Reviewer: Yasmin Owls1221

The Irregular At Magic School by TypicalPen

Title: 9/10

I would say that the title is not bad, it’s good actually since it portrays that there’s something off or abnormal at a magical school. Some people might find it cliche or not too creative due to saying ‘Magic School’ plainly. But I find it a little more unique because you expressed the title in a different way, I’m referring to the word ‘irregular’ which again indicates that there’s something wrong with this school that even the staff/students/wizards find it strange. Additionally, to me it evokes the sense of mystery to how and why the people find it irregular.

Although, as I said about people thinking the title might be too plain or simple, you could write the name of the school in the title. Like this: “The Irregular at Magnus Academy”.

Or if you prefer to keep it that way, that’s also fine by me. It’s your story after all, do what you find it necessary 🙂

Cover: 5/10

I think it’s pretty but it’s also very simple. To be honest, I think the title is what attracts readers more than the visuals, which is basically a bunch of butterflies and what seems to be a circular shape at the bottom with black and gold being the only colours. I’m not a graphics expert but there has to be something more. I don’t know what but there has to be something more attractive to the reader’s eyes. If you don’t know how to make a book cover, don’t worry, you can request a book cover from book covers shops on Wattpad (*whispers* try our graphic shops first) and I assure you, you’ll have the best cover made for your book. ;)

Summary: 5/10

In all honesty, the summary could use a lot of work in terms of how to provide a brief info without spoiling the plot. The title says that the story will focus on the irregularities at a school, meanwhile the summary seems to focus more on Altair as a character and what she’s going through in that school. I think there are some spoilers at the end bit of the summary where they reveal that Altair will change her attitude towards people. I think this revelation breaks the mystery of the plot or that it revealed too much to the reader, and there were less things about the school itself.

The point of a summary is to offer a brief idea of what the story is about without revealing too much, otherwise you could spoil the whole book and people won’t read it. So the only thing you could do to fix this is put Altair’s character development in the chapters of your books without telling the reader about it in the summary. Let the chapters tell the reader what Altair is going through and how she develops throughout the story.

Grammar: 3.5/10

I don’t want to be rude but I have to be honest about this because grammar is the most important element, especially in storytelling. If the story is not written according to grammar then the story won't be understandable and might cause some misunderstanding or misconceptions.
Grammar is basically about how words and phrases are used correctly to help the reader understand what you’re trying to say, this involves the words being singular or plural, past or present or future, and using correct pronouns. Here a few words/phrases from your work to give you examples:

X incorrect X:

Use of pronouns and verbs >> “His cries after I shut the door at his face”

Use of singular/plural words or verbs >> “So the people in this household doesn’t bother any of those”

Use of past or present or future >> “Mom did not expect to conceived me in the first place”

O correct O:

“He cried after I shut the door at his face”

“So the people in this household don’t bother any of those”

“Mom did not expect to conceive me in the first place”

I could go on and on because there were lots of grammatical errors in the book, and I would love to teach you. But I can’t make this review longer than it should be.  But hopefully you understood the basics of grammar in this section.

Vocabulary: 6/10

There are good words used and I can see that you’ve used some synonyms in your writing to keep it smooth, this is for the english texts you’ve written. But I don’t know about your native language and whether you used good vocabulary or not.  

Spelling: 10/10

Aside from the grammatical errors, I don’t think you have any spelling mistakes. Even though there are some words that need to be written in a certain spelling because of their grammatical element, I wouldn’t say that you have spelling mistakes.

For example I saw that when you write in past tense there were words that you haven’t changed:

X incorrect X:

“I grown-up serve with a silver spoon in my mouth.”

O correct O:

“I grew up served with a silver spoon in my mouth.”

As you can see, I wouldn’t say this is a spelling error but rather a grammatical error because the words were used in the wrong way. So basically, you don’t have a spelling mistake because it all comes down to grammar.

Hook: 2/10

I was hooked but for a bit, and the main reason is the language that is used in the book. I will talk more about this in the final section of the review. 

Character Development: 8/10

I think there is some character development in the book, even though it was written in a different language, I assumed that the main character showed her personality through her interactions with the other characters. And sometimes we read her thoughts and perspective on the others’ attitudes and behaviour, which was done in a good way. But there were times when she just directly told the reader how she looks, which is a “telling not showing” technique and it’s not encouraged. I’m not saying it’s bad or wrong, I’m saying that this technique is considered to be tedious because you’re telling the reader what is happening rather than letting them imagine what is happening.

But again, there weren't many errors with “telling not showing”, there were just a small amount of them.

Punctuation: 5/10

There wasn’t much error either, only a small amount and it involves the use of full stops. There were sentences that were unnecessarily short, like this:

“Altair, a young female of Evergreen Clan.”

And? Can you define any traits Altair has? With this sentence it would seem you’re making a bland statement. But if you continued the sentence by adding traits, then you’re showing the reader the protagonist that they’re going to follow. And they need to know what she’s like so they can relate to her or not. You could do something like this:

“Altair, a young female of Evergreen Clan, is unique, special and gifted, but aloof to others.”

That way you introduced the character and showed the readers what she’s like, and it doesn't look like a plain statement.

Pacing: 10/10

The pacing is great actually, the writing has put it in a steady pace. We’re introduced to the character, we’re seeing the interactions and the relationships so we could learn more about the character’s life. Then we’re seeing them move on to the next stage and experiencing new things. I think Altair’s POV is what makes the book gradually grow, with an equivalent amount of her thoughts and actual action done by her or others. I don’t think I encountered any problem with pacing so far.

Writing, plot Development and personal Enjoyment: 3/10

This is the only review that is different from the rest because I combined three sections into one. And because there is an element that affected all sections of this review, and the element is the language used. Please don’t be upset when I say this.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t enjoy it nor know if the main plot was moving forward because I didn’t understand the native language you used in the story. And this is the first book I read that blended your first language with English, and I have to point out that this is a major issue.

Readers who speak your language will find it easy to read your book, but you must consider that there are also other people with different ethnicities and nationalities who might find your book interesting but can’t understand it. I don’t speak your language and I’m not an English native speaker either, my mother tongue is Arabic and so I found it difficult to understand your story.

What made it more difficult and confusing was the fact you wrote in english, then your language, then in english again, then your language. And how even the descriptions of the events have turned to your language along with the dialogue. I would say that this method is somewhat wrong, especially if you’re trying to write for both native and non-native speakers of your language, because as I said it makes it more difficult and more confusing.

When I read the book I was like “wait is the character describing themselves? Or are they doing something? Wait, are they going to a different location? Huh, something about white and 5”4’, is there a short white item? White and short person?”

If you want to appeal to people internationally, I highly suggest that you create another copy of your book but only written in your native tongue, and another copy but written in English only. I know that it sounds like a lot of work, but trust me, you can’t mix English with another language in the same chapter/book or shift in between. Otherwise, you’ll cause the other readers to be confused and lose interest in your book.