so um idk what happened, but I'm here now ig

not edited

I stumbled into my bedroom, the pristine white envelopes clutched in my hands. I carefully set them on my table before rushing into the bathroom as the tears found their way down my cheeks. My eyes watered as I turned on the tap and sat under the ice cold water thinking of what content the envelopes held.

After I left the observatory for the night, I walked around in darkness, the snowstorm seemed to have seized as the sky cleared and lit the winding hallways of the mansion. I did not think much of where I was heading until I stood in front of the all too familiar double black doors. I hesitated for a moment before gripping the handle in my hand and pushing the doors open. 

The moment I opened the doors, a sweet scent of lavender hit me, the off-white furniture contrasted against the dark walls of the room as the golden lamp lit the room, painting it in a comforting yellow hue. The wing was just as it was all those years ago, just as my father designed it, just how my mother liked it.

Slowly, I made my way into their room just to notice that the room was also the same as it was. I turned the lights on, blinding myself for a moment before laying my eyes upon the all-too familiar room. I craned my neck a little to check if someone was coming before sitting on the well-made bed, facing the mirror on the closed doors. Staring at my tired reflection, I sat there silently, contemplating how different my life would have been if my mother hadn't won the custody battle for me. How different it would have been if the siblings weren't separated.

Silently, I stood up, sliding the door open to see the shelves cleared out. There was nothing there except a couple grey fabric boxes stacked on top of one another. I picked up the top box, opening it slightly to peek inside. A small snippet of my childhood peeked back at me before I decided to completely open the box. A small smile curved my lips as I flipped through our childhood pictures. 

Every moment spent at this house from each of our childhoods encased and protected by just the fabricated box made me realize how delicate they were, how easily I could forget the few memories I had from my childhood as I grew up and that scared me. The few treasured moments I had, leaving them behind is forgetting my family, my life, my roots. 

I moved onto the next box as soon as I was done with the pictures. The next box was almost fully empty with just a few envelopes at the bottom. My eyebrows scrunched together as I picked up the yellowing paper. He slightly rough paper clenched between my hands as I set aside some of the papers that looked like office documents. I separated the envelopes from the documents before turning them over and reading all of our siblings' names written on each one of them in a fancy but scribbly handwriting. 

I flipped the envelopes over to find something else than our names but wasn't able to find anything else, so I separated mine and my brothers' envelopes before carefully opening the paper envelopes and pulling out papers from it. 

It was a letter, written in the same fancy cursive handwriting. I turned the papers over to see if they were in proper condition and could be read through and through. But before I could turn them over to start from the beginning, the sign at the end caught my eye.

Love,
Dad

It was signed with a small heart at the end, just like the ones I used to doodle when I was a child. I was obsessed with hearts and every time my dad left papers around the house he would always find them with hearts with hands and legs decorating the margins of the pages. The same heart was drawn here, on this letter.

My breath caught halfway down my throat as I leaned a little in the shelves for support as I turned the pages over to start reading.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I scanned through the pages, hanging on every word, making sure to register and print on my mind. The last words of my dad to me. Every little period and every little curved 't' letting me know about Alison quirks that I never bothered to remember. I wanted to take these words that he wrote down on this piece of paper and take them.and lock them.away in a safe in my mind. Making sure that I would never forget them, hoping that they would stay with me forever unlike the precious moments I had forgotten from my past as I grew up. 

I read the letter over and over again letting it sink in, making sure I remembered everything that was inked on. Letting out a shaky breath, I stood up, stumbling out of their wing and numbly walking to my own as the tears ran down in a silent stream. Every time i try to get past everything there is just something that keeps me bringing back to it, reminding me of what could have been, reminding me how happy we could have been.

I trudged inwards as I left the letters on the mantelpiece before continuing on to the bathroom. I flipped on the shower tap before sliding down on the floor, deep in thought trying to wash away the awful thoughts, memories, and everything in between. I wanted nothing more than to be empty, to let go of everything. I wanted to be a blip in nature with no past, no present, and hopefully no future. I wanted to be lost, to be away from this entanglement of human relationships and their complications. 

Seconds turned into minutes which probably then turned to an hour and before I knew it I found myself drifting off, surrounded by cold water as my body felt numb. The next thing my brain processes it the shouts around me. I snap my eyes open and Rhea pops into my view. My eyes feel heavy, begging me to wipe away any remains of the mixture of water and tears. I swiftly wipe away any residue that was collected under and around my eyes before looking up. The water was turned off and I sat in a tub full of freezing water. I could tell that the I had been here for a while from my pruned skin, the water on the floor that seemed to have overflowed as the tub reached it’s maximum capacity. 

Slowly I move my hands before Rhea reappears and helps me stand up before two other maids walk in with piles of towels. One of the maids pulls the plug and the water from the tub flows down into the drain while Rhea helps me sit down. Before I know it, i’m covered with warm towels surrounding me as i stare blankly into the space in front of me I felt too tired to speak, too tired to move and even too tired to make sense of wheat was going on. 

We shifted to closet after Rhea dried me as much as she could. She stepped out for a few minutes, asking me to put on some dry clothes. I stepped out as soon as I was dressed and my eyes fell on Dorian who was sitting at the edge of my bed, fumbling with what looked like a blowdrier but with bigger and circular opening. 

I let out an exhausted sigh the moment Dorian looked up. The envelopes were still on the table right across Dorian, I don’t know how he will react or what he will say but I for one did not have the energy to face his tantrums or to answer his questions, All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball under my blanket and let my body rot it there. I prepared myself for a shoury fest the moment Dorian stood up and started walking towards me. 

But I was pleasantly surprised when he softly took my hand and set me down on the seat in front of the mirror. He silently started working on drying my hair with a microfibre towel. A puzzled look took over my face but i watched silently as he worked confidently between creams and masks applying them one after another all the while untangling the knots in my long, curly hair. I could feel my tensed muscles relax as massaged my head in between before partitioning it and starting with the drier thing. He took a piece of hair, resting it on the round base before scrunching it up to my scalp and holding it there waiting for the drier to work its magic and dry my hair. This continued for quite a while before he unplugged the appliance and looked at my tired but relaxed form through the mirror.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked in a soft voice as his hands rested on my shoulder. My right knee was pulled up to my chest and I rested my chin on it. 

“Promise me you won’t get angry,” I replied as I searched for a drop of emotion in his eyes while he stared at me, contemplating his options.

He blinked a couple of times, observing my form, thinking before answering, “Alright.”

•••

A/N

So, I suppose I disappeared there for a little while. I apologize, there was stuff going on and I hope you guys can understand. And now I would rather not promise anything until things get back on track and I can find a suitae schedule again.

Again, no promises but I do have a few chapters ready.

Anyways, hope you liked the chapter after such along while. If you did, make sure to vote and tell me which part was your faviourite!!

QOTD: Do you design? for eg graphic designing or smthing like that?
AOTD: I do design graphics so if you need help, you can always request!!

SIBLING MEME!!!!!

Toodles

~Ash