not edited

(A/N: Guys... thus chapter. It has so many thing and it is so long. I'm so sorry but the ending man, don't miss that. I am so ready for you to read this as well as the next chapter where her brother will learn the truth. Also, disclaimer: She did not have that talk with Octavian. Ik, it socks but well 😭😭)

"And up," Miss Alex instructed as my feet left the ground and I did a handstand on Esai's shoulders. In a moment or two I felt Esai's form wobble taking us both down. We both let out a string of profanities as we landed on the safety mats below.

"Guys," James started walking towards us as Ellie stopped the music, "I thought you had this part of the lift down. What happened?"

"Uh yeah we said, we did, sorry 'bout that" I muttered laying down flat on my back on the mat. We were preparing for the state championship and previously this dance was for Esai and Nova but Nova ended up spraining her ankle. Miss Alex thought it would be best for me to start with some duets, trios and solos so she asked me to do it with Esai and now I keep making mistakes on the lift.

"It was my fault," Esai mumbled laying down on the mat as well, "I was the one who wobbled because of which we fell." My head turned to look at him with furrowed eyebrows as James sighed. It has been two hours since we practiced. We learnt the routine yesterday.

"Okay then, take a two minutes break you two. We run one final rehearsal once and then we will see what to do with the lift," James muttered.

"You didn't have to take all the blame," I muttered as he turned to look at me. He was lying on his back as well, opposite to how I was laying but his head was near mine.

"I had to or everybody would think it was you since you're the new kid. I mean, I won't deny you're clumsy but I am good at heart," he said, cheekily but his face remained stoic much like Octavian, but Octavian was quite intimidating and scary which I didn't feel with Esai. I grabbed the closest thing to hand, which happened to be Lucas' used tank top which he threw on the side just moments ago and I threw it at Esai, chuckling, "Shut up," I muttered.

He groaned as the smell hit him

and he removed the cloth from his face, fixing me with a hard glare, making my smile falter. I let my cheerful expression fall and sat up. I wasn't scared of him but I wasn't dumb either. He could hurt me quite bad if he wanted to and I didn't want to give him a reason for that. I hated that I was so paranoid, I couldn't enjoy a single moment with being scared for my life. But I was also grateful.

I had seen the world for what it is and I was sure that I had gone through the worst. After all, how cruel could humankind possibly get?

I flinched lightly as a hand landed on my shoulder. I looked back to see Esai with furrowed eyebrows but blank eyes and face. He quickly retracted his hand before sitting beside me, our back against a wall as we watched Sandy, Ellie and Tessa practice for their trio. The mood had quickly dropped from joyful to a gloomy one.

"Do you think we should extend today's time till we get the whole routine down?" He asked, not taking his off the girls' rehearsals.

"We already have most of it down so I don't think it should be too long," I muttered, looking at the dancers as well. I knew he had questions and concerns but he was holding himself back and I appreciated it more than anything right now.

"I'll go talk to Miss Alex then," He muttered standing up and I nodded. He returned after a few moments. "She extended our time by an hour so we can start practicing for the group routine with everyone for now and do our dance in the last two hours."

I nodded looking at the floor covered by the safety mats, incorrigible voices in my head snapped as I tried to concentrate. A hand appeared in my vision as I followed it to it's source only to find Esai looking at me. "We've got a lot of things to do" He muttered, "Partner," He added with a small, barely there smile.

I took his hand as he pulled me up, with a little too much force. I ended up flying towards him and hit his hard, built chest. He stumbled back a little but steadied us as his hands landed on my waist and mine on his muscular showers as I let out a shout of surprise. "Too much force," I muttered, resting my head on the back of my hand which was on his bare shoulder.

"Yeah," He muttered back, "Didn't know you were this light." I eyes furrowed as pushed myself back trying to get a good look of his face while he still held me.

"You have been lifting me for the past hour, how do you miscalculate?" I asked, causing him to look away. Carrie called us right away.

"You two, you can separate now and come here, start with the group rehearsals," Carrie said as I quickly jumped out of his arms and kept a safe distance between us. I averted my eyes and walked to where Blake and Dianne were talking.

"Do we have some cheesy shit to look forward to?" Dianne asked as they both wiggled their eyebrows.

"Really? Are you finally talking to Lucas?" I asked, still with a blank face. Dianne just narrowed her eyes at me, making me give her a sickly sweet smile.

"Staying with Tessa is really rubbing on you, huh?" Blake muttered, rubbing the back of her head. I just rolled my eyes with a smirk on my face as we walked away, towards the front of the studio to start practicing for group routine.

***

"You two need to focus. Especially you, Astria," Miss Alex said giving me a pointed look, "Get your head in the game but don't get inside your head. You know you can do this. You almost do it and then doubt yourself ending up on the mat," She snapped lightly.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm trying but I just can't do it. Maybe this is a tad bit higher for me. We still have days before the competition. You should switch me," I muttered looking at my feet. I didn't want to give up but we had been practicing for the past hour and I just couldn't get the lift right. It was very embarrassing to perform this well in the past few weeks and then fail at an attempt of a single angel lift.

Esai's head snapped up as he looked at me with narrowed questioning eyes while I just shrugged. I didn't want to hold him back. He was an amazing dancer and I was no where near his level.

"How about you both go freshen up and stay in the dancer's rooms for a while. Reflect on the things that have happened. And refresh," Mis Alex suggested nodding. We both gave a short nod back while heading to the back of the studio where the rooms were located. These rooms were usually used for changing, getting ready and lounging so there were different ones for girls and boys.

I entered mine and headed straight for the bathroom. I quickly washed my face before reaching for my dance bag to grab my essentials. I then changed my leotard and skirt for a stretchable, full sleeved crop top and black shorts.

The moment I redid my ponytail, the door opened and Esai walked in. I looked at him with narrowed as he walked over to me, standing right in front of the bench I was sitting. He lowered himself onto the ground with his back against the wall as he watched me.

"This is the girls' room," I muttered, looking at my reflection in the mirror above him. He said nothing. Through these last weeks I've realized that Esai was the quietest person on the team. He wouldn't speak unless he wanted to. It doesn't matter if you ask him a question or state something. He won't talk unless he wants to.

"Do you really don't want to do this dance?" He finally asked as I looked into his bright green eyes.

"I do, but I'm just not good enough," I shrugged lightly before bring my knees to chest and resting my head on them.

"It's just one lift that you aren't able to do. And half of the time it's my fault as well. I wobble and that's why we fall," He said, staring right back in my eyes.

"That is because I'm heavy," I replied.

"Or maybe because I'm not strong enough. You don't have to take blame for everything. It's my fault as much as yours. Also, it's not easy to balance your whole body on top of just two palms," He muttered. Before I could reply, the door opened again, this time Miss Alex came in.

"Esai," She said, in her strict voice, "James is looking for you in the boys' room." Esai gave her a nod before me one last look and then exited the room.

"So, are you going to change me?" I asked as she settled on an armchair in the corner of the room.

"No I'm not," She said, "I chose you for a reason and you cannot give up in the middle like that." I kept quiet as she spoke, not looking at her. "You came here for a reason. You wanted to get better at dance and you can't back off at every hard step if you want that."

She kept silent for a few minutes as I pondered over her words, "You chose this path for yourself. You knew you could do this and that's why you started this journey. If you never thought that you could do this you wouldn't have been here in the first place. So, you knew you could do this so don't second guess yourself now. Because that's not what you were meant to do,you should go out there, give your best and it's alright if you fail but what's most important is that you get up. You are here for a reason, you are a part of this dance for a reason," She said, looking right in my eyes before getting up.

"Call your brothers and tell them that'll you'll be free to leave after eight," She muttered as she walked out of the room. I thought for a couple of moments before grabbing my phone and calling Zion.

"Hey, I'm picking you up in about half hour, right?" He asked as soon he picked up the call.

"Actually, about that, the time was extended till eight. Can you pick me up by then?" I asked.

He remained quiet for a few minutes before speaking up, "I actually need to drop by the hospital at 7.30, so I don't think I'll be free at eight. Zane is going to be at the hospital as well and Octavian, as he said before is going to be at the headquarters for some event or something. So I'm sorry but I think you will have to go with Dorian. Don't worry I will talk to him and he will be there when you leave. Sorry bout this again." I sighed quietly at the thought of being in a car alone with Dorian, especially today but that seemed like the only option.

"Alright," I muttered as he thanked me and hung up. I walked out of the room to see Esai conversing with James and Carrie. A eyes turned to me the moment I walked inside.

"Let's start, shall we?" Miss Alex asked, drawing everyone's attention towards her.

***

James and Carrie let out exclamations of relief and joy as I kept my ankles in my hand while Esai balanced me from my abdomen on the top of his palms a d I formed a bow shape with my body. As the beat dropped, I straightened my hands and landed on Esai's shoulders as I maintained the handstand on his shoulders before letting my legs curl in the air as I dropped down to the floor. We continued moving around gracefully until we striked the ending pose and the song ended. The two assistants were now clapping as I had a huge smile on my face. I looked at Esai and he looked pretty pleased with himself as well.

I gave him a short side hug, "See, I told you you were good enough," He whispered in my ear, making me smile.

"Alright, you two, we can do the whole routine once again and then you guys are free to leave," Miss Aex said as we took our positions.

Esai left to retrieve his car while sat down on the bench in front of the studio. The extended session went well and we both had the routine down. Now we just needed to practice to perfect the little things here and there. Miss Alex was inside with her assistants making arrangements for our costumes. A matte black car came to halt in front of me and the windows of the passenger seat slid down to reveal Esai.

"Get in," He ordered, "You have been waiting for fifteen minutes and there is nobody here."

"Oh, no," I muttered, softly tugging at the sleeves of my sweatshirt, "He should be on the way here. I don't really want to irritate him by, you know, just disappearing."

"Are you sure?" He asked. I could see the wheels running in his head as he pegged me for a dumbass while I nodded in reply. "Well, just wait here," He muttered and drove away. I didn't expect him to stay, which was true. He had much more work than waiting around for people.

After a few minutes of scrolling on my phone, I noticed someone sit down beside me. From the corner of my eye, I could only see the side of their head which was covered with a hoodie. I saw their hand slowly inch towards me and with a response of lightning speed i caught the hand midair, my eyes wide before meeting the familiar green eyes. Esai's other hand landed on my wrist as a means to probably stop me doing anything. "Woah, slow down there tadpole," he muttered, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"Tadpole?" I asked.

"Yeah, you're like one," He said slightly smirking.

"I'm not even going to ask how, but why are you here?"

"Because you are?"

"You need to get home on time."

"And you need to get home safely."

"And I will do that."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to have a bit of precaution."

"I know self defense," I shrugged.

"You're as slow as a tortoise."

"Shut up." I muttered and he just shrugged as we retracted our hands. We both returned to our phones as my phone lit up. I turned my attention to it and my lips curled into a smile as Aaron's name popped up on my screen. I opened his text, 'Do you want me to come pick you up?' was what it read. We were talking before Esai arrived so I had explained that I was waiting for Dorian.

'No, it's alright. Dorian is probably on his way.' I typed back.

'Are you sure? Because it's not very safe to be alone at night.' His response came right back. Esai was typing away on his phone as well so I went back to my phone. I quickly sent a text to Dorian to ask if he was coming to pick me up or not before replying to Aaron.

'Don't worry. Esai is here with me, so I'm not alone.' ~Astria

'Oh um, stay safe because not everyone is good. I just want you to be safe.' ~Aaron

'As I said, don't worry. Esai is a really good guy. I'm safe.' ~Astria

'I'm just saying, I know how boys think and he could just be a threat.' ~Aaron

'I know him, Aaron, calm down.' ~Astria

'Astria, you don't know what you're talking about. You're new here so please just listen to someone who knows what they're talking about. I just want what's best for you. Just be cautious, ok?' ~Aaron.

I was quite surprised by his hostility as he had never acted out like that before and he had been the sweetest guy during the past weeks, so respectful and caring. But I guess he was somewhat right considering I was probably trusting people I meet too much and as he aid, he probably meant well. I send him an 'ok' as a reply before opening up Dorian and my messages.

I didn't want to talk to him today or anyone from my family considering how down everyone was. Tomorrow is one of the most important days for us. The day that probably changed our lives the most. And everybody was affected by what happened and as we approach this day, it's like a dark cloud of tension settling over the whole household. Even the staff and help seem quite upset and down. Tomorrow, the 2nd day of October, will be the fourth death anniversary of our dad.

Everybody had tried to be more normal while I was around and I had tried to ignore the incoming loom of sadness and I was quite successful while I was inside studio practicing with Esai or the whole group but now that I'm alone, it's just the ever-present hole in chest that needs to be filled but the sadness keeps digging it deeper. I was quite ready to spend the day in my bedwetting a bucket of ice cream and my tears but Octavian was adamant on me leaving the house and spending it like a normal day. While he wasn't. Octavian was at the office, overworking himself. Zane was at his hospital, he had no appointments today but he still left saying he had a day at the ER, which was not true because Zion had his schedule and he showed it to me and he did not have a shift at the ER today. Zion was out all day. I saw his location at a bar, at 10 in the morning. And Dorian was nowhere to be seen for the whole day. In the morning he was cooped up in his room and around for in the evening he left, not telling anyone where he was going.

So, today was spent very normally by my very normal brothers.

My head snapped up as Esai let out a string of profanities before cutting the call he was on. He stood up, his eyes frantic as his eyes searched for mine. He looked so out of element now that he was stressed and not thinking straight. My hand landed on his arm as I steadied him.

"Take a deep breath Esai, and calm down," I muttered. I saw him take deep gups of breath as I slowly rubbed his forearm to calm him down. It was weird seeing him this disturbed but I was there at some point and boy does it hurt. I know how it feels when you're getting a panic attack and it's better if you can stop it before it becomes worse.

"What happened?" I asked softly when he had calmed down.

"M-My sister. My little sister. Shit, I need to go," He muttered, "She went into an epileptic seizure and it, it lasted way more than it should."

"Go, and drive home safely, please," I replied, ushering him towards his car.

"But what about you?"

"I'll be fine," I said, my voice stern, "Go to you sister. She needs you. And I know how it feels when your elder brother is not there during hard times. It doesn't feel good. So just go to her. I can handle myself."

"No, no, come with me, I can drop you home," He insisted, pulling me towards his car.

"Esai, let go of my arm and go help your sister," I said. He looked between me and his car as I nodded softly.

"Fuck it," He whispered to himself before getting in the car. "Call me if anything, and I mean anything, happens. And message me when you get home. And please take care of yourself," He said before shuffling through something in his dashboard. He tossed me a small metal rectanglur thing and I examined it and then looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Better to be safe than sorry," He said as he reversed out of the parking spot.

"Drive safe," I shouted behind him as he drove out of the studio property. I looked around and saw the number of cars passing by the road lessening. I took a quick glance at my phone to see that Dorian still hadn't seen my message. I sighed and switched my ballerina flats for my sneakers and let my hair down. With the sma knife Esai gave me in my left hand and my phone in my right, I left the studio property on foot.

( A/N: To All my queens out there, stay safe and this is a genuine tip, whenever you're alone or feel unsafe, keep your hair down and have shoes in which you can run comfortably For the hair thing, it is so that no one can grab it easily. Ponytail, buns, braids etc. are easier to grab and will render you a disadvantage so keep your hair down. A d keep a safety device on you, a pocket knife, pepper spray or a whistle. Stay safe!)

I kept an eye on my surroundings and after a tedious walk of about fifty minutes I reached home. A guard saw me walking on the street with my heavy dance bag over my shoulder and quickly ran over to me. I was just about ten feet away from the estate but any help was appreciated. He took the bag from me and accompanied me over to the estate where another guard drove me towards the mansion. I unlocked the gigantic mansion door with my biometrics and was met with a dark hallway. No one was home, clearly. I politely asked Gwen to inform me when Octavian gets home before running myself was warm bath.

I skipped the dinner as my appetite was on an all time low. I just wanted to curl under my sheets and stay there until the morning of 3rd October, but I couldn't do that. So instead, here I am, waiting in front of a sleek black door with gold accents, gathering enough courage to have a talk with Octavian.

"Come in, Astria," He said from the other side of the door. I just sighed before entering his office. It was quite an unusual sight as the papers were scattered all over his large oak table. His belongings were haywire and his appearance matched that of his office. I just quietly sat down, ignoring the nagging ache at the back of my heart.

"I wanted to ask if you would be able to take me with you, tomorrow, to see," I cut myself short. It hurt too much to speak. Octavian looked up as his eyes softened. He let his barrier down and I could see the hurt and tiredness in his eyes. He was broken, hurt, just like me. But he didn't give up yet and neither will I.

"Actually the twins and I visit quite early in the morning. So, we were wondering if you hitch a ride with Dorian?" He asked softly. He himself seemed hesitant asking that question and it scared me. Octavian was always sure of his decisions. He was the one I would turn to if I had any doubts and if he was confused then I was lost as well.

"Oh." The small word choked out of my throat as I focused my attention to the papers that meant gibberish to me.

"I know it's hard for you Astria. But we thought it would be a good time for you and Dorian to come over your differences. You both have felt the pain of what happened and we all have supported each other. You on the other hand have been quite out of the loop. And as much as the twins and I have been providing support, Dorian is not quite there yet. We felt as if it would be best if you could bond over something, find peace in supporting each other," He said softly. He somewhat made sense but I still wanted to steer away from Dorian.

"But it is completely upto you," He said, "If you don't feel comfortable, we can adjust our timings."

"No," I whispered after few moments of contemplation, "I can try." A rare small smile bloomed on his face but it was gone as soon as it came.

"I'm glad that you agree," He said softly, "But if anything happens. Anything, please call me. Okay? Don't let it linger like you did at school. Call me, message me or even call Ana. I would know if something is wrong. I just want you to be comfortable."

I nodded in reply before standing up, "I'll talk to Dorian when he gets home," I muttered.

"He is in his room," Octavian replied before going back to his paperwork. I nodded and thanked him before walking out of his office and making my way to the kitchen. Dorian purposefully did not come to pick me up eventhough he was free. I knew he hated me but that was on another level. Because I'm so sure that he knows that the way from my dance studio to our ho- his home is not the safest.

To my surprise, I saw him sitting at the counter in the kitchen, oddly enough, eating cereal. At eleven at night. I tried to ignore him as I grabbed a glass of cool water. I sat down, a couple stools away from him and looked at him. He shot me a questioning glare.

"I wanted to ask you if I could maybe tag along with you when you go meet him?" I asked in the softest and nicest voice I could muster.

"No," He replied.

"Why?" I asked but got no reply in return. I waited for a couple minutes before swiveling the stool around muttering to myself, "I'll just ask the twins."

"No, you won't," He replied sternly making me narrow my eyes, "You will not go there."

"I will," I replied. I had listened to him long enough. He was my father as well and Dorian has no right to stop me. He may have been right the other time and he might be right this time as well but I will not let him stop me. I had gone through so much that year to just meet him and I will go through it again if that will allow me to just meet him once. "He is my father as well. I have every right to go there and meet him."

"And where were these right you talk of when he was in a hospital bed, pleading for his daughter?" He shouted at me. I flinched a little at the mention of those days. I was so ready to tell him everything, but I couldn't.

"I tried okay. I wanted to come but I just couldn't. There are some things that you do not know of so don't speak about them." I said, my voice slightly raised.

"Oh yeah? And what were those things. Enjoying yourself a nice summer break? You couldn't even put your own father out of his misery." My breathing fastened at his words as blood rushed to my ears. I felt tears gather in my eyes at the horrifying memories of those three week. "You are a shame for a daughter. He suffered because of you and now you want to go see him? What were you doing when he begged to see you? Huh? Where was this daughter you speak off?" He asked shouting. I heard footsteps run towards us as tears streamed out of my eyes at his words.

"A basement, you dipshit," I screamed through the tears. "I was in a basement lying in the puddle of my own fucking blood because none of you could ever come save me despite my efforts," I said, pointing my finger. It has been years since I had shouted at anybody and my throat hurt but that was the least of my worries with my red eyes and nose and the tears streaming down my face as I sobbed in the presence of all my brothers.

The truth was finally out.

***

A/N:

So um, uh, yeah? ig?? Sorry I'm just a lil confused of what to put down in this AN. Well, let's just start by saying that it was very hard to build it upto this point and then finally have Dorian speak those words and Astria blurt out the truth.

Also, I don't have much to say except that everything, almost everything, is going to be revealed in the next chapter, so stay tuned ig.

So, I you liked this chapter and are excited for the truth to come out, please vote and share. Comment and tell me about your favorite part of this chapter.

P.S. it just doesn't feel like to have a laugh looking the a meme after this chapter so we'll prolly skip the QOTD and the meme.

~Ash