar is REAL good, so good that everything was used properly and it delivered a clear message/idea of what’s happening. It’s just there one teeny tiny line that made me confused, when I say one I mean one thing. I think in chapter 1 where you describe Aita’s breathing by saying something like this “panting in breaths”. I don’t think it’s necessary to write that because the word “panting” alone already means taking quick short breaths, so I would suggest you either write this “she spoke between her quick breaths” or just plain “she panted”. Other than that I don’t have anything else to say but your grammar is great.

Vocabulary: 10/10

Great use of vocabulary, there were very few repeated words like “trade” but I understand there’s no other words or synonyms when it comes to economical language. So overall great!

Spelling: 10/10

There are no spelling errors most of the time, however, there were words like “Castel”. From your writing and explanations of the words you used, English is your second language and so I thought that maybe you misspelled the word “castle” with “castel” instead. Yet the way you wrote the word with a capital letter I thought maybe you wrote it this way on purpose since it is based on your hindu language with slight alteration. But still, I’m not sure if it’s an accident or on purpose but I pointed it out anyway just in case.

Hook: 8/10

There were some small moments where they did hook me and made me curious about what’s going to happen (and accidentally turning the page for more) and how some interactions felt confusing in a curious way. Like when they talked about the games and treated the topic in a tense/sensitive manner, or the cliffhanger at the end of a chapter where the protagonist asks how she was found when she was little etc. they made me ‘Oh– What?!’. Even though there were a small amount of hooks, they still kept me curious and reading for more. 

Character Development: 10/10

I like how you presented Shyra in the book, her being cool, calm, and collected and how she tackles her duties perfectly. At the same time you showed that Shyra is not just a quiet typical princess, but she also has her own goals and interests when she sneaks out of the castle and acts like an ordinary girl. Or better say, I got to see the real her every time she’s on her own or without her parents around. She's curious, committed, hard working, and again, she’s intelligent when it comes to politics and economy as well as desperate to achieve her dreams of helping her people. Overall, you wrote her character pretty well.

Plot Development and Pacing: 10/10

The plot was developing as promised but in a slightly slow manner by first showing us the character’s life in general, her best friend, her family, her duties as a princess, and then the main events started to occur gradually.  I like how at the beginning of each chapter starts with the aftermath of the previous event in the previous chapter, like when Shrya was in the courtroom and in the next chapter she’s in her bedroom talking about what happened in the discussion with her friend. Kinda neat 🙂

Personal Enjoyment: 7/10

Hmm, this is where I will provide my honest opinion and I’ll try my best to be as polite as possible. So… I enjoyed the parts where Shyra questions her origin and how she’s desperate to participate in the games and learn more about her history, however, I didn’t enjoy the political and economical parts of the book.

The reason I didn’t enjoy it is because I’m not into politics nor economy in general because I find these topics to be so complicated, especially if these topics replicate our world with technology or advanced technology. I understand that there has to be politics and economics and some knowledge about how this world functions in a fantasy world, but this one felt somewhat tedious because you were being specific with world-building.

And so here’s my honest opinion, when someone reads a story, not only do they want to learn about the story, but also they read the story because they want to take a break from the real world. And these kinds of readers prefer to visit a fictional world that doesn’t have the same or the same level of complexity as our world. So before I read the summary of your book, I was expecting some kind of simplicity, like I thought your story was going to be about a princess doing things in a castle or going on a medieval style adventure etc. But upon reading the summary and seeing the word “planet” I knew that there are going to be major themes of science fiction.

Obviously, when I read the book, it didn’t feel like I was reading a fantasy story but rather a science fiction novel from a royal perspective, there was no magic or magical creatures and instead we got aliens. And again, the politics in the story felt too complicated to me personally. But remember, that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy the other parts of the book, I still like the plotline of tournaments/games and how the characters are facing the obstacles during their participation.  

Overall, the plot is good, but I didn’t like the politics in it.

Punctuation: 10/10

The use of punctuation is great and correct.
 
Writing: 8/10

The writing style is REAL great, I like the descriptions of sword fights and the scenery that you brought to life, I felt what the characters felt, smelled those delicious foods (you made me go hungry!) I liked the atmosphere. But there are some improvements that need to be made and it’s just like in the previous section, you were being specific with political parts and you were telling a lot of it to the reader, and as I said, it bored me as a person who isn’t into politics. Basically, lessen these topics and try not to be specific when it comes to introducing your world.