17. Vulnerable

            Running. I had to run from them. I couldn’t get caught, I wasn’t about to be used for leverage. I wasn’t taken advantage of before, I wasn’t about to start tonight.

            It seemed they brought out all forms of police. Hell, even MI6 was involved in finding me. There was an all-out manhunt. Ever since the location was known thanks to Sherlock Holmes, Jim, me, and whoever else had to scram unless we wanted to be caught. Jim had taken John and Elena with him, leaving me to fend for myself.

            I kind of hated him for it, abandoning me so quickly. Maybe he wouldn’t have if I had just told him what I’d just found out. Maybe I would have gone with him, John, and Elena. I wouldn’t be running through woods to outrun a helicopter, its spotlight, and others on the ground in pursuit.

            How could I forget the canines that were chasing after me too, pulling their owners along in the hunt? With the occasional beams from flashlights, I was able to see my way through the woods better than I’d anticipated.

            I had no way of communication on me. I was alone, being hunted down like a wild animal. I wondered if they’d shoot me to stop me. They couldn’t kill me, not if they knew the truth. Did they know about my condition?

            I pulled out my pocketknife at the sound of dogs barking madly. They were following my scent. I had to find a way out of this; I was going to avoid being captured. I hadn’t been locked away before, and I wasn’t about to start now of all times.

            I leapt over a thick log, nearly falling flat on my face. My lungs were on fire, but my legs felt like they were shot with adrenaline. They knew how vital it was for me to escape capture; they were just as reluctant as me to be taken. If only my entire body felt the determination to keep going.

            I could hear the footfalls getting closer. Every bit of me was working past its breaking point. I was getting desperate. What was there to use around me besides branches, my body, and my knife? I’ll have to make do with what I have; I’m not surrendering without a fight.

            A few gunshots rang out, missing me. The helicopter’s roar alerted me that my time was running short. I ducked as though the spotlight would miss me. I was practically a beacon for my hunters once it landed on me and remained there. I still kept running, as if I thought I could outmaneuver the helicopter’s spotlight.

            I skidded to an abrupt halt, seeing armed men pointing loaded weapons at me. I spun around only to be herded in from all sides. 360 degrees of weapons and enemies. I had no way out. If I tried to breach the circle, I would be taken. If I stood and did nothing, I’d be taken.

            All my options had the same result.

            Very reluctantly, I dropped the knife into the grass, realizing that defeat was inevitable. I dropped to my knees slowly, raising my hands up as a man or two came to put the handcuffs on me.

            If Jim didn’t come and break me out, he was in some deep shit. Nobody left me behind and got away with it. Payback would be hell. It’d be a tall order, to get revenge on a man like Jim Moriarty, but I’d find a way to do it.

***

            This dream was one of many that I’d been having since I’d found out days ago. The night I’d found out, I hadn’t had anything. The night following that, I couldn’t say the same. The first nightmare was just a replay of the night I’d found out, how more shocked I was than happy about the news. In any normal circumstance, I’d be to the moon and back about it. But I wasn’t, and I knew if Jim got a hold of this news, he wouldn’t be either.

            That’s what the second nightmare held: Jim’s reaction. It never went well, no matter how many variations were played out within the course of the nightmare. Someone learned of my secret and told him, and that led to a nasty confrontation. I’d told him myself and that hadn’t ended well either.

My nightmares were telling me a few things. This was the worst thing that could possibly happen right now. This was going to be kept a secret. Jim would flip out if he knew. But, he had every right to know, so whether or not I should tell him was up in the air. I didn’t want to tell him about my discovery, and I didn’t want Sherlock to somehow get the message to him. Somehow he hadn’t, though he’d had plenty of time to do so. Sherlock couldn’t doubt his deduction of me that night, he’d been right.

Damn him.

I kept this big secret to myself, keeping up a normal act for everyone I met. Hell, even when I visited John I kept a good mask on. Actually, visiting him was the best thing for me, as he kept my mind off of it. That’s what I was currently doing now, though I was assessing Logan’s damage on him.

John looked to be getting worse. I wouldn’t have been surprised if his wounds were infected by now. He hadn’t showered, and if he ate, he ate very little. I never saw a plate around or a glass for anything to drink, but I had to assume Logan wanted his torture toy alive. Staying alive meant eating and drinking.

“I’m beginning to think Sherlock is stumped about our location,” I mused. “He still hasn’t come by yet.”

“He won’t give up,” John spat at me.

“Oh, I never said that.” I smiled ruefully. “I know he won’t, and so does Jim. We’re just getting a bit impatient is all, with him being so slow. You might not be alive by the time he finds this place.” I looked at my nails.

“You might not be if I’m found dead.”

“You really think Sherlock Holmes would kill me?”

“Severely injure if not kill. He once half killed a man because he laid a hand on the landlady in Baker Street. Imagine what he would do to you if Elena or I was found dead.”

“Would it be up to Logan’s scale?”

“Hard to say with Sherlock. He could be worse than Logan.”

“So you’re saying I should be afraid of him.”

“Very afraid.”

“I’m no stranger to threats, John. It takes a lot to scare me.”

“You’re not as bad as him.” John seemed willing to switch over to other topics.

“Who? Jim? Not yet. I haven’t been motivated enough to commit murders.” I shrugged. “It’s annoying when you lose motivation for something you’ve started to have a passion for.”

“You’re sick.”

“Really? In terms of health, I’d say I’m much better off than you are right now. I bet you’re sick like a dog, maybe even worse.” I mock pouted.

“C-can I at least get free long enough to shower?”

“That’s up to your torturer. I think if you’ve gone this long, I doubt he’ll say yes to your request.” My nose wrinkled. “Though I do agree with you needing a bath. Between the blood smell and you, it’s terrible in here.”

“I’m used to the smell; I’ve been in it long enough.”

“She’s fine, by the way. I know you’ll end up asking sometime.”

“Moriarty hasn’t tried to hurt her?”

“Not in front of me. I can’t say the same when I’m not around her. If he hurt her, she would have told me by now.”

“This is Moriarty we’re talking about. He’d scare Elena into silence.”

I scowled. “You think he’s such a soulless creature.”

“Because he is.” John gulped in a breath. “Everyone he’s ever met is just another piece to his game. You are a piece to whatever game is going on right now.”

“You make it sound as though we’re attached to each other. We really don’t have anything.”

“Hmm, are you lying to yourself about that?”

“I don’t love him.” I rolled my eyes.

“Are you sure? I know the saying opposites attract, but hey, with your kind, you’d find love during a murder spree.”

My jaw locked. “You get really sassy sometimes, you know that?”

“I’m already being hurt by someone else; why not make it just a little bit worse? It’s not like you’d really do anything to me.”

“Oh really?” I leapt up in one shot and grabbed him by the throat, pushing him to the wall. His chains rattled as his hands feebly attempted to pry me off. “You think I’m soft?”

“He’s got an impenetrable shell compared to you, Raine. Moriarty may not have a weak spot, but you do. My daughter is it.”

“Liar.” My eyes smoldered.

“You do have a weak spot, though, because you just got defensive. But what is it if you say it isn’t Elena?”

“Sherlock was annoying when he did that. You’ve been around him too long.”

“When did you go to Baker Street?”

“A few days ago. Elena wanted Chloe, and I got her.” I shrugged, releasing John’s throat. He slipped slowly to the ground, hacking terribly all the while. “I had an encounter with him. It wasn’t pleasant.”

“If you’ve hurt him…”

“Oh please,” I scoffed, “the most I did was aim a few kicks and punches at him. He’s easily recovered by now. He’s lucky I didn’t get a hold of my knife and do worse damage. I think if I tried, though, Jim wouldn’t be too happy.” I brushed myself off. “Well, it was lovely talking to you again, Doctor Watson. I’ll let you have what peace you can before Logan comes back for another round.”

Without a backwards glance, I left the bleeding, chained-up, wounded doctor.

*      *      *

I couldn’t think straight for the majority of the day. Elena wanted my attention a lot lately, and I couldn’t give it to her properly. I was too distracted in my own thoughts to pay attention to her. It wasn’t every day that you had to keep something big from your boss who also happened to be a part of the secret you were keeping from him.

It was a risky move, but I’d let Heidi take over babysitting. Heidi noticed I wasn’t myself and took Elena out but made sure to disguise the little girl in case someone recognized her—an Amber Alert had to be out for Elena for as long as she’d been gone at this point.

I confined myself to the den room with my thoughts. I settled in a chair, glaring at the empty fireplace, with a glass full of sweet white wine in hand. I knew it wasn’t smart to drink with a baby in me, but I was stressed. This time really called for wine.

“Where’s the girl?” Jim demanded.

Great. Just the man I didn’t want to see right now. I wanted to confess and tell him the news, but at the same time I wanted to push it off just a little bit longer, preferably until I couldn’t keep my pregnancy a secret. Jim couldn’t know just yet, he didn’t need to worry about this. I wasn’t ready to hear the word abortion leave his mouth. Whenever he’d find out, he’d want it gone. It was almost impossible to picture Jim Moriarty wanting to keep a child, even if it was his.

“Nice to see you too,” I grumbled.

“Where is she?”

“Heidi has her. Don’t worry, she’s different. Nobody will recognize her.” I took a long sip from the glass.

“Alright, something is up. I rarely see you drink.”

“You think something’s wrong just because I’m having wine?”

“You’re acting different, darling. Who’s been threatening you?” Jim demanded. I didn’t answer him. “Raine.” I turned to look at him. “Are you even here today?”

            I could only shrug. Sometimes I was in reality, other times I was stuck in my mind still trying to cope with the truth. First Sherlock had said it, and I’d taken a test to confirm it. It was true. I was carrying a child, and Jim Moriarty was the father.

            “Who do I need to send an assassin on?” Jim knelt in front of me. I saw emotion in his brown eyes. Worry. Since when does he show that kind of emotion? I thought it was impossible for him to worry about anything.

            “No one.”

            “Then why are you acting off? Are you sure you don’t need anyone killed?”

            “No, Jim, it’s”—I sighed—“I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. I’ve been thinking about some things that have been told to me recently.”

            “Oh? Like what, angel?”

            “John told me my sister survived the shooting and is here in London looking for me with the help of Sherlock and him.”

            “But she can’t be, she’s—”

            “Dead, yeah, I know.” I looked away. “There’s something else I’m thinking of too. It’s just as hard to swallow, but I can actually believe it more.”

            “And what’s that?”

            For this, I bore my eyes right into Jim’s. How can I put this delicately? No matter how he reacted, I had to tell him. He had every right to know.

            “I…I’m…I’m pregnant.” It was the first time I’d ever said it out loud.

            Silence. Jim and I blinked at each other. I was apprehensive, terrified of how Jim would take this. I could picture it now: he’d be outraged and want me to get rid of the child. There was nothing between us. We didn’t feel anything for each other. A baby wasn’t going to change that and suddenly make us fall in love. It could happen to some couples, but not to us, because we technically weren’t together.

            “Say that again,” he said quietly, coolly. I couldn’t hear any menace in his voice, yet. There was still time for him to explode. I could picture the ticking time bomb, its counter slowly going towards zero.

            “I-I don’t think I should.”

            “You’re…you mean…” He cleared his throat, blinking slowly. He dipped his head; I could see the cogs in his mind turning. His mind never stopped. “You’re sure?”

            I nodded. “I’m sure.”

            Something changed in Jim. He got past the shock of the news, and I could see the sudden downhill in his eyes. His body became tense, like he was about ready to lash out at any second. Here it comes. Brace yourself.

            “That bastard,” he snarled. Those words I didn’t expect. “I’m going to kill him, I really am. I’m just surprised he kept you alive, but then again, he’d know better than to kill you.”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “Logan. He did this, didn’t he?”

            My mouth dropped. “What? No!” I leapt forward, nearly colliding with him. Luckily I had little wine left in the glass so it didn’t spill on the floor. “Logan didn’t do this, you did!”

            Jim scoffed, getting to his feet. “Why are you trying to cover it up? Is he the one who’s threatening you? I’d hate to get rid of him if he is. I’m disappointed in you, darling, I really am. He must’ve gotten to you while I was gone. I should have taken you with me.” He had a faraway look in his eyes. “Oh, I’ll definitely kill him.”

            “Wait!” I intercepted Jim as he started to head for the door. “I’m telling you, Logan isn’t why I’m like this! It’s you!”

            “Why did you do it?”

            “Why are you trying to blame Logan for this? You got me pregnant!” My voice suddenly raised a few octaves, echoing in the once-empty den room. “The night before I kidnapped Elena ringing any bells, Jim? How could you forget that?”

            “Truthfully I don’t keep track; we’ve had so many nights together.” His voice turned reminiscing. Okay, that’s got him distracted.

            “Jim, listen to me. Just stop and think logically for one minute.” I grabbed his arms. “Logan hasn’t touched me; he’s been too busy with his own sex life. Why would you assume that Logan got me knocked up? Is that your way of denying that this baby is yours? Are you in a murder-spree mood? We can go out right now and kill someone together if that’s what’s sparking this!”

            Jim didn’t say anything, which worried me. What was he thinking about right now? Was he deciding what we should do about the baby? I was tempted to touch my stomach, to remind myself that I was living for two now, not just one.

            “Please, Jim, say something.”

            He laughed. “I love it when you beg.”

            “Focus.” I was tempted to slap him now. “What are we doing about this?”

            “What do you mean?”

            “Are we keeping the baby or not?”

            “We don’t do anything. You keep it.”

            His answer floored me. I even stepped back once or twice. Jim was actually letting me keep the baby? My mouth moved, but no words came out. Jim left me speechless, and oftentimes he did that in a different way for a different occasion.

            “What kind of trick are you trying to pull on me?” I asked.

            “There’s no trick to what I’m saying.”

            “You’re…you’re not going to fight me on this?” I asked carefully.

            He looked at me as though I had a second head. “Why would I want to?”

            “We’re not together like that.”

            “Raine.” He took my hands in his. I trembled slightly. “I’m not carrying a child in me for nine months. The baby may be mine, but it’s yours also.” He’s accepted it pretty quickly. “You’re carrying it, it’s your decision. A while back, if it were me, I would want the child gone. But things have changed since then, and I don’t want to lose you over our child.”

            I had to blink and shake my head to try and understand what was happening right now. Jim Moriarty, the world’s only consulting criminal, had his barriers down. He wasn’t scheming any burglaries or arranging any assassinations. He was putting all the criminal things aside to deal with this. And he was taking this differently than how I expected. He sure accepted the baby as his pretty quickly. I thought he’d try and murder Logan first out of hasty conclusions.

            Truthfully, I wouldn’t have minded Logan being gone. I wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore.

            “You’re…you’re being vulnerable,” I whispered in awe. “Oh my God, has this ever happened before?”

“Don’t speak of this to anyone.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise?”

I kissed him. “Promise.” A spark went off in my head, his words clicked together. “Hold on. You mean that…this is something real for you?”

            “It has been for a while.” His cheeks reddened. “The whole month I was away from you, I never realized how much of an effect you had on me. I don’t attach myself to people, I’ve never had to. I’ve always been fine with being the lone wolf. But you, Raine Whitmore, you’ve changed me. It’s a scary thing to feel, and for a while, I wanted nothing to do with it.” He shook his head. “I’m a babbling idiot right now, confessing something I know means nothing to you.”

            “W-what?” I giggled. “I-I don’t know how to respond to this, really.” He took me in his arms. “It does mean something to me, though.” I smiled sheepishly. “That was another thing I thought about. I had a little talk with John, and he believed that I was lying to myself about not loving you. Of course, he was talking just to piss me off. Truthfully, lately, we’ve acted more like an actual couple than we’ve realized.”

            A hand of his slid down to rest on my stomach, right where my baby bump would be growing. He touched his forehead to mine. There was a significant difference between the Jim Moriarty I’d first met and the one I was seeing now.

            “The whole friends with benefits thing never seems to work for long,” I murmured. “They always end up together in the end.”

            “This is going to be our secret; we don’t need anyone getting a hold of this information.”

            “Agreed. But what about when I get bigger? I can only hide that for so long.”

            “We’ve got months, love. One thing at a time.”

            “Right. But, consulting criminal first, father later, okay? You can’t afford to lose focus and the game.”

            “Oh, don’t worry, I’m focused.” A passionate kiss was shared. “Nothing distracts me.”

**So it's confirmed. Sherlock is, on top of everything else, a pregnancy test. Anyone happy by the news? Upset? Do you think Jim's reaction is real?

What's going to happen now that there's a child in play?**